* Posts by Anonymous South African Coward

1896 posts • joined 6 Jan 2010

The healing hands of customer support get an acronym: Do YOU have 'tallah-toe-big'?

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

I think the opposite have happened, that Dabbsy's mojo caused this Spectre and Meltdown ruckus in retaliation :p

Good to see you're back on form, keep it up, and may 2018 be a most excellent year for you.

Woo-yay, Meltdown CPU fixes are here. Now, Spectre flaws will haunt tech industry for years

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

heap big whizzkids talking heap big words

and intel still denying everything.

We translated Intel's crap attempt to spin its way out of CPU security bug PR nightmare

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

The Fall of the House of Intel

The Rise of the House of AMD

Game Of CPU's

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Excellent El Reg, keep up the pressure.

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Questions

Both Smert Shpionam and the Special Executive for Counterintelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion will not take kindly to be linked to a buggy CPU line.

Consequences will be hard and harsh! Expect concrete shoes and chickenwire to be in fashion soon!

Cool disk drive actuator pillar, Seagate – how about two of them?

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: One read write head per track ?!

You, sir, are a genius!

Oh wait...

How many tracks does the average hard drive have? Let's assume a 3.5" 2Tb HDD. Can anybody work out the number of tracks on a single platter?

IBM lobs sueball at travel site Expedia for using some old Prodigy patents

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

A patent should be only good if you are generating an income from it.

If you take out a patent, and generate no income from it, and use it only to troll other companies and generate money that way, then you deserve to lose it.

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

"IBM going the SCO route?"

The danger of grappling with the beast is that you may become it.

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Isn't this...

"International Bullying Machine"

:)

Linux Mint 18.3: A breath of fresh air? Well, it's a step into the unGNOME

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Been playing around with it since yesterday, looks great, feels great.

Kernel-memory-leaking Intel processor design flaw forces Linux, Windows redesign

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

One question - does this "feature" allow you to access the hypervisor host's memory (RAM, HDD) from a VM?

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Novell got it right

Lovely ABEND errors if something did something naughty :)

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge
Trollface

*slow clap*

And this hoo-haa triggered this memory of the Usenet Oracle and Windows 95...

The original can be found here : https://internetoracle.org/special/windoze2.cgi

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.

Your question was:

> O great Oracle, the one who sees all and knows all, please accept

> this humble question from thy grovelling supplicant...

>

> Why is Windows 95 Beta so bug-ridden it's not funny?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} THE SCENE: A dark antechamber of the Gates estate, dimly lit by three

} 20" monitors suspended from the ceiling. In the middle of the room is

} a Pentium/100Hz, sheathed in a black casing. Three programmers dance

} around the machine, chanting horribly. Their pale, clammy complexion

} is cast hideously by the light of the monitors, rendered even more

} repugnant to the watchful eye bye the 60Hz flicker of the monitors.

}

} FIRST PROGRAMMER: Thrice the brinded net hath mewed.

}

} SECOND PROGRAMMER: Thrice, and once the Warp-pig whined.

}

} THIRD PROGRAMMER: MacHarpier cries. 'Tis time, 'tis time!

}

} FIRST: Round about the terminal go;

} In the poisoned upgrade throw.

} Code, which by a student done

} In minutes numbering sixty-one.

} Run-time error, protection fault,

} Crash ye first, crash ye shalt.

}

} ALL [as they dance around the Pentium]:

} Double, double, toil and trouble;

} Tempers burn and data bubble.

}

} SECOND: Fillet of a Sound Card bake,

} In the Pentium no sound make;

} Point of arrow, click of mouse,

} Scream of user, frightened spouse,

} OS/2's net use appeal,

} Steve Jobs' look and Wozniak's feel.

} For a charm of powerful trouble,

} Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.

}

} ALL: Double, double, toil and trouble;

} Tempers burn and data bubble.

}

} THIRD: Click "Start" button, speed of slug,

} You would think you forgot the plug.

} Multitasking, ha ha ho

} If just one worked you'd be good to go.

} This should grab those straggling few

} Who aren't using DOS 6.22.

} Now we shall the Mac eclipse,

} While curse words cross our users' lips.

} Leave the errors in so we can fix

} And sell more...Windows 96!

} And so we will release the Beta

} For corruption of their data.

}

} ALL: Double, double, toil and trouble;

} Users buy, our profits double.

}

} SECOND: Compile it with errors through,

} Since the users have no clue.

}

} [Enter BillGate to the other three programmers.]

}

} BillGate: O, well done! I commend your pains,

} And everyone shall share i' the gains.

