* Posts by hplasm

5610 publicly visible posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Cloudflare punts far-right hate-hole 8chan off the internet after 30 slayed in US mass shootings

hplasm
Headmaster

Re: Grammar Nazi alert

"‘Slayed’? Surely you mean ‘Murdered’?!

Surely you meant 'Slain'?

It's Black Hat and DEF CON in Vegas this week. And yup, you know what that means. Hotel room searches for guns

hplasm

Re: Responsive Piety

Oxygen of Publicty...

" A murderer, whose name isn't worth recording, "

Well done!

Who's for another trade war? Japan hits South Korea, Seoul survivor promises to retaliate

hplasm
Facepalm

Hmm...

In the East, there are arguments over fluorinated polyimides.

In the West, it's about coal and aspirin...

It's Friday lunchtime on International Beer Day. Bitter hop to it, boss'll be none the weiser

hplasm
Pint

I'll drink to that!

Cheers!

Ouch. Reinstalling Windows 10 again? By 2020, a 'cloud download' may be all you need

hplasm
Windows

Re: sounds very convenient

"Microsoft is a very different company now than it was under Bill Gates."

Yep. Worse.

hplasm
Linux

Re: Who trusts a binary?

"Ah a Gentoo user. Which is first, Chicken or Egg? (A Mint user)."

Er, Penguin?

hplasm
Meh

Re: Bombs away?

...in the shops by Midnite, tonite!!!

New UK Home Sec invokes infosec nerd rage by calling for an end to end-to-end encryption

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: "Hes already employed by MI5"

"the King in Orange in the White House"

+10 internets for you Sir/Madam/Other!!

New British Army psyops unit fires rebrandogun, smoke clears to reveal... I'm sorry, Dave...

hplasm

Re: Looks more like

Well, you're half right...

hplasm
Happy

Re: The Story of O

"General! We've been hacked - infiltrated! All of our secrets are gone!!"

"O!"

hplasm
Alien

Mysteron Brigade sounds much better.

"This is the voice of the Half-a-Mysterons! We know that you can hear us, hackers!"

Meet ELIoT – the EU project that wants to commercialize Internet-over-lightbulb

hplasm
Flame

Re: 'Unlightly' to happen.

I'm getting some random spam from my gas fire!

Dear hackers: If you try to pwn a website for phishing, make sure it's not the personal domain of a senior Akamai security researcher

hplasm
Happy

Re: name of your first pet + mother's maiden name?

"Shirley its more secure to make them up i.e. Rhaegal+Dhampir"

Rhaegal+Dhampir? That was my Mother's name!

hplasm
Devil

Re: Cashdollar

Larry Cashdollar - Crypto Currency Consultant.

"He's my goto guy for BitCoin!" Lance Uppercut - Dude.

He's missing out on so much free pseudophame!

Apple techies analyzing Siri recordings may have heard you unzipping and bonking – plus more

hplasm
Boffin

Re: "Just the sound of someone undoing a zip can activate..."

"...create a self-extractor."

Mr Wizard- get me out of here!

GitHub builds wall round private repos, makes devs in US-sanctioned countries pay for it

hplasm
Big Brother

Re: Can anyone enlighten me

Well, they do know just what goes on in Guantanamo Bay...

Brit infosec firms urge PM Boris to reform the Computer Misuse Act

hplasm
Happy

Ha!

Shut your damn moth!

City-obliterating asteroid screamed past Earth the other night – and boffins only clocked it just 26 hours beforehand

hplasm
Happy

Re: Dang!

Apophis, you naughty boy!

UK PM Johnson spins revolving doors, new digital minister falls through

hplasm
Big Brother

Starting a sweep-

How long until the new Home Secretary turns into Big Brother (Sister)?

Low Barr: Don't give me that crap about security, just put the backdoors in the encryption, roars US Attorney General

hplasm
Mushroom

Re: Wyden for POTUS?

"You either deal with the guerillas or go thirsty, which won't end well."

Blow the well up.

Sod the lot of them!

hplasm
Facepalm

Re: So how does he think this is going to work?

"You pull out the guns, they roll out the TANKS. Remember Waco."

I know that, you know that -who'll tell the NRA fanbase?

hplasm
Boffin

Re: Well this may be well and good now...

"... but just imagine there is a change of government and some kind of madman would come to power."

Hello! And welcome to the future!

hplasm
Holmes

Re: Ah yes, democracy...

"The USA is not a Democracy.

It is a Constitutional Republic"

Of course it is, indeed. It has to be.

Who ever heard of a Banana Democracy?

hplasm
Holmes

Re: Big Business vs. Individuals

"organized crime *is* big business"

...the reverse is also true.

hplasm
Headmaster

Re: Picard actually said "make it sew"

" (warp and woof) drive"

That would be 'make it sew' surely...

