* Posts by Scott 53

188 posts • joined 16 Dec 2009

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Man drives 6,000 miles to prove Uncle Sam's cellphone coverage maps are wrong – and, boy, did he manage it

Scott 53

Oh dear

All that work, and the page title reads "Tested in 2018 by Vermont Department of Public Servivce". Corey Chase has been let down.

Microsoft sends a raft of Windows 10 patches out into the Windows Update ocean

Scott 53

Ah, Access

I spent the 90s building applications in Access and a lot of the time since getting rid of other people's Access databases and replacing them with something more supportable. It's the gift that gives twice.

London's Gatwick airport suspends all flights after 'multiple' reports of drones

Scott 53

Re: Why would a foreign power waste time and effort inflicting chaos on the UK

I can't see this government trying to prevent people leaving the country.

Time for a cracker joke: What's got one ball and buttons in the wrong place?

Scott 53

Re: I can beat that upside down mouse story.

Evesham Micros: I definitely remember buying a 32MB hard card for an Amstrad PC1512 from their shop in south Birmingham

Support whizz 'fixes' screeching laptop with a single click... by closing 'malware-y' browser tab

Scott 53

Re: Hell is other people

We regularly had conference calls with one colleague where the sound from his end would fluctuate from 100% to 0% throughout the call. We eventually discovered he kept his laptop right on the edge of his desk and when he leaned forward to emphasise a point, his stomach covered up the microphone on the computer. He uses a headset now.

Facebook spooked after MPs seize documents for privacy breach probe

Scott 53

Do people really do this?

This is not what I aim to do when I mirror my screen.

Woman who hooked up with over 15 spectres has found her forever phantom after whirlwind romance and plane sex

Scott 53

Re: Dear God,

Or you could be Enoch. He's somewhere else.

Brit startup plans fusion-powered missions to the stars

Scott 53

Re: Mission energy requirements....

"an artificial island in the Pacific"

called Serendip?

Microsoft hopes it has a sequel better than Godfather Part II: SQL Server 2019 previewed

Scott 53

One nice (and overdue) feature

SQL Sever 2017 error

Msg 8152, Level 16, State 14, Line 8

String or binary data would be truncated.

SQL Server 2019 (trace flag 460 enabled)

Msg 2628, Level 16, State 1, Line 8

String or binary data would be truncated in table 'Sandbox.dbo.Customer', column 'CustomerName'. Truncated value: 'Is this th'.

UKIP doubled price of condoms for sale at party conference

Scott 53

XTC got there before all of us

We're only making plans for Nigel

We only want what's best for him

We're only making plans for Nigel

Nigel just needs this helping hand

Scott 53

Caption

Always well lubricated

Scott 53

UKIP do things differently

Everywhere else the condom goes on the prick

As one Microsoft Windows product hauls itself out of the grave, others tumble in

Scott 53

Wait until the last sentence

I use the Snipping tool almost daily. Are Microsoft about to break it?

Fat chance: Cholesterol leads boffins to discover world's oldest animal fossil – 558m years old

Scott 53

Re: So what does Cholesterol do in the body that's so important the genes are unchanged in

"I think you'll find that is 1/2 a treellion years"

I think you'll find that is 1/2 a billion years. "e"s optional.

UK networks have 'no plans' to bring roaming fees back after Brexit

Scott 53

Re: UK networks have 'no plans' to bring roaming fees back after Brexit

" I never fucking apologise for anything I write."

Even if you find out you were wrong or have inadvertently upset someone you cared about?

US Democrats call in Feds: There's something phishy going on with our voter database

Scott 53

Re: "This fake website was spam-vertised using bogus emails"

You nearly had me with "outloook.com" but I'm savvy enough not to click on links like that.

Some Things just aren't meant to be (on Internet of Things networks). But we can work around that

Scott 53

No...

Wi-fi uses photons, not electrons. We are not swamped with beta radiation.

Fake prudes: Catholic uni AI bot taught to daub bikinis on naked chicks

Scott 53

What a relief

Male nudity is obviously not a problem for Catholics (surprise!). This will make Sunday's service much more comfortable.

Boffin botheration as IET lifts axe on 20-year-old email alias service

Scott 53
Headmaster

Could have been much worse

Reprinting the stationary cards isn't nearly as expensive as reprinting the moving ones.

Sky customer dinged for livestreaming pay-per-view boxing to Facebook

Scott 53

Re: THAT Price for one View?

American

Americanisms

'Train

Creepy software knows what you are about to do... to that poor salad

Scott 53

Predicting the future...

doesn't get tougher than this!

Every bloody gadget in the house is ringing. Thanks, EE

Scott 53
Joke

Re: in time any internet device with audio in and audio out will work

In this case it will be very important to distinguish between ringtone and ring tone.

My PC makes ‘negative energy waves’, said user, then demanded fix

Scott 53

Wireless technology

The IT department manager (an accountant) once phoned the help desk to find out why his wireless mouse wasn't working while he was working from home. We eventually asked whether the receiver was inserted properly, to be told it was definitely plugged in - to the docking station on his desk. In the office.

Danish Navy expert finds no trace of exhaust gas in private submarine

Scott 53

"out on a limb"? I hope that was unintentional.

