* Posts by Sgt_Oddball

1224 posts • joined 29 Jan 2010

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Dratted hipster UX designers stole my corporate app

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
Headmaster

Manual work...

There's a bigger question you need to ask. Does it need a manual? If you need a manual then the design can take a step back. Function over form and all that, just try and keep users steps as low as possible. The poor sod writing the manual will thank you.

No manual needed? Make it intuitive and get people to test it for you. Get them to smash it apart. See if they figure it out, but don't throw conventions out of the window (like removing a footer, or placing the menu on some weird location like 2/3rds down the page on the right unless your intentionally trying to annoy) as familiarity helps reduce the amount of brain meats required to make things happen.

Return of the audio format wars and other money-making scams

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

Re: Not this the?...

The wife bought one. Sounded better than an ipod but dear lord....soundstage made iTunes look like a well thought out, coherent functional piece of high quality software.

I think we've still got it somewhere. Also had a removable battery and could use my mini disk remote as small pro's

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

Re: If you're looking for a challenge...

Ooooh rock me Amadeus....

Bad news for WannaCry slayer Marcus Hutchins: Judge rules being young, hungover, and in a strange land doesn't obviate evidence

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

Re: What was he thinking

Not so smart but writing the stuff doesn't show intent.

If so that would mean every gun maker who's weapons have killed people would be culpable as well surely?

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

Re: Indeed

No, it means have a southern accent. I get blank stares and mild confusion when over there owing to a North Yorkshire accent that gets steadily stronger the more drunk I am.

A once-in-a-lifetime Opportunity: NASA bids emotional farewell to its cocky, hardworking RC science car on Mars

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
Holmes

Do we know..

Just how much static the particles get? Couldn't we by now figure out a way of repelling the dust instead (ie. Negatively charged panels to repel positively charged particles or vice versa)? Or is that just wishful thinking?

One click and you're out: UK makes it an offence to view terrorist propaganda even once

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

Best get rid those floppy disks containing the anarchists cookbook txt edition from my college days then.

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
Windows

Re: Heavenly Source are Almighty Sees ..... in Bare Naked Territories*

At the rate It's going we may all end up being arrested for reading anything amanfrommars has commented on when it turns out to be encoded messages to some radical group.

Fun fact: GPS uses 10 bits to store the week. That means it runs out... oh heck – April 6, 2019

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
Trollface

I've got an idea!

Avoid having this problem ever again and just switch to GLONASS made by glorious Russian motherland. Just watch online video of dash cams, show GLONASS never guide driver wrong in history comrade.

(I wonder if we can have a Russian troll icon one day?)

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
Holmes

Has anyone...

Checked with the military? I'd be interested to see how many guided bombs would be fine with this (since they're supposed to be, well, disposable after all).

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

Re: Wasn't this handled last time?

On balance they did it from the air. They didn't get on the ground and get personal with the locals. Nor was there a recognised ceasefire zone for civilians that was promptly ignored.

Its not like we Brits are innocent either what with the firebombing of Dresden. All sides committed atrocities but some where more horrific than others.

Go big (with our bandwidth) or go home, Verizon: Texas mulls outlawing 911 throttling after Cali wildfire fiasco

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

Could it be

That verizon don't offer an emergence specific plan... Or that to get the sale, the verizon salesbod offered them a standard business plan rather than emergency service plan since it worked out cheaper and thus more likely to earn them a commission without spelling or what the implications were. It could also be that they judged the plan adequate based off historical data not realising newer devices on 4g could gobble data so quickly and this wasn't explained well enough.

Prez Trump orders Uncle Sam to step up AI efforts – we all know the White House knows a lot about artificial intelligence

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
Terminator

Re: USA creating AI?

Especially if its AI with American values.... Like plasma rifles in the 40-watt range for everyone!

Hold horror stories: Chief, we've got a f*cking idiot on line 1. Oh, you heard all that

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: Telewest

Ugh, I still get referred to as Mr 'wifes surname' instead of my own. (for the record she's a professional and its an arse to get certificates re-issued with married name on top of coming from a culture where keeping your name is perfectly normal).

There's no finer way of pissing me off in a sales call.

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
Trollface

Re: Best thing to do

I'm now trying to image a spawn of satin.. But all I can think of is satin ladies wear...

Hungover this morning? Thought 'beer before wine and you'll be fine'? Boffins prove old adage just isn't true

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
Childcatcher

I don't get it.....

Where's the bacon angle?

I used to swear by a bottle of sprite the following morning but instead these days I just drink far better stuff than I used to. Less mass produced crap, more tasty goodness and because the damn stuff costs so much you can't afford to drink to a hangover.

Having children also makes you take measures to avoid a hangover. Nothing worse than a 4 year old crawling into your bed and kicking you in the nuts when you've got a hangover.

(kiddie catcher because there's that moment where you wish he would take them away at least until the elephants stop jumping on your head)

Accused hacker Lauri Love to sue National Crime Agency to retrieve confiscated computing kit

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

Re: Hardware?

