* Posts by Chris Taylor

38 posts • joined 16 May 2007

Police detain Tariq Aziz's cigar case

Chris Taylor
Flame

@ Eric Worrall

That is a spectacularly dumb thing to say.

Where is the evidence that Boris would be calling for prosecutions? During his campaign for LM did Boris hire a bunch of goons to go back through Kens history and dredge it for scandal ? (No, but Ken did that to Boris)

Has Boris launched any prosecutions for Malfeasance in Public office against Ken or his cronies ? (No but the Allegations made in the Evening Standard could warrant investigation)

So there is no evidence, you are just using school boy level debating tactics, "yeah but no but yeah, Boris would almost definetly, certainly, have done the same right so that makes this extraordinarily ridicolous prosection ok by me."

Discovery docks with ISS

Chris Taylor
Happy

Need to

keep their sh!t wired tight whilst on the ISS

I always wondered why all america right stuff kind of guys felt the need to keep their sh!t wired tight in certain situations.

Now all those b movie cut n paste dialogues make sense

Life a mess? The Moderatrix can help

Chris Taylor

One of lifes big questions

Does tea cool at a linear rate ?

I mean - in the pre and post milk phase ?

will my tea cool quicker without milk or once the cooling effect of the milk itself is removed from the equation will it cool quicker from that lower tempreture ?

I really need to know

MPs get £2k home cinema on taxpayers

Chris Taylor
Dead Vulture

I don't mind the expenses as such

But do we really need over 600 of these people, and if we have to pay them, then surely it should be performance related

Pay them a base salary of the average UK wage (about £23,000) and the rest they have to earn.

Repealing / or enacting statues. £60,000 per law repealed.

Reducing Public spending - 5% of each pound saved

Improving the standard of living as reflected in a annual public satisfaction survey (of your constituents) £10,000 per % increase

Voting in Parliament - £100 per vote

Leaving the EU - priceless.

US woman spends two years on boyfriend's toilet

Chris Taylor
Dead Vulture

Perhaps

She was waiting to sse how things would pan out ?

Maybe there were things she need to get out of her cistern ?

Or it was a chain of events, that left her feeling flushed with success, but unable to keep a lid on things she couldn't get to the seat of the problems

Goodness me I am on a (bog) roll now....

I am certain there is another joke about these two becoming engaged, but I can't quite get it right so will leave it vacant for someone else.

AI prof: The robot terrorists are coming! Aiee!

Chris Taylor
Paris Hilton

I for one welcome the arrival of our silicon & steel overlords

Yes but arms length confilct by robot can between two nation states can never by a reality (on this planet)

If you felt deeply enough about the reasons for the war to actually go to war, if your robots lost, would you be prepared to stop there ?

No of course not, once you ran out of robots, youd send the elite troops, then the regulars and at the last the conscripts... just like every other industrial war.

Paris, because apparently she never resorts to machines...

Dwarves hidden in sports bags target Swedish coaches

Chris Taylor

Proper Job

Hopefully they will be able to re habilitate the offenders - perhaps finding them a job writing comedy prose for radio shows.

Inevitably they will earn lots of money and live on cavier and honey

I'll need my coat as I want a cigarette outside ....ave you got a light boy ?

Japanese whalers lash protesters to mast

Chris Taylor
Flame

Possible solution

Pretty much every country in the world agrees that sinking foreign owned ships is usually an act of war.

However I propose an annual exemption to be dispensed by Parliament allowing "Scientific Research" to be conducted on Japanese Whaling boats

YouTube biker clocked at 189mph

Chris Taylor

@ Giles Jones

Are yes, because *loads* of Japanese Superbikes suffering from catastrophic mechanical failure. yep regular occurence, sheet no point even buying the damm things they way they constantly breakdown.

Of course in a bizarre paranoid, lets never get of out bed just in case universe you are right.

A tin tack in the middle of the road could have killed him easily. Just like all those german bikers that are dying every day through just this kind of accident

In fact as a mark of respect to your prescient post. This idiot, going at well over 70 might have found that motorway maintence left the manhole cover off after routine inspection, so this bloke hits the hole, comes of his bike and dies, the hgv carrying a secret hydrogen bomb on its way to the raf base, runs over his crumpled bike, the bomb explodes destroying wiltshire and the americans think that russia have started something so launch all ICBMs and in fact it IS THE END OF THE WORLD

Sheesh - hope someone gets that on youtube

Chris Taylor
Paris Hilton

Not that I have

gone quite to these extremes.

