* Posts by Lord Elpuss

955 posts • joined 17 Aug 2009


Huawei and Intel hype up AI hardware, TensorFlow tidbits, and more

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: deepfake?

Deepfake is the new AI. The same media that considers a DB lookup with a speech-to-text interface as Artificial Intelligence, also thinks that a bit of minor video editing is the same as a deepfake.


Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: That is no deepfake

Came here to post exactly this; this is not a deepfake, it's just basic video editing. I could do it in 10 minutes on my iPhone.

If I could turn back time, I'd tell you to keep that old Radarange at home

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Very similar story did the rounds when I was at IBM back in the '80s; the S/370 mainframe would suddenly going haywire every couple of months for no apparent reason. System software reloaded and parts replaced to no avail, the problems would appear, and then a week or two later disappear with no explanation. Until a tech looked out of the window on the day that the problems started, and noticed that the aircraft carrier USS Enterprise was in port. Turned out the mainframe was susceptible to radiation from the carrier radar array, and installing shielding in the server room fixed the problem.

I've heard this story in a number of variants many times since then, I used to think they were all retellings from the same source. But then; if one mainframe is susceptible to radar frequency radiation, it stands to reason that others are too. So it's definitely possible that multiple variants of this situation actually happened.

Did you know that iOS ad clicks cost more than Android? These scammers did

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

”have you taken a ride on the proletariat omnibuses recently? ever council estate mum has an iphone now. it's not the glorious symbol of wealth it used to be. it's tinsel for idiots.“

Insular thinking. Try expanding your world view to include Africa, India and big chunks of Asia rather than just the UK, which sits fairly close to the top of the GDP per capita pile regardless of where in the UK you live.

Council house mum has hundreds of times more disposable income than 90% of India - where landfill Android is a status symbol.

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

"iOS users are more suggestible than Android users? Say it isn't so!"

No, it's that iOS users are perceived as more well-off, and more likely to part with their copious quantities of freely disposable income because they can clearly miss it.

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

"Easiest way is torch on / off commands typed in a google assistant window on stock to avoid d/l of a potentially dubious torch app - takes a few seconds longer but safer"

The easiest way is to buy an iPhone.

It's official. Microsoft pushes Google over the Edge, shifts browser to Chromium engine

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: OK, then...

I'm no Microsoft fan, but Insecure Exposer, really?

GOPwned: Republicans fall victim to email hack

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: All we can do is wait

@Big John

"They didn't because there is no there there"

Leaving aside the nonsensical sentence, how on earth do you know there's nothing there? Either you were involved in the hack yourself, or you're just another Trumpian blind follower with zero knowledge and enormous opinions. Either way, what you say can safely be discounted.

Not a price cut! Apple perks up soggy iPhone demand with rebate boost

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: iPhone SE


The fact that you don’t know how to use your phone doesn’t mean it’s shite.

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Uh huh.

Doomsayers have been forecasting the imminent demise of Apple since the 90s; if not earlier. Only thing it’s proven is that they don’t ‘get’ the company.

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: Who needs analysts?

”It's like if New Coke cost more. Now, that's an extreme example.... But you don't see McDonald's messing with Big Macs and whacking the price up.“

Bad analogy. McDonald’s prices across the board have risen astronomically last couple of years. I’m addition to supply chain alterations (eg fresh beef), they’re trying to transition to a regular restaurant model. Service to your table, gourmet burgers and so on.


iPhone XS: Just another £300 for a better cam- Wait, come back!

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Or the Privacy Price.

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: SE for me

<italic>"My private phone is a google Nexus"</italic>

If it's a Nexus, it's not private. That's (one of) the reasons why Android phones are cheaper; because you're the product.

Oracle sued by app sales rep: I made tens of millions for Larry, then fired for being neither young nor male – claim

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: The bare facts of the matter

The article's not completely clear, but it appears she was personally responsible for $20m in revenue, and contributed to a $73m deal. This is the kind of loose change that Oracle execs find in their pockets when looking for parking money, so it's unlikely she would have been kept on sales performance alone.

