* Posts by Mystic Megabyte

1587 posts • joined 18 Feb 2010

Salesforce ‘Einstein’ now smart enough for customer service

Mystic Megabyte
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The joys of online banking

Yesterday I wanted to order a new cheque book. The online messaging service has a drop-down for selecting the correct account but it was empty. So instead I try to send a system problem message but you can't do that without first selecting the account! Nice Catch 22 error there :(

To be fair they had a chat box and a human fixed it. Of course while using the chat box the connection timed out and logged me out. Modern life eh!

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US military manuals hawked on dark web after files left rattling in insecure FTP server

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Re: Unencrypted?

They were encrypted but the passwords were in a file called passwords.txt (I used to keep mine in a readme.txt file on the assumption that no-one ever reads them)

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Google offers to leave robocallers hanging on the telephone

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Have a bad day!

If I get a scam call from India I ask them if their parents know that they're a criminal. They don't like it and I hope that I may have ruined their day.

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Outage outrage: TSB app offers users a TITSUP* encore

Mystic Megabyte
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Re: Surprised they have any customers left...

@AJ MacLeod

You can pay cheques into most banks at the Post Office. They will take longer to clear, if there is a Bank holiday in the middle it could take 10 days but usually about five days. I live on a remote island so the post has to go firstly by ferry and then by aeroplane.

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Gemini goes back to the '90s with Agenda, Data and mulls next steps

Mystic Megabyte
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Agenda?

I had* one of those, learning to type with chords was easy.

http://www.computinghistory.org.uk/det/13151/Microwriter-AgendA-32K/

*The batteries died and it lives in a drawer awaiting a repair that will probably never happen :(

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China wins one, loses one in US trade spats

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

Flakey

recommends that the FCC deny China Mobile’s Section 214 license request.

Just give someone $500 million to build a golf course in Tibet and this decision will be overturned.

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The Notch contagion is spreading slower than phone experts thought

Mystic Megabyte
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We need a "Why bother?" icon

My 1st. gen. Moto G is still going strong on its original (replaceable) battery. It was £99 and I never bothered to insure it, saving me around £240 so far. If the screen were to crack I would just bin it. It's stuck on Android 5.x so I'm planning to put Lineage OS on it when I get the time. That will bring it up to Android 7.1.2.

I agree with the comments above, I want a wire with a standard connector.

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GitLab's move off Azure to Google cloud totally unrelated to Microsoft's GitHub acquisition. Yep

Mystic Megabyte
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WTF?

No!

I going to create GitHab and move it to Amazon, that might stop the confusion /s

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Amazon tweaks its word processor for easier online Office edits

Mystic Megabyte
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Stop

Past its sell by date?

Pah! When idiots send me a .doc or .docx I use Libre Office to send it back as a .pdf

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Microsoft Edge bug odyssey shows why we can't have nice things

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

Microsoft has sent us the following statement:

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

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MSDN unleashes a fresh round of unintentional innuendo bingo

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

The Bona World of Julian and Sandy

For the benefit of all...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4VaXsXCJ4M

Edit: My favourite is Kenneth meeting Sandy and Julian at their office "Bona Law".

K; Can you help me with a legal problem?

S&J; Sorry but we're too busy with our criminal practice!

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Microsoft shoves US govt IT contract where ICE throws kids: Out of sight in a chain-link cage

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Have another quote

Hey Stephen Miller and all you Trump sycophants, have you forgotten this one or don't you think it applies to you?

Mark 8:36

"For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?"

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Wires, chips, and LEDs: US trade bigwigs detail Chinese kit that's going to cost a lot more

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

War, what is it good for?

History, if we have any, will show that Trump was the most useless* president ever elected. Next week he will probably leave NATO, "too expensive", and Putins work will be done.

