* Posts by Mystic Megabyte

1552 posts • joined 18 Feb 2010

Bloke fruit flies enjoy ejaculating, turn to booze when starved of sexy times

Mystic Megabyte
Silver badge
Coat

Hit me with your rhythm stick

Two fat fruit flies

click, click, click

mines the one with the "Kilburn and the High Roads" badge ======>

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BT pushes ahead with plans to switch off telephone network

Mystic Megabyte
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Mushroom

999 or war?

AFAICR selected large houses in the UK were pre-wired with multiple phone lines in case of a nuclear war. The idea was that the houses would become seats of regional government in whatever was left of the country. Once BT have stolen removed all the copper this plan is defunct. No doubt that any adversary will also have hacked the VOIP network leaving us totally screwed.

This is not cheerful news.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_War_Game

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France building encrypted messaging app for politicians

Mystic Megabyte
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Pint

Vendage, Fleurie, [year redacted, but it was a good one]

When I was working at a French vineyard a young Irishman arrived. The farmer asked him his name. Conner, he replied. The farmer said, "I can't call you that, I'll call Jacques instead!"

I know it's off topic but thought you might need a laugh on a Tuesday morning.

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Scotland: Get tae f**k on 10Mbps Broadband USO

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

BT, the service that keeps on taking

IIRC the last time that the Scottish government gave money to BT we got something stupidly called "Exchange Activate". A whopping 512kbps, which was too slow to do very much. Then when BT upgraded our exchange to ADSL Max (another stupid name?) they did not inform their customers. Why? Because they were charging more money for the slower service!

I had been checking SamKnows and when I rang my ISP to inform them of the speed increase was told that BT never tell them anything.

BT Wholesale is still the sole provider :(

My router tells me that it's connected at 8128kbps down and 448kbps up. Uploading anything vaguely large is very tedious.

---------------------------------------------------

Note for SDR enthusiasts.

Last week I port forwarded Openwebrx running on a RPi. I was able to access it from outside of my network but it took about 30 seconds to initially load the page. I had it tuned to Marine VHF frequencies and it worked pretty well considering the slow upload speed. (set to 4 users)

http://sdr.hu/openwebrx

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'I crashed AOL for 19 hours and messed up global email for a week'

Mystic Megabyte
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Devil

Dig

For those too young to remember, AOL used to bombard us with "free" CDs. The worst mistake that you could make was to put one in your PC. Trying to remove AOL was almost impossible, it wrote itself into multiple registry locations. (possibly hundreds!)

Future archaeologists will find an entire strata of discarded AOL CDs :(

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My Tibetan digital detox lasted one morning, how about yours?

Mystic Megabyte
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Joke

Back on the subject of buns

My nice neighbour made me some for Easter. When I thanked her for them she apologised for having forgotten to put a cross on them. Me being a witty devil I replied, "They'll be not cross buns then!"

Luckily for you, I'm not here all week :)

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Which? leads decrepit email service behind barn, single shot rings out over valley

Mystic Megabyte
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Focus you f**k!

We should get AvE to do BOLTR on washing machines. Unboxing with a chainsaw and then dismantling with (not so) gentle tappity-taps :)

I'd pay money to watch that!

P.S. I discovered AvE on this forum

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Mystic Megabyte
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Re: Sad Face @HamisH

I emailed a rocketmail address today and got a reply. Maybe Yahoo lied to you.

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2001: A Space Odyssey has haunted pop culture with anxiety about rogue AIs for half a century

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

Depth

2001 has to be viewed in Cinerama to be fully appreciated. ISTR that the shots of the spaceship took about an hour for each frame due to the small aperture being used. Consequently the depth of field is amazingly large. The EVA scenes really make you feel that you're in space, stunning!

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Wanna work for El Reg? Developers needed for headline-writing AI bots

Mystic Megabyte
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Trollface

One of them might be right!

CHINESE ROCKET DESTROYS $location BUNGALOW!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

PENGE

NEASDEN

SLOUGH

READING

SWINDON

TWATT

...........

Another scoop for elReg :)

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Facebook exec extracts foot from mouth: We didn't really mean growth matters more than human life

Mystic Megabyte
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Stop

....

"Facebook product manager Samidh Chakrabart said it blocks millions of fake account creation attempts every day "

Good, that will save me the bother of creating one.

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Linux Foundation backs new ‘ACRN’ hypervisor for embedded and IoT

Mystic Megabyte
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Joke

Fractal?

Inside of ACRN is there a tree with more little ACRNs on it?

Maybe you'd switch on the radio and get the news from 1950 :)

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Chemical burns, explosive fires, they all come free with Amazon power packs

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Zap!

