* Posts by hplasm

5610 publicly visible posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

World's largest heap of untreated nuclear waste needs more bots to cart around irradiated crap

hplasm
Terminator

Re

"is it really a good idea to give robots access to nuclear stockpiles?

A-FiRmAtIVe!!

hplasm
Happy

Re: Wow

Atomic crap though...

Unless - the giant ants!! AAAAAhgh!

hplasm

Wow

But is it really bigger than the literal piles of untreated crap in the American and Australian deserts?

Those furious gun-toting Aussies were just a glitch. Let's try US drone deliveries, says Wing

hplasm
Happy

Soon-

Chased out of America by gun-toting locals...

Remember that security probe that ended with a sheriff cuffing the pen testers? The contract is now public so you can decide who screwed up

hplasm
Coat

Re: We should be told ...

"or was it a dark night?"

Or the Dark Knight - who would escape via the roof...

Flying priests crop-dust Russian citizens with holy water to make them stop boozing and bonking

hplasm
Paris Hilton

Coo-

Don't they have some funny ideas, these holy types?

Pushing Verify in Brexit plans more about saving troubled project

hplasm
Coat

Re: Terrible politics

"... the rusty hoes and rakes that might do for another season or two..."

A.K.A The House of Lords?

hplasm
Facepalm

In a nutshell...

"The problem is a complete lack of detail as to what exactly the UK government was tying to achieve or the way it was trying to achieve it."

The Government in general.

Brexit in particular.

Wi-Fi woes and broken browser target both young and old in Microsoft patch land

hplasm
Coat

Re: The price is right.

ForkHole!

First they came for 'face' and I did not speak out because I... have no face? Then they came for 'book'

hplasm
Devil

Fuk Zuk

and join FaseBewk!

UK Home Office primes Brexit spam cannon for a million texts reminding folk to check passports

hplasm
Happy

Re: Credit where credit is due.

"uploaded my own picture..."

https://www.theregister.co.uk/2019/09/13/are_you_who_you_say_you_are_sir_you_are_thats_all_fine_then/

yes...

Has outsourcing public-sector IT worked? The Institute for Government seems to think so, kinda

hplasm
Coat

Choice isn't as obvious as it seems...

In house or Outhouse?

outhouse - q.v. cludgy, dunny.

Time for another cuppa then? Tea-drinkers have better brains, say boffins with even better brains

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: Cup of Brown Joy

I say "Oo!"

Right-click opens up terrifying vistas of reality and Windows 95 user's frightful position therein

hplasm
Coat

It was some controller for machinery to check eyes.

Have you had your eyes checked recently?

No, they've always been blue.

You say you have spots before your eyes?

Yes.

have you seen a specialist?

no, just the spots...

Eye Thangyew!

hplasm
Happy

Re: The arcane arte of using a mouse

"I've heard talk about "gamifying" things to encourage improvement - Microsoft thought that through a long time ago.

7 0"

Explains all the 'As a gamer..." Windows fans..

I have no mouth and I must scream: You can add audio to wobbles in latest Windows 10 patch

hplasm
Facepalm

Stick a fork in Win10 -it's done!

Except- it's all fork-hole and no sausage.

(It was free- now it's worth Fork Hole...)

Are you who you say you are, sir? You are? That's all fine then

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: Still, it could be even worse

"The organic peripheral"

I'm having this!

Brit MPs: Our policies are crap and the political process is in tatters, but it's Twitter's fault, OK?

hplasm
Coat

it's Usenet all over again.

it's Mumsnetall over again.

FTFY

Oops: Rockets lighting their tails is a good thing – but not three-plus hours before lift-off

hplasm
Flame

Fire in the hole!

Finally, it does mean what it says!

Royal Navy seeks missile-moving robots for dockyard drudgery

hplasm
Happy

Re: mousetrap

"Fibreglass cannons? What will we do if the French Fleet hove into view outside Portsmouth Harbour ?"

Break out the fibreglass bowls!

Full of beans? Sadly not as fellow cracks open tin at dinner to find just one

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: "a little on the light side?"

"Cats, being sensible creatures, won't touch beans

Yes they will. They lick all the tomato sauce off, and leave the beans." - without touching them...

hplasm
Unhappy

Re: density

"You can if you put a Raspberry Pi with camera, in the fridge!"

I did - some lowlife ate it.

hplasm
Meh

Even the bean counters are being dumbed-down.

How can we tell?

Big bang theory: Was mystery explosion over New York caused by a meteor? Dunno. By a military jet? Maybe...

hplasm
Happy

Re: military aircraft ...

Nope.

Tony Stark, late for work...

Outlook turned eBay into DD-Bay: Topless busty babe mysteriously fronts souk's emails

hplasm
Coat

Re: We're looking into the matter and will take the necessary actions to support our customer

"So Microsoft is going to provide a brassiere?"

