* Posts by Anonymous South African Coward

1869 posts • joined 6 Jan 2010

IBM HR made me lie to US govt, says axed VP in age-discrim legal row: I was ordered to cover up layoffs of older workers

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

IBM having an Internal Bowel Movement* yet?

*see Schlock Mercenary

Are you sure your disc drive has stopped rotating, or are you just ignoring the messages?

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Favorite prompts

Unexpected condition. Do you feel lucky. Y/N

Message on screen :

Unexpected condition. Do you feel lucky, punk? Make my day.

Y/N

followed by

>KZERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT< on any keypress (yes, even ^C)

I used to be a dull John Doe. Thanks to Huawei, I'm now James Bond!

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge
Devil

While we're on the topic of cellphones, WTF is it with Faceboob insisting on preinstalling their slurpware on our pristine and virgin handsets?

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge
Coat

Agreed wrt Sagsmug.

Weaned my wife off Sagsmug with a Wa-hey device, she likes it a lot.

My next device will NOT be a Sagsmug device.

And as for being an ersatz Bond, the feeling's good.

Excuse me, I need to go and take some photos of various military installations (aka shebeens and shantytowns) to aid the Red Army in their victorious conquest of Africa.

Twitter. Android. Private tweets. Pick two... Account bug unlocked padlocked accounts

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

I played with Twatter when it was released. (Dabbsy, can you beat this?)

Still got my Twatter account, just use it to check occasionally what is newsworthy as some toll roads have a twatter channel tweeting when accidents etc occur.

Other than that I don't use it.

Oh snap: AWS has only gone and brought out its own Backup

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

How long before we hear of somebody whose unencrypted and unsecured backup data got snaffled?

RIP 2019-2019: The first plant to grow on the Moon? Yeah, it's dead already, Chinese admit

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

How did it survive the long trek from Earth to the Moon without germinating?

Happy Thursday! 770 MEEELLLION email addresses and passwords found in yuge data breach

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Meh

my gmail addy haz been pwned :(

sad panda

Microsoft sends a raft of Windows 10 patches out into the Windows Update ocean

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Anybody havening fun and cursing games with the latest update for Win7?

China's really cotton'd on to this whole Moon exploration thing: First seed sprouts in lunar lander biosphere

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Revenge of The Fly.

Be afraid.

Be. Very. Afraid.

Excuse me, sir. You can't store your things there. Those 7 gigabytes are reserved for Windows 10

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Question - can a ne'er-do-well instruct Ickdoze to "increase" this 7Gb to something big enough to take all free space on the disk it currently is installed on, and lock it at that size so it cannot be deflated?

Going to be a laugh if it is the case.

Brit hacker hired by Liberian telco to nobble rival now behind bars

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

DDoS attacks = not cool.

Happy new year, readers. Yes, we have threaded comments, an image-lite mode, and more...

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge
Pint

El Reg is one of my favourites. They say it like it is.

Sometimes you get good humour in the articles as well, which is good for a chuckle or two.

Here's hoping Simon (BOFH) will be more active. And, of course, OnCall and Dabbsy as well.

Cheers (with Beers) from South Africa!

China's loose Chang'e: Probe lands on far side of the Moon in science first, says state media

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Next up - send some colonizers to the Moon...

Techie basks in praise for restoring workforce email (by stopping his scripting sh!tshow)

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Dead, see Parrot

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Parrot, see Dead

Your two-minute infosec roundup: Drone arrests, Alexa bot hack, Windows zero-day, and more

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Drone arrests

Good to hear.

Going to be interesting if more people's involved in this epic brainfart.

And why they did it, should be interesting as well.

"But your Honour, I just wanted to take a couple of videos of Gatwick with aeroplanes departing and landing...." yeah right.

Error pop-up? Don't worry, let's just get this migration done... BTW it's my day off tomorrow

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Our PA drives me crazy with IT requests for help, but I jump - as I can ask for a favour or two when I have such need. (No rumpypumpy but work-related favours).

Facebook Like, social sharing buttons on your website may land you in GDPR hot water if data goes a-wanderin'

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

This will be interesting going forward.

Of course you are liable for any data slurpage as soon as you put on a fb icon and link to fb. Same goes for google.

Only way to prevent that is not to link to anything google or facebook.

Mark Zuckerberg did everything in his power to avoid Facebook becoming the next MySpace – but forgot one crucial detail…

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

I've gone over to MeWe - they don't sell your data. And no intrusive advertisements or friend suggestions as well.

Their business model is selling storage space and emoticons. Seems to be working out quite well for them.

Facebook will be having a most interesting time soon.

Suunto settles scary scuba screwup for $50m: 'Faulty' dive computer hardware and software put explorers in peril

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

So had Suunto acted decisively and fixed the problem(s) with their purdy computerdevices promptly, they would not be in this predicament.

