* Posts by Philip Stott

76 posts • joined 12 May 2007


Have you ever, ever felt like this? Have strange things happened? Is high-speed data going round the twist?

Philip Stott

Buzzword Bingo!

Whoever had "plasmonic topological insulator material" on their card has just matched six numbers and the thunderball.

Take my advice: The only safe ID is a fake ID

Philip Stott

Nice one Dabbsy

I always enjoy your articles, but this one has me laughing out loud (sorry, I mean lolling obvs).

Keep up the good work.

Powerful forces, bodily fluids – it's all in a day's work

Philip Stott

Re: Monitor

Just a guess, but I don't think you're paying the going rate for good technicians.

Over twenty years ago I used to be a Unix & NetWare admin earning a decent wage (I've since switched to software development), but have noticed how "commoditised" desktop support has become.

Big firms pay peanuts for monkeys who's only technical abilities are turn it off and on again and if that fails re-image the boot drive (which is great when it takes a day and a half to install all the tools needed to do your job)

If you want non-simian staff you have to pay for them.

If you have to simulate a phishing attack on your org, at least try to get something useful from it

Philip Stott

Re: Seeking The Best Phishing Education and Testing

You don’t work for S&P Global by any chance?

They have a similar thing there. The praise from getting it right with the Report Phish button is like a virtual hug :-p

AI on Raspberry Pi, Waymo touts robo-rides to Arizonians, and more

Philip Stott

Whoa a whole $7K!?!? Are you sure you can afford it?

Nice of Snap Inc. to sponsor a professor in AI for a week.

Hoping for Microsoft's mythical Andromeda in your Xmas stocking? Don't hold your breath

Philip Stott

Maybe it’s just me, but ...

I’ve bought 2 Surface products; a Surface Pro 2 and the first gen SurfaceBook, and I’ve been more than happy with both.

The Surface Pro 2 was bought for mainly tablet usage, but with the ability to run Visual Studio if a client had an urgent problem while I was on a train, or otherwise away from the office.

The SurfaceBook I couldn’t love more. The best laptop I’ve ever had. It’s mostly used for development, so what I want is fast compile time and it does that in spades. This machine seems more than the sum of it’s parts as I have an almost identically specced Lenovo laptop that comparably runs like a dog.

I realise this sounds a bit “gushing”, so I should point out that as it cost two and half grand, I’d be almighty f***** off if it wasn’t good.

A Reg-reading techie, a high street bank, some iffy production code – and a financial crash

Philip Stott

Re: This smells funny

You mean the investment banking arms of Barclays and RBS.

I worked for the latter for 3 years from 2008, so yes, I know they make a lot of trades.

Philip Stott

Re: This smells funny

No. They never have.

Apart from a brief foray spent developing clinical trials systems with the author of this article I've spent the last 25 years working for investment banks and commodity trading houses so I know what I'm talking about.

Philip Stott

This smells funny

UK retail banks don’t make trades, and never have.

They take deposits and lend them out.

The head office risk management unit do make fixed for floating interest swap trades, but they are simply to hedge their fixed interest rate mortgage and loan books.

Only investment banks engage in prop trading and that has more or less ended since the financial crisis.

RAF Air Command to take on UK military space ops

Philip Stott

How did I not notice that?

The Mekon is totally William Hague!

Tech bribes: What's the WORST one you've ever been offered?

Philip Stott


I had one particular scumbag offer me 5% cashback on my consumables budget if I ordered through his firm.

The fact that I support manager for a well known charity at the time didn't seem to bother him either.

CEO insisted his email was on server that had been offline for years

Philip Stott

Re: Deleting emails

Sounds like my wife. Last time I looked (I'm her BOFH, not nosy) she had 10,000+ emails in her inbox.

Huawei P20 Pro: Triple-lens shooter promises the Earth ...

Philip Stott

I want that street food. The phone not so much.

Are meta, self-referential or recursive science-fiction films doomed?

Philip Stott

The Baroque Cycle is a work of genius.

I admit that two thirds of the way in to the first book I started skipping ahead as it just seemed to be a bunch of disconnected events, however I persevered, and I’m very glad I did.

Starting with the second book and continuing to the end of the third, Stephenson brings all those seemingly endless threads together in a way that almost had me giddy with his attention to detail. So much so, that I reread the first book completely to ensure I didn’t miss any of it.

I’ve met several people who share your opinion, and I’ve persuaded a few of them to give it another go, all of whom have thanked me after doing so. I hope you will give it another go too.

