* Posts by Anonymous South African Coward

1813 posts • joined 6 Jan 2010

Finally a platform for train puns: IBM Halt station derailed

Anonymous South African Coward
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I seriously doubt that IBM will be the big corpo that they once were.

Only time will tell.

And all the good puns have been taken, lets conduct an orderly exit to our houses instead.

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Congrats to Debbie Crosbie: New CEO at IT meltdown bank TSB has unenviable task ahead

Anonymous South African Coward
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Just shut it down.

It's dead, Jim.

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Oz lad 'fell in love with' baby meerkat, nicked it from zoo, took it out for a romantic Big Mac

Anonymous South African Coward
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All meerkats are cute unless it is the vodacom moerkat.

Only Saffers will understand this :)

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OK Google, what is African ISP Main One, and how did it manage to route your traffic into China through Russia?

Anonymous South African Coward
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Joke

Proud to be African - we can still bugger up the rest of the world. :)

Now, Pinky, here's what we do next...

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Scumbag who phoned in a Call of Duty 'swatting' that ended in death pleads guilty to dozens of criminal charges

Anonymous South African Coward
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Hostage situations...

Put yourself in the cops shoes.

What would you've done if you get a 911 call regarding a hostile hostage situation, you go out to try to defuse that situation.

Of course you'll have to ASSUME that ANYBODY walking out of the door is part of the hostile party, and if said person do things quite contrary to your orders (dropping hands when ordered to place his/her hands up) you'll shoot, questions asked later.

In this case the police merely acted as a proxy - so the person who originally did the swatting is guilty of "pulling the trigger by proxy". (If such a term do exist in law).

And IANAL.

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NBN satellite user waiting for extra gigabytes? Keep waiting

Anonymous South African Coward
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At the recent MyBroadband 2018 an advertisement was aired about some new satellite internet SP hitting town - and they promised that lag is taken care of with certain *ahem* protocols and optimizations.

I beg to differ - have had the experience of 2000ms ping at three sites using satellite Internet to link the three together due to cable theft. We had to tune Informix to compensate for the latency.

When I demonstrated that 3G was faster and had better latency, we switched the sites over to 3G - and the satellite guys was not happy about that.

And at long last, fiber has come to the rescue, now we have 3G as a fallback option should a backhoe decide to nom nom nom some fiber cabling.

Unfortunately for some folks out in the sticks/boondocks/whatever the only feasible option is satellite Internet, and that's what they'll have to use. My sincere sympathies go with them.

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That amazing Microsoft software quality, part 97: Windows Phone update kills Outlook, Calendar

Anonymous South African Coward
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Re: Simple business...

Simple business...

Microsoft have a choice of...

1, invest in proper QA and development, keep customers happy and lose very few customers.

2, save money on QA and development, piss customers off but still lose very few customers because most of them have no choice.

Shareholders will force them to choose 2, the users are locked in and they can't go anywhere - why would they bother offering a better product if the users are still buying the shoddy one?

This....I think we're looking at an option 2 future :(

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Anonymous South African Coward
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Re: Fixed

Microsoft seem to have fixed the problem this morning.

More fun is coming to every M$-based platform and Orifice installation. Better disable or block windowsupdates until they got things sorted out properly.

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Anonymous South African Coward
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More fun to come yet. And it may take a while to resolve as people now will disable windows updates front, left, right and center.

Won't it be a real hoot if M$ inadvertently causes some critical servers to crash and burn badly due to some dodgy server updates? (Bound to happen sooner or later, given the lack of QA).

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Can your rival fix it as fast? turns out to be ten-million-dollar question for plucky support guy

Anonymous South African Coward
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Re: I'm just going to say...

Pester the Jester's new job?

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Anonymous South African Coward
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Ahhh assembly language - you need to keep really, really close tabs - and lots of comments - on the source otherwise it'll trample all over you.

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Arm kit vendors snuggle up around the Windows 10 Autumnwatch bonfire awaiting supported OS

Anonymous South African Coward
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Activation server(s) = Achilles heel of all things Microsoft. Corrupt it and Microsoft products dies. :)

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This just in: What? No, I can't believe it. The 2018 MacBook Air still a huge pain to have repaired

Anonymous South African Coward
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Something like this...

https://pi-top.com/products/pi-top/

Gah. Now I wants one. :(

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Anonymous South African Coward
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Trollface

And yup, quite an impressive amount of downvotes going on here...

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Anonymous South African Coward
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Can't somebody produce a standard size laptop case into which you can then put your own motherboard, SSD, RAM, monitor etc?

Then whenever something fails, it's simple to just replace that part. And if the motherboard need replacement/upgrade, it can be done easily.

Case broken? No sweat. Just buy a new one, transfer all the components, and send the broken case for recycling.

Oh and make it Linux friendly too, so that any Linux/Unix-based OS/distribution can be installed on it without major hassle....

Or am I too optimistic to think that laptop companies will work together to make that a reality?

