* Posts by Stoneshop

3982 posts • joined 8 Oct 2009

'Mobiles bake men's balls' bog ad is cobblers - new ruling

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Boffin

... the Clerics/Muhlahs/Priests will condemn your soul to hell

My what to where?

Boffins glue self-righting ROBO-VELOCIRAPTOR tail to car

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Go

Add a few spikes to that tail

like on a stegosaurus, and the problem of others tailgating your vehicle will be a thing of the past.

KIBOSH 'non lethal' sticky-bomb hits a car, fills it with gas

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Go

KIBOSH

Knockout Irreverent Bastards Or Suspect Highwaymen

Space soldiers save satellite from FLAMING DEATH

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Holmes

Well, duh.

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Rhino horn price spike drives record poaching

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Can't we launch the myth

that ground and powdered poacher penises are the most potent aphrodisiac known? And that the optimal preparation is that they have to be ground up while still attached to its original owner.

Next-generation materials for post-Christmas repairs: Reg investigates

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@Local Group

Sugru, silicone-type rubbery stuff - tiny packets

Polymorph (polycaprolactone), comes as granules - larger packets. This is the stuff they don't want you to mould around body parts.

Even though you prepare polymorph using hot water (> 70C) you can handle it without scalding yourself; it doesn't conduct heat very well.

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polystyrene foam

Conventional wood glue works quite well, as does chewing gum.

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Go

a quicker alternative to sutures

- Use brand spanking new Stanley blade to open thumb

- Look bemusedly at inside of thumb, notice lack of profuse bleeding and cleanliness of cut

- Grab superglue, close thumb, apply two drops across incision

- Apply bandage against ingress of dirt, continue working

BTDT.

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Read again

Superglue is old hat, and its primary use is sticking whatever it is to be repaired to your fingers. As for glue guns, those were mentioned, especially their drawbacks

UK's solar 'leccy cash slash ruled unlawful

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FAIL

Your name visible

Ah yes. The guy posting as ted leaf says he's ted leaf.

Where have I seen such circular references before?

Apple to appeal Italian warranty fine

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FAIL

It is the content, not the quantity

from which the pro or anti qualifications can be derived, and since the indicator definitely points to 'anti', it is clear that you either can't be arsed to read past the headline, or are unable to grasp said contents.

Latest El Reg project: Rise of the Robot Sheep

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Go

Fire

Ah, the Burt Munro method

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Boffin

Cylindrical cutter

If you use a separate motor to run the cutting bits, torque to propel the thing around your lawn becomes less of a concern Of course, you still have to deal with the rolling resistance, especially on a sloped lawn, but that's well within the capabilities of a pair of wheelchair motors. Traction of the drive wheels on (possibly wet) grass would be more of a problem.

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Thumb Down

> why ... so ... lazy that you need a robot?

A sysadmin will happily spend half an hour writing a script to perform a one-off five-minute task, and at least a full day if it's something repetitive.

This is the gardener's equivalent of sysadminning.

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@Steven Roper

That's because you're down under. Crossing the equator flips goat and sheep around.

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@Kevin Johnston

Still, they're to be preferred over sheep. Goats clip the grass (provided they can be arsed to do so in the first place); sheep rip out the grass, roots and all. They're the bane of the still-arable regions around the Sahara

As far as I'm concerned, goats taste better too.

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Coat

The job for

Special Projects Burro?

Facebook shoves your face into creepy 'sponsored stories' in 2012

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FAIL

If you have to ask

you'll never know.

Deep-fried planets discovery offers hope for Earth’s future

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Coat

In other news

it appears that in anticipation of future events, Mars bars are being stockpiled all around Scotland

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Headmaster

@Eponymous Cowherd

His apostrophes look like having been stripped already, probably by The Sun's atmosphere.

Southampton Uni climbs aboard LOHAN spaceplane project

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Pint

I spot

A geodetical design stiffening the hull of the plane in one of the photos on the second page.

<-- one for Barnes Wallis

Paul Allen latest plan: Space rockets on MEGA PLANE

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Go

Wrong name

It'd be more like

Frigging

Awesome

Rocket

Karrier

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Boffin

Design

"Under Stratolaunch, Scaled Composites will design an enormous successor to the White Knight and WhiteKnightTwo motherships. "

The much cheaper and quicker solution would be to phone up Antonov, order half a dozen 225's (I'm sure they still have the blueprints), get out the pop riveter and bolt them together pairwise. ElReg SPB, are you listening?

LOHAN: Reader vacuum pump plans really suck

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Have the fridge compressor

do the bulk, and once you're down to whatever it manages, get the aspirator pump to do its thing. Two extra valves required, of course.

YaCy takes on Google with open source search engine

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FAIL

Not backwards at all

This time it's not Amazon's, or Google's, or $whateverlargecorp's cloud, it's *your* cloud as *your* machine is part of it.

Bloke claims ex swiped his sperm to make twins

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Headmaster

@TimeWaster

Yes, I already acknowledged that by stating "not everyone".

And pointing out the blatantly obvious fact that not everybody likes kids gets a downvote? Come on, this is The Reg, not some namby-pamby coddly parenting forum. Kids are like users, only 24 hoiurs a day, 365 days a year. It's to be bloody well expected that kids are not seen as an enrichment to one's life by everyone.

