* Posts by 0laf

819 posts • joined 25 Nov 2009

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Nine months and a lot more b*llocks to go before new EU data protection rules kick in

0laf
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Pirate

Yep it's basically a torrent of companies trying to punt half baked 'compliance' tools and services. But ask them the simplest of questions and they really have no idea WTF they are trying to sell or what the legislation is all about.

I've livened up many a dull afternoon messing with these guys on the phone. Cruel but necessary. Rule #1 if you want to sell me something you'd better know more about the subject/product than I do.

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President Trump to his council of industry CEO buddies: You're fired!

0laf
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Re: Oh, dear

I think you might be right. to remove these statues is maybe akin to rubbing out a nations mistakes. And if you erase your mistakes you are much more likely to repeat them.

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0laf
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Pirate

Re: Daily Stormtrooper?

News Thump story:

http://newsthump.com/2017/08/16/donald-trump-says-rebel-alliance-must-also-take-blame-for-violence-as-death-star-had-all-the-required-permits/

Actually I heartily recommend News Thump and the Daily Mash for the appropriate satirical take on the Trump presidency

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APT-style attack against over 4,000 infrastructure firms blamed on lone Nigerian 20-something

0laf
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Holmes

Re: Wake Up Call

"haven't management realized that it is a big naughty world out there and that big naughty world is within touching distance of the company's systems and staff."

Well yes, unless it involves their pet project / favourite toy in which case all the bad things must be made to go away or at least the blame shifted to a minion.

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Are Asimov's laws enough to stop AI stomping humanity?

0laf
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0th

I guess the zeroth law would come into play in a smaller way with your AI car needing to choose between crashing into two children or three adults.

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A storage giant wants to give you 46,763...

0laf
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Cloudy with a chance of overcharging

Sounds about right for anything 'cloudy' now.

Trying to figure out wtf you are buying or even wtf you need to buy and what it and the price will be in 6 weeks form now is not easy.

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Foot-long £1 sausage roll arrives

0laf
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Alert

Mmmm but Morrison's sausage rolls aren't all the great really.

Now a foot long Greggs roll of lardy loveliness would be a wonder to behold and devour.

But haling as I do from the frozen northish bit I can't see past the heavenly delight that is the large Forfar Bridie. Meat and shortcrust pastry in a flat form about the size of a dustbin lid. And it has to be from one shop McLarens. Live have lost in the town in tribal battles over the best bridies McLarens V Saddlers.

the greatest pork pie I've ever had came form Ye Olde Pie shop in the York Shambles. That was a thing of glory.

Fk me I'm hungry now.

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Largest ever losses fail to dent Tesla's bulging order book

0laf
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Re: Only one comment

And then 6 months after they get delivered we'll start to read the reports of build quality issues since they'll have thrown them together to meet the deadlines.

Is it just me that thinks the front of the Model 3 just looks unfinished? That big slab of flat plastic just looks weird.

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'Real' people want govts to spy on them, argues UK Home Secretary

0laf
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Big Brother

Children with power

I've long had a theory which has mostly stood pretty firm - the more powerful / promoted an individual becomes the more childish they get.

Seem to work quite well with executives demanding toys and special privileges and that risks specific to them are made to go away. Here you have Rudd demanding that the mathematics of encryption be changed to to suit this idea she had of only the good guys having access.

And then Trump.... I rest my case there really.

But in the end this sort of thing will go on forever. Politicians etc will always demand that immutable laws / rules bend to their will because of who they think they are. And we'll all suffer when some sycophant pretends they've managed to do it for them and sells their snake oil well.

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Microsoft Surface laptop: Is this your MacBook Air replacement?

0laf
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Re: Wot?

A decent 4:3 laptop I might actually be interested in. They're far more useful for document work than the 16:9 ratio that's been forced out everywhere for the last decade.

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0laf
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Mushroom

Wot?

So £1500 - £3k for a Windows laptop which is locked down to the point of making it near useless like the old RT tablets unless I cough up another £50 for the privilege of making it do what I want.

