* Posts by Mystic Megabyte

1396 posts • joined 18 Feb 2010

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IETF moves meeting from USA to Canada to dodge Trump travel ban

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

FAIL

AFAIK the IMPS Motorcycle Display Team also pulled out of performing at a military tattoo in the US this year. They did however have a great show in Canada. When it is uncertain that even children will be turned away at the US border you'd be mad to organise any event there.

http://www.impsonline.com/

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Eggheads identify the last animal that will survive on Earth until the Sun dies

Mystic Megabyte
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Alien

Instant space travel

Inject my DNA into lots of tardigrades.

Seal them into thousands of tiny water soluble spheres.

Blast them into space in all directions.

Probability will ensure that some will land on watery planets.

After a lengthy evolution I will become conscious on my new home, instantly from *my* point of view.

The only downside is if the rich get the same idea, I could wake up on planet of the Trumps. The horror! :(

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NAO: Customs union IT system may not be ready before Brexit

Mystic Megabyte
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@jonha

I do mine at the last minute. Recently HMRC said that I owed them £x but not long after said that they owed me £2x. wtf!

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Dell gives world its first wireless-charging laptop if you buy $580 extra kit

Mystic Megabyte
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Windows

Ha!

"Windows 10's full array of delights is yours for the using."

Very droll....

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Just in time for summer boozing: Boffins smash world record for the most perfect ice cubes

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

Whoops!

I hope that they don't accidentally make ice9

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ice9

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Google blows $800k on bots to flood the UK with 30,000 'articles' a month

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

Breaking news!

Dear Googlebot, my cat is stuck up a tree and has a sore paw and looks unhappy. can u help?

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TfL, WTH is my bus? London looks up from its mobile

Mystic Megabyte
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Joke

The usual pattern

So after a delay, will three apps arrive at the same time?

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The bloke behind Star Fox is building a blockchain based casino. No, really

Mystic Megabyte
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Stop

Just throw your money out the window...

I stopped playing one-armed bandits when they stopped having an arm. As for online gambling, feck that!

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HMS Windows XP: Britain's newest warship running Swiss Cheese OS

Mystic Megabyte
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Re: Signal flags

Nope, that would be (Win) 10 black balls up the mast.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Day_shapes

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Braking news: AA password reset email cockup crashes servers

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

Interesting AA facts?

I once owned a hotel edition of the AA book circa 1920. It was full of maps and all sorts of useful information. I was surprised to learn that for 5 shillings you could buy a lead weighted message pouch. Apparently by each AA box was a flagstone square with a white cross painted on it. So whilst flying your biplane you could write a message to your butler ordering him to order extra pheasant for Aunt Agatha's party. Then swoop over and drop the pouch onto the white cross, the AA patrolman would then diligently phone your message ahead for you!* I wonder how many of these pouches were sold :)

Also, in bold type on the head of every other page it stated; "If a patrolman fails to salute you, stop and interrogate him".

WTF!

*If he hadn't been killed by the lead weight!

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Researchers solve screen glare nightmare with 'moth-eye' antireflective film

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

Re: Sunlight

In my local there is zero phone signal, hooray!

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Mystic Megabyte
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Joke

Re: "would cause dirt and grease from fingers to accumulate much more quickly than normal"

phone sanitisers ==> B Ark==>we are all dead :( (please fill in the gaps yourselves)

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AES-256 keys sniffed in seconds using €200 of kit a few inches away

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

Re: And that's exactly the reason ....

".. a nearby microwave oven can Hack into your computer system."

Don't be silly, we all know that microwave ovens are really cameras :)

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PC rebooted every time user flushed the toilet

Mystic Megabyte
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IT Angle

You want toast!

I found a fairly new Braun toaster in a skip, it worked but the lever would not stay down. I discovered that the narrow handle of a teaspoon fitted into the slot and so I used it in manual mode for some months. Strangely, after moving house the toaster worked normally again for a while.