} And now about the program get,

} But NEVER use it on OUR net.

} Security is scarce put in.

} [Beeps of PONG heard in the background.]

} [Exit BillGate.]

}

} SECOND WITCH: By the usage of my UMBs

} Wicked Windows this way comes.

} Open locks,

} Whoever knocks!

}

} [Fade to black.]

}

} Remember, Obsolescence isn't an accident, it's an art form.

}

} You owe the Oracle a signed, handwritten manuscript of MacBeth, and a

} copy of the Windows upgrade for the P6.

Captain Morgan told off for Snapchat lens: That grog be aimed at kiddies

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Arrrrr... pirate jokes be banned here?

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

iLens?

'Twas the night before Y2K and a grinch stole the IT department's overtime payout

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Overtime payments

""Always get the offer in writing signed by someone outside the immediate project."

This, above all."

This will cause a serious syntax error situation to develop between three parties, the people who was promised a raise, the people who made the promise, and manglement.

'Please store the internet on this floppy disk'

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: I'm not sure what's worse

I get that all the time - prtscr + paste into Word doc.

Most of the time I just select the image, ctrl+c, open irfanview, ctrl+v and Bob's world+dog's uncle. Zooming in to see the offending message then is easy.

Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but the data centre temp's delightful

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

That's what appys are for - send 'em in to do the grunt work while you (an old fart) take the time to appreciate the local scenery *ahem* :)

Peak smartphone? iPhone X flunks 'supercycle' hopes

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Huawei mediapad T1-701u user here.

Nice little phablet, great battery life. Pity about OS upgrades though.

Hot chips crashed servers, but were still delicious

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Call came in from remote site. Server dieded. Walked the tech through all tribbleshooting steps with no success.

Server was shippes to us for testing and repair. With it came a new motherboard and new hotswap PSU's.

Motherboard was the wrong model. Hotswap PSU's ditto.

Oh, and it was mentioned they have zippo on backups, and I should be verra, verra careful with the RAID....

Then I noticed my appy had the same model of the server we're trying to troubleshoot. Whipped out his working PSU, plonked it into the dead server.... nothing. Then it was eaay to deduct the cause of the dead server - PSU redundancy board failed.

Transferred all the hardware (RAID cage, mobo etc over to the appy's server chassis, fired it up and up she came. Lovely.

Did a few initial tests and all was OK, no database corruption or nasty RAID borkage. Just for kicks we queried the date of the last transaction, and found the server dieded two days before it was reported.

Appy was not happy with a stripped server, but he took it well. Bless him.

Client was super chuffed that we could resolve this issue on short notice.

In the meantime I have ordered a replacement redundancy board, still waiting. Meh.

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

It just begged me to try and see if you can have any line number larger than 9999 on a Speccy - and it is not possible.

However, with some gePOKEry, you can have a line number 0....

Seagate's lightbulb moment: Make read-write heads operate independently

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Seagate IronOctopus, soon to be seen at a reseller near you.

Android trojan has miner so aggressive it can bork your battery

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Infected APK

Wanted to have a shufty at the spy vs spy game for android, but due to play store limitations, was unable to find it in the ZA playstore...

...trundled off to some arb warez site, downloaded the APK and found out something else also got included as phone battery drained faster than normal.

Luckily a factory reset helped.

Now I avoid non-kosher APK's. Just not worth it.

Ugh, stupid power supplies hogging server density, who needs 'em?

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Solar PV

Running a Mikrotik on solar here, straight 12v from the battery. Works quite well, and saves a bit of energy to boot.

On the other hand, having 12v stepped up to 240v (inverter or ups) then down again to 12v (mikrotik wall PSU) leads to losses during the voltage up/down conversion.

Having said that, 12v or 48v dc for a data centre sounds good - until you factor in copper. You'll need thicker cables to compensate for resistance etc at lower volts than what you would have with higher volts.

Funnily enough, no, IT admins who trash biz machines can't claim they had permission

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Another thing - when asked to trash a server, I make 100% sure of that before I proceed.

In all the instances where I had to trash a server, it was due for recycling anyway. And in other cases it was fun to bork a RAID array just to see what happens if I do X and Y and Z (on an redundant server, of course).

I don't do stuff to production servers because of fallout and loss of my good name.

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: This man is obviously a psychotic

Same here. There were periods when I was p'd off a lot at my work - but I never thought (or considered) thrashing their systems.

Former ZX Spectrum reboot project man departs

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Now that is quite interesting...

Google's Project Zero reveals Apple jailbreak exploit

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: The question now is...