Political ad campaign biz AggregateIQ exposes tools, DB logins online

Philip Stott

Re: Jesus Christ

I’m working on the hypothesis that this was a deliberate accident.

Suspected drug dealer who refused to poo for 46 DAYS released... on bail

Philip Stott

As far as I know, unless they get him sectioned under mental health act, they still can't force treatment on him.

UK.gov: Name a more iconic duo than 'culture' and 'digital'. We'll wait

Philip Stott

Seriously, do these people ever come out of their own a***holes to take a look at the world around them!

Private browsing isn't: Boffins say smut-mode can't hide your tracks

Philip Stott

Arrested Development

I'm sure it's just me, but did anyone else have a little chortle at the thought of Mr. Wang investigating smut mode browsing?

No? Thought so. I'll get my coat.

*Wakes up in Chrome's post-adblockalyptic landscape* Wow, hardly anything's changed!

Philip Stott

Re: Adverts?

Yep, and not being a suck-up, but The Reg gets whitelisted, because the ads aren’t annoying and I want to support them.

Philip Stott

What really narks

Are sites that I have paid to subscribe to which pop up passive aggressive messages say “We notice you’re ad-blocking. Adverts help us to fund the quality content you like”


Farts away! Plane makes unscheduled stop after man won't stop guffing

Philip Stott

Ah that might explain it

I once had to spend 9 hours on a flight to Jamaica sitting behind a family that were all dumping the most foul smelling toxic waste into the atmosphere, it was like being trapped in beelzebub’s buttocks.

They could’ve all had the same meal and all shared the same intolerance to one of the ingredients ...

Ubuntu wants to slurp PCs' vital statistics – even location – with new desktop installs

Philip Stott


They want to collect information such as; network connectivity or not ...

EE unveils shoebox-sized router to boost Brit bumpkin broadband

Philip Stott

Re: They did a bang up job installing it

I’m a developer, stuff like that confuses me. If they’re providing 4 holes then use 4 bolts and reduce the bore accordingly (and ensure it’s mounted exactly plumb).

Philip Stott

They did a bang up job installing it

They left 50% of the fixing bolts out.

Morrisons launches bizarre Yorkshire Pudding pizza thing

Philip Stott

I’d buy one of those USB coffee warmers for my office PC and leave the the foul thing sizzling all day to piss off my coworkers (I am a sociopath).

Facebook grows a conscience, admits it corroded democracy

Philip Stott

Re: This is a stupid discussion

I understand what you’re saying i.e. that people should be capable of critical thought and be able to decide for themselves what constitutes “fake news”.

Unfortunately, (and I realise this will sound elitist) there is a large demographic that can’t do this. This is why we have controls on how much of a slice of news organisations should be allowed to be controlled by a single entity - witness the recent Fox News/Rupert Murdoch tie up falling foul of the UK Competion and Markets Authority decision.

All aboard the Vomit Comet: Not the last train to Essex, but a modded 727 for weightless flight

Philip Stott

Well played Mr. Speed

When I read your last article I thought could that be you, and now I see it is!

To think that I once worked with a Reg Hack - pub bragging rights indeed ;-)

Soz, guys. No 'alien megastructure' around Tabby's Star, only cosmic dustbunnies

Philip Stott


Philip Pullman ... was right!?!?

Republican tax bill ready to rescue hard-up tech giants, struggling rich

Philip Stott

Re: Thomas Claburn - Define Wealthy


Thank you for that. Would just like to say that I miss your regular contributions to The Reg too.

I can only hope that the lack is caused by your time and energy being taken up by managing the massive profits from your rare earth metals bet.

Merry Christmas.

To Puerto Ricans: A Register apology

Philip Stott

Re: anonymous coward

Yes, but no.

I don't want to read political discourse on The Reg. I've been coming here for my tech news for at least 15 years (probably longer). It seems a relatively new thing, in the last couple of years, with Kieran a big contributed, which is a shame as he's actually a talented tech writer.

Please let's keep the politics to the Torygraph & Grauniad.

ATM fees shake-up may push Britain towards cashless society

Philip Stott

Re: £50's

Try the cash machines in Canary Wharf - you have to ask for an amount that isn't a multiple of £50 to get anything other than £50 notes ... which is great until you try and get a taxi home!

Robot takes the job of sitting on your arse

Philip Stott

Arsey McArse Face

Even more warship cuts floated for the Royal Navy

Philip Stott

Why do they never make the most obvious cuts?

