* Posts by FozzyBear

598 posts • joined 15 Feb 2010

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Boffins: If AI eggheads could go ahead and try to stop their code being evil, that'd be great

FozzyBear
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Alien

Re: Isaac Asimov...

however, it only works once AI reaches sentience...

Yep and I predict this will occur before most of society does

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We sent a vulture to IBM's new developer conference to find an answer to the burning question: Why Big Blue?

FozzyBear
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Facepalm

when apps on the IBM Cloud Container Service fail to deploy, the reason may not be obvious.

So a whole morning on this. any chance they spent some of this time providing some insight as to where you should start looking. Or did they basically shrug their shoulders and wish you good luck sorting out that crap.

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Farts away! Plane makes unscheduled stop after man won't stop guffing

FozzyBear
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Happy

Re: Remedies For Excess Gas

Devoted husband and father.

I first read that as Devoted Husband and farter

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FozzyBear
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Mushroom

Re: Clear the area

I'll see your thread and raise you this

https://forums.justcommodores.com.au/threads/trip-to-bunnings-lol.107234/

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Big data fitness plan: What's the deal with DX?

FozzyBear
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IT Angle

Oh that's cute a different name for what's been happening for years in companies. Only difference is, some marketing puke during a drug fuelled haze thought he saw money at the end of the tunnel.

Move along now. Nothing of value here...

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Australia's new insta-pay scheme has insta-lookup of any user's phone number

FozzyBear
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Pirate

It's not all bad. The way this is being implemented. many of the stop fraud checks that are done will be by-passed. Which means that your bank account could be emptied before the bank could ring you to advise of the potential fraud

So if you're an online crim this is great news. Me, I'm putting a whole jot of daylight between my money and this new payment platform

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If you don't like what IBM is pitching, blame Watson: It's generating sales 'solutions' now

FozzyBear
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Terminator

So what is IBM saying now

that Watson has a level of intelligence that it can now design solutions

that they have secretly laid off 100's of pre-sales personnel

or has Watson already evolved the intelligence of a dung bettle , assumed control of the company and this is the first salvo in Watson ridding the company of those useless meatsacks

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Crypto-gurus: Which idiots told the FBI that Feds-only backdoors in encryption are possible?

FozzyBear
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Facepalm

Maybe that's where they got the idea. They watched hackers and sneakers and thought, well if hollywood can do it why can't we.

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FozzyBear
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Black Helicopters

I think the big story here is that a Politician, a Politician seems to be listening to actual experts and is making reasoned arguments on this topic.

Sure, He's most likely playing his own games here , but still.

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IBM's chief diversity officer knows too much and must be stopped!

FozzyBear
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Pirate

what is IBM hiding?

Nothing , nothing at all. And that is their big corporate secret. that they have no corporate plan, strategy, manifesto or even a brain fart written on a napkin.

The executives are completely clueless on what to do. They are out of ideas on how to get big blue into the black. The fact they are cutting staff tells us that.

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FozzyBear
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Alert

she has “knowledge of IBM's most closely guarded and competitively sensitive strategic plans and recruitment initiatives

Um. What the hell is so secret about IBM shredding staff faster than a wheat harvester ???

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Rogue IT admin goes off the rails, shuts down Canadian train switches

FozzyBear
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Unhappy

Major delays, screwups, cancellations and basically everyone running around trying to figure out what the hell's going on?

Sounds like a typical day riding the trains in Sydney.

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If you haven't already killed Lotus Notes, IBM just gave you the perfect reason to do it now, fast

FozzyBear
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Alien

IBM has warned that bugs in its Notes auto-updater mean the service can be tricked into running malicious code.

I thought notes WAS the malicious code.

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No sh*t, Sherlock! Bloke suspected of swallowing drug stash keeps colon schtum for 22 DAYS

FozzyBear
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Alien

Operation Can't believe I'm being paid for this shit

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The many-faced god of operational excellence, DevOps and now 'site reliability engineering'

FozzyBear
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Mushroom

Re: First, what exactly is DevOps?

Bloody Brillant!

If you're not too busy any chance you could swing by our office. There are a few wingnut morons (executives) that need the facts of life explained to them.

The new PMO (Primary Manglement Officer) implemented an "Agile" approach, to an already overdue and over budget project, has turned morning sprint sessions into half day workshops. Mandatory bi-weekly catch-up meetings for each "Workstream" (which is appropriate as they are as useful as pissin' into the wind).

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Dori-no! PepsiCo boss says biz is planning to sell lady crisps

FozzyBear
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Devil

Yep the world really is going to hell in a hand basket.

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Epic spacewalk, epic FAIL: Cosmonauts point new antenna in the wrong direction

FozzyBear
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Facepalm

Whoopsy,

Remember next time point it at the big blue ball thingy a.k.a Earth

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Nunes FBI memo: Yep, it's every bit as terrible as you imagined

FozzyBear
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Devil

Re: Fake controversy

And the democrats don't! They're politicians! Everything any politician says is said to further their own agenda Anything that comes out of their mouths needs to be taken with an oceans worth of salt.

