* Posts by TRT

6423 posts • joined 11 Sep 2009

El Reg mulls entering Robot Wars arena

TRT
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Multi-cannon...

If against a petrol engined opponent, launches a cloud of air-filter clogging particles.

Against an electrically powered opponent, a web of sticky Kevlar fibres shot into the wheel housings.

Or a stinger-like device that could penetrate the outer shell and fill the interior with expanding builder's foam.

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I can safely predict...

That it will involve much beer and pipe.

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Swivel on this: German boffins build nanoscale screwing engine for sluggish sperm

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Re: And the result will be...

This.

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Put your private parts on display if you want to keep earning a living

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Re: Not long now...

There is. It binds us. Penetrates us. My boss figured out how to use it some time ago. He uses it to pick people up by the throat and strangle them. His asthma's gotten worse too...

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Serving up IT on a silver platter, also known as ITSM

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I remember Silver Platter!

That was a CD-ROM based references service wasn't it? Circa 1995. SPIRS. Silver Platter Information Retrieval Service.

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No escape: Microsoft injects 'Get Windows 10' nagware into biz PCs

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Re: @RIBrsiq: which 'outlet' did you source it from

Like fuck do I love it. Already lost an hour this week trying to switch a user's BYOD laptop's (Win 10) wired network port from "public" to "work" in order to get network discovery going. In Portuguese. God help me when I have to do the same with something in Chinese.

For some reason M$ decided to spread all the network settings out across a dozen different control panels, but link them up so that some functionality is duplicated across some control panels, but not all. Add in a dose of retina burning colour, hiding the control panels in a stupid slide out side bar, and just randomly putting the UI components in a black bag, shaking it up and drawing them out like some kind of lottery...

And at the end of the day, the software they wanted to download off the laboratory server (hence the network discovery) didn't f***ing run on it.

Windows 10 is like some kind of Beta. It's dreadful.

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Engineer's bosses gave him printout of his Yahoo IMs. Euro court says it's OK

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Re: Link

Erk! So it is, a bad apostrophe I mean. *hangs head in shame*

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Re: Link

Ironic sarcasm isn't appreciated here, I think.

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Re: Link

They need to publish a transcript of his messages so we can see how much piss taking was going on and on who's half. So much for his right to privacy.

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BBC risks wrath of android rights activists with Robot Wars reboot

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*cough*

Razor

*cough*

No. They don't. The big munchy thing built like a titanium shithouse wins.

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In the final round, it happens ten times a second.

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Re: They could combine...

Celebrity star in a car obstacle course versus killer Google Carbot.

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They could combine...

Robot Wars and Top Gear. Set it in maybe 4 square miles of waste land and pit self-driving cars against each other filmed from above with reaper drones and AI hover cams that follow the combatants around.

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Re: Who is presenting?

Nick Frost and Simon Pegg? In the arena...

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Microsoft’s Get Windows 10 nagware shows signs of sentience

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I don't think this virus started on computers, though...

my letterbox has been spewing floppyware suggesting I get new windows for years. And doors. And exterior rendering. Perhaps that will come next... upgrade your rendering engine.

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David Bowie: Musician, actor... tech admirer

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Re: Techie???

He taught me an important tech lesson.

That lightning bolt across his face? The man who failed to earth.

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Unhappy

Another sad day.

Feeling older all the time.

Ah well. I'll spare a thought for Mr Gravedigger. F***ing' 'ard graft. What's this? Urgh. Bloody dogs. Shouldn't be allowed.

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Cops stuff Mumbai thief with 48 bananas

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The Mumbai plod.

Also known as 'Peelers'.

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Boozing is unsafe at ‘any level’, thunders chief UK.gov quack

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Re: colors

That was a joke in Star Trek wasn't it? It is... it is... Green.

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Re: There is no safe level…

I think someone said this a while ago... let's see if I can find it...

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: If a large amount of anything causes intoxication, a small amount of it is prohibited. Abu Dawud 26:3673.

Well there's your reason.

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Number 5 and number 2?

Is that like when you ask for a number 1 or 2?

So vomit is... 3? No. Vomit is 4.

You should ask in binary. So a number 3 is a number 1 and 2 simultaneously. A number 5 is a wee whilst being sick. And a number 7 is a typical night out in Glasgow.

