* Posts by hplasm

4483 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Hackers waste Xbox One, PS4, MacBook, Pixel, with USB zapper

hplasm
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Flame

"I wonder how long one of these USBKill devices would survive ... shorted out?"

I thing an El Reg test is in order! Perhaps crowdfund it...

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Woman rescues red pepper Donald Trump from vegetarian chilli

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

End times are-

When a certain Prophet (pbuh) appears in a fruit, toast or cheese food.... then what?!?!?

As a wise man once said, "AIEE!!"

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Imagine every mistake you can make with a new software rollout...

hplasm
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Re: Brings a whole new dimension to punishment

Reminds me of this, Mr Buttle...

http://www.dave.rainey.net/calendars/dystopias/process3.html

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Chap creates Slack client for Commodore 64

hplasm
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“artisanal, locally sourced, homemade cable”

Excellent- he should apply for oodles of startup money just with that description- bound to get it!

The rest of it is v good too!

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UK's new Snoopers' Charter just passed an encryption backdoor law by the backdoor

hplasm
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Re: Well...

10e10e10 Intenets for 'Pry Minister'! Well played Sir!!

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Ommm... devs, align your Chakra, whispers Microsoft, you don't need Google's V8...

hplasm
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Holmes

"At this particular point in history, stepping back in time has a certain appeal."

Back to when Windows didn't suck quite as much, and MS didn't thrash about like they had been headshot?

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Investigatory Powers Act signed into UK law by Queen

hplasm
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Pirate

"Give me six lines..."

Hey, Prime Minister- can I have your autograph?

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Google's Chromecast Audio busted BT home routers – now it has a fix

hplasm
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WTF?

WTF are the BT routers doing reacting to anything over the wire?

Are they still running Phorm firmware?

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Grand App Auto: Tesla smartphone hack can track, locate, unlock, and start cars

hplasm
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Headmaster

Re: Going stone-age

"Have you any idea how easy it is to steel an old VW?"

They are 'steel' you dork. More steel in one than can be said for most modern cars...

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USS Zumwalt gets Panama tug job after yet another breakdown

hplasm
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Happy

"So he's just 'A Kirk' rather than 'T Kirk'..?"

First of the line... just like NCC1701xxx. 20 Kirks to go...

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hplasm
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Childcatcher

Re Serious question:

Not all targets ^H^H^H^H^H^H enemies will have satellites. Some do have all seeing Deities though...

Allegedly.

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: "causing some cosmetic damage"

One broken eyeliner.

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Not enough rounded corners

Isn't it expensive enough already?

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Debian putting everything on the /usr

hplasm
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Meh

Re: only thing I ask

"...causing systemd to ..."

THERE'S your problem, right there.

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NASA sets fire to stuff in SPAAACE. On purpose. Because science

hplasm
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Coat

Fire in the sky.

2016 version.

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How to confuse a Euro-cop: Survey reveals the crypto they love to hate

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Stenography is your friend.

Getting a shorthand secretary to sit on my knee? Cool!

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CERT tells Microsoft to keep EMET alive because it's better than Win 10's own security

hplasm
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ha ha!

CERT Furniture!

Nice one.

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Microsoft still working to fix Outlook sync issues

hplasm
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Devil

Has El Reg finally soured its relationship with Redmond?

Or has MS yet to sync its Outlook mail?

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Going shopping for a BSOD? We've found 'em in store at M&S

hplasm
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Devil

Is a Windows Update message in a PC store an "error"?

Depends on how many months it lasts...

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Why I just bought a MacBook Air instead of the new Pro

hplasm
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Re: Surface is nice and all

Devual looks fine- just like normal Debian, no worries.

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User needed 40-minute lesson in turning it off and turning it on again

hplasm
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WTF?

Re: Can you hold down the power button

"...I can't see a key with "Enter" written on it."

You don't have a numeric pad?

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hplasm
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Headmaster

Re: Can you hold down the power button

"or in this case a modern computer, which normally gets put to sleep, not turned off."

You kill your computer every night?

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Can you hold down the power button

"YOU DO NOT USE JARGON TERMS UNLESS YOU KNOW THE USER."

Therefore, don't use jargon terms like 'user' ; use a term everyone can understand. 'Fuckwit.'

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Microsoft ❤️ Linux? Microsoft ❤️ running its Windows' SQL Server software on Linux

hplasm
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Meh

Re: virtualisation again?

"If well written,..."

Aye, there's the rub...

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US Director of National Intelligence legs it

hplasm
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Happy

Clap on,

Clap off!

Claptrap.

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British banks chuck smartphone apps out of Windows

hplasm
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Happy

UnUniversal

"...you'll find a man trying very hard not to say the word "phone"... and the word Universal."

