* Posts by TRT

6520 posts • joined 11 Sep 2009

'Nun' drops goat head on pavement outside Cheltenham 'Spoons

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Re: Proves that Cheltenham

Of course. Chelt'nam is posher than Viet'nam. That should read "Victor was everywhere".

(Charlie as slang shorthand for Vietcong was an abbreviation of VC or Victor Charlie).

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Re: Maybe

TBH, from the headline, I was expecting it to be some sort of scatalogical slang.

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Re: Proves that Cheltenham

I remember 'nam. Gooks left, right and centre. Charlie was everywhere.

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A head in a duffel bag?

What happened to the other 7, then?

The lighter side of HMRC: We want your money, but we also want to make you laugh

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Re: you have the Channel.

Not between Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland we don't. Yet.

Actually... would it be cheaper to dredge a canal across the Mexico border... like a new Panama? Could monetise it then as a shipping channel.

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Re: so what borderline things will you be claiming for this year?

There will be NO border, so there will be NO BORDERLINE.

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Re: Tax humour

So will paying through the nose.

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Re: Quoting from the linked MP motion about letterboxes

The letterbox move is all to ensure that the postman can get it through the flap without straining. Of course, the legislation will only apply to the front entrance rather than anything going in by the back door.

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Re: too short to reach the post box

Yeah, couldn't put the postage at the top, so had to stamp his foot.

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Or possibly a medical device / PSE... some people get non-freezing cold injuries, particularly those who have inherited genes from a bloodline that evolved in perpetually warmer climes.

Stalk my pals on social media and you'll know that the next words out of my mouth will be banana hammock

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Clearly bollocks.

I get prescient advertising, and I don't HAVE any friends. OK, it's mainly adverts for dating sites... but still.

*grabs tinfoil*

Ever feel like all your prayers go unheard? The Catholic Church has an app for that

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Re: There's definitely no Python involved...

The Holy Logic Bomb of Antioch...

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Be sure to read the T&Cs!

The devil is in the detail.

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Re: Was it written in...

Cross platform support; alter code.

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Re: Your piousness is all gone!

Of course, as Uber diversifies, the original Taxi Hailing app will become Uber to-go. Or, in France, Uber Allez.

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Re: Down with this sort of thing

Would you get him to use a smartphone, though?

I love my brick!

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Re: No point

Omnicorp.

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Re: Holding an (holy?) iPad...

Well if they don't have a Windows PC, and they don't have an emulator, then they have to follow the Pope's advice:

The pope encouraged Catholics to turn to Our Lady when facing difficult situations, and to echo her words, “They have no wine.”

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Ah!

The evil root; it is the love of money. I hope it was a free app.

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Was it written in...

The Holy See++?

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Re: Down with this sort of thing

That would be an eCUMENICAL matter.

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Does this mean...

That I have to remove the rubber cover on my iPhone?

Microsoft partner portal 'exposes 'every' support request filed worldwide' today

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Can't have exposed THAT many tickets...

I mean, their software is perfect, right? Mind you, I can see some meta- hilarity here... submit a ticket about being able to see other users tickets.

Lawyers' secure email network goes down, firm says it'll take 2 weeks to restore

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Genuine LOL.

"Naturally, frustrated legal eagles started venting on Twitter about the outage, and in keeping with the news media's recent tradition of reproducing things that you yourself could find with 10 seconds' effort, here are a couple of angry tweets:"

Well done, Gareth.

Watch an AI robot program itself to, er, pick things up and push them around

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Sounds like...

You give it desire and let it work out how to fulfill that for itself. It learns how to make itself happy. For example, program it to like herring sandwiches and then give it a herring sandwich scoop.

Oh snap: AWS has only gone and brought out its own Backup

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Eggs & baskets comes to mind...

Of course some of the other basket providers are, I suspect, merely pseudo basket providers and are simply rebadging the same basket that your eggs are in.

The Large Hadron Collider is small beer. Give us billions more for bigger kit, say boffins

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Re: HS2

*hacks signalling system to create UK High Speed Collider*

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Re: Sort it out, Reg

It is circular, but more accurately it's a toroid. So really it's the Future Torroidal Collider Scheme. Or FuToCS for short.

