* Posts by Anonymous South African Coward

1896 posts • joined 6 Jan 2010

North Korea's antivirus software whitelisted mystery malware

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Dear Leader no doubt is very unhappy about this.

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

SillyVaccine?

Nein danke.

edited to add : further permutations will add the ability to install selected top sekrit papperwork in order to implicate somebody in espionage stuff....

US techies: We want to see Pentagon's defence of winner-takes-all cloud contract

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Things will be very interesting should the cloudy storage suffer a prolonged (and catastrophic) outage.

Let's face it - currently we have a select few instances of ISP's going TITSUP* due to cocking up their storage arrays.

Big cloudy boys have their share of grief too, but they're also able to recover quickly from outages.

What are the odds of a cloudy service getting hit with a prolonged** and catastrophic*** outage?

*Total Inability To Supply Usual Pr0nz

** longer than a day, continuing for more than 2 or 3 days...

*** all data is lost, or reverted back to more than 1 month prior.

It's not rocket science! Actually it is, and it's been a busy frickin week

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge
Trollface

Long March is launched via a Barking Dog?

Apple grounds AirPort once and for all. It has departed. Not gonna fly any more. The baggage is dropped off...

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: ubiquiti

Scuttlebutt has it that Ubiquiti's making a cockup of their Unifi software - https://plus.google.com/+GregMerideth/posts/3zKNduMQYFu

BOFH: Guys? Guys? We need blockchain... can you install blockchain?

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: The value of IoT

square root of -1

Always thought it was divisable by 0

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

"Oh no. I'm going to fire up the self-drive parcel trolley to roll the Boss' wheeley chair out over the edge of the balcony."

Lovely.

Boss sent overpaid IT know-nothings home – until an ON switch proved elusive

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Had to deliver a printerer (brand new in box) to a difficult client once.

The arrangement was that the printerer would be handed over & installed after said client would hand over a cheque for an outstanding amount of money plus the money for the printerer.

Client eventually arrived sans cheque. Told him that no, will not install the printer, whereupon he tried to kick me - but kicked the printerer's box.

Luckily no damage, but company told client to get lost after this incident, and a debt collection agency got involved.

Newsworthy Brit bank TSB is looking for a head of infrastructure

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Baaah, that be one job I won't even look at.

Poisoned chalice indeed.

Who will fix our Internal Banking Mess? TSB hires IBM amid online banking woes

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge
Trollface

A copy of ms axxess 97 will work better than their current systen

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Logically all people who still cling to their TSB accounts, should really look at migrating to another bank, since they will pay for IBM's "services".

Best to get out soonest. Tomorrow may be too late.

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: IBM

Going to be very interesting going forward as IBM decimated itself from within.

Anybody got fresh and hot poocorn*?

*NOT the stuff CMOT peddles

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Sisyphus is not happy, as getting IBM on the team now means that he now will have to carry the object* upwards whilst farting** a merry tune and also have to take a short course on the OSHA act on a regular basis lest he should hurt himself.

*greased with Face Man's special grease

**past the inserted bluetooth-controlled buttplug which got inserted to stop him from farting

IMHO this may (or may not be) the beginning of the end.

When tyrants pull on their jackboots to stamp out free speech online, they reach for... er, a Canadian software biz?

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Scumbags

Not for outlaws.

TSB boss: We know everything's working, you just can't see that

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Sisyphus is busy with this job. Please be patient. Now serving customer...

TSB outage, day 5: What do you mean you can't log in? Our systems are up and running. Up and running, we say!

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Eiah wena.

Definitely a job for Sisyphus then.

Oh dear... Netizens think 'private' browsing really means totally private

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

<wheeze>

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I expected something like that.

My assumption on this private mode - that it ONLY prevent your wife (or GF) from seeing which sites you've browsed, but you still can see it on your firewall/ISP was correct.

Next they (chrome, firefox etc) will offer a built-in VPN - but even then I won't trust that as it may leak like a sieve.

Happy having Amazon tiptoe into your house? Why not the car, then? In-trunk delivery – what could go wrong?

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge
Trollface

Now I've got an idea.

Put a dummy in the trunk of the target vehicle, and make it look like it died from multiple stab wounds (or whatever, just that it has blood all over).

Train several hi-res cameras on the car (plus one inside the boot) - order a parcel from Bezos Inc and wait for the fun to start as the poor sod will get the shock of his life :)

UK 'meltdown' bank TSB's owner: Our IT migration was a 'success'

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Has this turned into a job for Sisyphus by now?

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Eish... will probably go down in history as How Not To Upgrade Your Bank's IT...

Good news: AI could solve the pension crisis – by triggering a nuclear apocalypse by 2040

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: COLOSSUS

Watched the movie partway. It got a bit boring in the end, so I did not watch the finale.