After your house has burnt down you'll need a camping light. Dialling 911 as you charge your phone is not advisable! (Mains connected directly to USB, see video at 7:49)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwqFkelUs_g

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With IoT you too can turn your home into a giant flashing 'HORSE BIRTH NOW' klaxon

Mystic Megabyte
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moo

They've had these gizmos for cows already. It is attached to the tail by a rubbery clamp and has a SIM card inside. Not cheap, but it will dial your phone for you.

Here you go: https://moocall.com/

uBlock stopped 34 adverts, Ghostery stopped 7 trackers on that site, they must be short of cash :(

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Hey girl, move a little closer. 'Cause you're too gun shy. Hush, hush, bye says Pai

Mystic Megabyte
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Stop

Re: Morals. Ethics. His Testicles. @Blake

>>Did he sleep through it?

No, he was too busy counting brown envelopes.

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Fender's 'smart' guitar amp has no Bluetooth pairing controls

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

"We don’t consider these to be vulnerabilities particularly, more abuse of features for unintended consequences," Pen Test Partners' Ken Munro told El Reg.

It might be a vulnerability if someone turns it up to 11 and blasts pink noise through it. Damage to speakers, amp or eardrums is a possibility.

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Trump buries H-1B visa applicants in paperwork

Mystic Megabyte
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Joke

This application has been approved :(

H1-B application

--------------------------------------------

Name: Vladimir Putin

Position: Controller of operatives

Location: Oval office

Telephone number: 0800WEKILLU

Unfortunately, not a -------------------------->

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That microchipped e-passport you've got? US border cops still can't verify the data in it

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

chipity chip chip!

I did some research into chipping animals. IIRC there are five different proprietary systems in the USA. No veterinary practice is going to buy five competing scanners so when Fido gets lost he may not be coming home. In the EU there is one open standard.

The CBP will, no doubt, have to use red, yellow, blue, green and fuchsia coloured scanners to cope with every nationality. /s

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The e-waste warrior, 28,000 copied Windows restore discs, and a fight to stay out of jail

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Just say no!

A local box-builder gave folk the choice of Ubuntu for free or Windows for ~£60. Many chose Ubuntu. Now he has moved away and people are bringing me their dead boxes. Usually the faults are dead power supplies and motherboards, we get lighting strikes on the power lines. The Linux boxes are easy, although I now install Mint. The Windows boxes have OEM stickers which are useless, I cannot get Windows to activate.

Microsoft's problem is that there are too many versions and too many types of license.

From the article we can learn two things:

1) Never live in the USA.

2) Never use any Microsoft products. I don't!

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Opportunity knocked? Rover survives Martian winter, may not survive budget cuts

Mystic Megabyte
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Terminator

Fly me to the moon

Now we know that there's f* all on Mars it's time to leave it. Why not use the money to experiment with autonomous robots on the Moon? Until the technology exists for robots to build habitats in advance of humans arriving I don't think that we will be going anywhere. Unless of course you don't mind being irradiated and peppered with micro meteorites etc.

We just need a nuclear powered robot that can go into sunless craters at 100K and chisel out rock-hard water ice. Shouldn't be too difficult /s

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Ubuntu wants to slurp PCs' vital statistics – even location – with new desktop installs

Mystic Megabyte
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Linux

Bugs?

users could insect their own data

I think I've found the problem.

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Boffins upload worm's brain into a computer, teach it tricks

Mystic Megabyte
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Pirate

The Lair of the White (Nematode) Worm

Balancing poles first, then knives :(

I would not go into that laboratory at night!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095488/?ref_=nv_sr_1

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Unlucky 13 collared by cops hunting cyber-crew who stole up to $2.2bn

Mystic Megabyte
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Joke

sorry for that

Bondarkeno stopped using the Infraud forum in 2015, and it appears his whereabouts are unknown to US authorities.

Bondarkeno gonedarkeno.

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What did we say about Tesla's self-driving tech? SpaceX Roadster skips Mars, steers to asteroids

Mystic Megabyte
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Alien

Tyre (tire) pressure

If the tyres had two bar on Earth I presume they would have three bar in space. So, if I'm correct, deflating them to one bar before launch should get the correct pressure in space.

Those space police are fussy about things like that, the fine for defective tyres is 500 Zorg!

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Adobe: Two critical Flash security bugs fixed for the price of one

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Urgh!

I just watched a BBC video about their new weather forecast. Guess what? It still uses Flash :(

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-42945763

BTW I came here at this late hour to comment on the successful Falcon Heavy launch. Maybe Vulture South is on the case.

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NASA's zombie IMAGE satellite is powered up and working quite nicely

Mystic Megabyte
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???

After the reset can I log in with admin/password?

On a serious note, how do they communicate with and administer satellites?

