* Posts by hplasm

5610 publicly visible posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Weird garbled Windows 7 update baffles world – now Microsoft reveals the truth

hplasm
Coat

Re: Ha!

"give Windows 10 users pause"

Would't that make them unable to type?

/furry

AF-FIR-MAT-IVE: Second suspension for robot-voice helldesker

hplasm
Angel

Boredom-

is a terrible thing. It can lead to all sorts of weird behaviour...

And 'professional' as a word, is highly overrated.

Wibble.

Lies from VW: 'Our staff acted criminally but board didn't know'

hplasm
Happy

Re: Dieselgate

Wastegategate. It is turbodiesel after all...

Massive global cooling process discovered as Paris climate deal looms

hplasm
Boffin

So-

A model is just a model. It's not actually the real thing, in a little box (other containers are available), and if you look closely, you can see the differences.

Well blow me down...

Will anyone listen to this, or is the carreering gravy train too loud?

Fiorina: I rushed out HP servers to power NSA snooping. Mwahahaha!

hplasm
Mushroom

Re: She's a PATRIOT

As in PATRIOT missile defence? Expensive, and doesn't work, but makes a lot of noise.

hplasm
Facepalm

Re: Destroyed All Braincells

"Uh, he's actually describing excessive criticism as ranting."

You wouldn't be ranting about Obama, then?

hplasm
Facepalm

Re: So-

"You talking about Obama?"

No. Now you look like a dick.

hplasm
Big Brother

So-

Not only a piss-poor CEO but a Fascist to boot... no wonder the hard-line Repubs love her.

WATERPROOF iPhone 6Ss? Old news. Check out the OTHER 7 SECRET FEATURES

hplasm
Happy

Re: NFZD chip

"Sadly the app is still in development."

It keeps going off every time the user comes near to the iPhone...

Sky 'fesses up to broken fibre cables as cause of outage woes

hplasm
Terminator

Skynet is broken!

Regards, John Connor.

WATER SURPRISE: Liquid found on Mars, says NASA

hplasm
Devil

Re: Pure water can exist only between zero and 10 degrees centigrade???

" Frozen water can be found anywhere."

Volcanoes?

hplasm
Alien

Re: Tasty Morsel

Nobody could have imagined, in the early years of the 21st century...

</DanDanDaaaaan!>

Overheating iPhone 6S+ BLINDED my cam, cries flashgate fanboy

hplasm
Paris Hilton

iPhone6S?

That's hot!

'We can handle politicos, OUR ISSUE IS JUDGES', shout GCHQ docs

hplasm
Big Brother

GCHQ

Gestapo Central HQ?

NEW ERA for HUMANITY? NASA says something 'major' FOUND ON MARS

hplasm
Happy

Re: Come on..

"Actually, the Pope is very open to the possibility of alien life."

Theeeee SpacePope!!

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: It'll be a rock

"No, socks are the pupa stage of coat hangers"

Which are in turn the larval stage of shopping carts.

SAUCY INCEST and brutal VIOLENCE boosts UK space sector

hplasm
Unhappy

GoT notwithstanding-

Isn't it sad that bloody Sky counts as a major part of the UK's 'space' industry.

It's a bit like claiming Matchbox as one of the world's most prolific car makers.

(Unfair to compare Matchbox to Murdochsat, but it's all I could come up with... which is also sad.)

VW: Just the tip of the pollution iceberg. Who's to blame? Hippies

hplasm
Paris Hilton

Re: re: I still don't understand the irrational fear of nuclear power though.

"just bury it in the ground so it poisons our children"

Why are your children underground?

KARMA POLICE: GCHQ spooks spied on every web user ever

hplasm
Unhappy

Re: Hello...

"Come and help figure out how."

Do you have a large box of 'V' masks?

hplasm
Holmes

Re: Meanwhile, back in the real world....

Who says who is a crim, and who isn't, eh...

PETA monkey selfie lawsuit threatens wildlife photography, warns snapper at heart of row

hplasm
Facepalm

How will PETA-

prove that, should they win, every penny in damages goes to the monkey?

Cupid Stunts.

Homeland Security in CYBER POPE 'net chatter-check bulk up

hplasm
Happy

Re: Not to belittle people of faith.. but

OOk!

Only paying for Microsoft software that you use? It's coming

hplasm
Happy

Re: Already happening here

"Yep. $0.00 and worth every cent."

So you run everything MS has ever made?

Microsoft Office 2016 for Windows: The spirit of Clippy lives on

hplasm
Windows

Re: Not available

"Yeah..."

That's what you get for running OO on a Surface.

hplasm
Devil

Overall-

Still the dog's dinner, rather than the dog's bollocks, then?

It's 2015 and a text file can hack your Apple Watch. IS THIS THE FUTURE YOU WANTED?

hplasm
Coat

Re: Sounds like previous version was garbage.

"...careful redo from scratch."

