* Posts by TRT

6840 posts • joined 11 Sep 2009

Thief dresses as Apple Store drone, walks off with $16,000 in iGear

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Re: It's 2016, why are people still not thinking things through....

But they guy was genuine. He had an Apple t-shirt and everything.

PC market sinking even faster than first thought, thanks to Windows 10

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"because lots of people are availing themselves of free Windows 10 upgrades"

Really? That's a brave new definition of availing.

Sysadmin 'fesses up to wrecking his former employer's IT systems

This post has been deleted by a moderator

Latest Windows 10 build loves up cloud, banishes 'strange grey bar'

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I didn't down vote you but I expect it's possible to fix the WiFi card issue, especially if you have a wired connection. I always offer it to the people who come to me complaining about a malicious Windows 10 upgrade that's broken their WiFi. Invariably they've said "No, just roll it back to Windows 7".

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Re: Still... Won't....Install....

Curious move considering that today the 21st laptop to auto-install Windows 10 and completely fail to get WiFi back (driver issues - device missing) crossed my desk.

If The Register made reality music TV, this is what it would look like

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Re: I missed the original...

Neo as in there at the beginning. Or is that proto?

Anyway, scrap that.

Axl's Buns and Roses. In which he visits traditional village tea rooms and bakeries.

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I missed the original...

I'd have gone for "Top of the Clash"... a sort of University Challenge crossed with Wipeout challenge that sees schools compete in regional heats before a national final. A sort of team based Krypton factor for 12-16 year olds. Fronted by neopunk rock band The Clash

McDonald's says bigger fonts cooked up improved profits

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Re: Really? Fonts?

They measure the type size in ems. Emmmmm... does that come with regular fries? I can't quite make out the small print.

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Re: Happy Meal

Not sure, they'd cut the end off and flatten the rectum out to make the burger, no? Anyway, whatever they do with the cut off sphincters, I'm not ordering the onion rings.

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Re: Happy Meal

Yum! Rectum burger.

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Re: Really? Fonts?

You ruin far fewer orders when you can read the special requests through your hot-fat-spatter-scarred corneas.

US military tests massive GPS jamming weapon over California

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Re: What kind of aircraft relies on GPS alone?

Treat your aircraft like your woman. Get inside her five times a day and take her to heaven and back. Woof!

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Re: Not a TOTAL surprise

Not fifty miles inside Chinese territorial waters?

Welcome to the jumbo: Axl Rose tries to take a bite out of 'Fat Axl' internet meme

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Re: It finally happened. The Register goes full-SJW...

You can wrap fat people in cotton wool all you like, but all that will happen is that you'll run out of cotton wool and they'll sweat the weight off.

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At first I though a fat axl...

was what you hung fat tyres on.

Then I saw I was right.

Freeze, lastholes: USB-C and Thunderbolt are the ultimate physical ports

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Re: SCSI anyone?

And... and and and... aren't these just copper standards? I seem to recall an optical fibre version of Thunderbolt... or am I just imagining it?

Oh snap! Facebook zaps crap yap gap in web chat, natter app flap

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I've not read the article yet...

But for that headline, you win the Internet (or is that internet?)

So. Why don't people talk to invisible robots in public?

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Haemorrhoids are just the revenge phase of where you inserted the damned phone to begin with when it completely failed to retain a context to the discussion.

"Hey Siri, what time does the Tesco in Warwick close?"

"I found three entries for Tesco in Warwick. The first is Tesco Metro on Hayes Walk. Is that the one you mean?"

"No. I meant the Tesco Extra."

"I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean by the Tesco Extra."

"Siri what time does the Tesco Extra in Warwick close?"

"I found three entries for Tesco in Warwick. The first is Tesco Metro on Hates Walk. Is that the one you mean?"

"FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!! You are not going to see the light of day for the next three hours, you unintelligent piece of shit."

"I'm sorry. I don't understand what you mean....*mmmph, mmmph, gurgle, babble, mmmmpphphh*"

England just not windy enough for wind farms, admits renewables boss

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Nay, lad. Tha needs a means o'catchin' t'misery an' turnin' that int'er 'leccy.