I managed to remove the weird* headed screws and revealed the problem. The clever Germans had fitted a switch that detected if the crumb tray was fully inserted, but the plastic catch was weak and if the tray moved out by a couple of millimetres the toaster stopped working again. I soldered a link across the switch and hey presto it was restored to toasting glory!

I suppose that nowadays the toaster would have to be connected to the internet before it functioned :(

*Why do they fit these stupid anti-tamper screws?

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Who will save us from voice recog foolery from scumbags? Magnetometer!

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Quad

They have never heard of electrostatic speakers.

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Whisky snobs scotched by artificial tongue

Mystic Megabyte
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Pint

Slàinte mhath!

but that could also apply at the low end of the quality spectrum,

Goes off to open a bottle of Queen Margot, known around here as "cooking whisky"!

If you want a non-peaty excellent dram try Old Poultney, it's veeeery nice :)

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Hyperloop One teases idea of 50-minute London-Edinburgh ride

Mystic Megabyte
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WTF?

Re: History repeats???

Check out the time they put an elephant in the carriage!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wuppertal_Suspension_Railway

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Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

@Kaltern

A few weeks ago I was working in Lochinver. The broadband in my apartment was very fast, watching iPlayer was no problem. Considering I was about a mile out of town on the north side of the bay I was quite impressed.

Edit: You *must* try the pies at the pie shop. Venison pie, yum!

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Mystic Megabyte
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Stop

Twaddle!

This is never going to be built. There are so many ways it can fail with fatal consequences. If just one bolt falls off, the next car will slam into it at supersonic speed. See what happened to Concorde. If there is a breakdown on a sunny day everyone will be cooked before they can be evacuated from the tube. etc. etc.

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When can real-world laws invade augmented reality fantasies? A trial in Milwaukee will decide

Mystic Megabyte
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Stop

Re: I rather approve of a ban. @IanGumby

"The park is a public area. So people have a right to go thru the park."

Yes but you and I would be stopped from, say, selling beer in the park. If this game has in-app purchases then it could fall under the same regulations.

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Obama's intel chief says Russia totally tried to swing it for Trump

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Shit-for-brains

Meanwhile the imbecile president has pissed off Qatar, the home of US military operations in the Gulf.

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/jun/06/donald-trump-qatar-tweets-us-diplomatic-damage

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Uber, er, taxi for the 20-plus bros booted out of upstart for harassment

Mystic Megabyte
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Stop

nope

I've never yet used Uber and I have no intention to do so. Nasty!

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ViaSat lofts world's most powerful communications satellite into orbit

Mystic Megabyte
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Re: To all space comms experts

I don't know how they do it on planes but it seems very common on boats which are bobbing about.

Search for "marine auto tracking satellite dish" to see images of them.

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Elon to dump Trump over climate bump

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

@bloodbeastterror

According to this article Trump may be losing his mind. The sooner he is removed the better.

https://www.statnews.com/2017/05/23/donald-trump-speaking-style-interviews/

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Ransomware realities: In your normal life, strangers don't extort you. But here you are

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

Whopee!

Hey Bob I just upvoted you, maybe we can meet up for a drink later /s

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Millimetre wave.. omigerd it's going nowherrr.. Apple, you say?

Mystic Megabyte
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Facepalm

I live in a vacuum!

"we’re doing long haul where you’re out in a rural area and you don’t have anything for five miles before you get to the next house.”

Er no, there is five miles of inclement weather to the next house. Also unless your super Massive MIMO antenna is made of stern stuff it will be destroyed by the wind. Where I live you do not see external TV aerials unless they're built by me*.

I know that rain reflects Radar and seems to slow my microwave linked broadband but maybe someone here knows if mm waves are similarly affected.

*A dipole with 220mm legs made from 15mm copper pipe with a 15mm push-fit plastic Tee in the middle. All connections are internal and it's totally waterproof. Works fine in the UK for all the usual digital Freeview channels.

