* Posts by Mystic Megabyte

1457 posts • joined 18 Feb 2010

Microsoft reveals details of flagship London store within spitting distance from Apple's

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Wow!

I can't wait to drive several hundred miles to visit the Microsoft products museum.

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Don’t fear the software shopkeeper: T&Cs banning bad reviews aren’t legal in America

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

I bought a Trump branded MAGA hat and after DNA analysis found it to contain commie bacteria. I'm outraged I tell ya!

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NBD: Adobe just dumped its PRIVATE PGP key on the internet

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Fail

No Adode crap in this establishment so smug icon please.

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Quebec takes mature approach to 'grilled cheese' ban

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

Whey back in time

I used to frequent a pub where they sold cheese toasties with added celery salt. They were yummy! Apparently you can still buy this stuff but I don't know where.

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Sysadmin tells user CSI-style password guessing never w– wait WTF?! It's 'PASSWORD1'!

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

rtfm

I used to keep unimportant passwords in a file called README.TXT on the assumption that nobody is ever going to read it.

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AI slurps, learns millions of passwords to work out which ones you may use next

Mystic Megabyte
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Pint

Re: XKCD @John Robson

For those things I have to type I make a random selection of words (shuf -n 4 /usr/share/dict/words) and concatenate them -

Thanks for that, have a concatenator :)

shuf -n 4 /usr/share/dict/words | paste -sd "\0"

irregularitiesextensionsChippewa'sfancies

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Uber Cali goes ballistic, calls online ads bogus: These million-dollar banners are something quite atrocious

Mystic Megabyte
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Joke

Re: The internet seems broken today

"I read the article twice and I could not find the part where Uber execs drowned a bag full of puppies, "

They would never do that, the puppies are locked into treadmills generating power for Bitcoin mining.

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Giant frikkin' British laser turret to start zapping stuff next year

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

Logo

I wonder how much MBDA paid their artistic designer to choose the matching carpet, chair and ropes?

Also, where is the slot to put your shilling in?

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This article has been deleted

Mystic Megabyte
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Stop

miaow

Is Grab-N-Go a Trump franchise?

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North Korea attacks Bitcoin bods to swell its war chest says FireEye

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

@AC

I'll trade you 10 of your potatoes for one of my magic beans.

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Boffins' satcomms rig uses earthly LEDs to talk to orbiting PV panels

Mystic Megabyte
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Re: Heatsink

It appears that the pictured device is the uplink.

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It's September 2017, and .NET lets PDFs hijack your Windows PC

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Still nope

Two days ago was asked to help someone with a pdf that had been emailed to them from their publisher. They just needed to do some minor edits. They had a brand-new Lenovo laptop running Windows 10. The pdf displayed perfectly in their browser but Microsoft Word could not detect what encoding it had. What looked like a Win 3.1 dialogue box opened, asking whether it was DOS, Albanian or Chinese etc. (none of the options worked, WTF!) Libre Office would open it but the formatting was off and it was almost frozen. (A cunning plan by Microsoft no doubt!)

On my Ubuntu box the pdf opened perfectly in Evince, but still no joy in Libre Office. I used pdffonts to get some info, downloaded and installed the correct font. Now it displayed slightly better in Libre Office so I installed the same font into Win 10. No change, Win 10 is a POS!

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El Reg is hiring an intern. Here's the lowdown...

Mystic Megabyte
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Boffin

My first job!

Change bog-rolls

Change light bulbs

Make flasks of coffee and carry them to studios. Then clean up mess of spilt sugar/milk/cigarette butts etc.

Go to Fortnum and Masons to get client sandwiches.

Walk to Chinatown at 3a.m. to get a dozen takeaways. (very dodgy in those days due to junkies/vagabonds)

Deliver tapes to clients (2" tapes are heavy!)

Set up studio

Break down studio, empty ash-trays.

Occasionally get to press the red button!

Most important lesson learned:

At 6a.m. when you're the last person in the building after having cleaned up everything, always go down the back of the sofa that's in front of the mixing desk.