Any bets on how long Suunto will exists before shutting down and sinking down into an underwater cave?

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Isn't that what the watches with the numbered bezels are for?

Upvoted because it is a good question.

Dev's telnet tinkering lands him on out-of-hour conference call with CEO, CTO, MD

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

logrotate

Had a Smoothwall that just fell over due to a full HDD.

Narrowed it down to excessive logs - and from there to logrotate.conf whose commands was commented out.

Found it was one of the mods that I installed that just "disabled" logrotate - edited the conf file by hand and fixed it. Was quite interesting. Had to do a manual logrotate first which took quite a while :)

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Interrupts

Ahhh, good old assembly language. Very cryptic, but very powerful.

Time for a cracker joke: What's got one ball and buttons in the wrong place?

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge
Joke

The BOFH's on his way to your location with a fully charged lethal cattleprod.

Godmother of word processing Evelyn Berezin dies at 93

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

And, best of all, no silly-poot-dang macro or word viruses.

Windows 10 can carry on slurping even when you're sure you yelled STOP!

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Slurp10 doing what it does the best... slurping

Lenovo tells Asia-Pacific staff: Work lappy with your unencrypted data on it has been nicked

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Happened to us as well... so it must also be "standard practice" with most companies.

Doom at 25: The FPS that wowed players, gummed up servers, and enraged admins

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Flickering lights in dark buildings also give me flashbacks.

Most especially if it is our server room (no windows) so if the lights start to flicker, I start scanning for imps etc... :)

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Doom II

Heh! With DooM (original) I was wandering somewhere around in a maze.

Alone, at night.

Started to hear doggies bark, and was like WTF are dogs doing in Doom... until a pinky came round the corner and started scarfing at my face.

I got such a fright :)

Fun times, good times. :)

College PRIMOS prankster wreaks havoc with sysadmin manuals

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

lucky bastards

we only had a couple of apple]['s which later got upgraded to i386PC's (unfortunately not networked)

But all the students loved the i386 as pr0nz got copied and passed around a lot (and also viruses).

'Say hello to my little vacuum cleaner!' US drug squad puts spycams in cleaner's kit

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

But does it sucks like an Electrolux?

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

1984 called and they want their Big Brother back, together with Miniluv, Miniplenty, Minipax and Minitrue.

Amazon robot fingered for bear spray leak that hospitalised 24 staffers

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Awkward... Revealed Facebook emails show plans for data slurping, selling access to addicts' info, crafty PR spinning

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

FB on my Android devices?

Zuck on man... I have no FB crap on any of my Droids, and prefer to keep them Zuckerborg-free, kthanxbai.

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

The lesson we can learn out of this is that once you send your CEO/CFO/COO over into international territory, said territory may be hostile and may attach any data devices (laptop/usb memory stick/etc) said CEO/CFO/COO may have on their person, or have with them.

Expect a lot of paranoia to erupt all over the place, and CEO/CFO/COO-types to request danger pay.

Adobe Flash zero-day exploit... leveraging ActiveX… embedded in Office Doc... BINGO!

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

ActiveX = CaptiveX

Huawei CFO poutine cuffs by Canadian cops after allegedly busting sanctions on Iran

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Politicians politicking as usual.

Waymo's revolutionary driverless robo-taxi service launches in America... with drivers

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

<kirk voice>WAAAAYYYYYMOOOOOOOOOO</kirk voice>

Or what about "I' m sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that".

Or any memorable one liner.

Surface Book 2 afflicted by mystery Blue Screen Of Death errors

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

From the Usenet Oracle :

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.

Your question was:

> O great Oracle, the one who sees all and knows all, please accept

> this humble question from thy grovelling supplicant...

>

> Why is Windows 95 Beta so bug-ridden it's not funny?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} THE SCENE: A dark antechamber of the Gates estate, dimly lit by three

} 20" monitors suspended from the ceiling. In the middle of the room is

} a Pentium/100Hz, sheathed in a black casing. Three programmers dance

} around the machine, chanting horribly. Their pale, clammy complexion

} is cast hideously by the light of the monitors, rendered even more

} repugnant to the watchful eye bye the 60Hz flicker of the monitors.

}

} FIRST PROGRAMMER: Thrice the brinded net hath mewed.

}

} SECOND PROGRAMMER: Thrice, and once the Warp-pig whined.

}

} THIRD PROGRAMMER: MacHarpier cries. 'Tis time, 'tis time!

}

} FIRST: Round about the terminal go;

} In the poisoned upgrade throw.

} Code, which by a student done

} In minutes numbering sixty-one.

} Run-time error, protection fault,

} Crash ye first, crash ye shalt.

}

} ALL [as they dance around the Pentium]:

} Double, double, toil and trouble;

} Tempers burn and data bubble.

