* Posts by Dr. G. Freeman

214 posts • joined 6 Nov 2009

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Guess who's working on a health data-slurping digital tool? Bzzt! Nope, it's the UK Department for Work and Pensions

Dr. G. Freeman

yes, the custom assessors who asked my good friend, who has only leg (having misplaced the other one) to prove his disability.

What's Farsi for 'as subtle as a nuke through a window'? Foreign diplomats in Iran hit by renewed Remexi nasty

Dr. G. Freeman

What's Farsi for 'as subtle as a nuke through a window'

به عنوان ظریف به عنوان یک هسته از طریق یک پنجره, if you were wondering.

Is your kid looking at GCSE in computer science? It's exam-only from 2022 – Ofqual

Dr. G. Freeman

Next, because of health and safety, GSCE Science will no longer involve doing experiments

Friday fun fact: If Stegosauruses had space telescopes, they wouldn't have seen any rings around Saturn

Dr. G. Freeman

If Stegosauruses had space telescopes, ....

Who's to say they didn't ?

lots of gaps in the fossil records (maybe haven't found them yet) and , and they lived for 63 million years, 100 million years ago so they could have developed stuff, and it hasn't lasted- look at our civilisation, only 5000-odd years old, and a lot of the older stuff has gone already.

The Large Hadron Collider is small beer. Give us billions more for bigger kit, say boffins

Dr. G. Freeman

Re: New name needed

That's the plan.

For those wondering why we need a better ring, means a bigger "running track" to get the particles going faster, so there's more energy in them when they crash into each other, meaning smaller bits are made in the collision.

Think when two cars collide at 2mph in the supermarket car park, the bumper falls off, when the F1 cars crash together at 200-odd mph, you get little bits of carbon fibre all over the place.

Hopefully means new electronics to play with, like better CCDs, that are used in camera phones, better magnets for speakers, and other magnetty things., etc.

And who knows, JJ Thomson didn't think of electronics when he found the electron, so what will "Bosonics" bring ?

xHamster reports spike in UK users getting their five-knuckle shuffle on before pr0n age checks

Dr. G. Freeman

Tell me about it. Just had to prove my age at the local supermarket to buy an energy drink.

Can't sell it to under 16s.

This particular supermarket chain has something called "challenge 25", where you have to prove by the usual methods that you're over a quarter of a century old.

Wouldn't mind but it's kind of obvious if you look at me 25 was a long time , and a lot of hair ago.

Hubble 'scope camera breaks down amid US govt shutdown, forcing boffins to fix it for free

Dr. G. Freeman
Joke

How difficult is it design and build a new spacecraft to get up into orbit ?

I mean it's not rocket science.

BOFH: State of a job, eh? Roll the Endless Requests for Further Information protocol

Dr. G. Freeman

That reminds me, have to call the IT helpdesk for the monthly update on the fault with our main computer.

Only been five years since it was reported, and three years since the room the computer was in burnt down, melting said computer- but they said once they'd gone through all the diagnostics they'd pop round (from the building next door) and have a look.

No, you haven't gone deaf – the Large Hadron Collider has been wound down for more upgrades

Dr. G. Freeman

Re: Moarrrr Powwah!

You can ride the tube, just have to watch tripping over the wires while clambering on.

Dog with 'psychotic tendencies' escapes home to poop on his neighbours' pillows

Dr. G. Freeman

Looks at Kereberos, the fur covered lump of concrete that's allegedly the dog.

Don't get any ideas.

If Shadow Home Sec Diane Abbott can be reeled in by phishers, truly no one is safe

Dr. G. Freeman

Ugh, Thanks for the mental image

Didn't need my lunch....

Want to roll like one of the biggest minds in physics? Prof Stephen Hawking's wheelchair is up for auction

Dr. G. Freeman

Re: the party

They got stopped by security at the front door.

"We're here for the time travellers party, that Professor Hawking hasn't scheduled yet"

"Well, if it's not on the schedule you're not getting in"

Erm... what did you say again, dear reader?

Dr. G. Freeman

(Tries typing in cuneiform)

Silent running: Computer sounds are so '90s

Dr. G. Freeman

Ah, yes- the days when you could turn every computer sound to Meg Ryan's "Performance" in When Harry met Sally and thought

a) it was funny

b) you'd be able to have all your teeth

Still get a good feeling when hearing "Rockafeller Street" by Getter Jaani, as it was the ringtone for an old girlfriend of mine at the time.

Yes, the two are connected.