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India signals ban on cryptocurrencies, embraces blockchain

FozzyBear
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“Make In India” that encourages global companies to bring some of their manufacturing efforts to the nation. ®

If their track record on IT being outsourced to them is anything to go by "No thanks"

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Timeout everyone. Y'all know that Musk's $500 'flamethrower' is literally a Boring blowtorch?

FozzyBear
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Flame

Re: Great toy for drunken parties!

Huh whadya say!, Anyway Give me that and hold my beer. Show you a great trick.

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Whoops, sorry about that. should be able to sandpaper those burn marks right out.

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Camels disqualified from Saudi beauty contest for Botox-enhanced pouts

FozzyBear
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Alien

so when the camel comes it's like, 'Oh look at how big is that head is. It has big lips, a big nose'."

Ok, After reading the above in isolation, I am seriously thinking alcoholism as a new career path

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It's 2018 and your Macs, iPhones can be pwned by playing evil music

FozzyBear
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Re: Everything...

have to disagree there.

1977 was one of the best years for music.

Fleetwood mac

Sex pistols

pink floyd

david bowie

ac/dc

Some of the most iconic music/songs ever.

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Blockchain rebrand sends Stapleton Capital's shares soaring

FozzyBear
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IT Angle

"We have seen a number of very exciting blockchain opportunities in recent months and believe the underlying technology has the potential to disrupt many industries around the world," said chairman Jon Hale.

I think he meant to say

The senior management had a week long junket . Umm, I mean a Off-site management think tank. Well we really couldn't be arsed working the whole week coming up with a proper business strategy, road map, product review or legitimate marketing.

Thankfully on the first night propped up at the bar, one of the guys who knows how to read, was telling us about an article in some "C" rag about Cypto (is that right) currency. Apparently some companies have added, whats the term, "blockchain" to their name and their share price skyrocketed They haven't even had to produce a product!

So anyway we decided to just change our name and ride the wave of hype. We expect to triple our bonuses, um, share holder profits, um company profits. Oh who cares I'm getting a new yacht and the missus bigger tits.

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All aboard the Vomit Comet: Not the last train to Essex, but a modded 727 for weightless flight

FozzyBear
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Zero-G also wheel out the pilots to allay the worries of nervous fliers.

Umm. Not while the plane is going through the motions right?

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Crypto-cash exchange BitConnect pulls plug amid Bitcoin bloodbath

FozzyBear
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Mushroom

Bubble meet pin.

POP

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IBM kills Global Technology and Global Business Services: It's all ‘IBM Services’ now

FozzyBear
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Coffee/keyboard

"how well they capitalize on exponential intelligence fueled by pervasive technologies"

Ok, I think we have a winner already, for the best meaningless marketing bullshit for 2018.

It's early in the year I know, but I'm calling it.

"If you can't dazzle them with the detail, baffle them with bullshit" - Me.

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Black & Blue: IBM hires Bain to cut costs, up productivity

FozzyBear
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Pirate

Ah IBM I'll remember you with fond nostalgia

Actually not really the last 5-6 years dealing with you has been an absolute bitch.

Cya

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Butcher breaks out of own freezer using black pudding

FozzyBear
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Gimp

Re: Ee, bah, eck etc

whether it's up to full martial combat and battering-ram standard.

Read that as Marital Combat and Battering Ram Standard. That got me thinking what kind of sex dungeon have you got ?

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1 in 5 STEM bros whinge they can't catch a break in tech world they run

FozzyBear
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Flame

Oh for fuck sake. Enough of the sexism or any other "ism in the workplace.

If an 'ism actually exists in the workplace, sure rage against the machine and make the arseholes pay.

But I'm sick and tired of reading there must be more women in STEM jobs and in management positions.

Has anyone actually asked the women involved what they want, what they'd prefer to do, what they are willing to do? What they are qualified to do?

Or are we being force fed the same ol' crap from interested parties who personally benefit perpetuating all manner of 'isms.

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Leaky credit report biz face massive fines if US senators get their way

FozzyBear
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Mushroom

Until they hold the directors or "C' suite criminally liable. No one will care.

With a potential $1.5Bn fine. The exec's will look at dissolving the company take their overly large bonus packages and flick the Government the middle finger as they walk out the door. There are just too many ways to dodge corporate responsibility. until they fix that, this is just smoke and mirrors.

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Wannabe W1 DOW-er faked car crash to track down reg plate's owner

FozzyBear
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Coat

Re: Surgeon

Wonder if the one driving around with LAB 1A was the local gynecologist.

Yeah, yeah, yeah I'm getting my coat.

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FozzyBear
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FAIL

Re: Not all cops are crooks

No it's called discretionary powers of the constabulary.

Would you prefer a constable to pull you over and having found that you are not on drugs or alcohol and apologetic, he lets you off with a warning or the officer that regardless how good your driving record is hands over fist full of tickets and the feeling the gestapo could learn a thing or two from him.

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US Homeland Security breach compromised personal info of 200,000+ staff

FozzyBear
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damn beat to it.

