* Posts by TRT

6142 posts • joined 11 Sep 2009

Apple design chief Jony Ive knighted - but not by the Queen

TRT
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Re: iDub thee...

Sir I

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Everything Everywhere activates top-secret erections

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Why EE?

Why not Orange T? Pekoe?

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Greedy LOHAN draining away mankind's vital fluid ... allegedly

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Windows XP update fails in infinite .NET patch loop

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Holmes

Ah!!! I noticed this on an old and shaky machine. Coupled with a failure of McAfee to re-install and oddities with the Microsoft Audio Device driver, I decided a wipe clean and up-haul to Windows 7 was required.

Very clever, M$, very clever.

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New Oyster online service goes live at TfL

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TRT
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Annoying things on the Underground

Those damned wheeled bags. Not that the bags themselves are bad, but the people dragging them around... when they turn 90° straight across your path especially at the top of an escalator... RAAAAARRRRRR!!!!

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Met bobbies get CSI kit to probe perps' mobes

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Paris Hilton

I wonder which officer is going to be the first to get done for sneakily slurping the contents of their girlfriend's/ boyfriend's/ husband's/ wife's phone, now that it's been made so easy and self-service?

Paris, because of the potential for a ruinous affair.

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Zuck weds self to lady friend in surprise ceremony

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Oh jeez... I guess he's changing his name to Chan then, rather than lumbering her with the tongue numbing Priscilla Zuckerberg?

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Smoke-belching flash drive self-destructs on command

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Mushroom

I'm surprised that they didn't use any kind of special security screws on the casing. Also, it must take a lot of power to burn up those chips, so there's no way that the drive can have an integral battery to enable the physical destruction completely autonomously.

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BBC deletes Blue Peter from BBC One

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Of course. Because thanks to the government you can no longer get into the school at the end of the road any more, only one five to ten miles away.

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TRT
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Re: @Asgard - Ignore the Blue Peter angle for a moment....

@frank ly

Did you see Charlie Booker's guide to making an episode of Horizon? I was ROFPML.

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TRT
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Re: John Noakes was the dogs bollocks

Konnie Huq. Hmmmmmmm!

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Re: Austerity Measure?

"On BBC1, they replace it with a re-run of some blithering daytime TV classic - zero cost"

Oh noes! More "Crap in the Attic"? Pass me the remote.

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Paris Hilton

Re: Peter Duncan in Flash Gordon...

He reported from Treasure Trap (Peckforton Castle) too. I polished his helmet for him.

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Trollface

Relaunch Blockbusters!

There's not much for the 15-19 sector. They should take a leaf from Challenge's book and relaunch the 6-formers version of University Challenge, Blockbusters. Plus points if they dig up poor, dead Bob Holness to host.

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Child support IT fail: Deadbeat mums 'n' dads off the hook

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Mushroom

Re: I hate "deadbeat"

Very true. Thatcher and her spin-team sold the CSA to the voter with such phrases as "dead beat dads" and "jack-the-lads bed hopping around the council estates breeding like rabbits without a care for the cost"

All well and good until they ACTUALLY put it into practise and went after any father with a job where the mother claimed any kind of income benefit whether they were paying for the child or not, forcing the absent parent to pay not only for the child, but 100% of the mother's outgoings as well. Hence my pay packet of £800 a month suddenly having £650 a month taken out of it before I saw it and could use it to pay my £480 a month mortgage, food and bills. Letters from the bank about not paying the mortgage etc etc.

Just don't get me started.

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Button batteries burn kids from inside

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Hearing aids

Doesn't help that sweet manufacturers devise ever more ingenious boiled sugar dispensers, some of which look like those rosette hearing aid battery dispensers.

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'IT is no place for the little ladies', says Dell mouthpiece

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Ah, reminds me of that old nursery rhyme.

Ding dong Dell,

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UK's '£1.2bn software pirates' mostly 'blokes under 34'

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Headmaster

Re: Pirates

*snigger* yeah, I know. Maybe it's just musos... mind you, they failed the practical test as well. They could tell a guitar lead from a headphone lead, but failed to identify the TOSLINK and XLR cables, and had variable success identifying the ISA sound card.

Of the three older candidates, one was a 32 yr old female who just about passed the practical but failed on the classical music theory test, the 35 yr old man couldn't tell what any of the cables or cards were and the guy we did employ in the end was just 25, the only one trained in the USA, he knew what e.g. legato and adagio meant, could restring a guitar (he even asked left or right handed), knew Reason(tm) inside out, a total f***ing musical genius. I jumped through hoops to get him into the country - thankfully the evidence I could provide to the home office, including the offers to install pirated software on college PCs, proved that there were no suitable UK candidates for the post. I was well pleased to have him on the team.

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Facepalm

Pirates

I once chaired interviews for a music technician at a FE college. 12 candidates rolled in, 9 of them sat there and told me how they could get their hands on e.g. Propellerhead software for nothing, "which would surely help our budget 'cos colleges don't have much money, right?". The interviewer to my right was busy making notes with his FAST pen he picked up at a recent conference...

These 9 were all under 25; the other 3 were older, by the way.

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Virgin straps on phone masts for the flying upper classes

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Surely it'll need to Roam?

I mean, does it advertise itself as a roaming network able to accept all UK carriers? Won't that mean a SIM upgrade? How will this work?

