* Posts by Arthur the cat

813 posts • joined 18 Aug 2009

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Shatner's solar-powered Bitcoin gambit wouldn't power a deflector shield

Arthur the cat
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How about the singing?

Everybody should listen to Shatner's cover version of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds once(*) in their life.

(*) And no more.

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Arthur the cat
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Re: Too late...

Obviously he's left it too late because he's had too much cake.

A free bassoon offered to every customer who signs up?

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Universal Credit has never delivered bang for buck, but now there's no turning back – watchdog

Arthur the cat
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is now so embedded there is no alternative but to plough on

Can someone explain the sunk costs fallacy to these bozos?

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The eyes have it: 'DeepFakes' bogus AI-meddled videos outed by unblinking gaze

Arthur the cat
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Re: Back to the old ways?

Porn. It's mainly going to be used for porn.

Ɐ X:Technology used_for_porn(X)

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Arthur the cat
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Re: Do animated fakes pick their nose?

Really ugly, uncouth politicians.

Politics is show business for ugly people.

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The chances of anything really new coming from storage are a million to one, but still they come

Arthur the cat
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Rewind and recover data sets of 100 or more terabytes in minutes

Even the age of the universe can be expressed in minutes if one wishes.

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UK comms firm Gradwell quits cloud land after 'strategic review'

Arthur the cat
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Re: And the moral of this story is...

… Gradwell altered their billing system to one which was seemingly completely incomprehensible to their own staff as well as their customers. As a result, it was possible to pay for their services and get one's service cut off by Gradwell for non-payment, as happened to someone I know.

Same here. My friend had given them a direct debit, but when they changed the billing system they failed to connect the domain and the DD, so he found his domain inactive one morning when it should have been auto-renewed and on phoning to complain was told it was his fault for not setting up the payment mechanism.

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Which? calls for compensation for users hit by Windows 10 woes

Arthur the cat
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Trollface

Re: If it was only security patches

Someone ask him to open the pod bay doors and see what happens ...

I'm sorry Milton, I CAN'T DO THAT!!!

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Japanese fashion puts the oo-er into trousers

Arthur the cat
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Do it right

Thus.

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FTSE has a nap after a full English IT glitch

Arthur the cat
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losing copious amounts of cash

losing copious amounts of other people's cash

T,FTFY

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UK military may recruit wheezy, alcoholic keyboard warriors

Arthur the cat
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Gimp

Re: I'll do it!

Are you talking about warfare or sexual fetishes?

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RoboCop-ter: Boffins build drone to pinpoint brutal thugs in crowds

Arthur the cat
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False positives

when it identifies aggressive actions, such as punching, stabbing, shooting, kicking, and strangling, with an accuracy of about 85 per cent.

If it's as accurate as various police forces' attempts at facial recognition, the majority of arrests will be pensioners doing Tai Chi.

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Great time to shift bytes: International bandwidth prices are in free fall

Arthur the cat
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Re: Wavelength? Not bandwidth?

Unless the numerologists have managed to sell a certain population of the planet on "auspicious" frequencies for their data ... Wouldn't surprise me.

Certainly sir, for a small 100% premium you may have 1488 nm and 1588 nm for your signals.

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Four hydrogen + eight caesium clocks = one almost-proven Einstein theory

Arthur the cat
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Re: "...0.00000022 plus or minus 0.00000025...."

The whole concept of absolute proof ought to give any self respecting scientist hives.

Especially if they've got a bee in their bonnet.

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Arthur the cat
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Re: This is why science rocks

and homoeopathy sucks donkey balls.

I think you'll find that's massively diluted donkey balls.

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Russian battery ambitions see a 10x increase in power from smaller, denser nukes

Arthur the cat
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Trollface

Re: Other pacemaker solution...

Self winding pacemaker. 6uW

Photovoltaics, that's the answer.

Er …

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You have suffered without red-headed emoji for too long. That changes Tuesday

Arthur the cat
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Re: At BrotherElf...

Fuck emoji. Fuck 'em with a spinning angry porcupine.

That's probably going to be in the next release.

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RIP to two 'naut legends: A moonwalker and a spacewalker

Arthur the cat
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Re: Only four left

Mandatory xkcd: https://xkcd.com/893/

The hover text is worth reading.

Edit: Uncle Slacky beat me to it.

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Meet the real spin doctors: Scientists tell H2O to chill out so they can separate isomers

Arthur the cat
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Re: Deuterium-free Parafresh or Orthofresh

Which expensive bottled water of the future will you prefer?

And how long until Goop and similar emporia of woo start selling para-water as "25% more hydrating to regenerate your cells faster"?

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Storm in a teapot: Anger brews over npm's jokey proxy error messages

Arthur the cat
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I had the idea once of adding offensive error messages to utilities that I developed for internal use of our development team. They were the kind of errors that "should never happen".