Take my advice: The only safe ID is a fake ID

Dr. G. Freeman

Some people still think "Gordon Freeman" is an alias for me, even thought I was born and named before that game.

used these two in the past,

Ed Zijduk, who still gets invited to speak at conferences

Otto Mann (even funnier when gets furniture companies' junk mail)

but now just use random cartoon characters or footballers from my youth as pseudonyms.

Parcel for Ace McLeod ?, I'll sign for it.

It's over 9,000! Boffin-baffling microquasar has power that makes the LHC look like a kid's toy

Dr. G. Freeman

Wish we could hurry up and invent a FTL drive.

I want to go play with that microquaser.

30 years ago, NASA put Challenger behind it and sent a Space Shuttle back out into the black

Dr. G. Freeman

Re: What a machine.

"My 9-year-old son still wants to go up in one."

I'm 37 and still want to go in a space shuttle. Won't grow out of it.

UK pins 'reckless campaign of cyber attacks' on Russian military intelligence

Dr. G. Freeman

It wasn't Gru,

he outsourced it to bunch of little yellow guys.

Which is Despicable.

NASA to celebrate 55th anniversary of first Moon landing by, er, deciding how to land humans on the Moon again

Dr. G. Freeman

Re: Flat earthers

And in their publications, they boast of having members all over the globe.

Curiosity's computer silent on science, baffling boffins

Dr. G. Freeman

It's lonely, wants someone to come round and pick up the data, so it can have some company.

Post-silly season blues leave me bereft of autonomous robot limbs

Dr. G. Freeman

Re: Dabsy, are you feeling Ok?

Depends, if the Highland spring water has been added to fermented malted barley, distilled and left in a barrel for say, a minimum of 12 years (but 18+ is better) then yes, I could see it crossing my mind

Think I'll go for an early lunch, and have some pass my lips too.

Voyager 1 left the planet 41 years ago – and SpaceX hopes to land on Earth this Saturday

Dr. G. Freeman

Re: Land where?

Voyager's trajectory will bring it back to Earth, someday.

It's just just going the long way round

How much do you think Cisco's paying erstwhile Brit PM David Cameron?

Dr. G. Freeman

30 pieces of silver seems to be the going rate

that's 15 troy ounces {1}

1 Troy ounce is £11.79 {2}

So, £884.25

{1} Assuming that the pieces of silver are tetradachmas ,

(2) Current spot price for silver

Ah, British summer. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the internet is on the fritz

Dr. G. Freeman

I remember during the dark days of working the BT tech helldesk, getting "I'm losing millions of pounds here because you broke my internet" at least twice a shift, from launderettes, corner shops, and other such businesses.

It walks, it talks, it falls over a bit. Windows 10 is three years old

Dr. G. Freeman

"it falls over a bit"...

A bit ? With unannounced random restarts multiple times a day, I think my MS laptop is some sort of modern footballer, going down at the least little thing.

Git365. Git for Teams. Quatermass and the Git Pit. GitHub simply won't do now Microsoft has it

Dr. G. Freeman

Parliament ?

As it's full of old gits, strange gits, annoying gits, etc.

BOFH: Is everybody ready for the meeting? Grab a crayon – let's get technical

Dr. G. Freeman

Not really,

Wasn't specific on which political leader, and sadly the quote can be applied to oh so many of them. So, it may be about a politician, the joke isn't of itself political.

(yes, I've had to explain political humour to HR recently, for my "not my fault, I voted for Kodos" poster)

Select few to watch World Cup in 4K high dynamic range colour on BBC iPlayer

Dr. G. Freeman

Think I need to upgrade my eye* couldn't see any difference between HD and 4K in the telly shop.

*Only got the working one, the other's never been plugged in.

BOFH: Their bright orange plumage warns other species, 'Back off! I'm dangerous!'

Dr. G. Freeman

Re: hang on....

Our accident reports have a ticky box for "Annoyed the guy in the orange football shirt".

Seeing as I wear Dundee United shirts (which are predominately orange) most days, and wrote the accident form.

We've found it! A cloud-and-AI angle on the royal wedding

Dr. G. Freeman
Joke

Re: Now that

" An antiquated, archaic system that should be disbanded."

I agree, but the wedding industry makes millions.

So do jewellers when you forget the anniversary. Again.

Bombshell discovery: When it comes to passwords, the smarter students have it figured

Dr. G. Freeman

Re: WTF is GPA?

Some American thing to tell smart people from thickos, average of their exam scores over all subjects.

Only goes up to 4, according to Mrs. Freeman (US- educated)

HP Ink to compensate punters for bricking third-party ink cartridges

Dr. G. Freeman

Went into WH Smiths to get a cartridge for the lab's printer (HP)- found they were selling Canon one (with ink) for the same price.