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Tic Tac Toe?

Chess?

Yahoo! fined! $35m! for! covering! up! massive! IT! security! screwup!

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Altaba reminds me of Ali Baba and his^H^H^H the^H^H^H whatever 40 thieves...

Cosmic prang probe: Euro space boffins to smash sats, virtually

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Krag?

DoH nachDaq

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge
Coat

Going to be a real hoot if a big enough piece breaks off from the collision at a high speed ping-ponging through everything and destroying all the satellites in orbit (or destabilizing their oribts so that they'll fall down)...

Going to my top-secret bunker right away.

Cash-sprinkler Softbank and Alphabet hand over $1.9bn to Manbang

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge
Trollface

Manbang, Dong Energy and Uparse.

Right, any others that we can have a laugh at?

UK.gov demands urgent answers as TSB IT meltdown continues

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

TITSUP

TitSup Bank?

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

TSB having an ELE?

Massive cyber attack targets mid-Atlantic nation 'Berylia'

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Hey, who turned off the li

'Your computer has a virus' cold call con artists on the rise – Microsoft

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge
Pint

Re: Re "putting the phone down is almost always the right thing to do."

1hr11mins on the line?

For reals?

Have one! :)

Amazon, LG Electronics turned my vape into an exploding bomb, says burned bloke in lawsuit

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Health Hazard?

@bombastic bob : wear a T-shirt that says :

"If you don't smoke, I won't fart".

Brit bank TSB TITSUP* after long-planned transfer of customer records from Lloyds

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge
Devil

All your banks are belong to us

Sysadmin unplugged wrong server, ran away, hoped nobody noticed

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Are you sure they were servers?

Quite interesting, and what a way to find out about that "feature"...

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

You even made sure you did not have to visit the bathroom while in the building, because of the health monitoring system meant more than the usual paperwork when going for a number two. It was bagged and sent for analyses...

Now what if you had the runs from a lager doctored by your friendly BOFH?

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Most of our stuff in our server room have redundant power supplies, so power cables for one PSU go to the left, second PSU go to the right.

And ziptied cables are an abomination, rather use velcro ties instead.

McDonald's tells Atos to burger off: Da da da da da, we're lobbing IT ...

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Think we'll have an UK KFC redux? With lots of people screaming for their burgers and nothing IT working at all...

Twenty years ago today: Windows 98 crashed live on stage with Bill Gates. Let's watch it again...

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Bill Gates

I wonder what Ballmer would've done.

Probably chucked a couple of chairs hither and thither?

Facebook privacy audit by auditors finds everything is awesome!

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Yeah right, and I'm the President of Trumpmenistan.

Laughed my a$$ off when I saw thhis article. Now I gotta find my a$$, it's out there somewhere.

Two's company, Three's unbowed: You Brits will pay more for MMS snaps

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Shareholders are a liability, and not an asset.

Get rid of the shareholders leeching off your customers, and look after your customers, then you'll see profits go up.

Tech bribes: What's the WORST one you've ever been offered?

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Fleet

Now that's really nasty.

A good BOFH would've jigged all the PC's with strategically-placed tinfoil...

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

They'll do something unmentionable to your iToes.

Just make sure your medical insurance is all up to date just in case.

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Got mimecast-branded socks at the one mimecast stall with last year's MyBroadband 2017 conference.

They're still somewhere.

And no, haven't been bribed yet.

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge
Pint

https://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/1/2018/04/20/bribes_tech_survey/

Simply. The. Best.

Have one.

BOFH: We know where the bodies are buried

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Excellent reference there...

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Beautifully executed.

*wipes tear*

*applause*

Motorola Z2 Force: This one's for the butterfingered Android lovers

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

And hast thou purchased a screen protector yet? Oh look, a scratch!

:)

Anyways, this may become mainstream, other manufacturers will try to copy this idea.

But I must say, it is a jolly good idea. Deliver a simple phone, with a ton of addons, so you can add a better camera on, or a torch, or an LTE-A module, or whatever you want without hassle or fuss.

Looks like Motorola got a good thing going there.

I can imagine what it will be like with a screen enlargement mod and a QWERTY mod... instant mini laptop...

Speaking of which, I dimly remember seeing some sort of 14" to 17" magnifying doohicky which you can slip over your 14" monitor to make it a 17", anybody remember this?

Pyro-brainiacs set new record with waste-heat-into-electricity study

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge
Trollface

What's a tounge?

Facebook faces foe formation in facial fingering fight

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Now what if they start to match your face to products?

I mean you may be "seen" at a shop selling off $stock, and FB then start to target you with adverts for $stock...

Something like that.

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Flakbook

Putin puttin' in a bid?

Facebook's login-to-other-sites service lets scum slurp your stuff

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

By implication this also extend to Google and others... or am I wrong?

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