* Posts by DJV

935 posts • joined 4 Aug 2009

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Microsoft: Like the Borg, we want to absorb all the world's biz computers

DJV
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Microsoft Managed Desktop

My eyes must need testing - I first read that as "Microsoft Damaged Desktop", which pretty much sums up Windows 10.

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FCC boss slams new Californian net neutrality law, brands it illegal

DJV
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Re: Gee, what a surprise!

"The shit doesn't fall far from the anus."

Oh, definitely a candidate for comment of the week! Upvoted!

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Check out this link! It's not like it'll crash your iPhone or anything (Hint: Of course it will)

DJV
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Re: Like a wet paint sign

Sir, I can honestly say that I have never in my life clicked on a wet paint sign!!!

(Just stuck my nose on the paint to see how dry it was, maybe...)

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DJV
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Happy

Re: No, this is coding.

And so is this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brainfuck

But it will do more damage to your sanity than any CSS!

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First it was hashtags – now Amber Rudd gives us Brits knowledge on national ID cards

DJV
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What do you mean "has been"? It always been that way as far as I can tell!

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DJV
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Re: Usual suspects

Ah, you mean Crapita, then...

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All aboard the Hype Cycle! What's DataOps? Well, it has no standards or frameworks. Got it?

DJV
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"entire technologies can disappear into obscurity from the heights of hype without ever becoming useful"

"Gartner will one day disappear into obscurity from the heights of hype as it has never done anything useful"

FTFY

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Guess who's still in charge of your gas safety, Brits? Capita

DJV
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Oh yes, this a thousand times over!!! Upvoted (wish I could do more than one upvote).

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DJV
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Ah...

This is where "in charge" takes on a completely new meaning... (one having very little to do with being in charge or even having the ability to do anything meaningful or constructive*).

(* and paying their CEO extra bonuses doesn't count as either)

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Safari, Edge fans: Is that really the website you think you're visiting? URL spoof bug blabbed

DJV
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"We've yet to hear from Apple about the state of its flaw"

"We've yet to hear from Apple about anything"

FTFY

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Cisco shoves more GPUs in AI server for deep learning, still doesn't play Crysis

DJV
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Yeah, but does it play Cry...

...oh wait...

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Volkswagen faces fresh Dieselgate lawsuit in Germany – report

DJV
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Coat

Dieselgate

Maybe it could also be called "Beetlejuicegate"

(gets coat...)

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UK.gov went ahead with under-planned, under-funded IT upgrade? Sounds about right

DJV
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Facepalm

SNAFU

(see title)

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A boss pinching pennies may have cost his firm many, many pounds

DJV
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Re: Outcome?

Yes, we definitely need to know the outcome of all this!

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PPI pushers now need consent to cold-call you

DJV
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Flame

@Vometia Munro

Yep, fully agree with you. Yesterday I received a call on my mobile from a "Private number". I picked it up ready to tell them to piss off to find it was about booking a genuine yearly hospital appointment. I gave them several minutes of chastisement regarding the fact that they were withholding their number (something that I did when they phoned up regarding last year's appointment). They had already tried my landline but, as I've set that one to completely ignore withheld numbers due to the constant crap I was receiving, they had no luck there. Apparently, they are going to do something about it "Real Soon Now" - yeah, right.

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DJV
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Re: If anyone

Yeah, fully agree, especially when most of the calls originate offshore (even if they do spoof a local number).

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HTTPS crypto-shame: TV Licensing website pulled offline

DJV
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"We take security very seriously"

That's right, keep parrotting that obvious bullshit out! Sigh....

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Neutron star crash in a galaxy far, far... far away spews 'faster than light' radio signal jets at Earth

DJV
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Re: Wow, that's quite a cosmic prang

And the traffic cop tut-tutting and making little notes in his notebook. "Exceeding the speed of light, eh? Tsk, tsk, that'll cost you a few points on yer license... unless, of course, you might be thinking of buying a few tickets to the policeman's ball - oh look, I just happen to have a few spare tickets in me pocket here. Put you down for a couple o' dozen, shall I?"

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Not so much changing their tune as enabling autotune: Facebook, Twitter bigwigs nod and smile to US senators

DJV
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Re: Pleas pass an American GDPR.