Money talks, the less money that can be wasted on the consumer and more that can go into manglement and shareholders nasty pocketses, the better...

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Samsung 'reveals' what looks like a tablet that folds into a phone, but otherwise we're quite literally left in the dark

Anonymous South African Coward
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Just open it enough times and the display will start to degrade...

Nah. I'll rather have a device that is not bendable. Sad truth is that bending devices will replace everything just because it can break and need to be replaced.

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Windows 10 Pro goes Home as Microsoft fires up downgrade server

Anonymous South African Coward
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Happy

Billywindows fun again, I see.

Now we wait for Bombastic Bob to have a go at them :)

We got one laptop with the clap at the moment. Waiting for the user to come back from wherever so that I can have a prod 'n poke at said laptop and see what's going on.

Thanks M$ for the extra work. Now go away.

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Uncle Sam, D-Link told to battle in court over claims of shoddy device security: Judge snubs summary judgment bids

Anonymous South African Coward
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I miss groklaw.net

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Cisco swings the axe on permanent staff – hundreds laid off worldwide this week

Anonymous South African Coward
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Cisco going the way of IBM?

Or is this just a pre-emptive cost-cutting measure in light of His Trumpness' global trade antics?

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Has science gone too far? Now boffins dream of shining gigantic laser pointer into space to get aliens' attention

Anonymous South African Coward
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Coat

Turning Planet Earth into the Ultimate Death Star.

Darth Vader's on his way, pissed by the constant light bombardment.

And I'm outta here.

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Solid state of fear: Euro boffins bust open SSD, Bitlocker encryption (it's really, really dumb)

Anonymous South African Coward
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

theskyisfallingtheskyisfallingtheskyisfallingtheskyisfallingtheskyisfalling

wegottadosomethingquickquickquick

<font=500size>MEH</font>

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Heart Internet stops beating, starts Monday with big portion of FAIL

Anonymous South African Coward
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And this is where "cloud services" fall flat on its face.

Face it, you're at the mercy of your ISP once you've outsourced every.single.server (including Exchange and file storage) to the cloud - and if your ISP should go TITSUP* there's nothing you can do.

Except wait for services to be restored.

Should your services be on-prem, your users can still work on their spreadsheets, documents and so on, but emails (should you also be wise and have an on-prem Exchange/Linux email server) will simply spool and wait for a chance to escape the server's clutches.

However, in both cases with emails, you won't be able to receive - unless your workforce is equipped with mobile phones, which (hopefully) is working and you can get access to emails that way.

Next time some beancountery type suggests going cloud-based, have them factor in a two-three day full internet outage into their calculations.

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Planet Computers straps proper phone to its next Psion scion, Cosmo

Anonymous South African Coward
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I do want one - but finances and my budget gives a resounding "Nein".

:sadfaceguy:

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DBA drifts into legend after inventive server convo leaves colleagues fearing for their lives

Anonymous South African Coward
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Re: My boss was demonstrating the instrusion sensors on our building

even if his workplace doesnt know, the bigger question is - how come alarm manufacturers dont know? after all they are the ones in the business.

Not all alarm companies sell the same type and make of alarms.

Some sell Terminators, which is vastly different from your humble Yale IoT alarm.

Yale IoT crapstuff is different than your plain, dumb phone-the-cops/alarm company when triggered.

And not everybody want to stock the full range of diverse alarms, sensors, Terminators, weapons and the such. Too expensive.

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Dawn of the dead: NASA space probe runs out of gas in asteroid belt after 6.4 billion-mile trip

Anonymous South African Coward
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In pace requiescat!

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Clunk, bang, rattle: Is that a ghost inside your machine?

Anonymous South African Coward
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Always wondered what the cops used when dusting for fingerprints.

Now I know - and it's good to know.

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Transformers: Robots... at least it tries: Watch boffins' Optimus Dime rearrange on the fly

Anonymous South African Coward
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You're supposed to add TM

Oops, my bad. Sorry.

Next time I'll have an autonomous hand doing that for me :)

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Anonymous South African Coward
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Rise of the Machines coming soon to a planet close to you.

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IT Wi-Fi kit bit by TI chip slip: Wireless gateways open to hijacking via BleedingBit chipset vuln

Anonymous South African Coward
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Do kit get fully tested before being released? Doesn't seem to be the case.

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Shift-work: Keyboards heaped in a field push North Yorks council's fly-tipping buttons

Anonymous South African Coward
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Re: Fly tipping

But boat tipping tops them all... especially if it comes complete with a captain's log.

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Anonymous South African Coward
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simples - query word piano dealers to see if somebody recently ordered a shedload of new word pianos.

On second thoughts, could be the local BOFH getting rid of those word pianos in order to install a lager disposal unit (aka bar) in the basement.

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Microsoft to staff: We remain locked and loaded with US military – and will keep adding voice to AI ethics debate

Anonymous South African Coward
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March 1, 2019. Microsoft unveils a new AI, called BobClippy, in order to manage the JEDI project.

