* Posts by cosymart

307 posts • joined 23 Jan 2010

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Need the toilet? Wanna watch a video ad about erectile dysfunction?

cosymart
FAIL

Bog Design

Standard design for toilets anywhere: 3 urinals & loos, 2 or 3 sinks and ONE hand dryer that on a good day just about reached ambient temperature because the fan motor was under rated. Don't the people who design loos use them?

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eBay denies claims it's failing to thwart 'systematic fraud'

cosymart
FAIL

It's Safe in the Garden Come and Play

This is why eBay & Paypal don't come down hard, they want punters to feel safe. Scammers? here? never! It's wonderful :-(

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ZX Spectrum reboot project's Great Ormond Street charity cash questions

cosymart
Facepalm

Try Google

If you genuinely don't live under a bridge why not do what everyone else here has to do and Google GOSH. May you find enlightenment :-)

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Broadband providers almost double prices after deals end

cosymart
Megaphone

You Need A Business Package

@ Andrew 60 - See title. Normally better T&C and much better service, last time I had a business outage there were 2 bods at the door within half a day. Fixed and left me with a direct number of the engineer in case of further problems.

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Facebook's 'delightful' AI Clippy the Paperclip creeps into Messenger

cosymart
Thumb Up

Fits My Profile To a T

In a brand survey earlier this week, teenagers ranked Facebook Messenger as almost as uncool as the Wall Street Journal, or Vice.

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Boeing details 'Deep Space Gateway' for Mars mission staging

cosymart
Facepalm

Re: Lunar mining?

Quote of the month "the moon is made mostly of moon rock" gasp!

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Spotted: Bizarre SpaceX rocket-snatching machine that looks like it belongs on Robot Wars

cosymart
Headmaster

Correct the correction :-)

Corrections to your pedantic comment: I think you mean Henry the vacuum cleaner. Hoover don't make Henry's. - Nice try but no cigar.

On a related note I am not sure if "Hoover" has now passed the point at which it is interchangeable with "vacuum cleaner", I suspect it is.

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Good news, everyone! Two pints a day keep heart problems at bay

cosymart
Pint

Re: Cider!

What does Buckfast count as? - Buckall.

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That 'Trump lawyers threaten teen over kitten website' yarn is Fakey Fakey McFake Fakeface

cosymart
FAIL

Re: Really ..

How the hell did the USA sink so low ? - From having to chose between someone you hate or someone incompetent. Tough call :-(

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RadioShack bankruptcy savior to file for, you guessed it, bankruptcy

cosymart
Headmaster

Re: Solder Repellant

RS (RS Components) is a very different supplier to Radio Shack.

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Watt the f... Dim smart meters caught simply making up readings

cosymart
Boffin

Re: Meter smarts

No, they are 200% wrong as there are 2 of them thus compounding the error :-)

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Pence v Clinton: Both used private email for work, one hacked, one accused of hypocrisy

cosymart
Flame

Fart Free Area

Can I make a plea for the Register to be a Fart (as in Trump) free area to avoid the Merkins rerunning their pathetic convoluted presidential election and subsequent debacle.

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1

New Royal Navy Wildcat helicopters can't transmit vital data

cosymart
Headmaster

Re: This weeks name

Most air to air and surface to air Missiles are just that, they are designed to "miss" the target by a close proximity and then explode. lots of stuff flying about at high velocity hitting sensitive bits (lots of these on an aircraft). The only Hitile [sic] that I am aware of is the Rapier surface to air one.

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We don't want to alarm you, but PostScript makes your printer an attack vector

cosymart
Coat

Re: Mac display

Is this referring the dirty mac brigade AKA Flashers or Macintosh Computers? Still trying to figure out why you mention the display?

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cosymart
Angel

Re: what could go wrong

Is that Donald as in Duck?

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Stop replying! pleads NetApp customer stuck in reply-allpocalypse

cosymart
FAIL

Re: I hate people

I switch my phone off at night don't you?

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London's Winter Wonderland URGENTLY seeks Windows 10 desk support

cosymart
FAIL

Re: But...

