* Posts by Lord Elpuss

920 posts • joined 17 Aug 2009

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Remember when Apple's FaceTime stopped working years ago? Yeah, that was deliberate

Lord Elpuss
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"Sorry, they deserve it this time for trying to throw out the lawsuit with their "We can do what we want because you accepted the T&Cs" argument."

Not disagreeing that's a twattish move and deserved to be kicked out, and I also sincerely hope they lose this lawsuit. My (well documented and long running) gripe with 'Idiot-tax corporation' is that it's an insult to their customers, not the company itself - and given that people have a perfect right to buy whatever the f*ck they like, including shiny beads if they so wish, I believe it's out of line to call them idiots.

And if you do call them idiots, then everybody who buys a BMW, a Nespresso, a bottle of single malt, a piece of branded clothing, anything from Coca-Cola, Lindt chocolate, a Samsung phone or TV, any celebrity chef-branded meals, posh furniture, Philips Hue, Bose headphones, Microsoft Surface, Bauknecht or Miele white goods, a Dyson or BASICALLY ANYTHING THAT'S SOLD THROUGH ADVERTISING, is also an idiot. Because for 90% of our purchases it's possible to buy something cheaper that more-or-less does the same job, but you know what? It's none of your, my or anybody elses' business whether people buy the cheaper version or the more expensive one, and it doesn't make them an idiot for doing it.

So I say again, this time with feeling; El Reg can f*ck right off with their 'idiot-tax' bollocks.

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Lord Elpuss
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”Cupertino idiot-tax operation“

Grow the f*ck up, Kieren.

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What's Big and Blue – and makes its veteran staff sue? Yep, it's IBM

Lord Elpuss
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"The IBM defense is BS and everyone knows it."

Not disagreeing - but if this is the case, then the complaint is BS too - it's really about the money not the age.

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Bug bounty alert: Musk lets pro hackers torpedo Tesla firmware risk free

Lord Elpuss
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@regregular

It's a large step in the right direction, and as such worthy of recognition. The fact that the step isn't as massive as you might like it to be, i.e. reaching the end goal in one fell swoop, doesn't mean it's worthless.

And the 'dirty weasel' clause, as you put it, sounds like sensible limitation of collateral damage on Tesla's part - if you happen to be in a part of the world where there are no Tesla service centers, it might cost them many thousands to recover your bricked vehicle; and why the hell should they do that when they didn't ask you to do the bricking?

Sheesh. Reminds me of this: Dudley's Presents.

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Apple pushes new iOS 12 beta build to silence notification spam

Lord Elpuss
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@paulf

Force touch would have been a great solution. I read that too about Force Touch not being included, but can't understand the reasoning; to me it's a well designed, useful feature. Hope it's nothing more than a rumour...

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Lord Elpuss
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@paulf

"...makes me suspect it's a reference to the frustrating bug/problem feature where turning Wifi or Bluetooth off from the Control Centre only turns it off temporarily..."

Yep got that; just wanted to point out that saying it 'can't' be switched off is erroneous.

I fall into the "Stupid, stupid decision" camp on this; although having said that I did have a conversation with Apple support the other day where they told me it was incredible the number of support calls they used to get from people who'd turned off Bluetooth and thought their Apple Pencil was broken, or had turned off Wifi and couldn't work out why AirDrop or AirPrint wasn't working. So making it 'Off' as opposed to OFF might have been a motivator here - to reduce support calls from muppets.

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Lord Elpuss
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It’s Bluetooth not BlueTooth, and you can turn it off. Settings>Bluetooth.

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Boss regrets pointing finger at chilled out techie who finished upgrade early

Lord Elpuss
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Re: Oh so familiar

@Maverick

”I wouldn't correct people on here on networking, please allow me my expertise“

I think people are downvoting you less for your ‘expertise’ and more for your condescending tone.

Suggest you follow course 101 in respectful commenting.

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Wondering what to do with that $2,300 burning a hole in your pocket?

Lord Elpuss
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Re: "does this read more like an ad-icle"

Dehydrated water is ... well, nothing. Dehydrated SALT water is different, obviously.