March 27, 2019. BobClippy becomes self-aware.

August 29, 2019. Humanity is waging a bitter war for survival against hordes of flying paperclips and staplers.

*** ALTERNATIVELY ***

March 1, 2019 : Some ne'er-do-well manage to hack into JEDI and cryptolock everything, causing the entire American economy to fall into a death spiral.

April 2, 2019 : China buys the US of A and annexes it.

August 29, 2019 : All Americans are now Chinese citizens.

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Official: IBM to gobble Red Hat for $34bn – yes, the enterprise Linux biz

Anonymous South African Coward
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Trollface

A ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying blue paint.

The survivors were marooned.

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Got a new Surface? Have some firmware. Old Surface? La la la la la, we can't hear you

Anonymous South African Coward
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Not surprised. M$ doing what they do best.

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What can I say about this 5G elixir? Try it on steaks! Cleans nylons! It's made for the home! The office! On fruits!

Anonymous South African Coward
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5G punters can jolly well get lost in a wet paper bag.

What is wrong with the current technologies we have at present? Or is the strategy boutique full speed ahead to make more money while everybody struggle with half-baked 5G solutions?

For me 3G/4G is fine, given that I tend to browse El Reg, chat on forums anf watch the occasional youtube video or two.

Majority of my downloads is done at work where we have an uncapped 10Mb line.

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The best way to screw the competition? Do what they can't, in a fraction of the time

Anonymous South African Coward
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Re: Ethics

Dr Solomon..... how it brings back the memories.

Not to mention the following :

Turbo Antivirus

Norton Antivirus

Central Point Antivirus (later Microsoft Antivirus IIRC)

F-Prot

Hours of fun to be had with some beasties (eg Exebug and Stoned)

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Anonymous South African Coward
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Re: Nah.

@jake - I agree most fully with you. I most certainly don't need problematic clients quibbling over every.single.thing.

I'd rather have a couple of clients, keep them very happy than having hundreds of clients all quibbling and so on, and be a sour worm at the end of the day.

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Anonymous South African Coward
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Novell, novell, novell.

Those were the days. Of rprinter and remote printering... and of a virus-resistant server as well (if you set permissions properly on shared DOS executables and the such).

But coax *shudder* - so glad it died out as a networking solution. Ethernet is so much better.

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Sorry friends, I'm afraid I just can't quite afford the Bitcoin to stop that vid from leaking everywhere

Anonymous South African Coward
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Pity the scammer doesn't use a proper email address - he'll get a good close-up selfie of Cap'n Browneye.

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Anonymous South African Coward
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Beautifully and well done. We salute you, Dabbsy!

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Microsoft promises a fix for Windows 10 zip file woes. In November

Anonymous South African Coward
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Re: I wonder...

Interestingly. We had a couple of Gigabyte W565M laptops with Vista preinstalled.

Was absolutely rock solid. Never had any blue screen or funny things to happen.

Upgraded the one to Windows7 & it still is chugging happily along.

Sure, performance in comparison to other (newer) laptops is not stellar, but what the hey, it still works and does so without any fuss or bother.

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Anonymous South African Coward
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Thumb Up

Installed Everything on our document server - and it helped a lot, especially when somebody was looking for a certain document, but was not sure where to find it. Big thumbsup for that software.

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Anonymous South African Coward
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Trollface

Windows 10 - the ultimate downgrade for every PC that you've been waiting for!

Will slow your PC down!

Will delete your precious files!

Will slurp your data and send it to the mothership!

Comes with a b0rked indexing tool that is really fun to use!

Comes with candy crush preinstalled!

Get your copy now! Rush! Hurry!! Quick!!!

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Anonymous South African Coward
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ZipGenius or 7-zip works better.

Microsoft is on a slippery downhill.

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Cathay Pacific hack: Personal data of up to 9.4 million airline passengers laid bare

Anonymous South African Coward
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Wonder who'll be next.

Most probably SAA (South African Airways)...

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RIP Charles Wang: Computer Associates cofounder dies aged 74

Anonymous South African Coward
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This the same CA who produced SuperCalc4/5? Mighty fine piece of software.

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Memo to Microsoft: Windows 10 is broken, and the fixes can't wait

Anonymous South African Coward
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Joke

Let's go back to OS/2 then :p

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Anonymous South African Coward
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Re: Please Please

Obligatory Commitstrip

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F***=off, Google tells its staff: Any mention of nookie now banned from internal files, URLs

Anonymous South African Coward
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fopdoodle?

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Can't get pranked by your team if nobody in the world can log on

Anonymous South African Coward
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ctrl+alt+left/right/up/down arrow rotated the screen.

Do that then walk away. User comes and goes all ????

But it is a major PITA on dual-screen setups as the display on both monitors will be rotated, but only the main screen will be rotated back.

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