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Openreach ups investment plans: Will shoot out full fibre to 3 million premises

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

No fibre for me

Up here in the land of wind-farm and tidal gold-rush everybody and their dog wants to make a buck. The problem is that the interconnect is already running at full capacity. So a new sub-sea cable is needed but nobody wants to pay for it. In fact they want the consumer to pay for it and all the pylons etc. The local public were invited to a presentation of how our landscape will look like with all this clutter installed.

I asked them if they planned to add fibre to the interconnect and this was the reply:

"We will have some fibre for our own systems control but if we add fibre for telecommunications we have to register as a provider*."

Of course the bureaucracy would add years of delay so it won't get done. End result, a £20 million cable with no broadband facility. No joined-up thinking here in the UK :(

*I can't remember the exact term used.

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FBI slams secret Nunes memo alleging Feds spied on Team Trump for political reasons

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

2+2=russian_collusion

If Trump had nothing to hide he would have nothing to fear.

So why is he trying to stop Mueller's investigation?

Why have all Trump's pals had dealing with the Russians?

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To hack Australia and learn its secrets, buy second-hand furniture

Mystic Megabyte
Silver badge
Black Helicopters

Dangerous data

A long time ago I was given a fully working Altos 586 running Xenix. It contained the credit card numbers of the company and all their office documents. The owners had fled when their oil embargo breaking scheme had been discovered. (not just a few barrels!)

I did not fancy a [redacted] hitman coming to my door :(

I wiped the SCSI drive and stuck it in a 386DX box, quite a powerful beast in it's day.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altos_Computer_Systems#Subsequent_products

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On yer bike! Boffins teach AI drone to fly itself using cams on bicycles, self-driving car

Mystic Megabyte
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Double Pah

And I've open sourced my plans for a battery that will power a drone for a week /s

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In America, tech support conmen get a mild slap. In Blighty, scammers get the book thrown at them

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

Bastards!

I'm getting about eight scam calls a day, all from India. The latest one is from the "Telephone Preference Scheme", they say that I need to renew my subscription. (with my credit card!)

If I'm in a good mood* I will string them along for a while then ask if their children or parents know that they're a criminal. (family "honour" and all that)

At that point they hang up and hopefully I have ruined their day.

*Not very often due to hearing Trump talking bullshit again. Just seeing his traitorous face is making me depressed.

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When you play this song backwards, you can hear Satan. Play it forwards, and it hijacks Siri, Alexa

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

Very costly

Alexa, dial 118 118 and ask to be connected to the Azerbaijan police headquarters..

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Google slaps mute button on stupid ads that nag you to buy stuff you just looked at

Mystic Megabyte
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Linux

middle click in Firefox

Slightly off topic;

When I'm reading Google News articles I middle click the link.(opens in new tab)

It seems to bypass Google's referral and go directly to the linked site. Hopefully that means less tracking.

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A high-energy neutrino, a powerful cosmic ray, and a gamma ray walk into a bar... Where you from, asks the bartender

Mystic Megabyte
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Alien

WTF?

Are Cosmic rays similar to Yobba rays?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_Patrol_(1962_TV_series)

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In Soviet California, pedestrian hits you! Bloke throws himself in front of self-driving car

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

Re: It's San Francisco

I knew an Interplanet Janet who crashed her 4x4 into a row of parked cars. When asked how, she replied, "I went into a trance".

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Baywatch hero drone saves silly struggling swimmers Down Under from going down under

Mystic Megabyte
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Linux

@Duncanlarge

The Baie des Trepasses in Brittany is a good place for a swim. The tide always seems to push you towards the beach. It's named for the bodies that washed up after shipwrecks in the area.

I've scuba dived with a wild dolphin that used to regularly visit the bay. Good lobster to be had!

I deliberately made a Bing link, now you guys can say that you've seen one :)

https://binged.it/2DOiqxa

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US Congress seizes net neutrality, stuffs it into a bipartisan black hole

Mystic Megabyte
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Question

If NN is ended will the ISPs be using deep packet inspection technology? If so I might buy some shares in Phorm because I bet they have not entirely disappeared.

For leftpondians this slightly jokey post has a serious side. If deep packet inspection is used, the internet as you know it will end and you will be paying extra for the "privilege" of a totally crap experience.

Edit: It seems that they finally went bust in 2016

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phorm

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Mystery surrounds fate of secret satellite slung by SpaceX

Mystic Megabyte
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??

I read somewhere that the launch was delayed due to problems with the satelite's shroud. Maybe Zuma is still in it's box.

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Multiple-guess quiz will make Brit fliers safer, hopes drone-maker DJI

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Bye!