}

} SECOND: Fillet of a Sound Card bake,

} In the Pentium no sound make;

} Point of arrow, click of mouse,

} Scream of user, frightened spouse,

} OS/2's net use appeal,

} Steve Jobs' look and Wozniak's feel.

} For a charm of powerful trouble,

} Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.

}

} ALL: Double, double, toil and trouble;

} Tempers burn and data bubble.

}

} THIRD: Click "Start" button, speed of slug,

} You would think you forgot the plug.

} Multitasking, ha ha ho

} If just one worked you'd be good to go.

} This should grab those straggling few

} Who aren't using DOS 6.22.

} Now we shall the Mac eclipse,

} While curse words cross our users' lips.

} Leave the errors in so we can fix

} And sell more...Windows 96!

} And so we will release the Beta

} For corruption of their data.

}

} ALL: Double, double, toil and trouble;

} Users buy, our profits double.

}

} SECOND: Compile it with errors through,

} Since the users have no clue.

}

} [Enter BillGate to the other three programmers.]

}

} BillGate: O, well done! I commend your pains,

} And everyone shall share i' the gains.

} And now about the program get,

} But NEVER use it on OUR net.

} Security is scarce put in.

} [Beeps of PONG heard in the background.]

} [Exit BillGate.]

}

} SECOND WITCH: By the usage of my UMBs

} Wicked Windows this way comes.

} Open locks,

} Whoever knocks!

}

} [Fade to black.]

}

} Remember, Obsolescence isn't an accident, it's an art form.

}

} You owe the Oracle a signed, handwritten manuscript of MacBeth, and a

} copy of the Windows upgrade for the P6.

Wanna save yourself against NotPetya? Try this one little Windows tweak

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Interesting. Need to set this up on a lab network and test.

Giraffe hacks printers worldwide to promote God-awful YouTuber. Did we read that one right?

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

9100 is closwd. Yay.

Mystery sign-poster pities the fool who would litter the UK's West Midlands

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

The face and number plate of a McDonald's Drive-Thru customers are printed on the burger packaging at times of purchase. If said customer doesn't dispose of their rubbish responsibly they'll be easy to hunt down.

Also for any takeaway place.

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

But with the scourge of fly-tipping being what it is, it's probably worth a go. Perhaps someone in Doncaster, Southampton or Sunderland will put one up with the added option of "I am a lily-livered landlubber" to address their problems with dumped boats on the roads.

Excellent!

Support whizz 'fixes' screeching laptop with a single click... by closing 'malware-y' browser tab

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Had one user who fessed up on clickee onna linkee inside a very suspicious email - but who deemed it fit to only let IT know a day or two after that incident.

I went full retard when said luser did not want to hand in his laptop for "processing" and went all the way to the top, and luser was forced to hand over his laptop. He was not too happy.

Boohoo. I don't care. If *you* don't take care, I won't be able to help you if your laptop get cryptolocked.

Unfortunately salesweasels are a nice, plump target for ne'er-do-wells as salesweasels will open any email from any sender, even if it looks highly dodgy, and click on allsorts of links just because of shiny and flashy stuff.

It's been a long while since and nothing bad had happened yet. Think my anal sphincter can take a rest now.

It's a patch bonanza as Microsoft showers its OS platforms with update love

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

C:\WINDOWS

C:\WINDOWS\CRASH

C:\WINDOWS\B0RKS

C:\WINDOWS\ADMINS\COMMIT\SUICIDE

C:\OS2\RUNS

\dev\sda1\linux\runs

We all fall together. Azure MFA takes a tumble for the second week running

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Did somebody forgot to apply the MFA patch? Or was the patch also buggy?

Microsoft reveals terrible trio of bugs that knocked out Azure, Office 362.5 multi-factor auth logins for 14 hours

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Reminds me of when OS/2 on a single CPU totally outperformed NT running on a quadprocessor setup.

Consultant misreads advice, ends up on a 200km journey to the Exchange expert

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Howard

Who is Howard?

Ask Taneleer Tivan.

Excuses, excuses: Furious MPs probe banking TITSUPs*

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

When a bank starts up, it have a simple system. Which requires x amoint of people to maintain.

Over time it is discovered that this system only offer functions A, B, C and D.

And it needs extra systems to offer extra functions. So these got added duly.

Unfortunately said new systems also needs its own maintenance, so therefore extra people.

Which brings us to the here and the now. People have forgotten why there are so many people requires in order to maintain the system, and is lured by the outsourcing siren, and start outsourcing.

Now systems are failing, people don't know why, the outsourcer(s) don't give a damn about your SLA... and the people who have an intimate knowledge how the system works have been chased away, never to return.

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

All the old trees have been cut down and the soil is eroding away.

IBM?

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