* Posts by TRT

6017 posts • joined 11 Sep 2009

US stealth bombers finally get nuke-nobbling super bomb

TRT
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Brings new meaning...

to pencil pushing.

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Bishop to bless road salt supplies for added winter safety

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They probably misheard...

someone say that they wanted a blessing up the gritter.

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Forget feeding 5,000 with 12 fish...

How are we going to grit 20,000 miles of road with a 1kg box of Saxa?

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IKEA cuts ribbon on 'I've Got A Screw Loose Street'

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Ooh!

I went to university with a girl called Camilla Tornillo. Did I miss a trick here?

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TRT
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Will Mr Alan Key...

have a property on that road?

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Voyager 2 finally agrees to a long hard thrust

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We’re heading out into intergalactic space! I feel cold, all alone in this infinite void.

Apart from the fleet of black battle cruisers behind us. There are about a hundred-thousand. Is that wrong?

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TRT
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Ah!

Well, that explains it.

How many hardware engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, we'll fix it in software.

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Thumb Up

F*ck me. Impressive. Way better than that modern Russian job.

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Enormous orbiting solar raygun power plants touted

TRT
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Or...

convert human beings into biochemical batteries which you could array in huge nursery stacks, whilst keeping their conscious mind occupied by means of a computer generated artificial reality.

Actually sounds like it would make rather a good film and a couple of shit sequels.

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Bagged salad contained decomposed AVIAN CORPSE

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IT Angle

I suppose...

this was a situation about which he tweeted; which is more than poor, dead bird could do.

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New anonymity rule on Euro airport body scanners

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Windows

Well, going by some of the holitards I see at airports...

there should be a machine that projects clothing onto all the muffin tops, orange-peel thighs and short-wearing individuals. Save my delicate sensibilities.

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Harry Potter director takes on Doctor Who movie

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Can't we get...

Peter Cushing?

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TRT
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Go

Make it...

in LEGO!

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Apple's cloud music service 'WIPES your iPHONE'

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Facepalm

Don't be stupid

That would effectively kill Apple's 'goose the lays the golden eggs', i.e. a mobile music player. They are NOT going to do that!

No, the idea is to 'cut the cord' so your master music library is in the cloud and you sync your mobile selection with that, the music being downloaded into your iWhatever for use where and when. There's also a handy service included in the fee whereby you obtain an iTunes license for CDs that you may have ripped yourself in the past.

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Cuba accuses US of sneaky Wi-Fi imperialism

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Holmes

Close but...

no cigar.

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Pass the wine, dear. Yes, that papier-mache thing

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I seem to recall from the 70s...

Paul Daniels filling up some wine glasses from a rolled up newspaper.

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TRT
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Please!!!

Won't somebody think of the cork sellers?

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TRT
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Paris Hilton

I'm the one...

who's stuck on a desert island.

Paris: because there's more than one use for a bottle.

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The new touchy-feely Doctor Who trend: Worrying

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Midnight

Yes, what's wrong with that?

The only two episodes, of the post-2005 bunch, that I'd suggest that a non-Whovian watch would be Midnight and Blink.

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TRT
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Probably Talons of Weng Chiang, Spearhead from Space, Arc in Space and The Dinosaur Invasion.

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Lego movie greenlighted by Warner Bros

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Who's playing...

the role of leading stud?

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Dud Mars probe's explosion will spare Earth's cities

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This Mars...

is becoming a marathon, he snickers.

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Vacuum cleaner set Swedish nuke plant on fire

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I can imagine it now...

"Ready for testing... evacuate the chamber"

"Pressure dropping in test chamber..."

"Sir, there's a vacuum in the test chamber!"

"Good, ignite!"

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BT Tower falls over, crushes X Factor hopefuls

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Terminator

I blame...

WOTAN.

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Go back to the future with Red Dwarf

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Hyperdrive

They should team up with the Hyperdrive cast & crew, then I'd have something I could definitely make a note of* in my diary.

*to miss / visit my aunt in deepest Peru / die

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Another new Russian nuclear powerplant comes online

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Wow. When does red become green, eh?

