* Posts by Josco

129 posts • joined 22 Jul 2009


Whatever you've got to say about Google, it can't hear you over the sound of it banking $85m a day in pure profit


Re: Who is paying?

Could I say that I have never been first to comment before?


Who is paying?

I use Google quite a lot, Gmail, Maps et al but I have never knowingly clicked an advert link nor responded to any of the adverts that are thrust upon me. I have a similar response to junk calls. So who is responding and making the advertisers cough up?

I could be willing to pay for email (an allowable cost against tax I should imagine) if that would prevent a lot of spam.

Forget your deepest, darkest secrets, smart speakers will soon listen for sniffles and farts too


It would be inundated in our house!

If it can record and note the sound of farts then they're going to need more storage for all the noises my family makes.

Want to hack a hole-in-the-wall cash machine for free dosh? It's as easy as Windows XP


Physical access is quite easy

A few years ago I had a temp job changing the signage on a certain banks network of ATMs. This required me to have unfettered access to the machines and all work was carried out during opening hours. Rarely was I questioned about what I was doing by members of staff, and there was never any check that I was certified to carry out the work and no ID was ever requested. On external machines I would await my turn to access the ATM with members of the public in the queue and then proceed to attack the machine with various tools to remove its outer coverings. No one questioned me, not even the two coppers who passed on one occasion.

I have to say that at no point was I able to actually connect to the inner workings because I had neither the knowledge or the tools, but I doubt any one would have said anything even if I had.

Amazing what a Hi-Vis vest can do.

Shift-work: Keyboards heaped in a field push North Yorks council's fly-tipping buttons


V.amusing but...

There's a cost here in removing them for proper disposal, this cost has now passed to me through the taxes I pay.

F***=off, Google tells its staff: Any mention of nookie now banned from internal files, URLs


Bus Heating?

Not sure why the heating system on a bus is relevant.

New algorithm could help self-driving cars scout out hidden objects


Could I have a little privacy please?

That rabbit looks like it’s having a poo, leave it in peace.

Britain ignores booze guidelines – heads for the pub


Look away Nanny

It's Friday and I'm going for a beer or two.

Might have another tomorrow too.

UK.gov not quite done with e-cigs, announces launch of new inquiry


Vape shops spring up like weeds

In my little town there are 4 vape shops all within sight of each other, they are each almost completely empty of both product and customers. I'm not sure what rent they have to pay, and I have no idea as to the cost of the product or the markup, but it doesn't seem economically viable as a business. Is it a front?

So thoughtful. Uber says it won't track you after you leave their vehicles


Pretty boring tracking me

Home - pub

Pub - home

Home - pub - 'nother pub - home pleesh

BOFH: Don't back up in anger


New technical terms.

I thought I was up to speed with most jargon, but I haven't heard of bitwise comparison of tesla signatures on the disk surface. Can it really detect as low as 3 or 4 micro-gauss?

Marvellous stuff.

Revealed: UK councils shrug at privacy worries, strap on body cams


Re: plastics

Our council refuse operators sort unsuitable plastic at the road side and leave it on the pavement to blow away. Now they are going to charge extra for garden waste too.

It is an immutable law of local councils/authorities that the more you pay the worse the service gets.

Tobacco giant predicts the end of smoking. Panic ensues


I know what's next...

"Perhaps it's dawned on the more fanatical Public Health campaigners that the end is in sight, and a new cause is needed. "

Beer! That's next on the list. (Oh how I hope I'm wrong).

Three outsources staff to Capita


Re: Currently a 3 customer

Me too. Not too much choice, so back to Vodafone we go. There is a slight upside though, 2 years ago no provider had any service round here, now they all have except 3.

The return of (drone) robot wars: Beware of low-flying freezers


Re: Street Cameras on every corner?

There are reckoned to be over 6 million CCTV cameras in use by the authorities in the UK, never mind the number of personal and business systems. By one estimate people in urban areas of the UK are likely to be captured by about 30 surveillance camera systems every day. That's systems, not individual cameras.

Big brother is in the house.

Prominent Brit law firm instructed to block Brexit Article 50 trigger


Vote Again and get it right this time

This is all part of the establishment's campaign to have another referendum and get the sheeple to vote remain.

England just not windy enough for wind farms, admits renewables boss


Create Gas then

Both wind and solar are intermittent, usually producing power when it is not needed. I recall hearing an interview on the radio where it was suggested that the power produced could be used to create gas, this gas could then be absorbed by the national gas grid which has sufficient elasticity to accommodate this irregular . When power is needed then a gas power station is fired up. Simples!

I also agree with those respondents who suggest river power. My local river (The Wharf) has never run dry in all the years I've been here.