If they do, I wonder how ICANN will try and wriggle out of that!

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5G can help us spy on West Midlands with AI CCTV, giggles UK.gov

DJV
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"China-style AI-powered CCTV cameras"

And, no doubt, all come equipped with a hard-coded remote login name and password...

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Google is 20, Chrome is 10, and Microsoft would rather ignore the Nokia deal's 5th birthday

DJV
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"play on the mathematical term"

I remember hearing somewhere that it really should have been called "Googol" but they didn't know how to spell it, which is why they ended up with Google instead. Ah yes, here you go:

https://graphics.stanford.edu/~dk/google_name_origin.html

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Microsoft gives Windows 10 a name, throws folks a bone

DJV
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Re: only roll it in sprinkles.

I see that 3 (so far) of Microsoft's shills are doing the downvote rounds!

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DJV
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"codebase will have enjoyed more focus on quality and polish"

Ha ha! Did you type that with a straight face?

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Apple pushes new iOS 12 beta build to silence notification spam

DJV
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The Register asked Apple for comment. <Crickets>

and tumbleweed...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SK0QyHcCIw

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Fast food, slow user – techie tears hair out over crashed drive-thru till

DJV
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"educate the caller"

Oh please do tell us how that "education" was performed. I have visions of your boss educating the user using said keyboard to give them a good whack about the cranium!

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Space station springs a leak while astronauts are asleep (but don't panic)

DJV
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Kapton tape

I'm disappointed that all the kapton tape sources I could find didn't say "As used on the space station" anywhere.

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Won’t patch systems? Never run malware scans? Welcome to the US State Department!

DJV
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What?

Even more than lawyers? Shock, horror!

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Apple sees the (augmented) light, buys holo-glass tech startup

DJV
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@onefang

Damn right, I was reading the article and thinking along similar lines. You definitely put it more succinctly!

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No need to code your webpage yourself, says Microsoft – draw it and our AI will do the rest

DJV
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Yay!

Clippy comes to web design. What could possibly go wrong!

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Voting machine maker claims vote machine hack-fests a 'green light' for foreign hackers

DJV
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Weasels!

"Voting machine vendor ES&S says it did not cooperate with the Voting Village hacking competition at DEF CON because it worried the event posed a national security risk."

Bollocks, more like it posed a risk to exposing how lousy ES&S's security really is! Do they build insecure IoT crap as well?

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Windows 95 roars once more in the Microsoft round-up

DJV
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@MacroRodent

Apparently, Intel produced Pentium 1 devices all the way up to 300MHz.

See: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/P5_(microarchitecture)#Tillamook

I built a PC many years ago (probably around 1998) that had a 200MHz Pentium MMX in it.

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HP Inc strips off, rolls around as Windows 10 money pours down

DJV
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who's got my other 9?

Me - so, hurry up and pay the ransom!

You are a tad out of date on the world population (but what's a couple of billion between friends).

Here are some scary numbers: http://www.worldometers.info/world-population/

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Abracadabra! Tales of unexpected sysadmagic and dabbling in dark arts

DJV
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Isn't that dangerous?

Back in the last century while working in IT Support for a local Training & Enterprise quango, I'd been called to the marketing department to fix a "problem" wheref one of the girls had dropped a paperclip onto her large clunky-keyed keyboard and said paperclip had found itself trapped underneath a few of the keys. I started using a small screwdriver to negotiate the paperclip towards the edge in order to extract it when she said, "Isn't that dangerous with all that electricity in there?" (Remember, this WAS the marketing dept).

"No," I said, "it's perfectly saf--"

And then did a damn good impersonation of someone being severely electrocuted. The look of horror didn't leave her face until both I and several of the other less clueless marketeers were laughing ourselves silly.

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DJV
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Re: Case sensor

My first hard drive for an Amiga 2000 (a Quantum 80MB, if memory serves) started failing to turn on after about 2+ years. The solution was to open up the case pull the hard disk and attached card from the slot, give it a good shake and shove it back in. That usually fixed it. It was a regular occurrence for another couple of years when I could afford to replace it with a HUGE(!) 540MB one.