A decade? I'm sure I've some oldies from when I was dialup. Feels weird not unzipping it from a spanned set of floppies anymore...

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

I've got a 6 year old server upstairs and that's just fine (16 threads of pure number crunching that I can still take up to 24 Ect etc) and my gaming rig has an 8 year old CPU that I'm only now considering replacing (heavily overclocked mind but the point still counts).

Just because it's not brand new doesn't mean it's worthless and should be junked.

Pants-purveyor in plea for popularity: It's not just any pork push... it's an M&S 'love sausage'

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
Coat

Bit premature...

Love sausage only coming on Monday?

About 4 days too soon surely?

Mines the one with the meat and two veg in the pockets...

WeWork restructuring bites El Reg hacks where it hurts as afternoon brew delayed

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
Holmes

And this..

Is why I have a faded pacman mug, usually crusty enough enough to need the coating chipped off.

Tends to mean it stays where I put it (in 4 years I've not had it borrowed yet).

Now tea spoons... That's a different matter. The office buys them in bulk and give it 6 months and they've all migrated (there's also usually a couple of tea spoons of some style not used in the building leaving me to think they migrate).

You got a smart speaker but you're worried about privacy. First off, why'd you buy one? Secondly, check out Project Alias

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

Re: Why not...

The batteries in the remote lasting for over a year say yes...

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
Alien

Why not...

Just stick with something like the amazon firestick or my Google TV.. They only listen via the remote when you press a button to trigger them. Simples.

So maybe some alternative method other than audio to trigger them to listen to you. Interpretive dance perhaps?

Or maybe a small badge that triggers them to listen when pressed... Let's call it a 'comunicator badge'...

Sysadmin's three-line 'annoyance-buster' busts painstakingly crafted, crucial policy

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

Re: So it went...

I keep a smartphone with remote desktop since about 2005 (yes symbian did actually have a rdp client who would have thought it) for just such instances..

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
Facepalm

So it went...

From Foobar to FUBAR?

Best I managed was adding a security policy to a remote server.. Forgetting to add the office's IP address to the whitelist. Server suddenly stopped talking to our office Cue just about every department in the office howling whilst I made an embarrassing call to the hosts to talk them through what they needed to change to get us back onto the server.

(other customers could see it just fine but because of remote access ports attempts triggering firewall blocks, we got the ban hammer straight away)

Oh cool, the Bluetooth 5.1 specification is out. Nice. *control-F* master-slave... 2,000 results

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

You probably have to tell windows to output the audio through the Bluetooth. I've had this sort of issue before and usually its just a case of manually changing the audio since it doesn't always automatically switch over (even more fun when software chooses which audio to use.... Webex I'm looking at you)

Techie finds himself telling caller there is no safe depth of water for operating computers

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
Coat

Re: Header pic

Malaysia has those stickers too.. Had the very same thought though.

Coat because it looks wet outside...

Canadians moot methods to embiggen moose monument and make Mac great again

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

Re: Wi nøt trei a høliday in Sweden this yër? See the løveli lakes

I came here for this and was not disappointed.

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
Devil

Re: Go on, laugh

Upper Ramsbottom always felt unnecessarily specific...

Florida man's deadliest catch forces police to evacuate Taco Bell

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
Coat

Owwww...

The mind boggles if it left his (brief) ownership the way most taco bell items do...

Rectum? Damn near killed 'im!

Ect etc...

Mines the one with the good food guide in the pocket...

Should the super-rich pay 70% tax rate above $10m? Here's Michael Dell's hot take for Davos

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

Why do you think...

We import so many of our doctors...

Golly 4G whizz: Vodafone caught using a cheeky bit of Three UK's spectrum

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
Holmes

In other news...

Regulator caught looking other way.

Scatological efforts of Ursidae in forest areas confirmed.

World still, despite best efforts, continues to turn.

Sounds like a cockup by a poorly trained engineer than anything else (poorly written note perhaps?). Occams razor and all that.

Colour us shocked: Google in €50m GDPR fine appeal bombshell

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
Flame

You've only just grabbed it?

I'm onto my second bowl of popcorn for this...

Hurray for bulk buy shops...

Oracle robbed just about anyone who wasn't a pasty white male of $400m, says Uncle Sam

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
Trollface

Would any other name....

With a name like Oracle you'd've thought they would have seen it coming....

Struggling with GDPR compliance? Don't waste money on legal advice: Buy a shredder

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

I come fully GDPR compliant..

I can remember a face but never a name (seriously I've worked for years in companies before not knowing the name of any but my most frequently communicated with colleagues).

That said I'm not sure about my home CCTV system though it does empty itself after 3 months so it should be OK I think..

Tech giant to spend $500m dealing with housing crisis caused by tech giants

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
Trollface

Re: Microsoft housing

Could be worse... If it was Apple, it'd look nice but you'd need to change all of your appliance plugs to something newer and less well adopted.... Like the Australian plugs. And if any of the plumbing leaked you'd have to buy a whole new house.