May I make a counter suggestion to MS?

How about you? Get. To. Fuck.

Take a long walk off a short pier

Etc.

Why not just try, a little, to not make something that is so blatantly grasping for every bent copper in our pockets. Why not just make a fucking tablet with a meter attached we can feed pound coins into? Ok it's not pretty but at least it would be fucking honest.

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Microsoft ctrl-Zs 'killing' Paint, by which we mean offering naff app through Windows Store

0laf
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I was worried for a bit but "Jim'll Paint it" has Paint on an XP VM so he can continue to work.

Worth looking up if you need a chortle.

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Firefox doesn't need to be No 1 – and that's OK, 'cos it's falling off a cliff

0laf
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I like FF I really do. TBH I the internet without no-script and Ad-block it pretty much unrecognisable to me I've ran them for so long. But Mozilla has produced a few stinking releases and some recently. I nearly dropped FF a few months ago that release was just so bad with memory leaks and slow performance.

I hate Google's snooping, Edge is crap as well, Opera seems to be trying to make itself annoying. If FF goes it'll be some Chrome fork or Vivaldi I suppose.

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US vending machine firm plans employee chip implant scheme

0laf
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Flame

Standard response

Get. Tae. Fuck

For those not fluent in angry Jock - "No thank you".

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Authorities go hard on coffee maker for stiff Viagra-powered brew

0laf
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Pint

Congratulations on meeting your pun count for the month in one article

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Breathless F-35 pilots to get oxygen boost via algorithm tweak

0laf
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Holmes

Would it not be a good idea to have a non-software based backup to something as critical as the 02 supply?

You know so when Windows 10 for Warbirds decides it needs to install a candy crush advert rather than deliver oxygen to the pilot they can take over and turn a valve to get oxygen.

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Australia releases MH370 sea floor data but search is still off

0laf
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Maybe some interesting science as a side benefit of the search? Not really any comfort to the families I'm sure. It'll be found one day but maybe not for a long long time.

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UK government's war on e-cigs is over

0laf
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Holmes

Mmmmkay

Vaping isn't good for you or the person standing next to you. It is less bad than the burning weed.

It does stink as well, but not as bad as tobacco. And no I don't think you should be entitled to puff your crap next to me but I would settle for you to have a ventilated area of the hostelry to indulge your habit even an indoors one.

There a compromise.

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UK regulator set to ban ads depicting bumbling manchildren

0laf
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Meh

Well as a widower dad of one small child can I say that it's very obvious that the entire advertising and social set up is circled around kids+mum.

And that neither my boy or myself really give a shit about it. Life's too short to get worked up about crap like that.

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May the excessive force be with you: Chap cuffed after Star Trek v Star Wars row turns bloody

0laf
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Re: No contest

I rewatched it recently, some of it is very clunky but it was starting to show promise just as it was canned (like many things) and Kristen Cloke did terrible things to my teenage hormones.

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While USA is distracted by its President's antics, China is busy breaking another fusion record

0laf
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Re: Worse..

But it'll be the biggest, most powerful and beautiful steam engine

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Virgin Media admits it 'fell short' in broadband speeds ahead of lashing from BBC's Watchdog

0laf
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Re: New???

I'd never heard of A&A but from their page their offerings are surprisingly honest.

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Automobile Association under fire for car-crash handling of data breach

0laf
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Seriously?

Unless it has a bit impact on their share price I doubt they'll see it as very serious at all.

Fines etc are just another corporate risk

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Robots will enable a sustainable grey economy

0laf
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Childcatcher

Hmmm

Honestly I don't think it will quite work like that, not for a good while anyway.

I think that cars with autopilot features will be expected to work much like the Teslas of today, the law will still expect a human to be 'in control' of the vehicle at all times.

So you'll still need a license, still need to be sober and still need to be in the driver's seat with your hands on the wheel. You'll still be liable for any accidents irrespective of whether you or the autopilot is actually in control at the moment of impact since you will be the legally responsible person.