But generally going fast is fun, if your normal and not the owner of a hemp sandal factory. Naturally Brake are unhappy that this person has proved that speed doesn't kill. But as they will only be happy when we revert to the stone age then who cares.

well done that person

I have chosen paris as she too likes a fast ride

Is it or isn't it? Brown keeps bottling the ID card question

Chris Taylor
Paris Hilton

Bring it on

Personally I like the idea of 'foolproof' ID cards

So much so that when they come in, I fully intend to get about half a dozen

I've chosen Paris, although she is more Bio Hazard than Metric

MoD sorts out 'turkey' helicopters for Xmas

Chris Taylor
Flame

Dera = QinetiQ

I do wish a few folk would get there facts straight before yet again going for the cheap shot/politics of envy.

Taxpayers good a reasonable deal from the QinetiQ venture - several thousand Civil Servants were removed from UK PLC wages bill - a large estate and repairs bill was also removed, and previously underperforming assets were freed from the dead hand of the state.

Taxpayers intially received £800m in return for the sale, and on IPO got another lump of money, and we still have a substantial stake in a sucessful and expanding company (see recent US contract wins for details)

Moan about the private equity deal all you like, but neither the Chairman or the CEO needed the cash going into the deal, and despite handsome rewards, both are still with the business and taking it forward.

If anonomous coward is so foresighted as to really understand the risks and required rewards of large IPO's and managing £1bn + businesses, can I ask which company you are CEO of ?

There is a good deal wrong with MOD Procurement - mostly because of useless placemen on rubbish commitees with limited decision making skills - EIGHT YEARS have gone by before action is taking on these choppers ... EIGHT YEARS !

X-Factor singer withdraws over 'happy slapping' vid

Chris Taylor

@ The wit and wisdom of the mighty spang

stop blaming schools for not educating your yowling offspring

eh? so what are schools for during those 12 years that they have the kids for.

Muppet, by your lights children of "disadvantaged" or stupid people are condemned to the lives and horizons of their parents.

Reg lexicographical Shock Army liberates mobe

Chris Taylor
Pirate

Lester, you're contemptible

Pursuant to your latest outburst, you may readily believe that the lower case have won a battle. Though we may be a dwindling band, even when some of our doughtiest fighters are slipping with typographical errors, split infinitives and the occasional ' dropped where it has no business to be, Nevertheless our secret weapon of extraordinarily long sentences can still inflict massive collateral damage; forcing you to re-read them many, many times.

Mobe, lappy, mobisode and any attempts to sync up or reach our will eventually get the modern equivalent of upside-down suspension from street-lighting in popular capital city thoroughfares via the medium of Piano-forte wires.

Reaper aerial killbot harvests its first fleshies

Chris Taylor
Flame

@ Phil

Clearly the articule has provoked a reaction for you

But tell me how this is different for GW1 or GW2 US mil briefings where they regulalry displayed the on board footage from KillCam 1 or Killcam 2 on the planes or on the missle

to accompanying whoops and cheers from the press corps and our the pilots when the bombs struck ?

Either way people died, possibly the tone could be different but then, if I wanted sanitised I'd read the guardian or the bbc

Console yourself that this was done beneath the flag of democracy, and be grateful that the US and its allies have this technology and not the Axis of T'ruh

Sick Brit yobs graffiti dog

Chris Taylor
IT Angle

MTV

Pimp my Precious

Bling my Bulldog

Chill my crazee canine

etc

Fire service may charge for shifting fat people

Chris Taylor
Pirate

@jason

"If you need the fire service to get out of your house, I very much doubt you're working and paying taxes."

Might work in IT ?

UK never does things properly, if we are going to start singling out minority groups for re programming or special treatment or even eradication .... can't we start with politicians and move on to Local Councillors etc who think up these harebrained schemes

Chris Taylor
Flame

@ tim

Tim, we are all consenting adults, if you want to go to the airport in a tiny skirt and FMSB's then I won't object (especially if your six foot or more) ....