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Southport: Come for a round of golf, stay for the flesh-eating STIs

DJV
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Re: Mellow Yellow

Sounds like it would be better to try to catch a dose of the wind instead...

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Butcher by name, Butcher by nature? Capita finds new CFO

DJV
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Butcher

Back in the last century I was in hospital after having a nasty burst appendix sliced out. A couple of days after the op, a young student nurse wearing a nametag that said Nurse Butcher turned up to my bedside having been assigned to disconnect the drip from the cannula in my arm. The cannula had to be left in place in case the drip needed to be re-attached.

I think she should have placed a finger somewhere on my arm to stop the blood flowing into the cannula as she capped it off. Instead, several quite impressive spurts of blood erupted from the cannula hitting her, the bed and my mother's coat* on the chair beside the bed. Nurse Butcher became a bit panicky as she wrestled the cap over the gushing and I don't think she appreciated it when, afterward all the fun was over, I laughingly mentioned that she had a good name for her job. Still, I probably wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for such dedicated angels.

*Mother's coat (mother was visiting) was a shade of dark purple so didn't show the bloodstains - the same couldn't be said for the bed or Nurse Butcher!

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Somerset boozer prepares to declare its inn-dependence from UK

DJV
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Damn...

I was hoping for another Passport to Pimlico!

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Use Debian? Want Intel's latest CPU patch? Small print sparks big problem

DJV
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Re: Shrug

I think this thread has now hit the unwritten El Reg rule that "if it goes on long enough it is imperative that someone must include at least one Monty Python/Douglas Adams/Terry Pratchett/Airplane* reference."

(* Delete as applicable - actually no, don't delete - just include all of them)

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Texas ISP slams music biz for trying to turn it into a 'copyright cop'

DJV
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If you go to the bottom of the article there is a link that says "Tips and corrections".

HOW ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO USE IT!

Sheesh!

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It's official – satellite spots water ice at the Moon's chilly poles

DJV
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However the race is now of to see who can dump the first plastic on the Moon.

I think NASA already has already won that prize... leaving the landers aside, the flags planted there also contained nylon.

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What's holding you back from Google Cloud? Oh, OK... it was hoping you'd say 'lack of hardware security modules'

DJV
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What's holding you back from Google Cloud?

Holding me back? Two words: Google and Cloud.

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Internet overseer continues wall-punching legal campaign

DJV
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Re: Sigh

I'm surprised no one has yet added ICANN on the United States examples on that page!

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SuperProf gets schooled after assigning weak passwords to tutors

DJV
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Re: At Superprof we take security seriously and know how key it is to the running of our business

It makes more sense if you replace "security" with "bullshit".

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Gartner's Great Vanishing: Some of 2017's emerging techs just disappeared

DJV
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Reality

"The Hype Cycle has been criticised for bearing only a tenuous relationship with reality"

Gartner have never ever troubled themselves with reality.

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So phar, so FUD: PHP flaw puts WordPress sites at risk of hacks

DJV
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Does anybody use phar://?

Not me. I program in PHP but prefer never to touch the creaking behemoth that is WordPress.

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Self-driving cars will be safe, we're testing them in a massive AI Sim

DJV
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Not quite all of elsewhere, apparently...

As shown on this map, there are several other places that do it "our" way as well:

https://www.aceable.com/blog/countries-that-drive-on-the-left-side-of-the-road/

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I wish I could quit you, but cookies find a way: How to sidestep browser tracking protections

DJV
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Trollface

Re: Edge

They probably could have just abbreviated that sentence to "Microsoft's Edge browser simply didn't work" - which would have been more accurate.

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Boffins build the smallest transistor, controlled by an atom

DJV
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Excellent news

But, they'd better watch out they don't attract the bullshitters and new-age nutters by mentioning "quantum" twice in the abstract...

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Apple pulls iOS 12 beta 7 after less than 24 hrs

DJV
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Re: You contacted Apple for comment

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SK0QyHcCIw

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Hello darkness my old friend, what happened last week in Redmond?

DJV
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@big_D

"there isn't much point using it on Android or iOS"

In my experience, there's very little point using on Windows, too...

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