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Game over for Google: Fortnite snubs Play Store, keeps its 30%, sparks security fears

Lord Elpuss
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Re: Love the cognitive dissonance

You need to read the article again. It says that Apple ‘perfected’ the absolute walled garden approach (in that unless you jailbreak, it’s impossible to circumvent); not that it’s a ‘perfect’ model; and it’s not passing judgement on one or the other. Where did you read Apple good, Google evil?

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Lord Elpuss
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Re: A free to play game

There is. RTA.

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Grad sends warning to manager: Be nice to our kit and it'll be nice to you

Lord Elpuss
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Re: Talking to printers is good...

Ahahahahahahahahaha

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Lord Elpuss
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Re: Elphin safety

"I keep a variety of hammers in plain view of all our printing devices."

http://goodomenslexicon.org/articles/crowleys-houseplants/

"Every once in a while, Crowley picks a plant that is not growing too well and carries it around the flat to the other plants, telling them “‘Say goodbye to your friend. He just couldn’t cut it…'”. He then takes the plant out of the flat, and brings home “a large, empty flower pot” which he “leave[s] somewhere conspicuously around the flat”. Because of this, his plants are “the most luxurious, verdant, and beautiful in London”, but “also the most terrified”."

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'Unhackable' Bitfi crypto-currency wallet maker will be shocked to find fingernails exist

Lord Elpuss
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Re: No need to hack anything?

Obligatory

https://xkcd.com/538/

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Lord Elpuss
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Re: First rule of security...

Android sits at both ends of the security scale. Run-of-the-mill unhardened Android like this (and 99.9% of consumer Android devices) offer next to no security. On the other hand, some of the most secure comms handsets also run android - albeit properly hardened and probably unrecognisable to the layperson.

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Toshiba gets NASty: Soups up hi-cap enterprise drive

Lord Elpuss
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Re: Hey Mamr

Me too. Fascinating.

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Hot US deal! IBM wins $83m from Groupon in e-commerce patent spat

Lord Elpuss
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Why, because they're standing up for patents they developed and own?

This isn't a patent troll issue.

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Google says Pixel 2's narcoleptic display is being fixed in June update

Lord Elpuss
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@AC You're wrong. Stop making a tit of yourself.

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HPE supercomputer is still crunching numbers in space after 340 days

Lord Elpuss
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Re: Top astro boffinery

"I hope the bean counters in HPE recognise the importance of stuff like this."

I hope the beancounters in IBM, Dell, Microsoft et al recognise the importance as well. We need a good old tech space race to get things going again. IBM's still banging on about how it's systems took men to the Moon back in the 60s, and how ThinkPads went up with the Shuttle; both amazing to be sure, but if I were looking for a relevant case study I wouldn't want to have to go back 10 years to find one.

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Mega medical tester pester: It smacked a big one, that malware scam, if indeed it was SamSam

Lord Elpuss
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Re: is it so hard....

Technically speaking it isn't that hard - but you have to (a) know the vulnerable point exists in order to harden it, and (b) not have a PHB sitting somewhere who insists that he 'must' have outside access to a system even though he keeps forgetting his password and tripping the lockout, then commanding the infosec guys to leave it unprotected.

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Declassified files reveal how pre-WW2 Brits smashed Russian crypto

Lord Elpuss
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Re: Paranoia and hot pockets

@Milton

Upvote purely for your writing style :D

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Mmm, yes. 11-nines data durability? Mmmm, that sounds good. Except it's virtually meaningless

Lord Elpuss
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Re: "acts of God"

Dear bobsmith2016

With the greatest respect, ODFO.

People believe what they want to believe - and that is their right. It's not your business, or anybody else's, to dictate what YOU believe and/or to disparage their faith. By the same token, you can believe/disbelieve whatever you like - just don't go around imposing it on others.

From a proof perspective, believers can't prove what they believe in (at least - not in a way that you would accept), and YOU can't prove the opposite. You're no more 'right' than they are.

PS 'Act of God' is these days a generic - like 'Hoover' or 'Google'. It's used in legal, formal and semi-formal contexts as a synonym for 'Something over which we have no control', and implies no particular 'belief'.

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Boss helped sysadmin take down horrible client with swift kick to the nether regions

Lord Elpuss
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Thanks Simon! Very best of luck in your new endeavours.