I think the days when we'll be able to tell the car where to go then climb in the back seat and go to sleep are a while away. The technology will arrive a lot faster than the law will allow it.

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Dixons Carphone stirs PC Curry, reports 10% profit gravy

0laf
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Trollface

I've bought a few things recently. But always reserve and collect.

I must have a face that screams "no fucking warranty" since they don't even try that any more.

Or maybe I actually scream "no fucking warranty" at them, it's hard to tell these days.

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Google hit with record antitrust fine of €2.4bn by Europe

0laf
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Big Brother

Re: Pesky Euros

Our fines will be stronger and more stable

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Men charged with theft of free newspapers

0laf
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Eek

Have been guilty of this when I'm doing painting in the house. Grab a handful of metros, property papers etc.

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UK parliamentary email compromised after 'sustained and determined cyber attack'

0laf
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2FA

I think other have hit the nail on the head with out parliamentarians being too important to be bothered with trivialities such as 2FA.

They'll be no different to any other senior manager (or teacher or doctor) with a chip on their shoulder. It isn't the first time they've had security policy bent to suit their opinion or desire (demanded iPads and iPhones years ago before they were close to being suitable).

I hope that whomever allowed them to carry on with shite passwords and no 2FA has kept the email chain where they strongly recommended against any downgrade of security. If not I doubt the door will hit your arse on the way out.

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SpaceX nails two launches and barge landings in one weekend

0laf
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Congratulations

Congratulations to everyone's favourite Bond villain.

If he could just start launching and landing the rockets in a hollowed out volcano thank you.

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Canadian sniper makes kill shot at distance of 3.5 KILOMETRES

0laf
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War

War and those who take part in it have been celebrated as heroes since the before the dawn of civilisation.

It's not going to stop any time soon.

It wasn't that long ago we were bashing each other on the head with rocks for sport. We're still monkeys with high ambition.

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0laf
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Pint

1337 skillz

Having shot a lot as a pimply yoof and not having been bad at it (shot at the cadet cup 4x in Bisley).

I used to be a decent shot at 300 and 600m, moving up to 900m was a massive leap so being able to even get close to an enemy at these ranges is really quite awesome.

A pint to our fine highly skilled Canadian brethren

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PC rebooted every time user flushed the toilet

0laf
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Priority 2 problem

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In the week Uber blew up, Netflix restates 'No brilliant jerks' policy

0laf
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Childcatcher

I'm an Amazon subscriber and although the video selection is not great it seems to be pretty much on a par with Netflix. 95% shite. Especially now they've started importing YouTube type dross to pump up the figures. There is probably still enough to justify the subscription.

I stuck with Amazon becasue I make a lot of use out of the Amazon Prime Music and the improved delivery option. I normally opt for slow delivery and take the £1 credit the often hand out for that.

As for the dippy hippy culture in Netflix. Sounds like a way to pay well for a short time, overwork talented graduates to disillusionment before throwing their hollowed out husks out the door.

What't the alternative? Work in the public sector. Get paid less, overworked if you have talent and enthusiasms, have to work with jaded arseholes left right and centre, before having your hollowed out husk thrown out the door when the incumbent government cuts funding or priorities on the whim of some twat that's never stepped foot in the region.

Netflix doesn't sound so bad after all.

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0laf
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Re: Jerks need not apply

The problem is they tend to breed or infect when you let one in.

Shame there is no blood test for being an arsehole.

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When corporate signage goes BAD

0laf
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OGC

It wasn't even slippage but remember the new branding for OGC that the taxpayer no doubt paid tens of thousands of pounds for?

They came up with a vertical logo that was distinctly like an onanist stick man.

I thought that as punishment for blowing a wad on that they should have been forced to keep it.

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That minutes-long power glitch? It's going to cost British Airways £80m, IAG investors told

0laf
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FAIL

Eh?

I saw figures of £150M just for the compensation and £500M off the share value and none of those take into account the loss of future business by people royally pissed off by BA.