Computerised stock management? Nah, let’s use walkie-talkies


Do you have any tea?

I was in a very good bread shop recently, they had a huge range of home made bespoke bread along with the usual white & brown stuff. In comes a customer, "May I help?" asked the assistant. "Some bread please." replied the customer.....

Investigatory Powers Bill: As supported by world's most controlling men


Re: To all at, and involved with the coalition...

I, too, have added a smidgen to the cause and am no doubt on a little list somewhere.

When customers try to be programmers: 'I want this CHANGED TO A ZERO ASAP'


Any chance of a solution?

Not all of us here are programmers and I could stare at that code for an eternity and not know what I'm looking for.

I do a little HTML, CSS and PHP and some aeons ago a small amount of classic ASP, all of it laughably simple. I've always thought of coding as a little like Shakespeare; I can read Shakespeare, I can understand (some) Shakespeare but I certainly can't write it.

Lincolnshire council shuts down all IT after alleged 0-day breach


Re: Dissapointed

Haven't got to the elasticated trousers yet, but I'm counting the days.

New open-source ad-blocking web browser emerges from brain of ex-Mozilla boss Eich


Re: Sounds interesting

Dr Dobbs Patent Nerd Sex Attractant Pills, do they work? Do they also do them as suppositories?

Cisco shocker: Some network switches may ELECTROCUTE you


Is this POE?

Is this anything to do with that new fangled Power Over Ethernet I've read about somewhere?

You want to DISRUPT my TECH? How about I DISRUPT your FACE?



Turtled Necked Twat, brilliant!

Apple Watch is such a flop it's the world's top-selling wearable


Re: Who actually wears a watch anymore? And why?

I do. I like to know the time, quite easy with a swift flick of the wrist and a pretty face (analogue).

My mother always used to keep her watch an hour fast so as not to be late, didn't work.

£100 MILLION poured down drain on failed UK.gov IT projects - in just ONE YEAR


myBOL - How appropriate

Another usual bollox from those in charge. I did agree with Little Mouse though, I thought the figure a little low, but then we are not privy to all the information either.

Apple’s $700 BEEELLION market cap makes it more valuable than Switzerland



If I had that much I wouldn't squander it on 538,876,058 basic models. I'd have the better specced version, just one though, mustn't be greedy.

And a new Ferrari.

And a big house in London.

And Roman Abramovich's yacht.

And a night out with Claudia Schiffer

And another night

And another night




And 10 lottery tickets.

Pics in SPAAAACE!: Hasselblad sells for $275,000


When not if

When I win the lottery a Hasselblad is near the top of the list, but not as much as this one.

Holy cow! Fasthosts outage blamed on DDoS hack attack AND Windows 2003 vuln


It's my fault, sorry

I moved a customer to LCN a few weeks back and they crashed and lost all Email connections and some websites.

I moved a domain to FastHosts this weekend (for their Catch-All mail facility) and they have broken too.

Sorry, I promise to leave well alone.

It's not always about you: Why the Apple Watch is all about China


I found it interesting

Regardless of some of the negative comments here, I found it an interesting story and it has furthered my minuscule understanding of Chinese people.


Revealed: Malware that forces weak ATMs to spit out 'ALL THE CASH'


In Broad Daylight

A little while back I had a temporary job changing the signage on a well known UK banks ATMs. I would arrive in broad daylight with a bag of tools, wait my turn if it was busy, and then 'attack' the machine stripping it of external parts to access the signs and logos. No-one ever batted an eyelid nor made any remarks. Police would stroll by and not even glance at what I was doing....

Only once did an elderly lady who was waiting to use the machine comment that she would go halves on whatever I got out!

Surprise: if you work from home you need the Internet


Re: Work from home is better for me

6mb! Bugger me! I live halfway between Leeds & Harrogate, just off the main road. Less than 1mb is considered satisfactory by BT, but there is feeble mobile signal from all providers and we have been bypassed by the rural broadband initiative.

We don't have gas either even though the gas main from the North Sea passes within 1/4 mile.

Apple 5S still best-selling smartphone 8 months after launch


All of little interest to me

I've had several android and IOS phones over the years and none work properly for me. I used to think that the mobile signals were just poor, but everyone else seemed to have signal where I had none. I have swapped phones with my wife and children and where they routinely have 4 or more 'sausages' I have none. My wife says I must have too many fillings in my teeth!

Whaddaya mean, No refund? But I paid in Bitcoins! Oh I see...


Always entertaining

I'm pleased that I am not the only one out of step with the rest of humanity.