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TRUMP SCANDAL! No, not that one. Or that one. Or that one. Or that one.

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Re: Casus belli

Hey John, I hate to burst your bubble here, but reality is calling and it says you are a fool. The Orange idiot that you elected is a Russian stooge.

Wake up and smell the coffee.......

https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/national-security/russian-ambassador-told-moscow-that-kushner-wanted-secret-communications-channel-with-kremlin/2017/05/26/520a14b4-422d-11e7-9869-bac8b446820a_story.html

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‪There's a ransom-free fix for WannaCry‬pt. Oh snap, you've rebooted your XP box

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

@John 104

I loved XP! Having started with MSDOS 2.x it was like the OS from the future. However it did have a few* problems.

1) XP did not seem to be able to free up memory after use. Photoshop was the worst culprit, it would grab all your memory and not release it when closing. (I know that memory use could be restricted in the Photoshop preferences).

2) Every bastard in the world wrote malware for it. XP became unusable. I ended up spending more time trying to keep it going than actually using it.

3)* other stuff :(

I abandoned Windows when Vista arrived, good luck to all of you who still need it.

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You'll get a kick out of this: Qualcomm patents the 'Internet of Shoes'

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

Want!

Where can I get those anti-gravity clogs from?

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Dyson celebrates 'shock' EU Court win over flawed energy tests

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

Re: Dyson 'water blade' hand dryers @Everytime

"They advertise the hand dryers as being more sanitary, but the opposite is true."

"They are exceptionally effective at aerosolizing germs."

I think you'll find that is fake news put out by a rival.

What *is* really good at aerosolizing germs are those UV lamp electric fly killers that explode the contents of the insect over nearby food.

Now try not to think of that fact every time you go into a butchers shop.

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Trump signs executive order on cybersecurity, White House now runs the show

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Prime the Rumpy Pumpy

As the old fart seems to be losing his grip on reality maybe a dose of engine oil directly into the brain would fix things.

http://observer.com/2017/05/president-trump-priming-the-pump/

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America's mystery X-37B space drone lands after two years in orbit

Mystic Megabyte
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Alien

How come the tyres were still inflated after two years? That's definitely alien technology!

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Mystic Megabyte
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Re: it is unlikely that it carries any weapons... cough... cough...

unhand me greybeard loon!

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'Crazy bad' bug in Microsoft's Windows malware scanner can be used to install malware

Mystic Megabyte
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Linux

No chance here :(

My only Windows installation (Win8) stubbornly refuses to download the 1.8GB of updates it advises. Fortunately for me, I never use it.

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Of mice and migrations: How a rodent's DNA maps to architectural complexity

Mystic Megabyte
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Joke

Easy with the right tools

Massively

Overscale

Unique

Search

Engine

Spanning

Huge

Information

Transformation

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Facebook is abusive. It's time to divorce it

Mystic Megabyte
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Stop

"Someone I know recently packed all of his earthly belongings into his sedan,"

Someone I knew recently killed themselves due to facebook bullying.

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Ewe, get a womb! Docs grow baby lambs in shrink-wrap plastic bags

Mystic Megabyte
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WTF?

Who need sharks anymore!

and played the sound of a sheep's heartbeat.

Interspersed with "Kill all humans!". Then at birth fitting them with 'frikken lasers.

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'Grueling' record-breaking VR movie marathon triggers hallucinations

Mystic Megabyte
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Stop

How did they pee?

Did they stick their virtual dicks into virtual bottles?

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Swamp-draining Trump pushes ex-AT&T lobbyist to oversee AT&T mega-merger

Mystic Megabyte
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WTF?

Re: Orange-faced, tiny-handed, self-serving...

"Have you ever heard the term "Two minutes hate?"

Nope!

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Cuffing Assange a 'priority' for the USA says attorney-general

Mystic Megabyte
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WTF?

