* Posts by DJV

1115 posts • joined 4 Aug 2009


'Occult' text from Buffy The Vampire Slayer ep actually just story about new bus lane in Dublin

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I'd raise the stakes in this pun-fest except I can't think of anything to add.

Windows Subsystem for Linux adds pop to release, SAC-T sacked, crypto-jacking apps: It's Microsoft's week

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"while admins buffed their rings in readiness"

Well, you've got to get pleasure where you can!

Solder and Lego required: The Register builds glorious Project Alias gizmo to deafen Alexa

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"Something about a certain billionaire CEO being fond of self-pleasure."

You owe me a new keyboard --->

What did turbonerds do before the internet? 41 years ago, a load of BBS

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Re: last 1% was in download

You are evil and I salute you! Have one on me!

Dratted hipster UX designers stole my corporate app

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Re: It's not just designers

"*Some* People in IT rarely seem to be interested in spending time watching what users actually do"

Also, some people, even when told what users do believe them wholly, which becomes their undoing!

20 years ago I was a developer at a company with an educational website. Once, while I was on holiday, one of the junior developers was asked by someone else in the company to produce a specific piece of software to run on the site - the "spec" was verbal only.

When I came back from holiday she told me that what the develope (who apparently hadn't questioned a single thing in the verbal "spec") had produced for her was "exactly what I'd asked for" but "didn't do what I wanted". After that she always came to me with requests so that we could battle our way to a common understanding of what was required and how it would actually look and function.

Want to know what 2020 holds? Microsoft has a little something for you

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"In many areas it even went backward"

I suspect there are many of us hoping that "backward" trend continues so that a future version of Windows 10 will have the look and feel of Windows 7, revert an update system that allows us to block individual patches from screwing things up and isn't packed with telemetry snatching crap that phones home every couple of minutes!

Crash, bang, wallop: What a power-down. But what hit the kill switch?

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Re: Placement of kill switch and other quirks

or switchblind!

Roses are red, this is sublime: We fed OpenAI's latest chat bot a classic Reg headline

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Jeffrey Archer's been using this softwre for years!

US kids apparently talking like Peppa Pig... How about US lawmakers watching Doctor Who?

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"tsunami of entertainment"

You sure "entertainment" is the correct word here?

Earth's noggin took quite a clockin' back in the day: Now a second meteorite crater spotted under Greenland ice

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Re: Whats that thing between the two known craters?

Actually, I can see two there, a smaller one joined to a larger one. Ah, wait, that's probably where Ultima Thule came from!

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Re: And yet, there is still life on earth ...

At least you didn't say "intelligent" life...

How I got horizontal with a gimp and untangled his cables

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OMG Stevie! I remember that exact column. It made me laugh so much I cut it out and kept it for years - not sure what happened to it in the end! Is it online anywhere?

A few years back I did a similar thing regarding the wardrobe in that, just before selling my previous house, I ran out of paint for the wall, so plonked the wardrobe in front of the unpainted bit. As I had no use for the wardrobe in the new house, I asked the new owner if he wanted it. He said yes - I always wondered how long it took him to discover the lack of paint behind it.

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Re: Bent coat-hanger and curtain wire

I once used one of my cats to help run a new replacement light fitting cable under the floor of the upstairs bedroom in my bungalow conversion. A piece of string was tied to the cat's collar who was then encouraged by my partner to the other end of the 15 feet or so of narrow underfloor passage, which he did quite happily. Once the string had reached the far end it was a simple job to untie the cat and use the string to pull the actual cable through.

Boffin suggests Trappist monk approach for Spectre-Meltdown-grade processor flaws, other security holes: Don't say anything public – zip it

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My first reaction is to smack my forehead, and think, "What an idiot!"

However, a lot of it depends on the company or organisation that owns/maintains the software/service/device upon which the flaw exists.

