* Posts by MartinBZM

66 posts • joined 11 Sep 2009

Page:

Git365. Git for Teams. Quatermass and the Git Pit. GitHub simply won't do now Microsoft has it

MartinBZM
IT Angle

how about ...

SunkHole

Hmmm ?

Apparantly IT has nothing to do with Git, anymore.

Trump to NASA: Fly me (or some other guys) to the Moon

MartinBZM
Mushroom

NASA to nuke Norks?

So ... When quack-man wants to bomb North Korea into submission it is war but when NASA "Oops"-es a njookular Mars rocket in a certain region it is an accident, yes ?

Behold, ye unworthy, the brave new NB-IoT logo

MartinBZM

Whut?

Wait, wait, wait.

What is (an) ONBIoT ? A turned-on ID10T ?

Two years later, SAP's making ‘progress’ on clearing up S/4HANA ball of confusion

MartinBZM
Mushroom

Now here is a ClusterFSCK if I ever seen one ...

The deal will see the firms deploy each other’s cloud solutions internally, with Microsoft deploy S/4HANA on Azure for its internal finance processes and SAP moving its key internal business critical systems to Azure.

Linus Torvalds 'sorry' for swearing, blames popularity of Linux itself

MartinBZM
Pint

Re: wait, what?

Amen!

Have a good one, everyone.

Windows Fall Creators Update is here: What do you want first – bad news or good news?

MartinBZM
Flame

Re: Inivitably!

One of my mayor grievances with "modern" "computing" is that every bleeding developer believes his app, application, popup, message, process, fart-of-the-day is THE Most Important Thing That Happens To You the lUser.

So, when you try to be produktive with, say, typing in text in someone else's application, mr. fickdarts program decides it is time to remind you of something and pops up a window with the 'acknowledge', yes, ok, fine, take-my-soul-and-sell-it button in focus by default *AND* that popup *instantly* grabs control of the inputcontrols, like the keyboard.

Then, as you type in reasonable grammar a sentence concentrating on hitting the right keys -not everyone can touch-type you know, and after that said popup discards some invalid input, like normal letters, and when you hit the spacebar -as you would in a sequence of words to form a sentence- which *incidentally* translates to left-click on the active screen-element called the button ...

And then the popup registers the keystroke of the spacebar to mean you've clicked on the default active button, gets the 'okay', yes, fsck-me message and proceeds to do whatever the malfarious crafter of incompetent software design wants to do. In this case mickeyslurp decides you have egreed to an instant reboot.

Let's have a revolution and put the arsehats in Richmond in front of a wall ... eh ?

</rant>

Watch out for Microsoft Word DDE nasties: Now Freddie Mac menaced

MartinBZM

Re: Bye

Pas devant les enfants ...

Viscous liquid oozing down the walls? You must have hives

MartinBZM
Coat

I just thought ...

Sweet !

boom-tish

Thank you, I will be away all week.

How to get the fun stuff back in your data centre

MartinBZM
FAIL

But... but... but...

What if yer interweb tube breaks ?

El Reg celebrates Back to the Future Day

MartinBZM

Back ...

You call this coffee ?

Oh well... Back to the fu... ehrm... Forward to the past I mean.

French woman gets €800 a month for electromagnetic-field 'disability'

MartinBZM
Facepalm

The sensible thing to do...

... would be to use earbuds !

Keeps the phone away from your head and you can still use it ;-)

Get whimsical and win a Western Digital Black 6TB hard drive

MartinBZM
Unhappy

*sniff*

*lick*

*crunch*

Yeach!

NUKE HACK fears prompt S Korea cyber-war exercise

MartinBZM
Mushroom

Testing in 3... 2... 1...

They should review their testing procedures before actually testing them like they did in Tsjernobyl...

So this Saudi Prince calls and asks why he can't watch movies ...

MartinBZM
Holmes

Oh well...

