* Posts by TRT

6017 posts • joined 11 Sep 2009

Stop your moaning, says maker of buggy Bluetooth sex toy

TRT
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Re: a virtually deserted bus late one

Scunthorpe.

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Re: a virtually deserted bus late one

There's also an area of London called Clitterhouse. Unfortunately its not particularly glamorous or pretty, being sandwiched in the triangle between Childs Hill, Brent Cross and Cricklewood.

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Re: a virtually deserted bus late one

The 69 to Clitterhouse Recreation Grounds?

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Google aims disrupto-tronic ray at intercoms. Yes, intercoms

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Re: I wonder how far...

Ask Lovsense.

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Cisco, M$, Google...

All merge into one.50 shades of slurp.

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Augmented reality: Like it or not, only Apple's ready for the data-vomit gush

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Re: Whatever ....

Ah, it's a bit of a con you see. They've impoverished themselves in the Apple Store, so they pretend to be glued to their mobes in order to slow their drinking down thus avoiding a headache inducing bar bill. I do that all the time.

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Brace yourselves, fanboys. Winter is coming. And the iPhone X can't handle the cold

TRT
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Re: Why are you trying to leave the Apple shop?

Please. PLEASE. Let me go! I need to go to work to earn some money to pay for all this crack-cocaine-tech.

Your reasoning is sound. You may leave, but don't forget your Geek-Bar appointment next Saturday at 11am. Failure to show up will result in forfeiture of your kidneys. Have a nice day.

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Re: but I'm sure Apple will have thought of that

I believe they actually said "Secure facial recognition? Don't hold your breath."

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Re: the use of fingerprint unlocking forces you to de-glove anyway

Does the facial recognition still work with billowing clouds of water vapour coming out of your mouth, whilst icicles hang off your nose and even your eyebrows have got frostbite?

Or do we hang onto out iPhone Xs until global warming really kicks in?

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Re: Some can't handle the study!

21 out of 76 graduated?? Christ, that's some tough course.

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Make cool products. Period. Where did that go?

The company that makes BodyForm?

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Re: Your location is wrong

Too much negative language.

"Here at Apple, we believe you should be in a better location."

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You wanted robo-butlers. Instead, you're getting robo-BOFHs

TRT
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Bash?

Ah yes. Percussive maintenance. The technician's tap. One of my favourites.

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TRT
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Terminator

I've just picked up a fault in the AE35 unit.

It's going to go 100% failure in 72 hours.

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Harry Potter to get the Pokémon GO treatment

TRT
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Harry Potter and...

...the Prisoner of an Anker-Bank.

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IBM's next turnaround tool is ... a new open-source font?

TRT
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Different shades

50 shades of blue.

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TRT
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Actually...

It's not half bad. Pretty good I'd say. Who'd have thunk it?!

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Facebook's send-us-your-nudes service is coming to UK, America

TRT
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Re: Why...

@chivo243

Fortunately, my memory is starting to go. Or at least that's what I tell people. ;)

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Re: "society's likely condemnation of their victim"

Whilst this might be true, it really is up to me what I want done with images of me, isn't it? And if I want to wear a burka, why not? I don't think it's a question of societal condemnation - I mean, there's lot of society that condemns wearing a burka, right? But I'm not bothered if someone posts a picture of me doing that online - revenge ultraconservatism. Right on!

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Re: Why...

Is there a job going then, where these images are vetted by a human for inclusion in the barring scheme?

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"This lets the victim take control and be proactive in their own safety,"

Is this some sort of perverted version of blaming the victim?

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Paradise Papers reveal Apple moved bits of biz offshore

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I saw that Paradise Papers programme

I can't believe they were getting away with it. Unbelievable. That anyone got paid for making that Mrs Brown shite...

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ATM fees shake-up may push Britain towards cashless society

TRT
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Re: Link ATM?

That would be very useful for accessibility options. Switch to inverted colours, large fonts, reduced clutter etc.

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TRT
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Re: own bags? My experience...

Sainsbury's self-checkout -

Do you have your own bags?

- Yes

Please place the bags into the bagging area.

*Places bag, waits*

Unknown item in bagging area.

*removes bag*

Please place your bag into the bagging area.

*Places bag, waits*

Thank you.

*scan, beep, put item in bag*

Unknown item in bagging area.

*removes item*

Please place the item you have just scanned into the bagging area

*places item in bag*

Unknown item in bagging area.

*removes item and bag. Places item.*

*Flashing red light and alarm noise*

Please wait for assistance.

Ffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..........

Every. Single. Time.

And experience has shown that once you've told it you have your own bag, there's no way back to the start to tell it you don't have your own bag, after you eventually decide that trying to weigh your own backpack that you're trying to load your lunch into is beyond the capability of the scales and that you'll just put them into the back pack post-purchase rather than AS you buy them.

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Re: Link ATM?

Sainsbury's self-checkout -

Do you have your own bags?

- No

*scan, beep, scan, beep, finish*

How many bags have you used?

- 0

How do you wish to pay?

- Card

Payment accepted

Voice prompt:"Please take your bags."

*Inward screaming*

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Re: muggings

Ok then, we'll take two pointy ones, a flat one and a bag of gravel each.

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Re: Surely thats phone banking?

@AC. fair point that there's online banking and phone banking, but she was actually resetting her online banking login credentials by talking to someone real and providing sufficient identification information to satisfy them that she was who she said she was. My point was, though, that people are sometimes quite blasé about their "secret" information.

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Re: £50's

"Not everything a banker needs can be bought on cut using a card!"

TFTFY

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Re: Also, in an increasing surveilance society

I believe there's some shizzle about legal tender which is supposed to prevent this sort of thing. And IIRC, I believe the 20p or was it £1 coin was never included in the appropriate Act, thus making it legal tender to settle, say, Amazon's tax bill in coins.

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Re: think you might be telling a little fib there.

I might also be quoting the late, great Douglas Adams.

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Re: Surely thats phone banking?

I couldn't overhear her phone's screen now, could I?

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Re: My partner hates me..

I overheard a woman on the train doing her online banking. Well, it was hard not to. If I had the mind to, I'd have had her name, address, date of birth, account number and last balance within two minutes.

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Re: £50's

I hadn't considered that. My butler always hands me my wallet of freshly ironed £50s as he opens the door for me on my way out in the morning.

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Bit like London Underground then.

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Link ATM?

Instructions for use:

1. Insert Card

2. Battle your way through to the level boss and rescue Zelda

3. Remove Card

4. Collect reward from cash dispenser slot

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Re: Also, in an increasing surveilance society

If you can't scratch a window with it, I don't accept it.

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Post-Brexit economy SAVED: Posh-nosh truffle thrives in Wales

TRT
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Re: Whales are now a dessert

Ooh! I'll have a sperm surprise! I fancy a chance from humpback trifle.

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Welsh Truffles...

Is that like Welsh Rarebit? i.e. a posh name for cheese on toast.

Welsh Truffles, mustard baked mushrooms.

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Birds are pecking apart Australia's national broadband network

TRT
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Re: eating our local birds ?

A big, beautiful cockatoo.

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El Reg assesses crypto of UK banks: Who gets to wear the dunce cap?

TRT
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Re: Smile please...

Yep. Just takes the one and the whole world smiles with you.

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I wouldn't touch them. They're a dark horse.

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Re: much better capitalised

Yeah, bloody nEwYork FirsT NATional HoldINg bANk pisses me off.

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TRT
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Can we have a review of Apps now? Or does reverse engineering those breach some law or other?

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Re: Dunce Cap tip

It annoys me that they ask for characters from my secret thingy, but it's the first, last and second last. The field is limited to 10 characters, so my usual three-word phrase trick often exceeds that.

Battery Horse Staple.

What's the final character?

E

Not what I have here.

Oh, hang on, 10 characters, right? R

Correct.

Now if they has asked for character 10 in the first place...

Mind you, making a deliberate mistake and being told it's wrong has some reassurance value... I always enter my PIN wrong the first time at an unfamiliar cashpoint. Just in case you know.

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OK, we admit it. Under the hood, the iPhone X is a feat of engineering

TRT
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Re: Stacked Like Pamela

Well, enhanced with a silicon substrate...

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TRT
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My eyesight's getting to the point where I can't read it at arm's length and I can't focus if I bring it closer. So I often use a magnifying glass - especially to distinguish the various emojis. Although I also often ignore messages which rely on emoji to convey content.

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How, though?

Lots of lacquer.

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Re: yes, it's very nice but...

Today's brag is tomorrow's bag.

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Those IT gadget freebies you picked up this year? They make AWFUL Christmas presents

TRT
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Re: Horrible green stuff

I thought, Midori. Which is simply foul stuff.

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Re: Evil green liquid

Always had a terrible effect on my bowels... but then absinthe makes the fart go Honda.

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