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: PIPs are fake

"The easiest way to fight this in court is to ask for evidence that a PIP has ever been successful.."

Speaking as someone with some legal experience in this area (from the company side), there is pretty much zero chance that this approach would work. Oracle would argue (and the judge would concur) that whether PIPs have been successful in other circumstances is in no way relevant to THIS PIP, for THIS particular situation and THIS person.

Microsoft slips ads into Windows 10 Mail client – then U-turns so hard, it warps fabric of reality

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

One way or another they'll get their money...

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: You paid

"I pay good money to build my own (desktops)."

I used to, then I got fed up with running an unfunded helpdesk for my entire extended family. For the last couple of years I've been on Mac - only additional software is ABP on Safari, and since then have had exactly zero complaints.

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

"MS will happily sling any old shit, so long as they get paid."

Ah yes, but therein lies the rub. MS will only get paid (in the long term) if the ads are somewhat successful. So trying to flog you sh*t you neither need nor want is counterproductive - hence the massive investment in AI Business Analytics.

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: Got Linux?

Got MacOS?

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: WTF?

Sure for you and me $16bn is a lot. Per year, for a company the size of Microsoft? Not so much.

Can your rival fix it as fast? turns out to be ten-million-dollar question for plucky support guy

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: recompense?

I worked on a 5-man support team a couple of years back which collectively drove a $20.7m deal. The salesman got a percentage (in theory anywhere up to 5% although obviously nobody knew exactly how much - mucho $$$ in any case). We got an email from the big boss to say good job. The kicker was that the email started with: Dear ELPUSS, LORD,:... even the thankyou letter was a mail merge.

5.1 update sends Apple's Watch 4 bling spinning into an Infinite Loop of reboot cycles

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

It is if you work for Samsung...

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: There's a sucker born every minute?

”You use a watch to tell you what fucking time it is!“

Shittest Luddite argument I’ve ever heard. YOU might use a watch to tell what f*cking time it is. OTHER PEOPLE might use it for different things. Y’kniw, like mobile phones do more than just make calls?

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: There's a sucker born every minute?

"Please stop rubbishing people's life style choices."

You're on a hiding to nothing on this site, son. Spent more than the absolute bare minimum on a device? Can't view and/or edit every line of code ever used to program it? Don't have a security certificate signed in blood by the Elders of the Internet? Prepare to be ridiculed until you break down and repent.

Mourning Apple's war against sockets? The 2018 Mac mini should be your first port of call

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: Naysayers ...

"Nope, us Linux folks also think appletards are soft in the head and the wallet."

Nothing soft about my wallet thankyouverymuch

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

@Lee D

"With that OS, running inside a Windows 7 hypervisor, I can allocate 25% of the laptop resources and enjoy BETTER performance inside the VM than on a real Mac. "

No, you can't.

This one weird trick turns your Google Home Hub into a doorstop

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: Well it's probably the Google brain drain

"their Android is just as bad as any other mobile operating system"

It's not 'just as bad' - in ways that matter (security/privacy) it's orders of magnitude worse.

Watch closely as NASA deploys the world's biggest parachute at supersonic speeds

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: Empathy

"I can certainly empathize with this. Firing prematurely rarely turns out well "

Yup. And it usually results in a crash and burn.

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: re. as big as a size of a house

"Please note that the proper scientific unit of volume..."

And some miserable twat downvoted you :D :D

Boffins have fabricated microscopic sci-fi tractor beams for real

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: diverse new possibilities

IBM Atoms

And that was back in 1989.

Official: IBM to gobble Red Hat for $34bn – yes, the enterprise Linux biz

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: @AC ... Redhat employees - get out now

"Sorry, son, but you're dead wrong."