Here's the dirt

As you know, Trump has made the Whitehouse visitor log secret. Not any more 'cos I hacked it!

Monday a.m:

Bukir Vaniamin Ilyich

Kislukhin Rustem Vitalievich

Kovshevnikov Mikhail (Misha) Yermolayevich

Borisyuk Makar (Makarka) Yaroslavovich

Vakhrov Yelisey Vasilievich

Chernetsky Artemiy Valeryevich

Tatarinov Lazar Rodionovich

Nevzorov Dmitriy (Dima) Tikhonovich

Zykov Miloslav Aleskeevich

Rogozin Boleslaw Tikhonovich

Monday p.m.

Yuveleva Lada Romanovna

Minina Miloslava Innokentievna

Revyakina Sofia Larionovna

Skuratova Serafima Yemelyanovna

Nosova Nadezhda (Nadya) Vasilievna

Vyalitsyna Alyona (Alyonushka) Yanovna

Arzamastseva Lara Leonidovna

Zimnyakova Glafira Yaroslavovna

Tsaregorodtseva Aleksandra (Sasha) Valentinovna

Ankudinova Raya Larionovna

more to follow :)

props to http://www.fantasynamegenerators.com/russian_names.php

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US military makes first drop of Mother-of-All-Bombs on Daesh-bags

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

No deals with Russia? Who are you trying to kid?

It's pretty fscking obvious that Trump would rather start WW3 than admit to being economical with the truth. What does he care when hundreds of thousands of people die? The stupid fat bastard will just be playing golf when the bombs start dropping.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/richard-dearlove-mi6-trump-russia-money-2008-financial-crisis-us-election-a7684341.html

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Verizon's bogus bills tanked my credit score, claims sueball slinger

Mystic Megabyte
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WTF?

@Griffo

Thanks to Rumpy Pumpy you can now legally shoot hibernating bears. Great skill and courage is involved, NOT!

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Half-baked security: Hackers can hijack your smart Aga oven 'with a text message'

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

Re: Fools and their money

Had an oil (wick burner) Aga here that was converted from coal. That has been replaced with an Everhot electric Aga look-alike. It plugs into a 13amp socket and is on 24/7. It uses some of the juice from the 6kW wind turbine that's making about £6000 a year. Getting the Everhot installed here to this remote island cost coincidently £6000 YMMV. It has no internet connectivity. Recommended.

http://www.everhot.co.uk/

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Startup remotely 'bricks' grumpy bloke's IoT car garage door – then hits reverse gear

Mystic Megabyte
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Thumb Up

Re: Bah!

Best yet insight in this thread!

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Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

Re: It's not just cloud services...

Upvoted for Krell.

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Wet, wild Mars stripped off by hot young star, left barren and red faced

Mystic Megabyte
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Boffin

@graeme

Yeah right! I want what that boffin is smoking.

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Avaya's $3.7m bankruptcy bonus plan slammed by watchdog

Mystic Megabyte
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Mushroom

Trump just tried to get a $300 billion backhander from the Germans. He's just envious of Putin's estimated $200 billion. It will all end badly, not bigly.

We need a "We're doomed!" icon :(

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Boffins give 'D.TRUMP' an AI injection

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

New meme?

Along the lines of "What would you get if you cross Trump with a <insert animate or inanimate thing here>.

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Your internet history on sale to highest bidder: US Congress votes to shred ISP privacy rules

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

Re: Start a croudsourced fund ...

It would look like this (allegedly)

goldenshowers.com

gooldenshowers.com

goooldenshowers.com

etc. etc.

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Miss Misery on hacking Mr Robot and the Missing Sense of Fun

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

Errp!

Why is it that USian TV series just go on and on and on?

I personally can't be bothered with this nonsense. On the other hand has anyone been watching Letterkenny? It's a hoot but seems to have stopped at the episode titled "Rave". This was a total LOL!

Think quality of a Father Ted type script in a farm setting.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Letterkenny_(TV_series)

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