Doesn't he live in Ankh-Morpork now? I didn't know he did iStuff development...

It's alive! Farmer hides neglected, dust-clogged server between walls

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: H.P. BOFHcraft: "The HP Servers in the Wall"

This does, of course, demand a book...

China launches 'pollution-free' rocket

hplasm
Boffin

Pollution free?

Kerosene? Surely LOX and LH are the most pollution free.

Excluding whatever Carbon Boots are used to produce the liquids in the first place, natch.

Doctor Who storms back in fine form with Season 9 opener The Magician's Apprentice

hplasm
Meh

Re: UPDATE!

Sheep went to X-factor.

Baaa.

Microsoft to splurge $75m on computer training for kids

hplasm
Windows

Re: $75 M? Not so much a donation...

"...so they think they're an important majority and are always shocked it turns out that there are actually only nineteen of them."

Sounds like commentards to me- the ones that are M$ apologists...

(That $ was funny, 20 years ago, when Microsoft were relevant. These days not so much. But still funny enough- it makes foam-flecked spittle marks on Surface screens...)

SPACED OUT: NASA's manned Orion podule pushed back to 2023

hplasm
Facepalm

"...you can send an amazeball fuckload (that's a technical term) of machines."

Good idea. You could call them Wall-E or something. No, don't get up...

hplasm
Meh

"Astronauts will fly for the first time on EM-2

EM-2 - Elon Musk 2, by SpaceX.

Help us, Elon Musk- you're our only hope... - NASA Astronauts

51 years! Fingers out, NASA!!

Windows RT gets new Start menu – but no Cortana or Win 10 apps

hplasm
Coat

Personal Touch.

The update was delivered to each RT user in person, together with a fruit basket.

Ahmed's clock wasn't a bomb, but it blew up the 'net and Zuckerberg, Obama want to meet him

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: 0iq

"0iq"

I'm having that term, thanks!

What Reg readers really think will affect IT in the next three years...

hplasm
Paris Hilton

The meteoric plunge

of Windows?

Arctic summer ice cover is 31st highest ever recorded

hplasm
Happy

Re: This again?

"there's money to be made in poking easily-offended people with a sharp stick."

Your ideas intrigue me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter. As long as it doesn't contain noisy ads."

hplasm
Meh

Re: This again?

"There's no conceivable evidence..."

That seems to be the problem with all of this AGW stuff.

Uber is killing off iconic black cabs, warns Zac Goldsmith

hplasm
Meh

No black cabs?

What will Britain London do?

As a wise man once said:- "Oh dear. How sad. Never mind."

Wi-Gig signals are bouncing off the walls, can't settle on the sofa

hplasm
Holmes

Ah but-

It's not about the tech- it's about flogging off the spectum that is freed up.

Follow the £££.

WARM, WOBBLING MOON believed to hide MOIST CRADLE of life

hplasm
Happy

Re: no pithy comment.

...raises one eyebrow.

Microsoft's 'anti-malware Device Guard' in Windows 10: How it works, what you need

hplasm
Devil

Re: @AC - WTF, Mark!

"Why have the software there and maintain it, then?"

Lazy coding- it is MS after all.

The ONE WEIRD TRICK which could END OBESITY

hplasm
Childcatcher

Personal anti-favourite-

Adding a bag of crisps to a hydrogenated-oil snadwitch and a can of fizzy sugar does not make it a "meal".

Making portions smaller means that fatties will buy two.

Brown kid with Arab name arrested for bringing home-made clock to school

hplasm
Facepalm

Time-

to take all modern technology from these cops.They don't understand it. Let them live in the dark ages that they so fear.

Viper sinks fangs into unwary Indian farmer's todger

hplasm
Happy

Re: Milder hazards in England

You must have missed the educational video...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wW6rENTfaU

Disney's light-bulb moment: build TCP into LEDs for IoT comms

hplasm
Happy

What make you think-

a) The flicker is due to the lightning? *

b) The flicker is not due to the 'kill all humans with lightning' signal?

* That's what they want you to think...

Don't want to upgrade to Windows 10? You'll download it WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT

hplasm
Mushroom

SYN packets?

You would need to do it ANONYMOUSly...

Where's the BatSignal icon when you need it?

hplasm
Happy

Re: we need a class action lawsuit ...

"Were did 7-10GB come from?"

Microsoft. Do try and keep up, 007!

WinPhone community descends into CANNIBALISM and WOE

hplasm
Gimp

Re: Should be a new build of Windows 10 mobile today

You forgot to mention the free packet of unicorn farts!

Let's NUKE MARS to make it more like home says Elon Musk

hplasm
Happy

Re: The chances of anything coming from earth are a million to one he said.

"... it's better done using a critical pile releasing a lot of heat continuously..."

There's a documentary about this very thing-http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100802/

Microsoft names September 22nd as the date for Office party

hplasm
Devil

Re: Bilbo Baggins

The start of a long arduous trip into a land of dark evil?