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Thumb Down

@Lamont Cranston

Yours is not a view everyone shares

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More of those cases

are around.

Exoplanet ranking suggests INTERSTELLAR WAR imminent

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Boffin

Life?

Well, according to http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/05/17/blighty_exoplanet/ the Gliese D environment is not unlike Middlesbrough, and consequently any life that will have evolved there will be too dumb to realise it can't have evolved, and therefore will have.

Whether they'll be dumb enough to realise you can't build an interstellar fleet without some rocket scientists around, we'll find out in a couple of decades.

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Holmes

More?

Then we will unleash the terrible power of Nyancat onto them.

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@Vladimir Plouzhnikov

And if we lose, I doubt there will be much worrying over the state of the economy, as there won't be anyone left to do the worrying. That is, if those Gliesians take that Bebo-insult as seriously as I would take it.

Scientists probe Earth's core, make mystifying discovery

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FAIL

Brainpower alone?

Boffin: we think the earth's core is molten iron with something else, because measurements indicate it's lighter than pure molten iron would be. Could this be oxygen?

Lab experiments ensue.

Measurements indicate that oxygen is not the other ingredient.

Boffin: well, what's ligher than iron, and abundant enough that it could account for the weight difference? Hydrogen? Nah. Carbon? Errm. Silicon? Could be, let's test.

More lab experiments ensue.

Measurements indicate that silicon might well be the other ingredient.

So, in what way exactly was this the result of brainpower alone?

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Mushroom

Correcting?

Only if it simultaneously made the originator's keyboard explode, otherwise people will never learn.

I consider this a shortcoming in all spelling and grammar checkers.

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Headmaster

A very logical and coherent statement

And grammatically perfect too.

No wonder you understand so little about science that you think there's a sentient entity directing it all.

Spillover from 400lb man squeezed fellow flier into galley

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Mushroom

Not halfway soon enough

Sitting opposite someone who's been barfing his lungs out for the past four years if he's not outside glueing the remaining bits back in with tar gets more than a bit irritating, I can tell you.

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Why heat indeed

Blubber is a pretty good insulator. Ask any whale or seal.

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Go

How about the second door leading into this building?

Mr Wiggin Good morning, gentlemen. This is a twelwe-storey block combining classical neo-Georgian features with the efficiency of modern techniques. The tenants arrive in the entrance hall here, and are carried along the corridor on a conveyor belt in extreme comfort and past murals depicting Mediterranean scenes, towards the rotating knives. The last twenty feet of the corridor are heavily soundproofed. The blood pours down these chutes and the mangled flesh slurps into these...

HP to forge x86 Integrity and Superdome servers

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Headmaster

OpenVMS "homegrown"?

That'd be a definition of "homegrown" that I was not previously aware of.

Got a few minutes to help LOHAN suck?

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Boffin

With a bit of calculation, this may work

but you have to make sure the volume of the hose (and excluding those 10m that you want your remaining water column to be, ideally) is way larger than the volume of the test vessel.

Getting most of the air out using a fridge pump first, then this trick, would be most the effective way.

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Boffin

Using steam

means the ignition doodad will get a tad moist, then frost over as the rig gets cooled. This looks to me as being not quite conducive to reliable ignition. The rocket fuel itself may not quite like it either, and there's the bit about "cool first, suck later".

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Ditch the 'boffin' icon

because those guys think before they post.

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Boffin

After condensing the steam

you're still left with quite a lot of air, which was inbetween the steam before it condensed

Better to let the steam condense in a cylinder with a piston, which pulls on another piston (with a smaller diameter) which pulls air out of the test vessel via a one-way valve. Repeatedly introducing fresh steam into the first cylinder, then condensing it will gradually lower the air pressure in the test vessel, simultaneously enlightening you as to why James Watt is credited as the inventor of the modern (reciprocating) steam engine, instead of Thomas Newcomen.

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FAIL

Solid fuel rocket motors

from the humblest model rocket to the Space Shuttle boosters DO carry oxidiser. It's part of the stuff that goes *fwoosh*, making it go *fwoosh* without complexities such as air inlets or oxygen tanks.

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Magdeburg hemispheres

don't need high vacuum to become inseparable.

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Boffin

Fridge compressor?

A bit of searching around the web suggests they're capable of sucking about 25 inches. That's not even in the same ballpark as the air pressure at 80k feet, but I doubt that lack of air pressure would affect the firing; temperature would be the prime concern. And once the motor fires it's a self-sustaining reaction, it doesn't need outside air (that'd be quite a problem with pressures inside the motor casing being a tad unfavorable in letting air _in_). So there's probably no need to create near-absolute vacuum, and a fridge compressor would be good enough.

Larger Kindle Fire coming soon, say moles

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Coat

A bigger Kindle Fire

That'd be the Bonfire, surely.

HELL ON EARTH: The Great Dying

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FAIL

Do a bit of reading

regarding supervolcanoes, such as the one underneath Yellowstone Park. Pay special attention to the numbers regarding ejected volume, and the *orders of magnitude* those are larger than those of conventional volcanoes.

Visa's amazing answer to e-wallet domination: A new logo

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FAIL

@AC 11:53

Apple does not (yet) own Montenegro

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FAIL

@AC 11:57

That'd be Montenegran lawyers, not Apple's.

China spacecraft masters the art of docking

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Joke

@MrXavia

Chuck Norris.

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