Summer vacations put an end to rampant desktop crimewave

hplasm
Holmes

The best way to stock up

On pens, and other assorted stationary-

-is to have a job that involves crawling under desks, or for the big haul, removing cables after the desks have gone elsewhere.

Downside - the amount of manky 'desk sandals' that remain, mostly hidden...

Fantastic Mr Fox? Not when he sh*ts on your lawn, kids' trampoline and your soul

hplasm
Holmes

Re: Vist a local Zoo

"And get Lion dung."

probably best to ask, rather than collect it yourself.

Hey, Windows Insiders! Sorry about that whole 20H1 build thing. Won't happen again – honest

hplasm
Happy

Re: Explains the clowns...

"They're Audi drivers?"

explains the clowns...!

hplasm
Devil

Windows Insider programme has three (sometimes four) rings.

So -a circus then?

Explains the clowns...

Equifax to world+dog: If we give you this $700m, can you pleeeeease stop suing us about that mega-hack thing?

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: Passing the loss to the shareholders is fine

"down the global value of the shares by the amount of the fine."

this.

i like this!

BT boss warns 16-min walk from current HQ to new London base 'just the tip of the iceberg'

hplasm
Pint

Re: In reality

Any decent pubs on the way? -BT Graybeards

hplasm
Happy

Re: If only

"What's Greek/Latin for distant communication"

BT: telegram... telex... post coach?

Apollo 11 @ 50: The long shadow of the flag

hplasm
Meh

Re: The most expensive dick swinging contest in history

"Are people really still this thick?"

Yes. Yes you are.

We don't mean to poo-poo this, but... The Internet of S**t has literally arrived thanks to Pampers smart diapers

hplasm
Coat

Re: Source of cheap parts

"Though I might stick to the unused ones..."

Certainly to the used ones...

hplasm
Joke

Re: Pampers are rubbish...

"Even 25 years ago my child wearing Pampers used to regularly dump stuff on my laptop."

Sensors are much smaller now. I'm surprised your youngling ever managed to walk, hauling a 25yrs ago massive laptop in their nappy!

hplasm
Happy

Re: Isn't it also rocket science technology?

"They had a zillion medical sensors on them."

One large toggle switch. connected to a light that said "Helmets on,..."

hplasm
Happy

Re: Where does the data go

"Pamper's AWS storage bucket"

Amazing what you can put into the cloud these days!

hplasm
Meh

Re: "...all we had previously were ears and eyes."

"Let's not forget about noses, we have noses too."

I have noses, one, thank you very much, you oddity...

hplasm
Happy

Re: Sleep reporting for infants?

"...shit that thing off"

Begone, foul electro-nappy!

The Empire Strikes Back: Trump discovers $10bn JEDI cloud deal may go to nemesis Jeff Bezos, demands probe

hplasm
Happy

Orange Old Man-

Shouts at Cloud (Vendor)

Film at 11.

Red flag: Verify to be marked 'undeliverable' by gov projects watchdog

hplasm
Happy

Re: Kevin Cunnington

"He has a wife, you know...do you know what her name is?"

Bunty?

Elon Musk's new idea is to hook your noggin up to an AI – but is he just insane about the brain?

hplasm
Happy

Elon - I think I might have a few candidates for you...

You realise it cost extra for long electrodes to penetrate a big orange head-tribble?

hplasm
Happy

Re: Human-assist for Autopilot?

" Let's see how well that works out."

i'm in -you're paying for the drinks tho'...

Turning it off and on again IN SPAAACE! ISS animal-tracker kit needs oldest trick in the book

hplasm
Happy

Re: They managed all that in 5 grams ?

"Those features will be in the human tracking devices."

Or 'smartphones' as they are known...

Experts: No need to worry about Europe's navigation sats going dark for days. Also: What the hell is going on with those satellites?!

hplasm
Unhappy

Re: Big Outage

"They may have spare parts, but 23,000 km is not a trivial distance for the AA van to travel."

not according to the Red Dwarf sellouts...

Oo- quick, Valerion! :)

hplasm
Coat

Re: Definitely Russian or Chinese hacking

Just checked the GPS finder..

Galileo- Figure 0.

Humans may be able to live on Mars within halls of aerogel – a wonder material that can trap heat and block radiation

hplasm
Happy

Re: "supercritical dryer device"

Just the thing for drying my wife...

hplasm
Coat

Re: Aerogel in vacuum

"Dad, what will happen if I try to breathe in a vacuum?"

"You'll Dyson."

Yes, I've been swotting up on court evidence in advance, says Autonomy founder Mike Lynch

hplasm
Happy

Re: Full disclosure?

"HPE's modus operandi is to never read any documents that are handed over to them."

Judging by HP experience, each page would be in a separate large box...

Good luck deleting someone's private info from a trained neural network – it's likely to bork the whole thing

hplasm
Happy

Re: An interesting problem.

"What they need is realistic, but fake, data."

Trump tweets?

Oh - you said realistic...