Cyborg fined for riding train without valid ticket

Scott 53
Headmaster

Re: Did he pay the appropriate fare for the journey?

"just tinkerers from other preffesions?"

You're obviously not an English preffesor.

Boffins find sign of water existing deep into Earth's mantle by looking at diamonds

Scott 53

Speed of ice formation

Is this a real life occurrence of Asimov's "Time Pussy" story in that the ice is formed so quickly that it is still warm?

This job Win-blows! Microsoft made me pull '75-hour weeks' in a shopping mall kiosk

Scott 53

Staff?

Skeletal staff would actually be useful if all they had to lift was the occasional software package. I suppose they wouldn't want long lunch breaks either.

A tiny Ohio village turned itself into a $3m speed-cam trap. Now it has to pay back the fines

Scott 53

A novel suggestion

How about "observe the speed limit"? As another poster observed, nobody is above the law.

Just can't catch a break, can ya, Capita? Shares tumble 40% amid yet another profit warning

Scott 53

"In a shit sandwich, containing very little bread"

Well done there

What do we want? Consensual fun times. How do we get it? Via an app with blockchain...

Scott 53

Wait, scroll back a bit

...sextech?

Leftover Synaptics debugger puts a keylogger on HP laptops

Scott 53

Can't fix it

The download from HP consistently stops between 60 and 70 MB (of 181 MB)

YouTuber cements head inside microwave oven

Scott 53

Someone else had a better headline

YouTuber tragically survives after cementing his head into a microwave

https://thenextweb.com/media/2017/12/08/youtuber-tragically-survives-after-cementing-his-head-into-a-microwave/

A certain millennial turned 30 recently: Welcome to middle age, Microsoft Excel v2

Scott 53

CSV files

When someone complains that the data in a CSV file has been corrupted the only question you need to ask is "Have you opened it in Excel?" as Excel knows best when it comes to dates, telephone numbers, etc. My standard format specification when receiving data from third parties is "Anything other than Excel".

WPA2 KRACK attack smacks Wi-Fi security: Fundamental crypto crapto

Scott 53

Says a lot about me

...but I'm having difficulty getting past "nonce reset".

Software update turned my display and mouse upside-down, says user

Scott 53

Re: Every day's a school day

I remember an advert in PC Plus in the mid 80s for an IT training company which showed someone using an Amstrad PC1512 mouse the wrong way round. Funny how things stick in your mind.

It's 2017... And Windows PCs can be pwned via DNS, webpages, Office docs, fonts – and some TPM keys are fscked too

Scott 53

Re: Future headlines

2XXX

FTFY

Outage at EE wrecks voice calls across the UK

Scott 53

Re: Kevin Bacon @m0rt

And as the plane crashed down he thought

"Well, isn't this nice."

is the only quotable example in that song.

Attention adults working in the real world: Do not upgrade to iOS 11 if you use Outlook, Exchange

Scott 53

Re: Works fine here

Fnarr? Are you channelling your inner Finbarr Saunders? I'm looking for the double entendre but you must have slipped it in while I wasn't looking.

Hey, remember that monkey selfie copyright drama a few years ago? Get this – It's just hit the US appeals courts

Scott 53
Headmaster

Re: Devil's Advocate

"Best expansion of the acronym EVAR."

It would have been slightly better with a double g.

It's the iPhone's 10th b'day or, as El Reg calls it, 'BILL RAY DAY'

Scott 53

Re: New Sales unit for Apple

I thought it was one DUP

Blighty's first aircraft carrier in six years is set to take to the seas

Scott 53

But

What would Lewis have had to say?

Smart burglars will ride the surf of inter-connected hackability

Scott 53

Back from the dead

Kenny Baker is in there, isn't he?

AWS launches celebrity-spotting-as-a-service: What a time to be alive

Scott 53

Will it auto-cancel when the 'celebrity' dies?

I'm hoping so as my entry on the looky-likey board has always been Ian Brady

Has AI gone too far? DeepTingle turns El Reg news into terrible erotica

Scott 53

Please no

Don't let it search El Reg - no telling what it will do with the phrases "Chocolate Factory" or "Purple Palace"

UK vuln 'fessing pilot's great but who's going to give a FoI?

Scott 53
Headmaster

"flaws that ought to be swiftly and discretely resolved"

Surely if someone wants to resolve several flaws all at once they should be allowed to do so.

Honor phone for paupers goes upmarket, assails flagships

Scott 53

Re: Worst.strapline.ever

"I give you the Austin Allegro "

I further give you the Mini Metro, where the steering wheel wasn't directly in front of you but offset a bit (I think to the left). As this was the first car I ever drove I didn't realise how odd this was for a while.

User jams up PC. Literally. No, we don't know which flavour

Scott 53

Re: Good design my a***

I've still got a scar from a Compaq desktop in 1999. Went septic, that one.

If fast radio bursts really are revving up interstellar sailcraft, here's the maths

Scott 53

2015?

Niven and Pournelle got there in 1974.

Lawyer defending arson suspect flees court with pants on fire

Scott 53

"shandy drinking southerner"

The correct terminology is namby-pamby shandy-drinking Southern b*stard. With a hard a.

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