I disagree. I worked for IBM back in the 90s, pre PwCC, and loved it. The company had a culture, an identity, innovation and creativity, and some very very talented people. And that was in the 90s - not exactly IBM's best time. My dad worked there from '72 until he retired in '89, and constantly reminisced what a wonderful career he'd had.

FYI: Faking court orders to take down Google reviews is super illegal

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: Worship of paper

"Note that it is this technique that helped the America authorities track down Reality Winner."

Not wishing to take away from the gist of your post, but there's no evidence that dot tracking was a technique used to track down Reality Winner. The court filings simply say 'sources' without elaborating.

Screwed SAP salesman scores $660,000 jury award

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: Welcome to the world of software sales!

"Another downside of being in sales (and this will probably be of more interest to the readers of The Reg) is that when we sell stuff to a customer and the implementation team make a b*lls up of implementing it, the salesperson is not only delayed in getting paid the commission, but if the customer refuses to pay the full amount due to the b*lls up the percentage that the salesperson gets is also reduced."

I used to work for an IBM business partner, and can tell you that's how it works at IBM too. If a customer buys a software product, they often have the right to return it if unused. When that happens, the commission is reclaimed from the seller - which is good, because an unethical seller who sold the client something they didn't want or need ultimately won't get paid on the deal, so it forces them to focus on stuff with real value.

Where this falls down is when the seller has left the company or moved out of Sales by the time the client returns the product. There's no way in hell that IBM will be left out of pocket, so it's the seller who owns the client account at that moment who is responsible for paying back the commission. Which sucks as you're paying for somebody else's mistake. I've seen sellers join Big Blue, collect a negative commission in their first quarter due to their predecessor's f*ckups, and then leave disgusted and demoralised. If they were any good, we used to snap them up.

Groupon to pay IBM $57m after getting money off e-commerce patent settlement

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: IBM has patented things like breathing and movement, etc.

IBM invented some amazing sh*t over the years. ATMs, the hard disk, (D)RAM, barcodes, magstripes, the electron microscope, the concept of virtual machines, laser eye surgery, e-commerce, the first general-purpose mainframe (and the first Mainframe, for that matter), magnetic tape, human-readable machine code (FORTRAN), Fractals, putting people on the Moon and the first smartphone; to name just a few.

IBM typically earns its patents, and does great things with them. Their technical and engineering expertise deserves huge respect, whatever your feelings about the current management.

Remember when Apple's FaceTime stopped working years ago? Yeah, that was deliberate

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: re: Um. Calm the f*ck down....

"Do none of you know how to properly spell "fuck"?"

Course we do, but we didn't want to overreact.

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

"Sorry, they deserve it this time for trying to throw out the lawsuit with their "We can do what we want because you accepted the T&Cs" argument."

Not disagreeing that's a twattish move and deserved to be kicked out, and I also sincerely hope they lose this lawsuit. My (well documented and long running) gripe with 'Idiot-tax corporation' is that it's an insult to their customers, not the company itself - and given that people have a perfect right to buy whatever the f*ck they like, including shiny beads if they so wish, I believe it's out of line to call them idiots.

And if you do call them idiots, then everybody who buys a BMW, a Nespresso, a bottle of single malt, a piece of branded clothing, anything from Coca-Cola, Lindt chocolate, a Samsung phone or TV, any celebrity chef-branded meals, posh furniture, Philips Hue, Bose headphones, Microsoft Surface, Bauknecht or Miele white goods, a Dyson or BASICALLY ANYTHING THAT'S SOLD THROUGH ADVERTISING, is also an idiot. Because for 90% of our purchases it's possible to buy something cheaper that more-or-less does the same job, but you know what? It's none of your, my or anybody elses' business whether people buy the cheaper version or the more expensive one, and it doesn't make them an idiot for doing it.

So I say again, this time with feeling; El Reg can f*ck right off with their 'idiot-tax' bollocks.