If the company is known to be responsible and can indicate privately to the whitehat discoverer that the flaw needs X amount of time to fix (where X might be relatively small for software and probably a lot larger where hardware may be involved) then the discoverer should allow the company that amount of time (+ a bit of leeway) if it sounds reasonable to develop and push out the update. For those companies that are known to ignore such things and only react when the faeces hit the rotating blade type air circulating device then public disclosure should not be held back as that is the only way to get the flaws fixed.

In the end the way a flaw should be reported, patched and eventually made public should depend on an agreed, responsibly thought out timeline for that particular flaw that prioritises public security (and doesn't just pay lip service to it).

With regard to Spectre/Meltdown then El Reg's disclosure was probably timely as Intel has, in the past, been known to downplay things until their hand is forced.

Bug-hunter faces jail for vulnerability reports, DuckDuckPwn (almost), family spied on via Nest gizmo, and more

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Re: Pretty soon, you won't be able to turn them off

Hopefully, a new industry will start up that will "De-Smart" your new home!

Terribly Sorry Bank reports 165% drop in profits to a pre-tax loss of £105.4m

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"left the bank with an expected payout of £1.7m"

And that's one of the problems right there...

Musk shows off the latest power plant for Starship, replaces Tesla CFO with a millennial

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Bungee CFO!

Scott Adams got there first!


Q. What do you call an IT admin for 20-plus young children? A. A teacher

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Re: "Young students, for example, cannot be expected to remember and enter a password. "

Well then, just empty out their accounts - they might actually start getting the idea then!

It's similar with data backups - people don't do them until they get bitten by losing something essential (though, it does take a couple bites before they really start doing it properly).

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"common sense and doing things right never enter into the equation"

Obviously, they are providing the perfect training for future politicians!

My chemical romance drowns tomorrow's money, warns TSMC: Chip maker's yields rocked by bad batch

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"adversely affected by a bad batch of chemicals"

So, someone spilled their cuppa, then?

Disk drives suck less than they did a couple of years ago. Which is nice

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So, does this mean that Seagate have finally figured out how to build drives properly? I've been avoiding them like the plague for years after bad experiences with earlier models.

Data flows in a no-deal Brexit are a 'significant' concern – MPs

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"cannot seriously constitute the policy of any responsible government"

Yeah, having a "responsible government" would be an improvement over the shambles we're currently lumbered with.

Amazon's titchy robots hit the streets, Waymo starts a self-driving car factory...

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"The service is currently being rolled out"

"rolled" snigger!

Data hackers are like toilet ninjas. This is not a clean crime, you know

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Re: Inquiring minds want to know...

I once had a client who thought their "completely original" idea of using "letmein" as a password was extremely neat. Not only had she told me it in the first place, she then took a bit of convincing as to why it wasn't quite as neat and original as she'd thought.

Users... sigh...

Users fail to squeak through basic computer skills test. Well, it was the '90s

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Mouse balls

When I worked in IT Support back around 1998 we used to get numerous complaints about mice not working due to the build up of crap on the rollers and balls. I used to remove all the balls and take them to the nearest "gents" and give them a soak in a basin of warm soapy water. Other staff entering the loo would ask, "What are you doing?"

"Washing my balls," I'd reply.

Google faces another GDPR probe – this time in the land of meatballs and flat-pack furniture

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Re: Article photo

* You're

Pentagon cloud contract sueball: Oh no, Oracle doesn't need those docs, AWS tells court

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Fully agree. However, it does look the force is stronger on the AWS side at the moment. I suspect much popcorn will be required before this all fizzles out!

Wow, fancy that. Web ad giant Google to block ad-blockers in Chrome. For safety, apparently

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Re: Did I miss something???

The last update on the Tofino page was November 2016 (https://medium.com/project-tofino) and the last modification to the code on GitHub was July 2017 (https://github.com/mozilla/tofino). Looks pretty dead to me - hopefully, it will stay that way.

Struggling with GDPR compliance? Don't waste money on legal advice: Buy a shredder

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I always seem to end up with lots of biros that no longer write (despite evidence of ink still being present). Maybe I should set up shop on Amazon and sell them off as "GDPR compliant".