It must have been in 1987 or 1988 ... Back in the days there was a computer hardware company that had it's own stores (the one with the initials in a blue striped logo). I went there to get a replacement part and upon entering the store the salesman was so engrossed in typing on his computer it took a few minutes for him to notice me despite the bell ringing when I opened the door and a jolly "Good Morning!" from me.

The computer, needless to say, was from the same brand as the store. It was big, heavy, took up almost all of the space on the desk and last but not least the screen was ... GREEN. As in Nukular Radiant Green.

I asked the salesman about the part and he said he would check and see if it was in stock in the back. I asked him "Why not look it up on your computer?". Remember: This was the age of everything going digital and the 'Paperless Office is Coming Soon'.

The words he spoke then have been indeletably printed into my memory :

"Sir, we SELL computers. We do not USE them!".

Colour me baffled.

Apple, FBI: YES we're, er, looking into the NAKED CELEBRITY PICS. Aren't you?

MartinBZM
Paris Hilton

I just got this letter

... to Cease and Desist from posting my pics online.

Apparently someone in the digital information gathering community got sick looking at them.

Clueless like --->

Royal Navy parks 470 double-decker buses on Queen Elizabeth

MartinBZM
Pint

Re: White Elephant Ahoy!

> will have the aerodynamics of a brick

I hope they will wrap a slice of lemon around it.

A slice of lemon, or in a pinch a orange, does bring out the golden sheen quite nicely.

Cheers!

CIA rendition jet was waiting in Europe to SNATCH SNOWDEN

MartinBZM
Trollface

Re: There's a certain delicious irony

Spy-vs-Spy ?

MartinBZM
Black Helicopters

Dontcherknew?

White is the New Black.

Just helpin'

Hey, does your Smart TV have a mic? Enjoy your surveillance, bro

MartinBZM
Facepalm

Re: Wifi built-in TV? - Fixed

We had our dog 'fixed' and I am sure the vet was using a knife and such tools.

Is the warranty now void too ?

Barkz!

Silicon Valley bod in no-hire pact lawsuit urges court to reject his own lawyers' settlement

MartinBZM
Mushroom

Thought so for a long time ...

IT workers are greedy bosstards!

Edit: "Just kidding!"

Look out, sysadmins - HOT FOREIGN SPIES are targeting you

MartinBZM

Spys'R'us catalog

Send me one containing lots of long stemmed fully blossomed auburn topped specimens.

...

Please?

Sun-seeking NASA boffins steer FLEETS of satellites... BY HAND

MartinBZM
Happy

Reminds me of ...

... find “zero energy pathways”, which are points between universes that are frictionless and supposedly require no energy to transit. If true, these passages would give us the ability to live in a different universe and commute back to this one for work and shopping.

Reminds me of the 'Long Earth' books, eh?

Back off, Siri! Microsoft debuts Halo beauty Cortana

MartinBZM
WTF?

Oh great ...

another annoying Biatch reminding me of things I'd rather "forget" ...

The Reg's desert XP-ocalypse aversion plan revealed

MartinBZM
Coffee/keyboard

And remember ...

To bring the registration keys on paper and schtick. Activation on a slim bandwidth is generally a no-go, specially when doing multiple machines.

Planes fail to find 'credible' candidate for flight MH370 wreckage

MartinBZM
Facepalm

Oh dear ...

I guess I'll have to order my Secret Ocean Lair on a Moveable Island (tm) to relocate quickly before the search planes arrive in the area.

Deploy the Sharks with the Frikkin' Lazors!

TTFN

Wurm turns! DDoSed online game universe offers €10,000 bounty for the hacker's head

MartinBZM
Flame

Hanging is too good ... errr...

I think that a bag of quick-lime and a shovel are much cheaper than going to court ;-)

Just sayin'

BOFH: Attractive person is attractive. Um, why are your eyes bulging?