I haven't mentioned reputational damage since I'm not sure there was really much left to lose.

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Firefox 54 delivers sandboxes Mozilla's wanted since 2009

0laf
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Facepalm

Hopefully the damn thing will speed up. The previous update made it run like a dog.

Was still leaking memory like a sieve last night

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French firm notches up 50km unmanned drone inspection flight

0laf
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3G

Anything like my 3G/4G provider and the signals to the drone will be delayed 5min - 5hr whilst some electric monkey takes a tea break.

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Congressman drafts COVFEFE Act to preserve Trump's Twitter tantrums

0laf
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Childcatcher

the COVFEFE bill

Just vote for that man now.

For the love of God the USA needs Covfefe and needs it badly

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Oz government says UK's backdoor will be its not-a-backdoor model

0laf
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Facepalm

Electric string

Politicians mostly just think of this stuff as electric magic. If they can think it a geek can do it so get on with it.

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0laf
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Stop the trade in idiots

Unfortunately the international supply of idiots doesn't appear to be diminishing.

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Specsavers embraces Azure and AWS, recoils at Oracle's 'wow' factor

0laf
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0365 can be bought and configured to manage personal information correctly.

Doesn't mean they have done that.

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Swedish school pumps up volume to ease toilet trauma

0laf
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Nothing compares to poo - Sinead O'Colon

Jumping Jack Flash (It's a gas gas gas)

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Please do not scare the pigeons – they'll crash the network

0laf
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Re: Incredibly racist comics

I didn't keep them and it was just a few pages but the particular strip was "The naughty little nigs of Toy Town"

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0laf
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Holmes

I used to work in a school that was based in a building which was ~150yr old. One day there was a break in the network. did the usual stuff and ruled out everything else so had to inspect the cable.

The cable went into the foundations so I had to go down with a torch and trace it. About 10m in the cable passed under a boulder that had been left from construction. the boulder must have weighed a good few tons and had moved on level ground to roll over and nip the cable. Spooky.

The only thing we could think of is that we were in a known UK earthquake area. It might have been a tremor which wasn't noticeable to us but which was enough to tip over the rock.

I also found love poetry from the 1800s in a pigeon shit filled loft and incredibly racist comics from the 1920s in a coom.

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Teen texted boyfriend to kill himself. It worked. Will the law change to deal with digital reality?

0laf
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Holmes

If it was someone else

Would there be any controversy if she'd encouraged him to kill someone else? Would she not be accessory to murder?

I don't know genuine question.

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Tech can do a lot, Prime Minister, but it can't save the NHS

0laf
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Big Brother

Shiny thing make it all better

It's the politicians answer to everything. They think they sound knowledgeable without knowing anything.

Kids can't read and write - throw tablets at them

Cancer services crap - throw servers and outsourcers at it

Any problem the answer is = technology

Sounds good, easy (just buy more shit), keeps donors happy (outsourcers) and shift the problem into the next election cycle.

Get to the root of the real problem? Fuck that! It's hard, doesn't make headlines and will take longer than 4yr.

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Hand in your notice – by 2022 there'll be 350,000 cybersecurity vacancies

0laf
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Trollface

Certs are good mmkay

Clearly all certs are a meaningless racket, created as a self fulfilling business for cert companies to fool HR robots into insisting that having a cert is the be all and end all of infosec.

Except for the one I've just done, you have to be a technical genius, business guru and sexual tyrannosaur to get that one. Natch.

And £87k, many lols. I've seen a few advertised above 60k outside London and they are invariably CISO roles or CHECK team leaders.

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Break crypto to monitor jihadis in real time? Don't be ridiculous, say experts

0laf
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Re: "All of us are suspects."

Guilty until proven guilty.

Trials are just there to determine the level of guilt.

Geek reference - "The purpose of a trial is to demonstrate the futility of behavior contrary to good order,"

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0laf
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Big Brother

Headline at 6

Idiot Westminster wonk smells pork barrel funding for shaky venture.

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