Microsoft thinks it's fixed Windows Server mess its last fix 'fixed'

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Paris Hilton

Re: "let us know if the issues are indeed solved"

I think it's more a case of "make it pretty" rather than "make it useful".

Belgian brewery lays 3.2km beer pipeline

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Taking a leaf from the London Underground...

it will be named The Princess Margaret Line.

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This one has a lager capacity.

Engine warning light appears on Uber's $100m driver settlement

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Well...

tyred old arguments take the backseat and early indicators show that Shannon's been court in the headlights and she'll end up exhausted and run down after facing a battery of criticism from the clients she tried taking for a ride.

Cisco axes unloved M-Series modular servers two years after launch

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Re: turd polishng

Apparently to "cloud" something now means "to share it". Management have taken this on board quite readily and are now happy to cloud the issues for staff, partners and customers alike.

Swiss effectively disappear Alps: World's largest tunnel opens

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Re: the movie

The opening ceremony was the stage version of that.

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Linings. Tunnel, pocket, anything really.

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Re: Swiss efficiency

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nb6Not_p8oc

Berlin Airport? I didn't recall, but these guys ^^^^ helpfully summarise the details by way of a song and a Playmobil reconstruction.

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Re: Seconds From Disaster

I prefer this.

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Re: You should go and have

Holy crap! That is freakin' bizzare. What's all the Dr Who furry caterpillar acrobatics about? Did they dig something out that had been trapped for 14 million years? When they come to open the (*spit*) Elizabeth Line, I hope it's a much more English affair. Sadiq Khan with a tartan thermos of tea, looking at his watch every now and again, reading the Metro until the train pulls in to the platform and he gets up and says "Ay. S'all-reet that is. It'll do, I reckon."

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Re: Protestant

Standing in the vast mouth of the tunnel, overcome with awe, the Imam says to the others, "Alhamdulillah! The inside of a mountain is indeed a holy place. This reminds me, it was in a cave in a mountain where Allah revealed the holy Qu'ran to The Prophet, peace be upon him."

The Catholic priest says "Hail Mary, mother of God! Mountains are magical, mystical places. This tunnel reminds me that it was in a hole in a mountain, surrounded by rock, where Our Lord Jesus Christ's body lay for three days before he was resurrected."

The Pastor says "Quite, quite. Praise God, rock of ages. Since time immemorial a place of safety. I am reminded that The Old Testament tells us it was in caves in the mountains that the people of Israel hid from persecution by the Midianites."

Nodding sagely in religious contemplation the three await the Rabbi's comment. After a few moments of silence, they realise the Rabbi isn't with them any more. Looking around, they see him running down the tunnel, robes billowing out behind him. "Hey!" they cry out after him. "Where are you going?"

"Hallelujah! I saw the sign pointing towards Switzerland and it reminded me of where the Nazi's hid my family's gold!"

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73 different kinds of rock...

Oh yes. Isn’t that interesting.

Interesting? It’s frightening!

Is it? Well, actually it just looks like a slice of layer cake to me.

Why did you say it looked interesting then?

Oh, well, I’m quite interested in layer cake.

Capitalize 'Internet'? AP says no – Vint Cerf says yes

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Re: It's "The Internet"

Surely it's t'InterWeb.

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Re: Guidelines? m'EH?

I've been keeping a gallery of shit BBC news articles published online. I've almost filled my iCloud storage plan allowance. Shockingly bad.

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@Geoffrey. You got me.

But it is important, capitalisation. For instance HOOVER is valid in Scrabble but not Words With Friends and INTERNET is not valid in SCRABBLE but is in Words With Friends. You can check that out if you want - I'm telling the truth this time.

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Re: facebook is now genericized

What! About! You Tube?! And! Yahoo!?

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Hm. I googled (Googled?) bbc. Produced very different results to BBC.

UK Home Office is creating mega database by stitching together ALL its gov records

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Re: Modus Operandi

They left amyl nitrate legal for this very reason.

Questions over how Ian Livingston's peerage was granted

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Ian Livingstone?

You mean the "Fighting Fantasy" bloke? Seriously?

Wow.

BOFH: What's your point, caller?

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Re: 48 hour SLA?