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

”Cupertino idiot-tax operation“

Grow the f*ck up, Kieren.

What's Big and Blue – and makes its veteran staff sue? Yep, it's IBM

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

"The IBM defense is BS and everyone knows it."

Not disagreeing - but if this is the case, then the complaint is BS too - it's really about the money not the age.

Bug bounty alert: Musk lets pro hackers torpedo Tesla firmware risk free

Lord Elpuss Silver badge


It's a large step in the right direction, and as such worthy of recognition. The fact that the step isn't as massive as you might like it to be, i.e. reaching the end goal in one fell swoop, doesn't mean it's worthless.

And the 'dirty weasel' clause, as you put it, sounds like sensible limitation of collateral damage on Tesla's part - if you happen to be in a part of the world where there are no Tesla service centers, it might cost them many thousands to recover your bricked vehicle; and why the hell should they do that when they didn't ask you to do the bricking?

Sheesh. Reminds me of this: Dudley's Presents.

Apple pushes new iOS 12 beta build to silence notification spam

Lord Elpuss Silver badge


Force touch would have been a great solution. I read that too about Force Touch not being included, but can't understand the reasoning; to me it's a well designed, useful feature. Hope it's nothing more than a rumour...

Lord Elpuss Silver badge


"...makes me suspect it's a reference to the frustrating bug/problem feature where turning Wifi or Bluetooth off from the Control Centre only turns it off temporarily..."

Yep got that; just wanted to point out that saying it 'can't' be switched off is erroneous.

I fall into the "Stupid, stupid decision" camp on this; although having said that I did have a conversation with Apple support the other day where they told me it was incredible the number of support calls they used to get from people who'd turned off Bluetooth and thought their Apple Pencil was broken, or had turned off Wifi and couldn't work out why AirDrop or AirPrint wasn't working. So making it 'Off' as opposed to OFF might have been a motivator here - to reduce support calls from muppets.

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

It’s Bluetooth not BlueTooth, and you can turn it off. Settings>Bluetooth.

Boss regrets pointing finger at chilled out techie who finished upgrade early

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: Oh so familiar


”I wouldn't correct people on here on networking, please allow me my expertise“

I think people are downvoting you less for your ‘expertise’ and more for your condescending tone.

Suggest you follow course 101 in respectful commenting.

Wondering what to do with that $2,300 burning a hole in your pocket?

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: "does this read more like an ad-icle"

Dehydrated water is ... well, nothing. Dehydrated SALT water is different, obviously.

Game over for Google: Fortnite snubs Play Store, keeps its 30%, sparks security fears

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: Love the cognitive dissonance

You need to read the article again. It says that Apple ‘perfected’ the absolute walled garden approach (in that unless you jailbreak, it’s impossible to circumvent); not that it’s a ‘perfect’ model; and it’s not passing judgement on one or the other. Where did you read Apple good, Google evil?

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: A free to play game

There is. RTA.

Grad sends warning to manager: Be nice to our kit and it'll be nice to you

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: Talking to printers is good...


Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: Elphin safety

"I keep a variety of hammers in plain view of all our printing devices."


"Every once in a while, Crowley picks a plant that is not growing too well and carries it around the flat to the other plants, telling them “‘Say goodbye to your friend. He just couldn’t cut it…'”. He then takes the plant out of the flat, and brings home “a large, empty flower pot” which he “leave[s] somewhere conspicuously around the flat”. Because of this, his plants are “the most luxurious, verdant, and beautiful in London”, but “also the most terrified”."

'Unhackable' Bitfi crypto-currency wallet maker will be shocked to find fingernails exist

Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: No need to hack anything?



Lord Elpuss Silver badge

Re: First rule of security...

Android sits at both ends of the security scale. Run-of-the-mill unhardened Android like this (and 99.9% of consumer Android devices) offer next to no security. On the other hand, some of the most secure comms handsets also run android - albeit properly hardened and probably unrecognisable to the layperson.


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