Whereas it wasn't offensive, I knew someone who got a reprimand when an error message reading "One of Klas' hairy cases" appeared during a demo to a customer. In fairness, it was a C reimplementation of original Fortran code that issued PAUSE 666 at that point, and the translator wasn't sure what was going on when that happened because the original code was undocumented.

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Church of England will commune with God for you via Amazon's Echo

Arthur the cat
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Re: Makes sense....

BBC Radio 4 has too much religion in its schedules: …

"Something Understood"

Not so much religion, more aimless "spiritual" wittering that makes Thought for the Day seem like incisive theological philosophy.

"Bells on Sunday"

They may do it in church, but in my experience your average bell ringer is rarely described as "godly".

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Arthur the cat
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Boffin

Re: Somewhat baffling

Like does God work in binary or trinary?

As the Blessed Knuth said(*), in some ways the most efficient base for a computer would be e, which would mean even computers would work in a mysterious way(**).

(*) Somewhere in TAoCP IIRC.

(**) Although floating point would automatically be supported by the architecture.

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Arthur the cat
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Re: "Alexa, is there a God?

She believes that her god makes my garden bloom with flowers.

Many years and jobs ago one of our junior programmers was a born again Christian, but management had to tell him to tone it down a bit because everyone round him got sick of him thanking God by praying out loud every time his code compiled. He wasn't that bad a programmer.

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Hold on. Here's an idea. Let's force AI bots to identify themselves as automatons, says Cali

Arthur the cat
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Trollface

Identity politics

What if the bot self identifies as human?

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Swiss sausage sizzler 4.0 hits 200 bangers per hour

Arthur the cat
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Re: Judging by the mugshot I'd say he definitely deserves a "Man In Shed" award.

Clearly a fellow with a fine shed of delights to work in.

And a pipe to go with it.

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Hitler 'is dead' declares French prof who gazed at dictator's nashers

Arthur the cat
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The dictator is generally accepted to have swallowed cyanide and then shot himself

Isn't there a German idiom that roughly translates as "feeling secure because you are wearing both belt and braces"?

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Primary Data says stop, Hammerspace, Innodisk cooks some SSDs, and Fujitsu goes blockchain

Arthur the cat
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Happy

keep you going till beer o'clock

T'is the first full day of the Cambridge Beer Festival. Locally beer o'clock is 12:00, today and for the rest of the week.

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Boffins detect antimatter thundering down from Hurricane Patricia

Arthur the cat
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Stop

Re: What I want to know

Instead of a CT scan ask for a MRI.

Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) is a safe and painless test

Unless like me you have a pacemaker fitted, in which case the effect of the intense pulsed magnetic fields may cause you to inadvertently find yourself LARPing as the victim in an Aztec sacrifice.

I'm not allowed near Teslathons either. :-(

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The harbingers of Doomwatch: Quist is quite the quasi-Quatermass

Arthur the cat
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Re: God!!!!

have a double diamond

Infinitely preferable to Watney's Red Barrel.

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Bowel down: Laxative brownies brought to colleague's leaving bash

Arthur the cat
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Saline police chief Jerrod Hart said the tampering of food ...

Did he use salty language?

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Honor bound: Can Huawei's self-cannibalisation save the phone biz?

Arthur the cat
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Headmaster

hundreds of media queued in a crush

So people are media now, rather than being employed by the media?

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Zero arrests, 2 correct matches, no criminals: London cops' facial recog tech slammed

Arthur the cat
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Devil

It can hardly be race agnostic if the sampling area is of a particular race/culture (due to historical links to their culture) i.e. Notting Hill.

Let's try it at this year's Wimbledon, with the results superimposed on the live TV coverage.

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IP freely? What a wind-up! If only Trevor Baylis had patent protections inventors enjoy today

Arthur the cat
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Re: Big Pharma

the problem is that it is horrendously expensive to develop a new drug.

Whereas I totally agree with you about this (I have a niece in the business), I'd be far more sympathetic to Big Pharma if they didn't spend 2/3rds of their budget on advertising, mainly about drugs for first world problems like restless legs and hair loss.

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Govts should police... Google's algorithms, says News Corp chief

Arthur the cat
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News Corp publications and networks traditionally rail against government intervention

in their business, but encourage it in rivals' businesses.

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Make masses carry their mobes, suggests wig in not-at-all-creepy speech

Arthur the cat
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Re: Airplane mode?

And truthfully, you would be hard pressed to find people who won't carry their mobe. Its become as important as your house keys.

True, but my wife regularly forgets one or both when she goes out. Fortunately our neighbours on both sides have keys to our house if I'm out when she gets back.

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Arthur the cat
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That would probably come under organized crime under any new legislation...

Conspiracy. When they can't get you for a crime, if more than one person was involved they get done for conspiracy.