* for legal reasons other descriptions have been omitted

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Trump kept ZTE alive as ‘personal favour’ to Chinese president Xi

Mystic Megabyte
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Mushroom

We're screwed

The problem I foresee is that Kim Jong-un will now start selling his nukes to terrorist groups. He'd reason that NK is far enough away from their likely place of use. That can only have bad consequences.

Trump is a moron.

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'Tesco probably knows more about me than GCHQ': Infosec boffins on surveillance capitalism

Mystic Megabyte
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Stop

How Tesco rips you off

On a rack of identically packaged nuts, all the same "organic" brown colour. One pack is £1.99 or, according to the sign, "Any two for £3". But when you get to the checkout and get charged £3.98 you discover that "Any two" actually means "Any two of the same sort of nut."

Fecking scammers! Avoid Tesco if at all possible.

P.S. Also identical SD cards priced at £18 in Tesco are available for £12 elsewhere

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Russia to Apple: Kill Telegram crypto-chat – or the App Store gets it

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Possibly the biggest fail in history

Putin just has to Tweet the code word "pee-pee" and Trump will start ranting about Apple and encryption.

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Meet the real spin doctors: Scientists tell H2O to chill out so they can separate isomers

Mystic Megabyte
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Go

Re: New Bath Taps?

Your new taps will have a 15kV potential difference between them! This will reduce your shower time and save water.

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Headless man found in lava’s embrace

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

Hard hat?

Maybe he forgot his hat and went back to fetch it.

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Undocumented alien caught stealing orbits in our Solar System

Mystic Megabyte
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Alien

Totally free!

Have you lost an asteroid? Ring 0800 696969 to find out how to get compensation.

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Sysadmin hailed as hero for deleting data from the wrong disk drive

Mystic Megabyte
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Ooops!

TestDisk saved me once, I was so happy that I sent some money to the author.

https://www.cgsecurity.org/wiki/TestDisk_Download

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Blood spilled from another US high school shooting has yet to dry – and video games are already being blamed

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

Not a good thing

ISTM that the pro-gun lobby are happy when these massacres happen. All the schoolkids will grow up to be paranoid and buy more guns. Marketing at its best?

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Super Cali goes ballistic: mugshot site atrocious

Mystic Megabyte
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strange

The mug shots would have been copyright of the cops, they could have used DMCA to get them taken down.

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America's forgotten space station and a mission tinged with urine, we salute you

Mystic Megabyte
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I watched Salyut-7a few weeks ago. It gets a bit silly towards the end but overall it's very enjoyable.

Supposedly the most skilful docking of a spaceship in history.

More brave men..

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt6537238/?ref_=nv_sr_1

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Void Linux gave itself to the void, Korora needs a long siesta – life is hard for small distros

Mystic Megabyte
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Linux

Laziness, or should that be Lazian?

On the various machines here I have Xubuntu, Ubuntu and Rasbpian. I quite like Mint but have not got a device with it on at the moment. I did use Kubuntu for a while. I toyed with the idea of using Arch but being lazy I never got around to it.

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Astroboffins spy the most greedy black hole yet gobbling a Sun a day

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

Re: Go on I dare you

That wouldn't work, Trump is a brown hole.

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Zookeepers charged after Kodiak bear rides shotgun to Dairy Queen

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

Bear material

There used to be a stuffed bear outside a London shop. So many people had stroked it that the fur was worn off in places. Consequently it became known as Fred Bear. (*threadbare, geddit?)

Internet points if you know the shop!

*You may need to use a Dick Van Dyke Cockney accent.

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There will be blood: BT to axe 13,000 employees

Mystic Megabyte
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Stop

Re: No people skills whatsovever

>>Lets be Sky, Massive footie bill.

Exactly that, I dumped BT when they spent all that money on football. WTF should I pay more for my phone line when I have no interest whatsoever in football.

As a rather lame sort of protest I avoid clicking on any BT website "news" stories.