Last time I checked we had approximately 70K civil servants (or about one per enlisted person) to manage a budget of roughly £30 billion.

The Israelis make do with about 400 civil servants to manage a budget of about £10 billion.

It seems we have some 68K civil servants we could cut instead of kit.

ARM chip OG Steve Furber: Turing missed the mark on human intelligence

Philip Stott

I can't help thinking that Steve Furber should have a chat with Jeff Hawkins of Palm & Numenta fame (which I also initially learnt from another excellent Reg article).

Between them I reckon we could expect SkyNet to come online in short order.

'There has never been a right to absolute privacy' – US Deputy AG slams 'warrant-proof' crypto

Philip Stott

He's probably been briefed by our clever home secretary Elmer Fudd.

Kill animals and destroy property before hurting humans, Germany tells future self-driving cars

Philip Stott

Are numbers a consideration?

Ok, fair enough, let's not discriminate on age, sex, ethnicity, etc, but given an accident with unavoidable human injuries shouldn't the number of humans injured in each possible scenario be considered?

Your top five dreadful people the Google manifesto has pulled out of the woodwork

Philip Stott

I really wish Kieren would come on down from off his high horse, stop writing click-bait articles and start writing copy I'm interested in reading.

US military gets authority to shoot down citizens' small drones

Philip Stott

Is it ok to buzz US military bases in months other than April?

One-quarter of UK.gov IT projects at high risk of failure

Philip Stott

Re: Why go Anonymous you coward!

For the best part of my 25+ year software development career I have worked for investment banks and commodity trading firms, and by and large, they're OK at getting a decent systems delivery/write-off ratio (although the write-off level is directly correlated to the size of the organisation).

Once, however, I had a year from hell subcontracting through Schlumberger Sema for defra.

Not only did I have to learn how to stretch a day's effort into a week's worth, but also had to live the daily nightmare that is working on a project you know will never fly.

It was just after the Foot and Mouth disease problem circa 2003-ish. The system was to be a cloven-hoofed livestock tracking website. In this instance the problem was caused by a massive up front waterfall style analysis by SS's top £2K p.d. consultants producing a spec that didn't match the requirements (and was seemingly priced per KG of paper too).

Given my experience there I have no reason to believe that any other ministry's development are run better.

The astonishing thing is that I was paid similarly to the cutthroat world of capital markets where reward is meant to correlated to merit.

Physicists send supersonic shock waves rippling through a lab

Philip Stott

The Weibel instability ... is that where they wobble but never fall down?

Canadian sniper makes kill shot at distance of 3.5 KILOMETRES

Philip Stott

Did you think for even a second before submitting that incredibly ill informed screen barf?!?!

For your sake, I sincerely hope not.

Software dev bombshell: Programmers who use spaces earn MORE than those who use tabs

Philip Stott

Obviously no professional programmers in blighty were included in the survey - who'd get out of bed for $60K FFS :-P

Google's news algorithm serves up penis pills

Philip Stott

Help, I think may need to start signing The Register (no, that other register)

I read this article, when the dogman part of my brain (convinced it had read "we watched open mouthed as the news kept coming in ... ") thought it could do better than that, with a comment along the lines of "you guys are bad, but I reckon your innuendo department has a gaping hole that needs stuffing with my cheesy prose". Please tell me that the article was once a filthy, innuendo ridden smut fest and that I don't need to start reading non-register related trade news.

Gay Dutch vultures become dads

Philip Stott

Re: Great story

I usually reply that incest and gang rape are common in some species - just because something is natural doesn't make it desirable.

I have no problem with gay people BTW - just people using crap arguments.

Dark-web pedo jailed after FBI and co use vid trick to beat privacy tech

Philip Stott

Re: Unmasking

That was my first thought, too.

Surprised by the number of users suggesting this sick f***** deserves protection? Where's Judge Dredd when you need him.

BOFH: This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back

Philip Stott

Re: Luckily ...

Thank you, brilliant comment. I'm shirking from home and nearly had to change my pants!

Q. Why is Baidu sharing its secret self-driving sauce? A. To help China corner the market

Philip Stott

Re: "exploiting cloud services as much as possible"

It doesn't have to be one or the other i.e. all local or all cloud processing, so you're both right.

The car obviously needs to be able to perform all navigation, collision avoidance, etc. autonomously, but when available it makes sense to share it's information with the cloud, so for e.g. it could receive information about conditions such as congestion on it's intended route, and perhaps send local driving conditions in return.


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