That's the 48 hours a day that they want you to work when they doubled your shift length. They're sadists, not mathematicians.

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Re: ex-Boss who was himself resolved within 48 hours

re-solved with a strong re-solvent.

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How do I order a new keyboard online if this one is broken?

I've had a similar thing.

Called the helpdesk by phone on a number that they didn't know I had:

Yes, I know that's not the procedure... all jobs have to be submitted either by web portal or to the automated email address which logs it in the job system... the ability to log jobs taken by phone has gone from the ticketing system?... Which grand muppet dreamt that one up? ... The problem? Well, the network appears to be down in our building... Yes, it's the whole building... As it happens there IS a mini digger outside... they're installing a beach bar for the students... yes, it's non-alcoholic - this IS the medical school building you know... Yes, I know doctors are one of the worst groups for alcohol abuse, but more than half the students are Muslims and they took a vote. Anyway, to get back to the problem, no network in the entire building... No, I don't have a VOIP phone obviously... I don't CARE if the policy was to replace POTS with VOIP to save costs. I like my POTS phone and I managed to hide it in a drawer when I saw your "engineer" coming down the corridor with a trolley and a wheelie bin... You still want me to log the job on the web portal... without a functioning network... Yes, even the wireless is down... So how do I?... The Learning Centre? That's in our building too... The Learning Centre on YOUR campus... Yes, I do have a travel card...

EU stay or leave?

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Re: Goodwins Law

And yet the very ideology that gave rise to these atrocities are the ones displayed by the nationalist parties that are gaining support due to the social unease caused by the EU failing to tackle issues within the zone.

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Re: travel

Pining for the fjords?!

Visiting Slartibartfast's signature?

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Re: What am I voting?

I'm voting Leave, but I'm hoping the result will be Stay by the tiniest of margins.

Why? Because I believe in Europe as an entity and an identity, but it has huge problems. I wouldn't want to leave, but I'd like to rock the boat hard enough that the rest of the occupiers stop arguing about whether to call the stuff filling the bilge "water", "wasser" or "l'eau" and actually acknowledge that something needs to be done quickly about stopping us sinking and why the hell did we rip out all the watertight compartment bulkheads in the first place?

Standardisation: This is useful, though many of them are International Standards (ISO), nothing really to do with the EU other than either being ratified by the EU or competing with an EU standard. For some reason e.g. the consumer tech industry seems to negotiate new standards quite alright on its own, TYVM. Usually on a development cycle which sees obsolescence of "standards" around the time that nations are ready to adopt them - call it evolution if you will.

Emergency Coverage: As a humanitarian, I think that it's our duty as a citizen of the world to offer money, skills, equipment, time etc to relieve suffering caused by environmental or even man made disaster.

Socialism: I prefer the term "capital socialist". Where the profit of enterprise is shared amongst those who contributed to that profit. The means of production is owned by the producer. That's equality of return to the contributor, by coin, labour, thought or deed; not being content with the sweepings from the venture capitalist's table who only put up the money.

Travel: For visiting other countries, it's useful, but no great hardship to get the appropriate visa or permit. It's not like travelling hundreds of miles is such a daily event that it becomes burdensome to incorporate permissions in your travel planning.

Defence: Meh. What do I know? We need an armed force to represent our interests globally, either in humanitarian relief, policing / surveillance or just generally because. It will still happen, be it in tandem with EU forces, NATO forces, USA forces etc etc

Rights: Would have happened anyway; its called social evolution. We need to keep an eye on abuses by bosses of all kinds, but there's enough local / national variation within the EU anyway.

Trade: This is a big one. I was watching that thing about a hovercraft factory unable to trade with Brazil because of a lack of trade agreements which could reduce the tariff to be competitive. We need to sort shit like this out, as well as avoiding the quagmire of TTIP.

Law: That an EU court can override a UK court is both a blessing and a curse. Having higher courts, of course, just drags out the legal process by way of providing endless avenues of appeal. "You've had your day in court" seems like it's become "You've had your day in court, same time next week?"