You never know what you might find in there :)

icon /s

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Apple: Our stores are your 'town square' and a $1,000 iPhone is your 'future'

Mystic Megabyte
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Pirate

Re: face-scan in non-voluntary situations?

Also, will it unlock on a sleeping / unconscious face/ dead?

FTFY

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Mystic Megabyte
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Trollface

Re: The interesting bit...

"Is the neural engine, first time a hardware neural network has been put into a consumer product."

Yes, they actually have a frog's brain inside. This is why, at least once a week, you have to leave your phone in a bowl of water overnight.

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Microsoft fixing Windows 10 'stuttering' bugs in Creators Update

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Nope

A friend's Win 10 box can't even stream iPlayer without the video stuttering and crackles on the audio. I came, I saw, I left her to it!

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Daily Stormer binned by yet another registrar, due to business risks

Mystic Megabyte
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Re: Discrimination or not...

Yes that's a tricky one, at least neither party were advocating genocide. But what would happen if a gay baker gets a request for a Nazi themed cake?

If it were me I'd tell the customer to feck off decline the order.

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Boffins: 68 exoplanets in prime locations to SPY on humanity on Earth

Mystic Megabyte
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Pint

New unit? nøp

"How close does something have to be near to zero to be considered zero? Is this a potential new Reg measurement or is that even less likely?"

That's like when you are savouring the last little drop of whisky in your glass when the over enthusiastic bar staff whisk it away. Sometimes after sticking their thumb in it, thus deterring your desire to have it returned.

As the original measure was a nip and it now approaches zero I propose the nøp. Any takers?

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F-35 firmware patches to be rolled out 'like iPhone updates'

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Re: "download: yes or no’?"

Don't be daft, they will be updated from a "secure" Windows* laptop that's been surfing a Russian porn site.

*any version

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How alien civilizations deal with climate is a measure of how smart they are. Just sayin'...

Mystic Megabyte
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Alien

A Type 2 civilization on the Kardashev scale that is super space-baring could live without a biosphere.

Super space-baring aliens in the buff! Three or five breasted?

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As Hurricane Irma grows, Earth now lashed by SOLAR storms

Mystic Megabyte
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Mushroom

space, it's not so smooth

So you're halfway to Mars when all your electronics get fried, not good!

Or the onboard AI recommends going EVA to fix the transmitter, bad!

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Facebook ran $100k of deliberately divisive Russian ads ahead of 2016 US election

Mystic Megabyte
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Re: "how we can [..] better detect inauthentic Pages and the ads they may run"

@pascal, That is exactly what they did!

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Indian call centre scammers are targeting BT customers

Mystic Megabyte
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Flame

Argh!

I'm getting about eight scam calls a day, just had two in the last 30 minutes. Because of this I don't answer any international calls. Maybe our politicians or GCHQ should do something about it. Like drop malware onto the call centres. I answered one call from "Bob at BT" and after confusing him (ctrl+r doesn't work on Linux) I asked him if he had children. When he said that he was still single I asked in a calm voice if his parents knew that he was a criminal. After a few seconds of silence he hung up.

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Remember when Lenovo sold PCs with Superfish adware? It just got a mild scolding from FTC

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

ebay

If anyone's interested this Lenovo B590 runs Ubuntu perfectly. I can also boot into Windows but it's only used for updating Sat-nav and similar tasks. Picked up cheap in mint condition from ebay. My only gripe is that the audio out socket is on the front right side and gets in the way of my mouse. As for the article, someone at Lenovo must have taken a large bribe to do something that stupid.

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Crushed Juicero now officially a fruitless endeavor

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

Re: Shame

aVe cracks me up whenever he mentions Tungsten Carbide, I had better not say why :)

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Connect at mine free Wi-Fi! I would knew what I is do! I is cafe boss!

Mystic Megabyte
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Re: @ Doctor Syntax

We had a nesting crow put a piece of shire-wire on top of the transformer up the pole out by the gate. It caused about 120V to appear between the house earth and the actual earth. Also a section of the fence wire near the gate was arcing with a nice orange glow.

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Malware writer offers free trojan to hackers ... with one small drawback

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

bleugh

I presume that this crap only affects Windows machines. Bad reporting!