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British Airways' latest Total Inability To Support Upwardness of Planes* caused by Amadeus system outage

Lord Elpuss
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Re: weight calculation

I think I know your friend Dave - he lives in my spare bedroom

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Code of conduct claims new Texas Instruments CEO after just six weeks

Lord Elpuss
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Surely can't be as mundane as

Dipping his pen in the company ink?

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Kremlin hacking crew went on a 'Roman Holiday' – researchers

Lord Elpuss
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Re: Dephi?

Upvote for the Verity reference :D

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'Fibre broadband' should mean glass wires poking into your router, reckons Brit survey

Lord Elpuss
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Re: Hyperoptic

"They most certainly DO NOT install a whopping great 200 port enterprise router in the basement. ;-)"

They might. Depends on what the punters there are paying.

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Scam alert: No, hackers don't have webcam vids of you enjoying p0rno. Don't give them any $$s

Lord Elpuss
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"I've never been anywhere near an adult site and most likely never will..."

Uhhuh.

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AR upstart Magic Leap reveals majorly late tech specs' tech specs

Lord Elpuss
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Re: so it's hololense

What's this got to do with Apple?

Fandroids gotta hate I guess.

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Cops suspect Detroit fuel station was hacked before 10 drivers made off with 2.3k 'free' litres

Lord Elpuss
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"Don't image that energy cost in Europe is that much more expensive than California."

It may not be. But the tax is a killer...

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Leatherbound analogue password manager: For the hipster who doesn't mind losing everything

Lord Elpuss
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Re: How to waste bad people's time.+

Or just have one of these books filled with garbage, and keep your real passwords somewhere else. Should waste a few hours of thief/cybervillain/state actor time before they realise...

I used to carry around a MicroSD with all kinds of dodgy files on it (a folder called Project Reticle, a spreadsheet full of random 5-letter groups, an astrophysics PDF with certain letters in the article strategically highlighted, and so on) - just to waste the time of any agent that might stop and search me.

Until somebody reminded me that if they DID stop me, and found said MicroSD, there was a distinct probability that they would lock me up until I told them what it all meant. Which would likely be an extremely long time given that it was garbage.

So I left it taped to the side of a coffee cup in Starbucks. Still wonder from time to time what became of it and if it ever ended up being 'investigated'.

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Lord Elpuss
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I thought you were exaggerating. Then I clicked the link.

It's absolutely hideous; I've seen better for 99c from Ali Express.

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HTC U12+: You said we should wait and review the retail product. Hate to break it to you, but...

Lord Elpuss
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Re: Trying to be Apple.

Because only Apple gets it right.

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Unbreakable smart lock devastated to discover screwdrivers exist

Lord Elpuss
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Re: tamper-proof screws aren't

”Oh, kewl! A fanboi! It's even making up fan fiction about me. I must have arrived :-)“

All fiction writers have their fanbases ;)

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Lord Elpuss
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Re: tamper-proof screws aren't

”@jake - "I have a small fitted plastic case containing 154 bits that can be used to remove nearly every "tamper proof" screw known to man."

But did it contain the Apple pentalobes?“

It’s Jake. He came up with the idea of pentalobes during a pilgrimage to Israel where he had a vision of a Torx morphing into the Star of David above the stable where he was staying. He was later ceremonially presented with the first gold-plated Pentalobe set by Steve Jobs himself; at Steve’s house, over dinner; before spending the next six months personally instructing Apple’s designers on how to use them correctly.

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Lord Elpuss
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Re: Prediction for the next problems

"The standard things to try out would be:

Using a strong magnet to make the motor turn without being told to do so. That way you could open the lock.

Reading off the fingerprint from the reader, generating a fingerprint mask and using it on the device. If they were really stupid, they didn't check for "latent fingerprints" and all you have to do is breathe at it."

Magnets won't work on steppers, and decent fingerprint scanners will ignore masks - which would make these methods useless for any well designe... oh wait.

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Lord Elpuss
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Re: As I was reading...

"...it must of been"

...it must HAVE been.

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Lord Elpuss
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Re: The Bruce Willis film RED

Didn't you blow up an asteroid too a few years back?