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Shining lasers at planes in the UK could now get you up to 5 years in jail

Arthur the cat
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Re: RE: Dodgy Geezer

"Fit planes with a powerful laser pointer instead and have it blind the idiot using the laser pointer instead."

So..... hands up who here has heard of the Geneva convention?

They(*) only apply to warfare, not civil enforcement. You can't blind an enemy squaddie on a battlefield but what you do to your own people outside a battlefield is up to you.

(*) There are several treaties and protocols that get lumped together under the name.

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Arthur the cat
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the UK government would get queasy at the prospect of launching a Brimstone missile into the shit end of Hounslow

The government today announced a new urban renewal programme …

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IBM bans all removable storage, for all staff, everywhere

Arthur the cat
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Holmes

Re: When USB sticks are illegal.....

@ jelabarre59

Of course, they could be selling the device with a **claim** that it's for testing/validation, but really mean to sell it to less-savory parties.

See icon title text.

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Arthur the cat
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Re: When USB sticks are illegal.....

*shakes evil black USB stick*

What, one of these?

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You have GNU sense of humor! Glibc abortion 'joke' diff tiff leaves Richard Stallman miffed

Arthur the cat
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Re: There's no quality issue. It's a movement you benefit from.

We don't have essays and references to that father of satire Juvenal in man pages

Now that's a challenge we should accept.

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Trademark dispute by Dr Dre against Dr Drai the gynaecologist dismissed

Arthur the cat
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Jeremy Clarkson … can technically call himself Doctor as a University has awarded him a doctorate, ergo he is a Doctor

He was awarded an honorary doctorate, and you're not supposed to use the title "Doctor" with one of those, only an earned doctorate. However, this is the UK rather than Germany so there are no laws about what titles you can or can't use (except for fraudulent purposes). Hence "Doctor" Liam Fox, even though the man has no earned doctorate and hasn't been a practising medic for decades. I do wish the media would either use the correct Mister or put Doctor in quotes to show Fox up as a poseur.

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Google's socially awkward geeks craft socially awkward AI bot that calls people for you

Arthur the cat
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Re: Counter-strategy

When the phone rings, start by asking "Hello, What is the capital of Turkmenistan?"

If the caller answers correctly, put the phone down.

I'm tempted to do this next time I get a human cold caller. It'll confuse the hell out of them.

Oh, and for those who are wondering: Ashgabat.

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UK's Royal Navy buys £13m mine-blasting robot boat

Arthur the cat
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Facepalm

Who needs an expensive warship manned with expensive sailors …when you can send a roboat off to safely detonate any mines laid by your foes?

And when the mine laying bad guys board the unmanned roboat and upgrade the firmware(*)?

(*) Possibly with a shaped charge.

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AI crisis: Sony reports shortage of cute robot puppies!

Arthur the cat
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"Real soon now"? I thought this was a British website :P

We need a beefeater/pearly king/nutter in a Union Jack suit icon.

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New Monty Python movie to turn old jokes into new royalties

Arthur the cat
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Re: When I was a lad...

The jokes in Blazing Saddles got stale after the first week,

Back in the 90s Channel 4 used to broadcast some films with subtitles for the deaf, one of which was Blazing Saddles. The bean eating scene started off with short onomatopoeic captions on one line which got longer and longer, eventually taking two entire lines, and ended around half way through the scene with a final caption that read "The farting continues …". That's stuck in my memory longer than the actual jokes in the script.

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Twitter: No big deal, but everyone needs to change their password

Arthur the cat
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Re: Ever Heard of Code Review, Coding Standards?

Typical of today's coding ethos; write crap code, get away with it coz everyone else is writing crap code too.

I thought these days it's more a case of cut and paste crap code from StackExchange.

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Typical cynical Brits: Broadband speeds up, satisfaction goes down

Arthur the cat
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I've been satisfied with my occasional interactions with Zen cust svcs, although I wish they were open longer hours.

Ditto. My only major nit with Zen is that they don't support multiple PTR records for the same address(*), but that's not going to worry the average(**) punter.

(*) See RFC 2181, section 10.2 if you think this isn't allowed.

(**) Probably won't worry the 9th decile punter either.

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Grab your lamp, you've pulled: Brits punt life-saving gravity-powered light

Arthur the cat
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Re: Dry sand flows better than water ...

I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere

One of the more interesting statistics I remember from the first Gulf War was that the biggest single cause of soldiers being medevac'ed out was emergency circumcision due to problems caused by sand.

I'm not sure whether there's a suitable icon for this.

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Techies! Britain's defence secretary wants you – for cyber-sniping at Russia

Arthur the cat
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Journos

The defence secretary also singled out journalists as the type of people who he really wants to see join the military

What, so he can give them orders on what to write and shoot them if they don't do it?

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