Some very right wing views here, - airtravel is one thing, but emergency services are quite another. If a lardy pays their taxes they are as much a citizen as the next person.

If it was private healthcare or indeed a private fireservice then I can see the tariff rising per claim, but we live (thankgod) in a society that values all its members equally, including the vastly overweight blubbermountains unable to reach far back enough to wipe properly.

Met used 'dum-dum' ammo on de Menezes

Chris Taylor
Pirate

Pop Quiz....

Problem with wiring it to a button is how do you get through the ticket barriers, especially if you other hand is a hook ?

Secondly, when you put fifteen rounds in someone 'just to be sure' the choice of ammo is a secondary consideration.

Clearly hand held phasers are the way to go in this situations. Although clearly my first choice would be to educate the world to embrace agnosticism / piracy to prevent these squabbles about whose imaginary friend is better.

Pilot sacked for footie star on flightdeck shocker

Chris Taylor
Thumb Down

@ Brutus

Good Point, or is it, is it really, really is it ?

Life is risk, it is a bit of a long shot to suggest that Savage could even spell fundamentalism, let alone set aside the pursuit of girls, cars and the delights of mamon for long enoug to convert. David Icke on the other hand.....

Your comments accurately portray the kind of spineless cotton woolism which makes the world a dull dull place. I ebt you never drive above 55, drink more than half a shandy or believe that in the real world every day millions and millions of people enjoy the rush that risk taking brings, and the rewards too.

Some are lucky, some are unlucky and some have great judgement we can trust and great skills for when things good bad (like pilots, surgeons or It contractors...)

Terror police lock down Soho to smoke out 9lbs of chillis

Chris Taylor

Breaking doors down

Should have used pepper spray.

CERN BOFH needs a bigger storage array

Chris Taylor

Doom Players - Lock & Load

It seems impossible that boffinry on the scale will be allowed to go unpunished. The most likely scenario is that a small tear in the fabric of reality will allow hordes of zombies or demons to enter our world.

Clearly the scientists should keep a lone fighter in cold storage as a hedge against the certainty of otherworldly invasion.

So, what's the first rule of Reg Club?

Chris Taylor

The 1st rule of reg club is

Paris Hilton's bulgarian airbags get more traffic to the site than IT angles.

Note to despots: You can't kill the internet

Chris Taylor

Uk & Burma

The UK Gummint' are very much in a glass house throwing stones when it comes to Burma.

The UK sent a gunship round there harbour to extort £10,000 gold Doubloons (GO PIRATES) and subsequently invaded and occupied Burma (and it was done beneath the flag of democracy)

Sharp pieces of fruit aside, we held burma until the Japanese kicked us out in WW2 - so I don't think we can chuck to many stones on this issue.

Of course thats all in the past and we are not like that any more, of course we like to see a free and fair government all round the world* so good like to the buddhist Monks, I really hope people power can once again sweep aside a despotic regime.

*except in Europe where being unelected is fine

Eye-O-Sauron™ spy towers still buggy

Chris Taylor

ROTM

Don't be too proud of this technological terror you have created, this is nothing compared to the power of the ......Spade.

some sort of short tunnel then would seem to be in order

Come celebrate the web...

Chris Taylor

Re Hartlepool

His forebears hung a monkey for being a "french spy" now they have evolved to take a splash on the dying.

I personally don't like the idea of wishing a brutal bum raping on anyone, odd isn't it that for most folk it isn't actually the Gaol sentence that is punishment but the hope that something even more unpleasant will happen to you inside.

Sadly these days the worst we can hope for is that he gets a really painful blister on the thumb he uses for the X-box and that hopefully 90% of the drugs smuggled into the Gaol smell a bit like poo.

Kung fu monks battle Colombian karate assassins

Chris Taylor

6% for James Bond ?

Not good enough. JB has in fact already defeated a Temple full of Shoalin Monks, not to mention Jaws, Odd Job, TMWTGG, Grace Jones, Robert Carlyle (Begby) and he has probably killed more people than seismic activity.

He has destroyed virtually every vehicle ever invented by the wit of man, why only two nights ago I watched him shoot down a helicopter with hiw walther ppk.