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SanDisk's little microSD card sucks up 400GB

Mystic Megabyte
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Linux

Re: it'd work well on an RPi I bet

Last weekend I installed Tvheadend on a RPi3. With a USB DVB-T dongle as input I can now stream ~60 channels via wifi to my laptop. Being a miser I only used an eight GB SD card. (5GB free space)

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Microsoft's fix for web graphics going AWOL? Disable your antivirus

Mystic Megabyte
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WTF?

good old MS

A few days ago I received a local newsletter in pdf format. I could read it (Evince) but wondered what daft font they had used. The pdf crashed Libre Office so I used some pdftools to get some info. It seemed to be created in Microsoft Publisher which I have not seen for years. pdffonts revealed that the 16 page newsletter contained 51 embedded fonts!

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Pacemaker patch passes probe by US watchdog

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

Boom-didi-boom

Obligatory Xkcd Peter Sellers and Sophia Loren SFW

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nTBNHwar5o

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Kiwi prankster 'oinks' down cops' radio and sings Old MacDonald

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

Goodbye pork pie

Anyone remember this? A low-key classic...

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082464/?ref_=nv_sr_1

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Trump-hating Iranian is the new Uber CEO

Mystic Megabyte
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Stop

All hail the new leader

Good luck to Khosrowshahi but I have no intention of using Uber.

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Boffin rediscovers 1960s attempt to write fiction with computers

Mystic Megabyte
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Terminator

Does not compute!

That explains Trump's tweets, he's a robot powered by a IBM Model 650.

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Mozilla ponders making telemetry opt-out, 'cos hardly anyone opted in

Mystic Megabyte
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@Digitall

about:telemetry in address bar will reveal your settings.

What is "FHR data upload"?

Answering my own question, it must be : Firefox Health Report

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Headless body found near topless beach: Missing private sub journalist identified

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

Reg fail

I read somewhere that the Danish police are reviewing a case from 1986. The headless, limbless torso of a Japanese woman was found in the same area. The case was never solved.

I also agree that the "Topless beach" headline is in bad taste.

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US Navy suffers third ship collision this year

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

RAM

A long time ago I was working on a dive boat in the Coral Sea. It was a 60ft. Japanese built boat with a Japanese name and that strange curved prow that they favour. Anyhoo, the skipper was knackered and gave me the wheel, at this time I knew nothing about navigation. Before retiring he pointed out a couple of trawlers on the radar and gave me a course to steer. After a while I was seeing a radar target coming towards us. Using the binoculars all I could see was a tiny black dot. The only thing that I could think of was that it was a submarine. I woke up the skipper and told him of the situation.

Yup, it was the Australian navy, I said that on seeing us we would most likely be torpedoed, being a Jap boat etc. We passed a couple of cables apart, they were in the conning tower wearing duffel coats and drinking cocoa! (OK that bit is not true).

We waved at each other and steamed on.

On a serious note, the tanker that collided with the McCain was probably either "Constrained by draught" or had "Restricted ability to manoeuvre" or both. Just get out of their way!

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DJI's Spark drones to be bricked by September 1 unless firmware updated

Mystic Megabyte
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Black Helicopters

I can see the rivets

In the UK, non-commercial drone operators can only fly within line of sight at heights of up to 400 feet.

The RAF fly jets over my house lower than that and I'm nowhere near an airport. I think that they use it as a waypoint, luckily I don't (yet) own a drone.

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Kraut coppers seize 5,000 Donald Trump-shaped dance biscuits

Mystic Megabyte
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Mushroom

micro.

Trump takes a trip, stares at Sun, brain explodes, Sad! NOT

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Uh oh, scientists know how those diamonds got in Uranus, and they're telling everyone!

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

Whoopie!

Now when I win the lotto I can has diamond encrusted frikkin sharks with lasers

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Atari shoots sueball at KitKat maker over use of 'Breakout' in ad

Mystic Megabyte
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Stop

@x 7

"Bring back Cadburys"

I stopped buying Cadburys when Kraft bought them. Now I stock up with chocolate at Lidl

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Sorry, but those huge walls of terms and conditions you never read are legally binding

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

@AC

Yup that's exactly why I dumped BT. On every "special offer" they sent me was a pile of small print ending with "Other terms and conditions apply, see www.bt.com". How am I supposed to know where they have hidden it? Also I'm allergic to leopards.