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Admin needed server fast, skipped factory config … then bricked it

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Lightning icon required =========>

After reading an article in a magazine I tried to convert a valve powered TV into an oscilloscope. It was going quite well until I noticed that one valve was entirely glowing red. At this point I decided to switch it off and chuck the whole thing out. There's too many volts in those damn things!

And that expensive marine radio with smoke coming out was like that when I got there, definitely not me , nope!

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FCC shifts its $8bn pot of gold, sparks fears of corporate money grab

Mystic Megabyte
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WTF?

Travel to USA - nope!

It would seem that in this case the people are the enemy of the people. Trump wants the USA to be an elite invitation-only club like his tacky, gold plated establishments.

I honestly hope that the fat bastard gets struck by lightning while playing golf.

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UK Parliament roars: Oi! Zuck! Get in here for a grilling – or you'll get a Tower of London tour

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

fail

I've been trying to warn folk off of Facebook for some time now. but It's to no avail, they are all hooked on it. :(

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Can't log into your TSB account? Well, it's your own fault for trying

Mystic Megabyte
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Stop

Arrrgh!

I recently wasted 15 minutes watching a sci-fi movie called Arrowhead. (2016) I honestly thought that they had stopped making such crap in the 80s. It should have gone straight to VHS tape and only be shown in Alaska!

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3013160

P.S. It's so bad they changed the name to Alien Arrival

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Turn that bachelor pad into a touch pad: Now you can paint buttons, sensors on your walls

Mystic Megabyte
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Joke

At about $20 per square metre,

Well it's cheaper than Dulux!

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Even Microsoft's lost interest in Windows Phone: Skype and Yammer apps killed

Mystic Megabyte
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WTF?

win10

Baked in snooping telemetry, now with added audio!

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Drama brews on high seas as Playmobil ship running out of steam

Mystic Megabyte
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Re: Any other commentards going to the OCC* AGM @Roger

No but yesterday I was at the Longhope Sailing Club AGM where I became Vice-Commodore <blows trumpet> Our regatta will be in June most likely.

Depending on the wind and tide, sailing up the bay can be a challenge. (See course, the link is to a png file)

For spectators it is great , they can see the entire race from the pier or the pub. (recommended!)

We have some very professional independent timekeepers, so no cheating.

Also, if you consult the RYA's training charts you'll be able to say that you've sailed in the "Northern Territories". (RYA did some copy/paste)

If you set sail now you might just make in time :)

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1Vc_geuZkJQ-LopJ94a5Bbla_5HlkF13a

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Bloke fruit flies enjoy ejaculating, turn to booze when starved of sexy times

Mystic Megabyte
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Coat

Hit me with your rhythm stick

Two fat fruit flies

click, click, click

mines the one with the "Kilburn and the High Roads" badge ======>

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BT pushes ahead with plans to switch off telephone network

Mystic Megabyte
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Mushroom

999 or war?

AFAICR selected large houses in the UK were pre-wired with multiple phone lines in case of a nuclear war. The idea was that the houses would become seats of regional government in whatever was left of the country. Once BT have stolen removed all the copper this plan is defunct. No doubt that any adversary will also have hacked the VOIP network leaving us totally screwed.

This is not cheerful news.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_War_Game

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France building encrypted messaging app for politicians

Mystic Megabyte
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Pint

Vendage, Fleurie, [year redacted, but it was a good one]

When I was working at a French vineyard a young Irishman arrived. The farmer asked him his name. Conner, he replied. The farmer said, "I can't call you that, I'll call Jacques instead!"

I know it's off topic but thought you might need a laugh on a Tuesday morning.

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Scotland: Get tae f**k on 10Mbps Broadband USO

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

BT, the service that keeps on taking

IIRC the last time that the Scottish government gave money to BT we got something stupidly called "Exchange Activate". A whopping 512kbps, which was too slow to do very much. Then when BT upgraded our exchange to ADSL Max (another stupid name?) they did not inform their customers. Why? Because they were charging more money for the slower service!