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Lord Elpuss
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Lord Elpuss
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I think they're hoping that owners will test their own locks and return them if defective. Cheaper than a recall.

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Lord Elpuss
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Re: Devil's Advocate

"I see it as the iPhone of locks."

You couldn't be more wrong; this is the iPhone of locks. Simple, clean, form follows function, does what it needs to do and gets out of your way.

And it's made of Triduralumin which costs $1000 per ounce.

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Lord Elpuss
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Re: tamper-proof screws aren't

"...those that don't can usually be defeated by hitting a cheap chinesium screwdriver so it moulds itself to the screwhead"

Upvote for Chinesium :))

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This HTC U12+ review page is left intentionally blank

Lord Elpuss
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Re: HTC replaced real buttons with touch

"...1 thumb down"

Enough balls to downvote but not enough to write a rebuttal? Sad.

Seriously though - do you have actual grounds to disagree, or is it just a case of Victor Meldrew grumbling about things he can't or won't understand?

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Lord Elpuss
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Re: HTC replaced real buttons with touch

There are reasons other than cost for using haptics on a touch panel. Waterproofing, chemical and germ boundaries (in hospitals etc) are three that spring to mind.

I can't help feeling that WallMeerkat and Shadow Systems are confusing haptics with touch-sensitive buttons. All the arguments against touch panels are valid, but have nothing to do with haptics.

A good haptic system provides accurate physical feedback akin to pressing (or running your fingers over) a physical button; where no physical button exists. Note that haptic feedback is different to just a vibration (unless it's trying to simulate a vibration).

At Interconnect in Vegas last year I tried a 3x4 haptic control panel simulating a numeric keypad - it used kilohertz vibrations along a single pixel width line, which replicated pretty much exactly the feeling of running a fingertip over a button edge. Each button had a 'rough' surface (simulated by the frequency generator), and 'pressing' a button gave a physical click, which you would swear was depressing a button. It was an out-of-brain experience looking at the keypad after navigating it by touch alone, with all the textures and sensations, to see that it was completely flat and featureless glass.

This was a startup running a demo, but clearly demonstrated the difference between haptics and touch controls. They're not the same thing.

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Lord Elpuss
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Re: If you're gonna wait, why not wait a year?

"Would El Reg be as charitable if Apple released new iPhones this September with a glaring software bug that affected their usability and decide "well we'll review it in October after they've had a chance to fix it""

No chance; they'd put the boot in. As they rightly should in my view.

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Lord Elpuss
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Re: HTC replaced real buttons with touch

"I've never ever used so called haptic feedback that wasn't garbage."

Then you haven't used the haptic trackpad on a Mac. If it wasn't for the fact that it didn't click when it was turned off, you'd genuinely not believe it wasn't a physical button. Haptics done right.

I also have to say I like the haptic (Taptic?) engine on the Apple Watch; it's not in the same league as the Mac trackpad, but good nonetheless.

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Da rude sand storm seizes the Opportunity, threatens to KO rover

Lord Elpuss
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Re: A place in history

"My first PC was a 386 20MHz system with 4MB of RAM. It could run Windows 3.1, Word for Windows, Excel, play various games, handle programming in Turbo C, etc."

"Fact is, you can achieve a surprising amount with older/slower tech if you are efficient with your code."

It's not often that you see Windows in the same post as Efficient with Code

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At last: Magic Leap reveals its revolutionary techno-goggles – but wait, there's a catch

Lord Elpuss
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Re: Wow!

Wow indeed. Because Elon Musk has never delivered anything substantial.

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Google freezes Android P: Get your shoes on, tire-kicking devs

Lord Elpuss
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Re: Unlike Apple?

"but unlike Apple's offering, it requires children under 13 to have a Google account."

The statement is absolutely correct. Apple devices do not require children under 13 to have a Google account.

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Platinum partner had 'affair' with my wife – then Oracle screwed me, ex-sales boss claims

Lord Elpuss
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"the plaintiff says he complained to his supervisor "that an individual Oracle 'Platinum Partner' was having an affair with his wife..."

Well as he was working for Oracle he was still getting regularly fucked, so no real reason to complain.

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