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Microsoft president exits US govt's digital advisory board as tech leaders quit over Trump

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Re: I'm so through

Nope, they're right, you're dumb.

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New MH370 analysis again suggests plane came down outside search area

Mystic Megabyte
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Mayday

I don't suppose it would be difficult to have a beacon that ejects from the plane *before* it crashes. If you fed the flight data into something as small as a Rasberry Pi surely it could determine several easy parameters.

For example if roll, pitch or yaw exceed normal bounds

Airspeed increasing

Less than 1000 ft altitude

Landing gear not deployed

Engines not functioning or at full throttle.

Then eject an EPIRB with a parachute attached. (parachute for crashes on land) A clever system would squirt a sub-set of the black box data into the EPIRB before ejection.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epirb

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How to build your own DIY makeshift levitation machine at home

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

Dope

Excellent! By using an app on my phone I can now raise a small lump of hash into a flame, a fan will blow the smoke my way. What shall I call it? The Vapotron or the ....er, what was I doing?

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Amazon recalls dodgy solar eclipse shades that offer no eye protection

Mystic Megabyte
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Boffin

Re: Mirrors @Boldman

For some reason that I don't fully understand the sharp edges of the "hole" are important. I'm guessing that your method would have a slightly fuzzy projection. In the Bradford (UK) museum of photography I've seen the world's largest "pinhole" photograph. It was taken by masking off an outward looking corridor and exposing the film on the opposite wall. The "pinhole" was four razor blades taped to the window arranged in the diamond shape that I mentioned. The shutter was a cardboard flap. Hopefully an expert will enlighten us.

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Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

Mirrors

Here's a nice technique that worked for a partial eclipse, I don't know how it would be for a total one.

Get a rear view mirror out of a dumped car, including the swivel bracket if possible. Snap open some disposable razors and get four blades. Use masking tape to stick the blades (sharp side inwards) onto the mirror so that you leave a small diamond shaped portion of mirror exposed. (about 1/4 inch across) Mask off the rest of the mirror.

The idea is to reflect the eclipse though an open window onto a white wall. Ideally you need a North facing window and all other openings with the blinds down. So bang a wooden post into the ground about 25 feet from the window and screw the mirror bracket onto it. You can then swivel the mirror to get the projection through the window. The image of the Sun will be about 18 inches across and looks cool. No safety glasses needed!

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If Anonymous 'pwnd' the Daily Stormer, they did a spectacularly awful job

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Dumb

What these numbskulls don't seem to understand is that in my *country we say "The only good Nazi is a dead Nazi".

* includes other regions

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GoDaddy gives white supremacist site its marching orders after Charlottesville slur

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

Very sad

Firstly, condolences to the family of Heather Heyer, truly a martyr for peace and freedom.

Secondly, I cannot express here how much I detest Trump. I'll be be polite and just say that he is an obnoxious arsehole.

Thirdly, Putin must be laughing himself to sleep every night. For minimal cost he has managed to destabilise the USA and the EU. If he wants to create civil war in the USA all he has to do now is assassinate Trump and make it look like a Muslim, Democrat or Mexican was the culprit.

Enjoy time with your family, I fear we don't have much of it left :(

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Want to get up to speed on machine learning? We've got a deal for you

Mystic Megabyte
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Coat

Re: Want to get up to speed on machine learning?

I read that as "speed up your washing machine".

Dave: Hal, wash these sh*tty underpants for me.

Hal: I'm sorry, I can't do that Dave :(

I'll get my coat...it's the one with Amazoballs washing capsules in the pocket.

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Tech giants warp eco standards to greenwash electronics, rake in cash

Mystic Megabyte
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Standard sizes

I bought my handheld VHF marine* radio precisely because it has six rechargeable AA batteries rather than a proprietary battery pack. Maybe the answer is to create a standard size for flat L-ion batteries that could be slotted into any phone.

*Raymarine

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