A neighbour launched his brand-new drone without RTFM. It took off, vanished into the fog and is presumed lost at sea :)

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SuperFish cram scandal: Lenovo must now ask nicely before stuffing new PCs with crapware

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

@AC

>>My son has severe learning difficulties and autism. He loves going on the computer and looking at pictures of trains

Here's a nice European based site: Choose a language, open a map, then click on a pointer. That section of railway will open in a window. Then click the YouTube icon in the bottom right to see a drivers point of view video. Your son may learn some geography and have fun being the train driver.

http://bahntv.eu/en/duitsland

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Kernel-memory-leaking Intel processor design flaw forces Linux, Windows redesign

Mystic Megabyte
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Linux

Back from the dead

I was going to throw out two old HP AMD dual core laptops. Now I think I'll just replace the backlights and keep them. (they run Ubuntu or Mint perfectly well) In the meantime maybe it's safer to browse the web with a Raspberry Pi than this Lenovo with Intel inside.

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Astroboffins say our Solar System could have – wait, stop, what... the US govt found UFOs?

Mystic Megabyte
Silver badge
Holmes

Re: Alien UFO's are Real - True / False...

@Paper

It's not so far fetched if you think about how many people, probably including readers on this very site, who believe in god because of so many circumstantial, hear-say and personal revelations. Yet not one solid scrap of evidence to show that a god exists.

The existence of God can only be deduced. If for example you believe in the Big Bang theory you must hold contradictory beliefs. Every other quantum fluctuation that we know of results in the particles annihilating each other very quickly. So the Big Bang was either a miracle or perhaps the universe willed itself into existence. Prior to the BB, spacetime did not exist. So how could there be any quantum fluctuations in the first place? Did some being poke a hole through from some other dimension? If so, that being must be our god.

Merry Christmas to the ElReg staff and all the commentards :)

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Cloud-building alien space rays altered Earth's climate – boffins

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Re: In what universe is this hard science?

"The team studied the effects of cosmic rays on a simulation of Earth’s atmosphere, recreated inside a cloud chamber, which mimics the planet’s upper atmosphere inside a controlled lab setting where these interactions can be studied up close."

http://www.ibtimes.com/cosmic-rays-trigger-climate-change-earth-increasing-cloud-cover-study-2630728

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Ghostery, uBlock lead the anti-track pack

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

NoScript no work

On Firefox 57.0.1 I've had to disable NoScript. The UI is terrible and some sites just won't load. It's a shame because I've used it for years, maybe it will be fixed soon.

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Facebook flashes ramped-up face-recog tech. Try not to freak out

Mystic Megabyte
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WTF?

A load of punts!

...other people that searched for gondolas also were interested in buying canals.

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Fridge killed my baby? Mag-field radiation from household stuff 'boosts miscarriage risk'

Mystic Megabyte
Silver badge
Stop

Noooooo!

For example, at a distance of one-inch, a clothes iron emits 80-300mG of MF radiation, and an electric blanket emits 3-50mG.

You can keep my clothes iron but you'd have to prise my electric blanket out of my cold dead hands.

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Kaspersky dragged into US govt's trashcan as weaponized blockchain agile devops mulled

Mystic Megabyte
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Linux

Wormold

I'm going to install Kaspersky (Linux version) and send myself an email with plans attached for a giant vacuum cleaner that's labelled "Top Secret". Suck on that Ruskies!

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Trump to NASA: Fly me (or some other guys) to the Moon

Mystic Megabyte
Silver badge
Unhappy

Black to the moon?

I've seen the historical documentary, only this time around there's already a Nazi in the White House.

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SpaceX to try reusing both rocket and spacecraft for historic ISS mission

Mystic Megabyte
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spaceshit Ctrl+W spaceship

I used to share a house with some Ghanaian dudes and after a red-hot meat stew with foo-foo and okra you may well have explosive decompression in the morning. Not a good choice for space food!

I'd like to go into space but only for a few days, the cuisine must be very bland.

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FCC backtracks on helping with neutrality fraud investigation

Mystic Megabyte
Silver badge
Stop

History

It's not often that you get to witness history in the making but the *USA just became history. Trump was rejected by the rich for being a crass obnoxious buffoon and now he wants to make them grovel. He may have a billion dollars but Putin has 200 billion and Trump wants more. Even if Trump drops dead tomorrow the damage has been done, see how many cronies are now in key jobs and how the far right has been empowered. "Divide and rule", it always works.

Now the maniac wants his own secret service, the Stasi is reborn.

I'm hoping that Trump gets struck by lightning while playing golf, that would be Karma. I should not be having thoughts like this, I'm not a politically motivated person, but this sad excuse of a man is just too awful; the epitome of greed.

Video is SFW but soon to be throttled and only available on a premier plan.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hOky9LFO6o

* The USA that did a lot of good things.

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