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Imation sells off the family jewels

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Imation sells off the family...

jewel cases?

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Windows 10 makes big gains at home, lags at work

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The Reseller effect?

As Win 7 is stil available as an option on pro purchases but not on home kit I'm not surprised by this. Correct for relative sales volumes and see if it's so marked.

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Going on a date, and it's just the two of you? How ... quaint. OkCupid's setting up threesomes

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Re: To answer your question about demisexuals

So nothing to do with Demi Moore, then?

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It's replicant Roy Batty's birthday – but hey, where's my killer robot?

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The Tyrell Corporation...

are busy making crisps.

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Three-years-late fit-to-work IT tool will cost taxpayers £76m

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Re: What they need to clear the paperwork backlog...

And if you sink, you're not a witch.

Maybe that's what the duck house was for... breeding claims investigators. Now fetch me my largest set of scales.

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Re: Solution

As usual, 30 minutes and £50 worth of coding, testing and debugging.

12 months and £17m of compliance and stress testing (which will, of course, be utterly pointless and wrong but has to be done), a further month and £1m to incorporate a module at the request of GCHQ, another 24 months and £10m to write the manual and have it translated into 160 languages, and a further £10m in decommissioning V1.0 as it's replaced by V2.0 which adds something or other pointless but is written by the new incumbent minister for work and pensions's cousin's company.

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What they need to clear the paperwork backlog...

is a ready supply of cheap labour, say people who can't get out and about to perform manual labour, but who could manage to shuffle paperwork around, do some data entry etc etc.

If only they could find such a group of people somewhere...?

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Confirmed: How to stop Windows 10 forcing itself onto PCs – your essential guide

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Re: How to stop Windows 10 forcing itself onto PCs – your essential guide

Hmm... but my copy of Win7x64 in Virtual Box on the Mac just...

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Re: Just my two penn'orth

I had a friend with a ZX80. A teacher actually. He moved on to the TRS-80, which he lent me for the summer holidays whilst he went to Ireland. Yes, the ZX-80 was capable. My friend wrote a D&D dice emulator for it (there was a group of us that went round to his house to play weekly), which I rewrote in assembly. A 12" B&W set and a ZX80 on a tea trolley next to the DM. Those were the days, my friend!

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Re: Just my two penn'orth

My first machine was a ZX81 my father bought for me from the Bolton branch of Woolworths. Christmas, 1981. 32K RAM pack and a Redifusion cassette deck as well. By the end of Christmas Day, I'd finished with the Moonlander code in the manual, read from cover to cover, and typed in the Scramble! code from a magazine. By the end of the Christmas holiday, when I went back to boarding school and had to leave the computer behind at home, I was writing my own versions of arcade classics. A very slow Space Invaders, Bomber (the 70s SEGA one), Robot Attack etc.

And so it remained until I had saved enough for a Vic-20, then I stayed with the Commodore stable through the 64, 128, Amiga 500, 1200, and CDTV, right up to the CD32. It was around this time that I started building PCs from bits left around at work.

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Re: Office 365

Don't get me wrong, I love Macs. I recommend them for all the scientists here as they cover all the bases - they can use their Unix tools, their Mac only tools, their PC only tools via e.g. Parallels, they play nice with the rest of the equipment, they're a piece of piss to set a backup on, they've got a good remote management solution and the central IT team won't touch them with a barge-pole (all Windows boxes now have to be one of three four* base models which come with a locked down version of Windows 8.1 and no freedom to install your own choice of software unless you fill out a formal request form, business case form and license disclaimer / damage waiver).

But the Apple GUI, with El Capitan, has moved away from anything intuitive. About one in five of the programs don't work any more, half the controls are hidden, users get lost with a single click on the windows controls when it expands to full screen and the side-by-side documents they were comparing vanish... They've lost their way for sure, and now just change things for change's sake.

*Four after I pointed out that the deal they had done already without listening to feedback from the research side of the University was only for a laptop, an all-in-one and a SFF case, none of which could take an off-the-shelf graphics card or other PCI-flavour card that various equipment might come with. Hence they added a Workstation full size case to the range. Even last week when I tried to buy a Win 7 laptop with four USB sockets and a 1Tb HDD in order to have a mobile 3D-scanning and printing system for use in community clinics I was told I had to have the Win 8.1 256Gb SSD Dell and use a USB hub, even though HP did a model which was the same price (within £10) meeting all the requirements.