There you go- FTFY

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Elon Musk wants to launch 4,000 satellites and smother globe with net connectivity

hplasm
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FAIL

Oh dear where is the RIP REG icon.

As long as The Register continues to spout hyperbolic nonsense, though, they’ll continue getting the coverage he needs to keep the show on the road.

Hyperbolic bollics, the whole thing.

No tech journos availabe?

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PoisonTap fools your PC into thinking the whole internet lives in an rPi

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: Mac can be pawned too.

According to the article- it's mac and windows computers that are vulnerable...

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Gone in 70 seconds: Holding Enter key can smash through defense

hplasm
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Happy

When I was a little girl in Poland, we all had ponies.

Did they have a Reverse gear?

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Navy STEALS? US sailors dispute piracy claim

hplasm
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Happy

Re: We'll one answer....

...And remove Germany from the Geomaps, just in case...the USN have any idea where it is...

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Fujitsu says 1,800 UK job cuts needed to boost ailing margins

hplasm
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Meh

To save money...

"...We are collecting our data and are looking to see how we can have equal pay for equal work.”

By cutting male wages to that of the female workforce. Job done. Trebles all round, etc.

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TalkTalk teen hacker pleads guilty as firm reveals £22m profit jump

hplasm
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Devil

Harsh and unusual punishment...

Just make the kid an intern for Dido for 24 months.

No, no the singer, the Harry Enfield impersonator.

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hplasm
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Happy

re:Whiskers .....

Kattomeat.

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hplasm
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Gimp

"A touch of "see how you like it" street justice would be nice"

Admit it- You're a returning TT customer, aren't you?

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Martian 'ice cauldrons' are prime spot to hunt LGMs, say boffins

hplasm
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Holmes

"...life is still unlikely."

And when it is (!) found, then it is important that this unlikeliness isn't bolstered by bad hygene.

i.e. "Oh it's probably from the probe- God says we're special in the whole Universe..."

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Post-outage King's College London orders staff to never make their own backups

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: Re:And they TEST the ****ing backups.

Confused? I'm not actually confusing anything. I may be confusing someone* though.

*Seems like a few people... perhaps I should invest in some 'air quotes'...

Of course they never 'fail'... Schrodinger's backup tape anyone?

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hplasm
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Unhappy

Re:And they TEST the ****ing backups.

Backups never fail.

Restores, however...

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Panicked WH Smith kills website to stop sales of how-to terrorism manuals

hplasm
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Coat

Re: One wonders ...

"I might teach someone how to make and use a quarterstaff."

That falls under Outsourcing...

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Why? "Nearly anything can be used as a weapon."

"You gonna kill me with your soup cup?"

"Tea, actually."

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hplasm
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Happy

"Who ever wrote my A-Level chemistry text book ..."

'Property of the Half-Blood Prince.'

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hplasm
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Big Brother

re Borax

Borax Substitute is an EU consequence. Ebayeee is one source of the real thing (a good soldering/brazing flux)

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Angry user demands three site visits to fix email address typos

hplasm
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Happy

Re: I generally now won't help any family members or friends with any IT problems

"And if they reply, "Yes you are..."

Rejoice!

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Britain must send its F-35s to Italy for heavy overhauls, decrees US

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Hypocrites..

If the 'pilot killer' starfighter is superior to the F35, then gods help the poor guys who get to fly them.

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Fire alarm sparked data centre meltdown emergency

hplasm
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Headmaster

Stricly speaking...

only"...too much current..." could flow through it...

Professor Kirchhoff --------------------------------->>>

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US citizens crash Canadian immigration site after Trump victory

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Not commensurate

"Brexit did not involve handing nuclear triggers to a narcissistic psychopath."

Just T May, who is not very narcissistic...

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Why Apple's adaptive Touch Bar will flop

hplasm
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Gimp

A proper computer running Windows-

is a new oxymoron.

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Accessories to crime: Facial recog defeated by wacky paper glasses

hplasm
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Re: Plausibillity

"Weird and wonderful glasses need to become a fashion"

To the '80s mobile!

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UK prison reform report wants hard-coded no-fly zones in drones to keep them out of jail

hplasm
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Meh

are the powers that be SO stupid!?!?!?

Yes.

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Ubuntu Core Snaps door shut on Linux's new Dirty COWs

hplasm
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Childcatcher

When did Linux start becoming like Windows?

When did systemd turn up again?

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Facebook chokes off car insurance slurp because – get this – it has privacy concerns

hplasm
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Stop

Re: Thought Facebook would love this

"Everyone "

You keep using that word...

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