Now we have about half a dozen Canon printers we don't know what to do with.

Any ideas ?

Techies! Britain's defence secretary wants you – for cyber-sniping at Russia

Dr. G. Freeman

I tried.

They (Navy and RAF) said No.

Something about only having one working eye that they had a problem with.

BOFH: Guys? Guys? We need blockchain... can you install blockchain?

Dr. G. Freeman

Aw, I was hoping for the Boss was going to be dangling (or dropped) from a real blockchain at the end.

Avengers: Infinity War: More Marvel-ous moolah for comic film-erverse, probably

Dr. G. Freeman

Re: Does this not terrify anyone?

Points up ^

there's the bottom of the barrel.

I enjoy the Marvel movies, two plus hours of not having to think about how bad the outside word is, and if Iron Man is present ,how to make a suit like that.

The tech you're reading these words on – you have two Dundee uni boffins to thank for that

Dr. G. Freeman

All the cool stuff happened before I got to Dundee Uni ;-(

(BSc 1999-2005)

Creaky NHS digital infrastructure risks holding back gene boffinry, say MPs

Dr. G. Freeman

Re: 200GB to store a genome? Surely not!

Maybe, they're using some molecular modelling software (like Gaussian) that's got co-ordinates for each of the atoms in each nucleotide causing the file to bloat ?

Don't know, just an NMR boffin.

Tech bribes: What's the WORST one you've ever been offered?

Dr. G. Freeman

Had two fantastic bribes in the past.

Favourite was first pick of the newborn pups the briber's dog had just given birth to. Result, is the growling rug of fluff that is Kereberos. Good boy does not do him justice.

The other was an afternoon's access to a colleague's multimedia server- this was three years ago and still haven't finished reading the ebooks downloaded.

There is no perceived IT generation gap: Young people really are thick

Dr. G. Freeman

I was thinking Gladiator and Rat.

Machines learned to assemble IKEA’s semi-disposable furniture

Dr. G. Freeman

Re: Not the real world

Unreal men have one tool- The hammer.

All that is needed.

Scissors cut paper. Paper wraps rock. Lab-made enzyme eats plastic

Dr. G. Freeman

Re: I'm not much of a chemist/biologist

It breaks PETs down to terephthalic acid and ethylene glycol,

So next enzyme needs to break down terephthalic acid and ethylene glycol....

US, UK cyber cops warn Russians are rooting around in your routers

Dr. G. Freeman

I should hope the Russians are poking around our IT gear at the lab.

Otherwise, why are we paying Andrei and Yulia ?

Total WIPOut: IT chief finds his own job advertised

Dr. G. Freeman
Coat

Don't know what he's complaining about,

It's not as if he's found out he's on the interview panel for his replacement, and didn't know he was getting replaced until after getting the request.

Mine's the one with the new person's name above it.

Imagine you're having a CT scan and malware alters the radiation levels – it's doable

Dr. G. Freeman

Yes, "the Monday after the holidays" experiment, as its known round here.

Dr. G. Freeman
Mushroom

NMR can be hacked to max out ?

hmmm..... As an NMR Boffin, feel an experiment coming on.

Cue Clarkson-like "POWERRRRR !!!!!" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygBP7MtT3Ac

Any social media accounts to declare? US wants travelers to tell

Dr. G. Freeman

Re: Wonder how many State Dept employees would make the cut?

AC, I married one.

The Register Opera Company presents: The Pirates of Penzance, Sysadmin edition

Dr. G. Freeman

Re: Ooh, tempting

Mary had a little lamb,

She tied it to a pylon,

Ten thousand volts went up its bum,

And turned its wool to nylon.

There are 10 types of people in the world, but there is only one Melvyn

Dr. G. Freeman

The In our time on X-ray crystallography made it on to the reading list (I know, but it sounds better than multimedia list) for the subject for undergrunts here at the University.

It was that good an introduction to it.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01p0s9s if you're interested.

Prof Stephen Hawking's ashes will be interred alongside Sir Isaac Newton, Charles Darwin

Dr. G. Freeman

"Do we have any more of that calibre left or in the making/maturing to that level of greatness?"

Sort of,

Sabrina Gonzalez Pasterski, Harvard- High Energy Physics- being touted as the "Next Einstein"

Alice Zhang, UCLA - Genetics and Medicine

Barry Mant, UCL- Chemistry

Terry Tao, UCLA - Maths

Oh bucket! Unpack the suitcases. TRAPPIST-1 planets too wet to support life

Dr. G. Freeman

Alien Sharks !

Supply own lasers.

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