SpaceX sends Iridium-8 into space while Musk flaunts his retro rocket

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
Coat

Colonel, you better have a look at this radar.

Colonel: What is it, son?

Johnson: I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant--

Jet Pilot: Dick.

Dick: Yeah?

Jet Pilot: Take a look out of starboard.

Dick: Oh my God, it looks like a huge--

Bird-Watching Woman: Pecker.

Bird-Watching Man: Ooh, Where?

Bird-Watching Woman: Wait, that's not a woodpecker, it looks like someone's--

Army Sergeant: Privates! We have reports of an unidentified flying object. It has a long, smooth shaft, complete with--

Baseball Umpire: Two balls.

Baseball Umpire: What is that. It looks just like an enormous--

Chinese Teacher: Wang, pay attention!

Wang: I was distracted by that giant flying--

Musician: Willie.

Willie Nelson: Yeah?

Musician: What's that?

Willie Nelson: Well, that looks like a giant--

Colonel: Johnson?!

Johnson: Yes, sir?

Colonel: Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this.

Basil: Did we get Dr. Evil?

Johnson: No, sir. He got away in that rocket that looks like a huge--

Schoolteacher: Penis. The male reproductive organ. Otherwise known as tallywhacker, schlong or--

Dad: Weiner? Any of you kids want another weiner?

Son: Dad? What's that? points at rocket

Dad: I don't know, son, but it's got great big--

Peanut seller: Nuts! Hot salty nuts! Who wants some-- Lord Almighty!

Woman: That looks just like my husband's--

Ringmaster: One-eyed monster! Step right up and see the One-Eyed Monster!

One-eyed Monster: Hey, what's that? It looks like a big--

female Fan: Woody! Woody Harrelson? Can I have an autograph?

Woody Harrelson: Sure thing. Oh my lord.

Female fan: It's big!

Woody: Nah, I've seen bigger, it's--

Dr. Evil: Just a little prick. It's a flu shot. You've been in the coldness of space.

Mines the one with guide to using a Swedish penis enlarger...

What's the fate of our Solar System? Boffins peer into giant crystal ball – ah, no, wait, that's our Sun in 10bn years

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
Coat

Re: Lucy is here!

The Shatner version I hope?

Mines the one with the communicator in the pocket....

Um, I'm not that Gary, American man tells Ryanair after being sent other Gary's flight itinerary

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

Re: It'll never happen...

It doesn't even bother for me.... I'm aware through other means that there are around 2,500 individuals in the world with my surname but only around 20 with my first name (none if I include my middle name)..

New Horizons probe reveals Ultima Thule is huge, spinning... chicken drumstick?

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

Re: Alice

Don't give them any ideas... That's how Kryton became stranded on a mission to blow up enough stars to read 'COKE ADDS LIFE!'... Even during the day....

Racing at the speed of light, Sage superhero bursts through the door...

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

If...

What was under the shirt was enough to make her laugh... Maybe running wasn't such a bad idea.

Though normally I'd advise it outside. Less chance of bear chests...

Could you speak up a bit? I didn't catch your password

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

Re: I don’t know why I’m reading this except...

Wood you leaf it alone now. Now is knot the time fir this kind of wood based gags...

Techie basks in praise for restoring workforce email (by stopping his scripting sh!tshow)

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

Re: Recursion is difficult

Stop me if you heard this one before....

Error pop-up? Don't worry, let's just get this migration done... BTW it's my day off tomorrow

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

Re: took the day off

The greatest thanks in It is silence, the best reward is your work going unnoticed.

The Palm Palm: The Derringer of smartphones

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

Re: "useless coin pocket" ?

It does mean I have to grind sensually against a couple of door frames to get it close enough

Mines in my wallet for same effect, annoyingly though only one door has the reader low enough and its the one that's a tad wonky natch....

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

Re: "useless coin pocket" ?

It's not a coin pocket! Those are for pocket watches and you were expected to have the chain attached to your belt.

As for mine I now look for trousers with them on as they're perfect for keeping my car key in.

Amazon's creepy facial recog doorbell, Facebook open sources machine learning code and much more

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

Re: missed a trick

I think I'll just stick to knocking on the door then...

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

Re: A fantasy followup

You mean like when you take the tube?

Vitamin Water gets massive publicity for new flavor: Utter BS

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

Re: Free advertising

It's got electrolytes...

Forget your deepest, darkest secrets, smart speakers will soon listen for sniffles and farts too

Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

Re: Bollocks to this creepy shit.

I'd probably just take to bottom burping right in front of it. As loudly as possible. Just to see what it makes of it.

Then maybe invest in the weirdest noises I could find to mess with their metrics. I'm thinking slowed down modems, ghost recordings that kind of stuff...

Then back to trumping (and not in the US comrade way)...

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