I had been checking SamKnows and when I rang my ISP to inform them of the speed increase was told that BT never tell them anything.

BT Wholesale is still the sole provider :(

My router tells me that it's connected at 8128kbps down and 448kbps up. Uploading anything vaguely large is very tedious.

---------------------------------------------------

Note for SDR enthusiasts.

Last week I port forwarded Openwebrx running on a RPi. I was able to access it from outside of my network but it took about 30 seconds to initially load the page. I had it tuned to Marine VHF frequencies and it worked pretty well considering the slow upload speed. (set to 4 users)

http://sdr.hu/openwebrx

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'I crashed AOL for 19 hours and messed up global email for a week'

Mystic Megabyte
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Devil

Dig

For those too young to remember, AOL used to bombard us with "free" CDs. The worst mistake that you could make was to put one in your PC. Trying to remove AOL was almost impossible, it wrote itself into multiple registry locations. (possibly hundreds!)

Future archaeologists will find an entire strata of discarded AOL CDs :(

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My Tibetan digital detox lasted one morning, how about yours?

Mystic Megabyte
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Joke

Back on the subject of buns

My nice neighbour made me some for Easter. When I thanked her for them she apologised for having forgotten to put a cross on them. Me being a witty devil I replied, "They'll be not cross buns then!"

Luckily for you, I'm not here all week :)

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Which? leads decrepit email service behind barn, single shot rings out over valley

Mystic Megabyte
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Focus you f**k!

We should get AvE to do BOLTR on washing machines. Unboxing with a chainsaw and then dismantling with (not so) gentle tappity-taps :)

I'd pay money to watch that!

P.S. I discovered AvE on this forum

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Mystic Megabyte
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Re: Sad Face @HamisH

I emailed a rocketmail address today and got a reply. Maybe Yahoo lied to you.

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2001: A Space Odyssey has haunted pop culture with anxiety about rogue AIs for half a century

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

Depth

2001 has to be viewed in Cinerama to be fully appreciated. ISTR that the shots of the spaceship took about an hour for each frame due to the small aperture being used. Consequently the depth of field is amazingly large. The EVA scenes really make you feel that you're in space, stunning!

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Wanna work for El Reg? Developers needed for headline-writing AI bots

Mystic Megabyte
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Trollface

One of them might be right!

CHINESE ROCKET DESTROYS $location BUNGALOW!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

PENGE

NEASDEN

SLOUGH

READING

SWINDON

TWATT

...........

Another scoop for elReg :)

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Facebook exec extracts foot from mouth: We didn't really mean growth matters more than human life

Mystic Megabyte
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Stop

....

"Facebook product manager Samidh Chakrabart said it blocks millions of fake account creation attempts every day "

Good, that will save me the bother of creating one.

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Linux Foundation backs new ‘ACRN’ hypervisor for embedded and IoT

Mystic Megabyte
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Joke

Fractal?

Inside of ACRN is there a tree with more little ACRNs on it?

Maybe you'd switch on the radio and get the news from 1950 :)

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Chemical burns, explosive fires, they all come free with Amazon power packs

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Zap!

After your house has burnt down you'll need a camping light. Dialling 911 as you charge your phone is not advisable! (Mains connected directly to USB, see video at 7:49)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwqFkelUs_g

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With IoT you too can turn your home into a giant flashing 'HORSE BIRTH NOW' klaxon

Mystic Megabyte
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moo

They've had these gizmos for cows already. It is attached to the tail by a rubbery clamp and has a SIM card inside. Not cheap, but it will dial your phone for you.

Here you go: https://moocall.com/

uBlock stopped 34 adverts, Ghostery stopped 7 trackers on that site, they must be short of cash :(

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Hey girl, move a little closer. 'Cause you're too gun shy. Hush, hush, bye says Pai

Mystic Megabyte
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Stop

Re: Morals. Ethics. His Testicles. @Blake

>>Did he sleep through it?

No, he was too busy counting brown envelopes.

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