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Office 365

Installed on someone's laptop as they insisted on having the latest when offered the choice. Called in to help them with their CV... there's a border round it that shouldn't be there. I've torn my hair out trying to use it. I had to do the typical repair job on someone who's cv says they are proficient in Word, yet they add spaces below paragraphs by adding more paragraphs, right aligned words by careful use of spaces (proportional font as well, so it's almost but not quite aligned), written the whole thing inside a table cell, used a mix of numbered and unnumbered bullet points and bullet characters, mixed margin positions... Basically the sort of a document I used to get from a certain professor to make ready for journal submission. It would usually take about an hour per 1,000 words to reformat and make pretty (printed on paper of course it doesn't look like you've done anything during that time, but hey ho!)

Office 365... I gave up. The most unwieldily piece of crap I've ever come across. Highlights words at random when click-dragging a selection, throws grammar errors all over the place, show invisibles doesn't show all invisibles any more, format paragraph has gone somewhere I can't find, all the tools have moved around, save takes you into some other screen full of crap about licenses and file info that you just don't need to see, the "ribbon" thing just takes up screen space and things seem to jump around from one place to another in it depending on what you're doing, margins and reflows suck major league, the tabs and arrows behave unpredictably...

In short, if this is M$ idea of productivity software, they've written themselves a new dictionary. And I don't hold out ANY hope for Windows 10 being any better. I criticise it with the prime example that any OS which requires prerequisite knowledge that swiping your finger from the right off the trackpad or your pointer from the right edge of the screen, leftwards, in order to bring up a hidden menu of control panels has just pissed all over Xerox Parc's decades of work on human/machine interaction whilst laughing maniacally and rogering themselves up the anus with a spiked baguette in a sadomasochistic orgy.

I recently had to level the same accusation at Apple for (by default) hiding the scroll bars when your pointer isn't in a magic 1/8" strip down the side of a window.

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If you want a USB thumb drive wiped, try asking an arts student for help

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I wonder if... that old set up involving a wound copper kettle element, an open frame lab-grade ferrite core transformer, two coils and a long piece of flex would do the job. You know... the set up that the physics teacher used to demonstrate electro magnetism with by turning dissection pins into short-lived arc lamps.

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Foetuses offered vaginal music streaming service

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Re: Only one album fits

Relax, Frankie Goes To Hollywood?

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Re: Nice one

Well that's me out of the picture then. ;)

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Re: Face. Palm

You have to pay a license fee. It's Windows Media Player as a Cervix.

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Ouch!

Mental context flip when checking comments and seeing how many thumb's up they have.

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Re: Nice one

I bet it wouldn't be the first time a 7" has been playing up there.

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Re: Chuffed?

Reminds me... I've got a 12" somewhere... hand on... let me check the cover for relevant track names...

"Ball Park Incident"

"See My Baby Jive"

"Bend Over Beethoven"

"Angel Fingers"

"You Got the Jump on Me"

Yes... I did just check the WIzzard's Sleeve.

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Re: Cue baby's first words...

"Thanks for all the classical music and the like, but did the conductor HAVE to keep poking me in the head with his baton?"

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If they're THAT into Mozart...

Let's hope the baby doesn't consider the music as instructions for the birth process.

"Leck mich im Arsch", for example.

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Re: Speaking as a man, is there any way that I can enjoy this too?

If you left it in during coitus, would you get Cum Dancing? Mind you, there's not that much space - it's Strictly Ball Room.

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Re: Nice one

Brings new meaning to shuffling onto this mortal coil.

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Re: Speaking as a man, is there any way that I can enjoy this too?

Wheatus from the meatus?

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HPE's London boozer dubbed the 'Hewlett You Inn?'

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It's not a large pub...

more Compaq and bijou.

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Re: Oversized Packaging

That's 500 sheets to the wind.

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Re: Brilliant

Will they have a HP hour?

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Re: Oversized Packaging

Totally reamed.

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The door...

has really bad hinges, and you have to push it in just exactly the right place to get the latch to work.

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