His Ookness have asked me to tell you how p*ssed off he is with your comment, as good bananananananananananas are most scarce to come by these days.

Yours,

rINCEWIND

YouTuber cements head inside microwave oven

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Gives new meaning to "Blockhead"...

VW's US environment boss gets seven years for Dieselgate scam

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Recently we had an issue at work where some software licences was not renewed at all - and an upcoming audit would point it out anyway.

Project Mangler in charge of that project got told by manglement to tell the auditor that the software licence expired a week ago - he refused to lie.

Not worth having that kind of blot on your career - and manglement denying they told him to lie.

Spy-on-your-home Y-Cam cameras removes free cloud storage bit

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

If some black hat would write a bot to replace code on all Y-Cam cameras so as to give you the actual option of using local storage instead of cloudy storage....

Forewarned is forearmed, should I need surveillance, I will also look at storage options. If there is no local storage, or I cannot store locally, then I will not purchase that specific product.

OVH goes TITSUP again while trying to fix its last TITSUP

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

The joys and pains of being in IT...

Voyager 1 fires thrusters last used in 1980 – and they worked!

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Joke will be on us if a salvage scow finds Voyager, and recycles it just for the gold it carries.

Dirty COW redux: Linux devs patch botched patch for 2016 mess

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Moocow Poorchick.

User dialled his PC into a permanent state of 'Brown Alert'

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: It's all black

Such is the power and flexibility of the WorkPlace Shell - you can configure it any way you like.

Each folder can have its own color scheme and background and font as well.

Anybody still remember the "Hotdog Stand" color scheme from Windows 3.1?

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Acronym alert...

In this case POS = Point Of Sales AND Piece of [brown turd]

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

USB makes it possible to have two physical keyboards on one PC - one wired, one wireless.

Great fun can be had by "bumping" the wireless keyboard/mouse on a random basis. Bonus points if the "bump" goes unnoticed and some lewd swear word is induced into the document the user is working on...

Regarding monitors - had a small POS monitor once, if you turned its brightness up above a certain value, it trips the power. Just used it as a Novell Netware monitor afterwards.

Microsoft to rebuild Redmond campus, including cricket pitch

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Hall of the Things.

Failing that, Hall of the Brumalmarc.

Soon enough, Toshiba drives will stash vid footage of all of us

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Five eyes

Reminds me of the mongo big TV screen in back to the future, with lots of channels, all of them in their own window.... and trying to watch them all at once is not possible.

The End of Abandondroid? Treble might rescue Google from OTA Hell

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Only time will tell if this direction will be successful., but I will welcome it as it will be beneficial to get security updates no matter who your carrier may be.

Having said that, I now wonder if they will only support newer phones, or will they be providing upgrades for older phones so that you can upgrade your phone in order to take advantage of the newer system. But I don't think it will ever happen, they will only focus on newer devices, and older devices can go die in a landfill somewhere.

Rolls-Royce, Airbus, Siemens tease electric flight engine project

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Sceptical too - and from a safety point of view, the single generator = single point of failure.

Wonder if the pilots will allow this sort of thing. Oh wait, they'll be replaced by an avionics computer flying the plane...

Somebdoy's been watching too many podracing events on Tatooine...

Lock them up and throw away the (don)key

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

"Bother" said Pooh as Eeyore made an ass of himself. (itself?)

Come to think of it, what is Eeyore's gender?

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Hee haw!

China plots new Great Leap Forward: to IPv6

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Brain: We must prepare for tomorrow night.

Pinky: Why? What are we going to do tomorrow night?

Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky - try to take over the world!

Chorus: They're Pinky, They're Pinky and the Brain Brain Brain Brain Brain!

BOFH: The trouble with, er, windows installs

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: How many other laptops trashed with this weeks updates?

Yay for M$.

NOT.

Perhaps you've posted this on the wrong thread? Still quite entertaining, and forewarned is forearmed since my company have a couple of users with laptops and dual-screens.

Now I am going to dread going to work on the morrow... :)

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Interesting correlation...

A BOFH worth his name *will* find vays und means of givink you problems the rest of your life*

*usually way shorter than the average human lifespan**

**sometimes by the order if an hour or two, depending on the method used to piss off said BOFH

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Excellent as usual.

Pub o' clock it is then.

Cheers.

Mythical broadband speeds to plummet in crackdown on ISP ads

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Well...

The Reg special?

To fix Intel's firmware fiasco, wait for Christmas Eve or 2018

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Can't you zap the offending chippery with a cattleprod?

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