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London's Oyster card website still down after 12-hour outage

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Is the Oyster site...

centred around Perl?

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Solving traffic jams with maths

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Re: Interesting.

It's odd the effect a ring-road blockage has around Watford. Backs up all the way onto the M1 and the M25 if Exchange Road is closed for more than 30 minutes. But how do you fix Bushey Arches?

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Boffins crack on with ultimate roboass

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Paris Hilton

Shiri?

Will Paris be warm this weekend?

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Star Trek's Wesley Crusher blasts Google+ landgrab

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FAIL

Yet another chocolate factory fail...

at providing an enterprise service.

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Star Trek role-players' privates sniffed by alien invader

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That would be...

illogical, Captain.

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Hanging's too good for 'em - so what do you suggest?

TRT
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Apple OS naming convention.

Use 'em to feed the leopards. Throw 'em in the arena to go up mano-e-garra against a lion or a tiger.

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From the Department of WTF: New USB tampon flash drive

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I'm just glad...

that the BBC have stopped making Spooks. I mean, one of those tasty, tasty MI6 lady agents sneaking a data stripping virus into a hostile embassy party dressed as a maid or a stripper...this could have given them ideas.

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Remember Rik's party in The Young Ones?

I hope it's waterproof.

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Biologists create synthetic DNA capable of EVOLUTION

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Re: worry

Is the base-pair spacing compatible?

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TRT
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Happy

Re: I tried reading about it, via the link

I understand it perfectly. But then, I do IT in a biomedical research laboratory.

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TRT
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Coat

Blasphemy!

Mine's the one with the Kaled mutant in the pocket.

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Battlefield Earth ruled worst film EVER

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Possibly you are. Other commentators are quite right - for the die hard fans of the series, the whole thing was too fast paced, too many changes to the text were done (that's where much of the humour is to be found) probably because some Hollywood rulebook decreed that a 2 second pause is too long in a movie whereas you need that pause to let the audience get the joke about "What's so wrong with being drunk?"

For a fan of DA, this movie is just bad bad bad. Imagine the cast of Glee performing a dramatisation of Terry Pratchett's "The Colour of Magic", directed by M. Night-Shamalamadingdong.

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POWERFUL solar flare belched at Mars rover Curiosity

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Mushroom

Re: How do we determine....

Flares are still in fashion in Noo'cassal, man!

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Minister blows away plans for more turbines

TRT
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Wrong deployment...

Direct power generation from wind was never going to be a good solution. They should be using the wind turbines to pump water into storage dams for hydro-electric generation.

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Vintage alien tech crash-lands in field

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I think the aliens...

are bi-curious.

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PLASMA GERM BLASTER GUN invented for cleaning skin

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Hey guys, guys, guys; back up a second...

when was the last time you saw a 5V battery, huh?

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The best April 1 gags … or were they?

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Re: One you missed ...

And you missed Jessop's "Hover Pod" flying tripod.

http://www.amateurphotographer.co.uk/news/Jessops_in_hover_tripod_April_Fools_prank_news_312061.html

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Vote now for the WORST movie EVER

TRT
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Re: Wedding video

The wedding video, in order to qualify as worst film ever, should be called:

"For Vow and For Never"

Crew:

Producer - Ed Wood

Director - Jonathan Frakes

Costume - Tim Burton

Cinematography - M. Night Shyamalan

Score - Danny Elfman

Cast:

The Groom - Mos Def

The Bride - Gwyneth Paltrow

The Matron of Honour - Tilda Swinton

The Best Man - Jack Black

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ALL Visa cards blab punters' names - not just Barclaycards

TRT
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Re: I've drilled the aerial out of my cards.

And they may find they end up with one less customer. I don't care. Banks are ten a penny.

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TRT
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I've drilled the aerial out of my cards.

And I don't care if I get downvoted for doing so. I don't ever use that facility, and I don't want to.

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West Australian WiFi mesh sniffs out bushfires

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25Km per node???

That's just mental!

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A million TVs to go dark across London

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Facepalm

Well...

I believe that it's BBC2 that goes off and ITV moves onto BBC2's frequency, so ITV's old frequency is then clear for the new MUX, then...

it's all very complex, but the fact that they HAVE to keep ITV going for as long as possible, above and beyond the vastly superior BBC2 programming, just gives me more cause to lower my head in shame.

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Everything you thought you knew about cybercrims is WRONG

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FAIL

Oh yes, Hollywood...

As in Swordfish, Sneakers, Firewall...

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Plastic that SELF-REPAIRS using light unleashed by prof

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Re: Not great for glasses..

Qucik rub with a Brillo pad, and bingo! Rose tinted spectacles.

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Tripleton touts telephone for double-ohs

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Or even...

hungry journalists?

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OAP sues Apple for $1m after walking into store's glass door

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Big Brother

That's one old and angry bird!

Now stop granny bashing and get back to work!

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Fujitsu has phone fraudsters in its sights

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Or...

Pretend to be from Microsoft calling because "their server has received a message from my computer that it has been infected with a virus and that I need special software to remove it".

The first few times I just hung up, but recently I've taken to asking them to hold while I turn the computer on, then play the Apple start-up chime at them. "Hang on... Microsoft you say???"

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