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Fetch calls Uber's bluff: See you in court, bros!

FozzyBear
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Mushroom

The only way we could win is if during the court session all senior executives are present and a stray comet ploughs into the court house, wiping out the executives and the lawyers at the same time.

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IBM lobs sueball at travel site Expedia for using some old Prodigy patents

FozzyBear
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IT Angle

Well they certainly have no tech from this century they can potentially sue someone over

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One more beancounter given a spanking over Tech Data chicanery

FozzyBear
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Flame

WTF

27M shortfall on their books and these guys get a slap on the wrist and a couple years in a time out corner. Reduced fines, etc due to mitigating circumstances. BULLSHIT !

There is more to this than just an incorrectly assigned code or account.

The beancounters here have been jacked up over a $2k difference on an account that has a value of $10M+ for the past 2 days. To not identify, or ignore, a 27M difference either points negligence or incompetence on a cosmic scale or criminal collusion that should see them locked up.

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Autsch! Germany slaps Facebook in its abusive little face for 'limitlessly amassing data'

FozzyBear
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Terminator

Last weekend at a BBQ and talking, the subject turned to facepalm and other social media sites. Couple of teenagers there. Told them all if the service you are using is free you're the product that's being sold.

Of course the responses I got were basically dumb old guy what do you know about social media. not just from the teenagers either.

<sigh> object lesson time.

Borrowed the hosts laptop and spent 5 minutes searching on one of them. <creepy old guy alert>

I then started rattling off information about them and what they had been up to over the past couple of weeks, all publicly available. I was even surprised by the extent of the information I could glean in that 5 minutes or so.

The objects lesson's mother was also quite surprised too, to learn that said lesson was at a party rather than studying at a friends place. Well they were in a photo holding a bottle of cider

Whoopsy

Object lesson over. Grumpy old guy indeed, but at least I haven't sold my soul to the latest craze.

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Facebook confesses: Facebook is bad for you

FozzyBear
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Happy

Now for your penance Zuck

You should continue to give yourself an upper cut until you beat common sense into yourself. Na. In reality it is what the masses on social media want to see, so get crackin'.

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'Subdued' year for poor old Capita means more 'restructuring' needed

FozzyBear
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Terminator

Automate jobs

My suggestion would be automate the work (damn it was hard typing that 4 letter word) of the senior managers. There does not seem to be much to the job other than checking if you are getting your bonus. If not cut staff until you get a bonus, repeat daily. In fact with just a few lines of code, you could replace senior managers from C(r)apita, IBM, HPE. Save those companies millions.

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Google lies about click-fraud refunds and tried to destroy us – ad biz

FozzyBear
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Mushroom

Would it be too much to ask for both to implode

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NSW TAFE's IT FAIL was so bad, 100 staff were hired to clean up

FozzyBear
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Pirate

I look forward to reading about the massive failure of the Oracle Replacement System

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Japanese quadcopter makes overworked employees clock out

FozzyBear
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Pint

No such problems in our office. You could blindly drive a mack truck through the office at 5.10pm and only hit furniture

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Cost-hurling IBM seeks more volunteers for employment bonfire

FozzyBear
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IT Angle

Bet 'ya, the HR and Finance departments are increasing their head count to cope with the increase in workload.

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Los Angeles police tell drivers not to trust navigation apps as wildfires engulf area

FozzyBear
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Flame

Re: Prevention

Whilst we do do controlled burns, it comes down to resources (people and money). Not to mention there are large areas that are too inaccessible to properly manage controlled burn offs. Was a volunteer for the RFS in my younger and fitter days.

There is also the ongoing battle with the greenies that seem to burst into flames at the mention of controlled burning. That outrage then changes from "Don't you dare destroy our environment" to "Why didn't you do more to prevent this" the instant their home goes up in flames.

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FozzyBear
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Flame

Seriously

the LA police need to stop Interfering with Darwin 's good work.

If an advisory of this type is needed there is not much hope in fixing that level of stupid.

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IT buyer? Had enough of pesky resellers cold calling? You aren't alone

FozzyBear
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Devil

Personally BOFH has the right solution to these situations

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2015/09/18/bofh_2015_episode_14/

The only thing I would add is a call back function if their number is known until they can complete the adventure.

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Toucan play that game: Talking toy bird hacked

FozzyBear
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Linux

Who needs a robot parrot to swear just get the real thing. Mate has a parrot, common phrases spoken

"G'day dickhead"

"Nice tits"

"Blow Me"

"Me so horny"

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New Jersey lawmakers propose ban on folks drunk droning

FozzyBear
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Pint

Re: Is that enough?

Not sure. Here hold my beer!

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Quentin Tarantino in talks to make Star Trek movie

FozzyBear
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My guess is if Tarantino directs after the first scene all shirts will be red to some extent

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Dentist-turned bug-biter given a taste of freedom

FozzyBear
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Black Helicopters

Re: What is 'cyberstalking' ....

In this case cyberstalking is defined as

Publicly showing the ineptitude of the investigating officers and making them the laughing stock on social media

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