Migration & Citizenship: This is the big one for me. Having no control over the rate of growth of your population makes it impossible to plan for societal needs. We've already seen 300k pa incoming, a 200k pa housebuilding target and a 170k pa realisation of new homes. This leads to artificially high demand in the housing market, driving prices up, whilst the same cause drives the bulk of wages down, but the executive pay goes up because houses are so expensive nowadays. Human life is cheap, so they say. Then there's the imbalance between an EU citizen's rights to live and work wherever compared to commonwealth citizens who have to jump through hoops to get a visa. As I've said before elsewhere, my girlfriend came here from Nigeria to study law. She needed £20k in the bank and a firm offer from a university to come here, but is only allowed to legally work 20 hours a week to support her living expenses. Yet there's a student sat outside this room right now who has come from Estonia to study biochemistry, needed no funds in the bank, could get a UK student loan, can do paid work of 40+ hours a week and basically only came here because they had a firm offer. What kind of equality is that? I'd like to see EU citizens convicted of serious crimes deported back to their home country and denied the right of re-entry, the same as can be done for other nationalities. Cameron says that it's Britain's strong economy that is a draw for EU migration, but (1) it's only relatively strong compared to eastern and southern european states, we're not exhibiting massive, independent growth and (2) what made them think that free movement of peoples when there are social and economic gradients within the EU would not be a problem? If there are parts of Europe that aren't doing so well even with membership of the EU, what kind of a club is that to be in? There's no relegation zone in the EU. Mind you, there's no promotion zone either. Why can Britain do better economically if other EU countries can't? It can't be down to EU membership - plain and simple. Surely some nations must be suffering if a lot of their mobile workforce can come here to find jobs? They'd rather pick fruit in the UK for £6 an hour than work as whatever in their own country?

In brief, if the EU mechanisms were made more cost-efficient, if the legislative powers were tempered and more directed, if entry visas (and thus access to social/welfare support) were reintroduced across the EU and quotas could be enforced, then I think there's no argument left for the leave camp. I don't think there's a country in the EU that ISN'T suffering from these issues. Some just don't wish to tackle the elephants in the room, but until that happens nationalist parties will find a route to power, and THAT'S the risk of war in Europe. More risk of war if we remain and fail to address the concerns of the people. That's why I hope we don't actually exit, but we send a clear message that even us easy going British types have strong concerns. We don't want to be the economic lifeboat of Europe; we don't have the space!

Management Speak

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Facepalm

Management Speak

Why isn't there a management speak flag?

Anyway, I've had a new one today.

"The draft roadmap is on Sharepoint now. Make any changes to the roadmap that you think are needed, but make sure you cloud them."

Yes. Cloud is now a verb with a second meaning - share on the internet.

So when management talk about "Engaging with stakeholders and sharing their vision." they mean "Talking at staff and clouding the issue."

It all makes sense now.

Trouble originating between chair and keyboard caused most UK breaches

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Re: EBKAC and PEBCAK

Microsoft appear to be relying on this wetware "feature" in their Windows X deployment roadmap.

Planet 9 a captured alien, astroboffins suggest

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Planet 9?

Mondas would be a far better designation.

Samsung: Don't install Windows 10. REALLY

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Re: Price of Windows 10?

$50, but it'll be refunded when you spend more than $50 in the Windows App Store.

Brexit? Cutting the old-school ties would do more for Brit tech world

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Re: And that's not accounting for birth rate or increased longevity.

Mine's the one with the flashing red gem in the palm...

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Re: I don't much care...

Is that what people think green belt is? Gated communities in the Home Counties? In my neck of the woods, they'll bulldoze roads across playing fields, concrete over allotments, cut wildlife corridors in half, backfill natural pools and generally nibble away at the only farmland left in London. Slice after slice of pasture being built over until Harrow merges into Wembley, Watford merges into Harrow, Rickmansworth merges into Watford... Whereas our local gated community, Moor Park, has remained pretty much exactly as it is. They've enough money to buy the fields and leave them as they are, thank you very much, whilst 400 home megaplex's spring up next to the 1 in 100 flood plain, that floods every 5 years now because of land recovery and flood defences built 15 miles upstream so that another 1000 home megaplex could be built there... and so on and so on until you can walk to work balcony to balcony on floor 15.

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