Apple hardware priced so high that no one wants to buy it? It's 1983 all over again

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"Overnight commercial typesetting companies went bust."

Not surprised if the silly sods only opened at night!

DNAaaahahaha: Twins' 23andMe, Ancestry, etc genetic tests vary wildly, surprising no one

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Re: What about programmes like Jeremy Kyle?

Dunno about the DNA tests but they did find the audience registered 99% on the gullibility scale (the other 1% got lost trying to find the right studio).

Microsoft partner portal 'exposes 'every' support request filed worldwide' today

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Another day...

...another Microsoft cockup.

Testing... yeah, we used to do that...


It’s baaack – Microsoft starts pushing out the Windows 10 October 2018 Update

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"Thankfully, the buzzword of the day “AI” wasn’t used."

No, but "AAAAIIIIII!" will be the sound coming from users when they realise the damned thing has started downloading and installing, and there's bugger all they can do about it!

Three quarters of US Facebook users unaware their online behavior gets tracked

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Re: The survey is self-selecting

Or, if they are a Facebook user and DO care about that sort of thing, then they use the FB Purity add-on.

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what normal person would describe themselves as abnormal

Me, I'm both normal and abnormal! So there, nyah!!

Microsoft sends a raft of Windows 10 patches out into the Windows Update ocean

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Re: Jet

I suspect there is also a Jet Yellow - well, MS do seem to be pissing on almost everyone with their latest releases/patches!

China's really cotton'd on to this whole Moon exploration thing: First seed sprouts in lunar lander biosphere

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Re: Mung beans

You cruel bastard - I will be reporting you to PETV!

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Re: The Tricky Part

They just need to invent plants with legs* so they can keep walking towards the sunlight!

(* just like in that documentary by John Wyndham).

Yes, you can remotely hack factory, building site cranes. Wait, what?

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"issue simultaneous commands to multiple pieces of equipment"

Woohoo! How long before someone enters a whole bunch of synchronised cranes onto Strictly!

Army had 'naive' approach to Capita's £1.3bn recruiting IT contract, MPs told

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"What they brought was an expertise we didn't have."

Does this mean that "expertise" can now be measured in negative values?

Nissan EV app password reset prompts user panic

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I call bollocks!

I've moved whole web sites to different hosts where the website data contained encrypted passwords and that didn't require any such reset. Properly salted encrypted passwords contain all the information needed to determine the encryption used, even where several are in use on the same set of data. This means that there's no need to force a reset whatsoever.

German competition watchdog toys with ban on some Facebook data-slurps

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About time

Maybe 2019 will be the year that Facebook data slurping will finally get reeled in. They also need to take a proper look at slurpage from others such as Google, Microsoft and Apple as well.

Windows 10 Insiders sent on quest deep into Registry to fetch goblet of Reserved Storage

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"the OS remains very light on exciting new features"

Been that way for years unless your interpretation of "exciting" is way different to mine!

Peak Apple: This time it's SERIOUS, Tim

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Nah, they'd probably try to patent it instead!

Just updated Windows 7? Can't access network shares? It isn't just you

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Re: It's just criminal...

Maybe, but can they be sued for total incompetence?

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Re: You must be new here?

Boiling the balls of the Redmond-based wasters that release this untested shit might get better results in the future!

Wanted – have you seen this MAC address: f8:e0:79:af:57:eb? German cops appeal for logs in bomb probe

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Re: You forgot the joke icon.

Obvious joke does not require a joke icon!

Bish, Bash... gosh! Good ol' Bourne Again Shell takes a bow as it reaches version five-point-zero

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Re: From the announcement ...

Hey, it's software - new bugs come as standard!

Dark matter's such a pushover: Baby stars can shove weird stuff around dwarf galaxies

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"can be moved around with the power of heat"

Well, that accounts for the pizza that I thought was cooking in my oven still being in the freezer when the timer pinged!

Grab a bucket and spade: Sandbox open for Insiders again with fresh Windows 10 build

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Yeah, the bloody thing deserves a damn long sentence!


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