Frankly he make the rest of the list look embarrasingly mean in there achievements. Have any of the rest ACTUALLY saved the world ...no ... on more than twenty occasions, no I think not.

Connoisseurs go mad for £1,000 ham

Chris Taylor

@ Stephen Byrne

Quick every one there is a real live and dyed red socialist in here..... fetch the torches and pitchforks jethro there's gonna be a lynching.

step one, every comrade must drive a trabant, any other vehicle cannot be justified whilst children are staving.

step two, only amstrad wordprocessors and lg phones are allowed until children stop starving.

step three There will be no more elections (waste of money) until everyone has the same amount of money and opportunity

Step four, and NO rock and roll records, why waste money on Beatles albums and these levi jeans until we have fixed world poverty...

Too easy ... NEXT !

Cops seek 179mph net vid biker

Chris Taylor

Wierd ?

All of these "absurdly dangerous" and inappropriate speeders appear to survive long enough to post their exploits on the internet ?

Perhaps, high velocities aren't as dangerous as the propaganda would have you believe ?

Surely it is time for someone to crack the 200mph mark on youtube

CNET insists Google ads are good for you - and fun!!!

Chris Taylor

More Info

If you need more info on Montalvo

Don't bother looking here http://www.montalvosystems.com/index.html

I suppose the clue was in the "stealth" part

Orange lands Lampard TV coup

Chris Taylor

Watch Frank

Count his money....

Sorry, Whats that Frank ? your dissapointed ? Hmmm I can sympathise, how galling it must be to be paid £130,000 per week, when clearly you are worth the same as big John on £135,000 a week.

Perhaps your TV deal will help you close the gulf in earnings

Not sure you will even be first of the losers this season given the internal handbags.

Police want DNA collection superpowers

Chris Taylor

Useless police "service"

Until and unless the Police can make a better job of catching criminals under the current system they cannot possibly be trusted to continually expand their powers any further.

The Service still has an appalling detection rate, is focussing on the wrong types of crime and is little more than a bureau for providing insurance numbers for the majority of crime.

Don't get me wrong, I am ALWAYS pleased to see the police when I need them and I support them. But recording DNA of "innocent" people as a hedge against future crime is a police state by stealth.

Lets have a democratic referendum, all those in favour of microchipping at birth, barcode tatoos, DNA registration and id card scanners... mark your ballot for fascist dictatorship with an X

MIT in Matrix 'Crowd Farm' plan

Chris Taylor

Revised version

Given the world wide web bloggery and general rubbish spouted on the internet, could these boys be persuaded to turn the estimable talents to the humble computer keyboard.

Some sort of energy reclaimation from every key depression and the computer could become energy independant from the grid.

This must be a winner ? Do I win £10 ?

Exams, contracts, and nuclear research: stupid, stupid, stupid

Chris Taylor

Now you know

why I only just scraped a C !

Thanks for the explanations all, I suspect in a real GSCE paper, I would have got 8 out 10 for showing my workings and writing my name correctly on the paper.....

Chris Taylor

Mineshaft Maths

Roger

I don't think so - I am 36, have a C grade O Level in maths

But if the drum is 0.7 and revolves 10 times per minute then it will take 3 minutes and nine seconds for ONE journey (0.7 x 10 = 7metres per minute)

3.9 X 6 +1 = 24minutes 40 seconds

Any corrections on my limited maths ?

El Reg 'buys' acre of Brazilian rainforest

Chris Taylor

Have you ever been to a harvester ?

"opening it up to rubber tappers and harvesters of forest produce. "

how long before the lawyers claim that industrial scale logging was "harvesting the forest produce"

Magical elf jailed for lifting women's knickers

Chris Taylor

Good Judgery

Bet the crims feel unhappy at the prospect of being Lynch(ed)

Two years for stealing knickers....and yet only a fine for common assault.

G-Wiz electro-car fracas leaves Top Gear blubbing

Chris Taylor

Boris got it wrong though...

In the Telegraph articule Boris praised the G-Wiz for its zero CO2 emissions.

For a man with his intelligence, how could he fail to recognise that the G-Wiz creates similar amounts of CO2, just at a power station.

Obvious I know, but just goes to show, everyone puts there own spin on stuff like this

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