That's just the rub they don't say it's better than the previous version, they use words like "better productivity" and "Redesigned screens". They never, ever try and sell it as a better OS... come on it would leave them wide open to all sort of litigation.

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Japanese robot space maid will incinerate Earth's dead satellites

cosymart
WTF?

Nets.....

Just watched the Video (sound off) and found it very interesting.... Couldn't spot the nets, given the hype about the nets wtf are they?

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Local TV presenter shouted 'f*cking hell' to open news bulletin

cosymart
Headmaster

Re: Done on purpose

"past" let's not lower ourselves to gutter TV level :-)

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Virgin Media is so rustic and artisan you get to hand-sort your own spam

cosymart
Pirate

Re: Well bugger me...

Takes all sorts, would be good if you didn't advertise your sexual preferences on an open forum :-)

3
1
cosymart
Mushroom

Shooting the Messenger

Why are we complaining about VMs poor Spam handling? What we should be doing is trying to cull the crap at source. Anyone found sending Spam should be guilty of whatever the local law agency can cobble together and then banned from the internet for life and keelhauled!

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Facebook to hire 500 more in Blighty

cosymart
WTF?

Re: It would be nice to see some tech jobs outside London

Basingstoke, Basingstoke..... Not Basingstoke, really? It'll be Slough next and then where will we be?

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Pythons Idle and Cleese pen anti-selfie screed

cosymart
FAIL

Re: Shouting at clouds

@45RPM - "Besides, many celebrities are celebrities because they achieved nothing significant". Fixed that for you.

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I've arrived on Mars. Argggh, my back!

cosymart
Happy

Re: A never-ending study on how to mess up humans...

Body Suit.... You mean we might finally get proper space suits like these http://tinyurl.com/gvscthm :-)

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And for our next trick, says Google while literally wheeling out a humongous tablet ...

cosymart
FAIL

Bored

All the folks at that meeting look either totally confused or bored, must have been a real meeting.

They have totally missed the point, the output from this type of meeting isn't the crappy list and weird diagram it is the product of the discussion written up by the mug who was volunteered to take notes. Also, who can ever remember what the diagram means 5 seconds after walking out of the room?

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Asda server glitch leaves customers without online shopping

cosymart
Facepalm

Re: ASDA?

I was sat here trying to work out how an unbagged raw chicken could contaminate an entire supermarket. Had visions of raw chicken being forced into the fans for the air-con (sorry it's Asda warm air fans). I then realised "shop" meant the box of your goodies. Doh!

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Wi-Fi commuter fears

cosymart
Facepalm

Re: news?

It should be news. There should be big bold bright notices in these places that say "Free WiFi use it at your peril!" :-(

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Killer Hurricane Matthew threatens to wreck Kennedy Space Center

cosymart
Facepalm

Tent!

They are building a "tent"!!! as extra protection. I hope the tent is made from steel plate as bog standard canvas is going to be as much use as a chocolate teapot :-(

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When Pornhub meets the Internet of Fridges

cosymart
Childcatcher

Flixible Friend

I noticed that there is a sticker on the front for a "Flex Zone" ??? Is this for those who bend both ways?

2
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Blighty's telly, radio watchdog Ofcom does a swear

cosymart
FAIL

Comedy

Comedians that swear are to my mind just lazy in that they assume that if a swear word is used it makes what they say funnier. A well crafted joke does not require any profanity to make it funny.

1
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The wait is over: MoD releases latest issue of Ship Paint Monthly

cosymart
Mushroom

Re: Technically challenging stuff.

Please mention Da Boom!!

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Pull the plug! PowerPoint may kill my conference audience

cosymart
FAIL

New laptop

New laptop stuffed with USB sockets and so whizzy that Sooty would die of envy. Presentation suit at the swanky hotel - connector lead to the fixed ceiling mounted projector VGA !!!!