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Where are all the decent handheld scribbling tools?

TRT
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Fond memories...

I used to sell these (amongst other things)!

I've come over all nostalgic.

*sniff*

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Nazi Star Trek episode finally broadcast in Germany

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"For you, Kirk, zee Google+ iz over!'

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Veg rustlers hit with conditional discharge after roadside lineup

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Was it a lamb-ogini?

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TRT
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Not only that...

but some scrote jumped the fence and took a leek last winter.

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TRT
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Some veg couldn't be identified.

So it was photographed and displayed in the police photo-ID log. It was a turnip for the books.

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TRT
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I share their pain.

As a smallholder myself, I've had a couple of marrows pinched, as well as around four pounds of beans and peas. It's no laughing matter. Oh, and allotments are measured in poles, not rods.

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New tap turns water into super-cleaning potion

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"Get busy with the fizzy Soda Stream"?

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Divorcing couple ordered to share Facebook and dating site logins

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Devil

Facebook is evil.

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Nintendo adds Wii U support for second controller

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Take two tablets...

and come back in the morning if you still have a headache.

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Foreign Office loses dozens of PCs and smartphones

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The Welsh Assembly...

might not have lost any electronics, but have you seen how many leeks they have?

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'Puzzling structures on surface' of YU55 spaceball

TRT
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Alien

Buildings, you say?

They look suspiciously like gun turrets to me.

Let's see if I can pick up any transmissions... oh yes.

"...Land...," "...safe distance...", "...monitor it, and..."

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Russian probe engines crap out on way to Mars

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Come on...

the odds are slim getting the craft there to begin with, but the chances of anything coming from Mars are a million-to-one.

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Pay-by-wave: At least it's better than being mugged

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Coat

Mine's the one...

with the lead-lined wallet in the pocket.

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Paypal emits cash swap tap app for Android

TRT
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Useful if it keeps track of when you lent your mate a tenner and if they've paid it back or not. Not so useful for ridding yourself of pocket shrapnel at the local tube tramp.

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'Indestructible' Moto Defy telly ad banned

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Fashionable but...

the only colour available is 'Captain Scarlet'

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Honda upgrades humanoid robot to SERVE BEER

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How long does the battery last?

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New pics of giant black sphere hurtling toward Earth

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Mushroom

Top left corner pocket...

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Doctor Who and the Unsatisfactory Five Hole Tape Punch

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Paris Hilton

Yeah, sorry...

got distracted by trying to make a gag about Jodrell Bank and my memory got backfilled, understandably, with various thoughts of the Doctor's female (and one male) assistant. Of course, my absolute favourite assistant of all time ever has to be Sarah-Jane. I miss her!

*goes misty eyed*

Of course, there's tons of BBC Sci-Fi tech that El Reg could comment on... I mean, Blake's 7 with Zen (just so cool!), Orac and Slave, Tripods, erm... help me out here.

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FAIL

UFO made in 1969/70, set in 1980.

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TRT
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Paris Hilton

Cooeeerrr!

All this talk of Leela and Vikki and the like... I'm going to have to pop off for a quick Jodrell.

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TRT
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B.O.S.S.

FACT

The BOSS operator's console was also used to control a moon-base and a fleet of space interceptors which defended the Earth against organ-stealing green skinned alien invaders around 1980. The voice-interfaced and largely autonomous Space Intruder Detector satellite was much superior to all of these Dr Who efforts, and could even give Siri a run for its money.

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Shock movie upset - Daniel Craig still James Bond 007

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Of course Bond would have been very different if he met someone called Gina Talwurtz.

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HSBC UK systems major outage

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Repeat

Didn't this happen last year as well? I seem to remember receiving a phone call from my ex-wife screaming at me and accusing me of somehow cancelling all her cards just to embarrass and humiliate her.

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Modern Warfare 3 flogged on eBay for a grand

TRT
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Mushroom

I was quite grabbed by this until I saw someone had mis-spelled RADIUS. That would just want to make me throw the thing through the window.

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