Ten classic electronic calculators from the 1970s and 1980s


My first calculator

I had left school and was working for Berni Inns as a trainee manager on the princely sum of £4 per week. My mother came home one day with the first electronic calculator I had ever seen. It was a Sharp and it could add, subtract, divide and multiply with an eight character screen! It also had a button on the side to increment the display count by one so it could be used as a rudimentary counter. At £15 it was nearly a months wage!

Sadly it has been lost.

Why UK.gov's £1.2bn fibre broadband rollout is a bumbling FLOP


Re: FTC all around us, but not from our cabinet

5MB!!! Wow. We live between Harrogate & Leeds and there is super fast nearly all around, even the local Leeds - Harrogate bus has 10MB WiFi but BT all but admitted to the village meeting that they were going to take the penalties (whatever they are) rather than upgrade us to 2 MB. We have very poor mobile too.

FAT PIPE for ALL: Britain’s new tech firms take it from the telcos


I'm not mono-browed....

Nor am I a hermit, I'm not too keen on chickens as mates and I don't use Ocado, but if the cap fits.... We live in a large village 5 miles from Harrogate and 7 miles from Leeds and when BT was questioned as to their progress in bringing a minimum of 2MB to us they replied that it was cheaper to take the Government penalties.

Great article as usual Alistair.

"Suspiciously, when you raise the question of inadequate internet access with politicians, they fart about supporting mono-browed, chicken-shagging hermits living in the sticks who apparently need gigabit broadband so they can order groceries from Ocado and browse FeatheredButtocks.com." Excellent.

Hello Warsaw: Greenland ice loss will be OK 'even under extreme scenarios'


Re: IPCC blaming heretics again?

Polar Bears wrestling Alligators? I'd pay to see that!

Bang away – just not 'with friends', Zynga tells naughty hookups app


After "The Next Bang"

I suggest for post coital refreshment: www.betterbangers.com

GTA V Online hits speed bumps: Short wait before you can rough up that hooker


One question....

Who's Trevor?

Watched my youngest son steal a Ferrari and immediately rip one of the doors off. I think the graphics are amazing but I can't play it. I just cannot get the co-ordination on the game controllers, not just GTA but almost any game.

Bring back the Intellivision, their controllers were excellent.

Love in an elevator.... testing mast: The National Lift Tower


Re: Cenobite...

The Emley Moor tower is (or was) thwe tallest structure in Northern Europe. The lift takes 12 minutes!

Daft tweet by Speaker Bercow's loquacious wife DID libel lord



Who is this Sallyber Cow person anyway? Why has she so many twitter followers? Could she be riding on the coat tails of her equally unspeakable husband?

EU wants the Swiss and pals to cough up IT giants' hidden bank info


Re: it's not only companies

Why is someone a wanker for trying to reduce their tax? I don't earn enough to set up any schemes like this, but if I did..... I try to limit the amount of tax I pay with allowances etc, but your argument seems to indicate that we should all give more. They already piss most of it away. One third of the population derive all of their income from the government and I am fed up with it. The ultimate conclusion of yours seems to be for the HMRC to take ALL our income and give us back a little pocket money.

Are biofuels Europe's sh*ttiest idea ever?


Who voted these buffoons in?

It 'wasn't me.

Europe (including the UK) must have the worst politicians ever. Not one of them exists in the real world.

Living in the middle of a big city? Your broadband may still be crap


Four Yorkshiremen

Right... You think you have it tough! I live in a bloody expensive village between Leeds and Harrogate, our broadband is poor (2mb), Mobile signals are abysmal (Vodafone non existent since the mast was broken into over a month ago), we've no gas even though a massive mains runs just over 200 metres away and the electricity supply can be flaky in very wet weather.

Rise Of The Machines: What will become of box-watchers, delivery drivers?


Re: But How

SMS message just before delivery.... Be there or miss it. Then go in your driverless car to pick it up from the depot.

SOD Big Data! Most of what you're keeping is digital landfill


Good sense there....

I worked for a document storage company where we had over 3 million document boxes in store for many customers large and small. I reckoned 95% of those documents would never see the light of day again except to be recycled. Ignorance of data retention rules, an unwillingness to be the person who authorised the destruction of 'sensitive' data and a universal instinct to hoard contributed to our bottom line.

I'm no better, you should see my garage......

Microsoft to end Windows 8 discounts on January 31

Thumb Down


Charging like a wounded elephant.... or should that be lemming.

Indonesian ID card will deduct fines from bank accounts

Thumb Down

What about HMG?

Has anyone told Her Majesty's Government about this? I imagine Revenue & Customs would like it.

High school student expelled for dropping F-bomb in tweet


Re: To far

I agree, there is probably more to the story. I was expelled from school for smoking (almost 40 years ago) but in fact it was the final straw in a long line of transgressions.


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