MartinBZM
Coat

Re: I've got off lightly then

Errr... Not having been challenged does not mean she has forgotten or -indeed- forgiven... The CRAZY is awake, hungry and waiting to jump on you at a suitable time. And a suitable time will for instance be when you are in the pub with your mates and preferrably your manager around, THEN the CRAZY will pounce.

Just you wait and see.

Coat:Obvious

IBM's secret weapon to battle Google, Amazon, Microsoft clouds: A HOLLYWOOD STAR

MartinBZM
Black Helicopters

Never ...

under-estimate the bandwidth of a swallow with an USB stick tied to its leg!

Keeping warm in winter the el Reg way: Setting a NAS box ON FIRE

MartinBZM
Windows

"Does that make me part of an identifiable demographic?"

Only as a potential IT Terrorist/Hacker/Malcontent to the NSA.

Personally, living outside the US sphere of influence, I don't care as long as there a re no black helicopters circling my secret lair. MWUHAHAHAHAHA

Enterprise giant SAP's systems take a probe to the wobbly bits - report

MartinBZM
Flame

Scanning through an open SAProuter

Riiiiiighttt....

So, how surprised am I that they can penetrate a SAProuter that allows the world+dog through a certain well-known port ?

Go on, take a guess ....

NOT!

Oh and for demonstration purposes they also did not limit access through a Firewall.... hmmmm....

Al this stuff is mitigated (although not entirely prevented!) with a Network Admin 101 course and implementation of sensible rules.

Oh well... Another report to scare up some new projects.

1. Pen-test an open system

2. Write damning report

3. Scare the customers

4. Profitt!!

And, hey! no "3. ..." for this business model ;-)

BOFH: GOATSE? No, I said goat fetis... you know what, forget it

MartinBZM
Thumb Up

Classic!

Just... that.

Thanks for the second friday in a row that I get to look forward to Pub'O'Clock with a smile on my face.

Cheers!

BOFH: Is WHAT 'running slow'!? GOD

MartinBZM
Thumb Up

Thanks!

Just... Thanks.

You've made a dull and dreary friday worth seeing it through till pub-o'clock with minimal percussive repercussions inflicted upon the Clueless Crowd (tm).

TWELFTH-CENTURY TARDIS turns up in Ethiopia

MartinBZM
Gimp

Get ready!

Warning: Serious binge watching ahead!

Must. Replenish. Snacks. Now.

Ellison ditches own cloud keynote for billionaires' America's Cup boat race

MartinBZM
Mushroom

Re: Photo of the errant keynote speaker here..

The caption on that pic should read something abrasive including words like "Heil" and "Me".

Dumbass.

I hope the walkouts from the "keynote" show their appreciation of his "I could not care less" attitude with a "I will not pay for your shit" purchasing decision.

Google tries putting an NFC ring on it: Bonking will keep you SAFE

MartinBZM
Angel

I keep my passwords

stored with the NSA.

The only problem is that I do not have their Service Desk phone number to get them back ;-)

Teen buys WikiLeaks server for $33,000 – with dad's eBay account

MartinBZM
Devil

Re: Stop the rot

Here, have this free virtual ClueBat (tm)...

A lot cheaper and genrally more effective ;-)

Air mattress blast blows German man across room

MartinBZM
FAIL

Re: Meet the winner... ??

No, these awards are only awarded POSThumous.

Nice try, goodbye!

Nasty BOFHses. It burns us! It burns...

MartinBZM
Thumb Up

Abso *bleeping* lutely Good

Thanks Simon.

Just keep 'em coming, love them to bits!

Rejoice! Sysadmin day is... TODAY. Now get in here and win free stuff

MartinBZM
Stop

Re: SysUNadmin day

HAAAAAAAAAAAhahahahahahahahahahahahaha !

Please stop or I'll ... Schedule you a Windows 'update'.

Ah, PubO'clock!

JPL wants to fire a laser at MARS!