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We can use it to turn the Earth into a sort of space-faring battlestation... a "Death Star" if you will.

McKinsey’s blockchain warning irks crypto hipsters

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Is it possible...

to blockchain a spelling dictionary, so that it's impossible to mistake "where" with "were"? Reports that make sense, using complete sentences and with plain but correct English (other languages are available) lend themselves more credibility by doing so.

World's first robot hotel massacres half of its robot staff

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You pay nuts, you get robots.

NHS England's chief digital officer goes full digital, ditches health service for GP app biz

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Re: As someone who works in the NHS

And isn't it the trend now to move back towards clinician-led management after the disasters of the last few decades?

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Facepalm

How do they keep getting away with this?!

IBM insists it's not deliberately axing older staff. Internal secret docs state otherwise...

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Re: Older staff, or staff with long tenures?

Their skills and training programme. Invest in training for someone 5-10 years from retirement or 30-40 years from retirement?

CES flicks the off switch on massager award… and causes a buzz

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Re: Metadata

Is that red-um Indian information about 1970s clichés-um?

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Re: Metadata

I've never met a data I didn't like.

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Re: Leaflet promoting leaflet delivery

I have the opposite problem. Couldn't find a local company to put leaflets through letterboxes, so I had to do a leaflet drop to locate one.

Amazon Mime: We train (badly) an AI love bot using divorce bombshell Bezos' alleged sexts to his new girlfriend

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BezoBonking. Pass the mind bleach...

"Ohhh! Ok, that's good. That's what you want, isn't it? Other sexual partners also enjoyed these positions: Do you want to consider these options or proceed with your lovemaking? Ok. That's placed correctly... Now, how soon would you like me to cum? I estimate standard delivery in 1-3 minutes, but you can try out a prime option for free... Ohhhh... OK. It's on its way. You can track the delivery using this mobile app. Oh! Just to inform you that I seem to have missed you, but the package was left in a safe place."

Hubble 'scope camera breaks down amid US govt shutdown, forcing boffins to fix it for free

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Re: Crazy

Just put in a NASA project to build a hotel on the moon, with golf course, and it'll be funded immediately. All the preparatory work is where it's important of course. And best of all, the moon is effectively "air gapped" from Mexico!

Microsoft vows to destroy Office, er, offices: Campus to be demolished and rebuilt

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Didn't Apple do this when they moved HQ?

A couple of raffle winners found the supplied sledgehammer to be ineffectual, until a company expert showed them that they were holding it wrong.

Thought Macbooks were expensive? Dell UK unveils the 7 meeeellion pound laptop

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That's nothing...

You should see the cost of the extended warranty!

Reg Standards Bureau introduces the Devon fatberg as coastal town menaced by oily blob

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Re: But seriously though...

It's kind of like pykrete, but made of poop. Poopkrete.

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Re: Close to the sea?

Well considering the usual fare on the menu of the Blackpools and Cleethorpes of the nation... this really IS a shocker.

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Re: In an Eton Mess Age, a Boris Spider is Sure to Pontificate and Venture

Are you not thinking of Stavrososaurus?

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IT Angle

What's the IT angle?

That there lilo.

Excuse me, sir. You can't store your things there. Those 7 gigabytes are reserved for Windows 10

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Re: SKY Recording

It's true it's a pain in the butt. HDMI CP for example. Not present on the hardware for H.232 video conferencing kit, for obvious reasons, but it means all the video switching gear and stuff in between it and the source has to be set the same and it's best to lock the CP settings in memory because one device in the chain gets it wrong and it's black screen o'clock. Macs hate it, and having, say, an Apple TV hooked up so you can watch HD films in the UHD-laser-Atmos-equipped lecture theatre after everyone's gone home... you've got to swap cables around to get it to work.

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Re: All well and good...

I remember the old days...

1.21 Jiga Bytes???!!! 1.21 Jiga Bytes? Great Scott! How could I have been so careless? How am I going to store that kind of data?

I'm sure that in 2015 terrabyte disks are available in every corner computer store... but in 1995, they're a little hard to come by.

Border guards probe 'suspicious bulge' in man's trousers to find he's packing fluffies

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I believe it's still the same twisted pair though.

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