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Man accused of $180k ass-based gold smuggling scam awaits verdict

cosymart
Big Brother

BOGOF

The females get a special offer :-)

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Plusnet broadband outage: Customers fume as TITSUP* continues

cosymart

Re: If you think they're bad...Virgin Media

I deal with VM both as a business and a residential customer and the difference is chalk and cheese. On the business side any issues are normally dealt with as I am talking to them and if they say they will ring back they do. Well worth switching to the businesses package if you require a reliable service.

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The Rise, Fall and Return of TomTom

cosymart

Car Sat Nav

I refused to buy the next model up car wise as the only major feature was the built in Sat Nav and the cost difference was almost £2,000.00 wtf no way!

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Childcare app bods wipe users' data – then discover backups had been borked for a year

cosymart

Free as in air

Think they need to ask for their money back...oh dear, it was excellent value and they got what they paid for, nothing :-(

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SpaceX Dragon capsule lands in Pacific carrying 12 moustronauts

cosymart
FAIL

Mice

I think the mice actually wrote the article. This is bad :-(

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Windows 10 Anniversary Update completely borks USB webcams. Yay.

cosymart
Devil

All fine

Still on Windows 7, didn't take the poisoned chalice.

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Adblock Plus blocks Facebook block of Adblock Plus block of Facebook block of Adblock Plus block of Facebook ads

cosymart
Headmaster

"which" ones.

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Milk IN the teapot: Innovation or abomination?

cosymart
FAIL

NSFW Icon

This entire article needs flagging as NSFW. Enough to get grown men groaning. I do hope that no one of a delicate nature reads this. <Shakes head...>

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cosymart
Devil

Re: Anyone who puts the milk in tea whilst the bag is still in the cup

@ Dan Wilkie - Our only tea making facilities in the office are Klix machines :(

Doesn't that amount to constructive dismissal? Does Jeremy Corbyn know about this callus attack on the working man/woman, almost enough to make me vote Labour.

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Windows 10 a failure by Microsoft's own metric – it won't hit one billion devices by mid-2018

cosymart
WTF?

Selling

Normally if someone wants me to buy something they make an effort to sell it to me. You know "it's better than X because it's more whizzy or get this and your PC will run more applications better" Nothing from Microsoft other than "Get this it's free now!". Could it be that Windows 10 is not better than the previous incarnations therefore Microsoft would fall foul of the various consumer laws and their only option was to upgrade by stealth. Mind you their version of stealth is somewhat different to the dictionary definition!

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Teen thugs lure, rob Pokemon Go gamers

cosymart
Facepalm

Re: Hmm...

So it's illegal for a black BMW to have a hand gun. Who would have known!

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Scientists want you to know how to have sex with a hyper-long dong

cosymart
Paris Hilton

Re: "researchers modelled the properties of the genitalia"

@DougS - Probably impresses them more than writer for The Register/IT hack.

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Behold the ROBOT RECTUM... medics' relief

cosymart
Thumb Up

Where From Here?

Rectal Teaching Assistant ... if there is an assistant there must be a fully fledged arsehole.

It also begs the question of career prospects, if you are stating at the bottom the only way must be up. Think I need to rephrase that last line. :-)

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Get ready for mandatory porn site age checks, Brits. You read that right

cosymart
Happy

Re: It was my fault.

It also helps if the string is wet, given the current weather should not be an issue :-)

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Astroboffins discover rapid 'electric winds' blowing on Venus

cosymart
Thumb Up

Check List!

There is a check list for when we go looking for another planet to inhabit/wreck, wow!

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It's not us, it's you: Boffins ditch supercomputers in lust for new materials

cosymart

I read this and failed to understand.....

I read this and failed to understand 99% of it.... It's not April 1st is it?

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EU referendum frenzy bazookas online voter registration. It's another #GovtDigiShambles

cosymart
FAIL

Re: determine why its voter registration site crashed

We'd just like to check what currency you'd like your cheque in?... And which bank you have now transferred to as apparently NatWest is pants?

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Smartwatches: I hate to say ‘I told you so’. But I told you so.

cosymart
Facepalm

Re: MS Band

I have 2 watches, neither of which ever need winding or charging. Why should I or anyone take a considerable number of backward steps?

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