MartinBZM
Coffee/keyboard

But... What if they MISS ?

You know... the Planet. Mars.

What if they miss? What will they hit next? Beetlejuice ?

I guess firing a LAzer at the trafficlights on the roundabout at Bernards Star is going to bugger the traffic in a spectecular way! Imagine all them starcruisers and heavy haulers slamming on the retrorockets.

We'll have to wait some time but what a fireworks show that'll be !

I got my finger on the button -->>

Hemp used to make graphene-like supercapacitors

MartinBZM
Unhappy

Re: Good for the BOFH "Motivation Tool"

And Yes, I miss Simon very much.

MartinBZM
Flame

Good for the BOFH "Motivation Tool"

MOARRR POWURRRR!

I suppose this means I can shrink my catteleprod ... eh... Motivation Tool to the size of a small flashlight.

Master Beats: Why doesn't audio quality matter these days?

MartinBZM
Devil

Audio "Quality" on Phones

My daughter likes to listen to "crap music" on he phone.... It sounds even crappier to me coming from the phone than from de radio, and she kind of agrees wirh me.

One day I told her there is a way to vastly improve the quality of the sound of the phone ...

"You have to put it on the floor with the display facing down."

.

..

...

"And then stomp on it really hard with your foot !"

HEAVILY ARMED SEX CRAZED DOLPHINS on RAMPAGE in Black Sea

MartinBZM
Coffee/keyboard

Re: So long

... and thanks for the weapons.

There sure will be a few 'surprised' sharks in the black sea.

Amazon yanks SimCity download from store

MartinBZM
Thumb Up

Re: EA & Ubisoft DRM vs. Developing a Blake's 7 Video Game....

Hi,

Have a look at this : http://www.robertsspaceindustries.com

They are creating a new space-game a la Frontier, Wingcommander, etc.

They started out with crowd-funding and it reached 4x the goal set.

Cheers!

ISPs should get 'up to' full fee for 'up to' broadband

MartinBZM
Megaphone

Analogy?

On the other side of the pond we have the same problem with ISPs. They advertise the skies and deliver the first floor.

Why not charge analogous to the gas bill? The bill is specified to show how much you pay for your connection (infrastructure), the rent of the meter (transport) and for the amount you use. Oh, and the one you pay for the usage is often not the same that you pay for the connection. Same for electricity. That's how the competition started and prices have been dropping since the inception.

I would be happy to do the same with my internet connection.

Flat fee to get connected and a certain bandwith (like with electricity you can opt for single-phase or 3-phase hookup and a certain amount of Amps (up-to!) ).

And pay for the usage in relation to the bandwith so if i download 100MB@1Mbps the bill would be less than when I download 100MB@20Mbps, or even pre-paid usage like on a smartphone.

just my €0,02.

Mobe hackathon contest spits out Wi-Fi-by-bonk app wonder

MartinBZM
Boffin

Re: Because obviously...

"you can't generate a 2D barcode on the fly" - Eh, yes you can.

And putting it where the phone can see it? Print it on the receipt of the coffee they've ordered.

BOFH: Where's my free fondleslab?

MartinBZM
FAIL

This story is...

wait for it....

iDreadful!

Chaos feared after Unix time-zone database is nuked

MartinBZM
Pirate

It's 3:38 p.m. at the time of posting

MartinBZM
WTF?

When you buy...

a product or the company that ownes the product you generally are bound by the terms and agreements of the original company.

unfortunately this does not hold in the U.S. where you can buy a company and instantly backpedal on the T's and A's to sue everyone who has been using the product since the Big Bang until the end of time (pun intended).

It's like I've seen happening in another case: Someone buys the appartment over a popular bar, which has been at that location for many many years, and then after a couple of weeks petitions the local council to close the bar for causing nuisance because of the volume and choice of music.

Guess what? The bar was closed!

It's an inverted world when 'the law' comes into play.

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