With an undetermined, yet randomly variable amount* of cups.

* See also : N-Titty

hplasm
Happy

Re: If the avatar is still in your email client...

"Boobpedia? That's a thing? Really?"

All human knowledge must be classified,filed, stamped, indexed, and so on.

Such is the way.

- Book of Google, Year of Fnarr.

Lab grown stem cells emit brain waves like newborns – and boffins build robot worm to slither through heads

hplasm
Angel

Re: Fascinating

"Ommm...

Ohpleasebeabraincellthoseothercellsareboring

Ommm...

Ohpleasebeabraincellthoseothercellsareboring

Ommm...

Ohpleasebeabraincellthoseothercellsareboring

Ommm...

Ohpleasebeabraincellthoseothercellsareboring"

and so on, until, one day...

hplasm
Joke

Doesn't jelly also appear like a brain to an EEG?

Fake News!

You can't fool us that easily Donal... ooh is your brain Orange flavor?

I couldn't possibly tell you the computer's ID over the phone, I've been on A Course™

hplasm
Happy

Re: Demotivation

"Way back in the mists of time, I was working for an ISP which was essentially just a tax fiddle for a certain (now defunct) large PC seller"

Super Reticulated -Clock computers, perhaps?

My sympathies!

Clutching at its Perl 6, developer community ponders language name with less baggage

hplasm
Meh

Re: GIMP, now Perl...

No - I'm not buying a new Jraphics card to display them on!

GIMP open source image editor forked to fix 'problematic' name

hplasm
Gimp

Re: Huh

Try saying 'Glimpse' when you have a cold. the snot bubbles from your none will be offensive to many.

(Hate words with 'mp' or 'dge' in the middle...)

Can't bear to part with that well-worn copy of Windows 7? Microsoft might let you keep it updated an extra year

hplasm
Windows

Re: A bit more time ... for migrating to Windows 10 from Windows 7

"You simply can't run a business without Windows"

You mean You can't...

Millions beg to differ.

hplasm
Windows

Re: At Eric, re: staying with Windows.

"You realize Windows 10 is free, yes?"

Even if that were true, it's still not worth the money.

Uncle Sam is asking Americans if they could refrain from slapping guns on their drones

hplasm
Devil

Re: But...but

"The idea that you have to have guns and automobiles to be a citizen is modern American."

Would you like to know more?

Harvard freshman kicked out of US over OTHER people's posts on his social media

hplasm
Flame

Re: America is not a Democracy...

" It is and has always been a Republic."

Of course it is - you don't get Banana Democracies.

Sueball claims Tesla solar panels are so effective, they started fires at Walmart stores

hplasm
Headmaster

Re: Ethically and Linguistically Challenged Lawyers

"The world will be a better place with less lawyers."

Or fewer lawyers, and more teachers... :)

Overseas investors eat the UK tech sector for Brexit: More cash flung about in 7 months than the whole of last year

hplasm
Happy

Re: Wouldn't you say . .

"Personally, I wouldn't be surprised if Bojo jumped before anyone had the chance to turn on him. Push a no-deal Brexit through and as soon as it's a done deal, declare "my work here is done" and then f*** off leaving someone else to inherit the mess."

Also kown as 'Doing a Cameron' - second definition, not the porky one...

Brits are sitting on a time bomb of 40m old electronic devices that ought to be recycled

hplasm
Mushroom

Don't be so picky. Just take dollars, like everybody else.

...or receive "Freedon from Above!!"

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: 49% have no old devices

"DRAWER"

hplasm
Happy

Re: But remember folks...

"But how do you then recycle the "soup" into usable stuff in a sustainable way?"

"Eat" the soup, eh?

hplasm
Windows

Re: Facts that show google in a bad light?

"Downvote!!! DOWNVOTE!!!!!!"

Yeh- Windows Phones rule!

My MacBook Woe: I got up close and personal with city's snatch'n'dash crooks (aka some bastard stole my laptop)

hplasm
Meh

Re: That's horrible.

"am I to understand that MacBooks no longer have Kensington slots? What an oversight!"

>"Surface Book Pros don't have one either"

Fish also don't have tits...

"

You monsters: Screen time murders your kid's imaginary friend – until they reach school age

hplasm
Angel

Yay!

Screens are killing religiosity.

Can only bee a good trend!

Neuroscientist used brainhack. It's super effective! Oh, and disturbingly easy

hplasm
Paris Hilton

Re: Eternal life is thus possibly within reach

"So you reckon they start with Tetris?

>"Doesn't everything?"

Well, Flesh Tetris, certainly...

Paris knows.

Criminal mastermind signed name as 'Thief' on receipts after buying stuff with stolen card

hplasm
Devil

Re: Yup

"How do they ever catch criminals?"

Catch them? Don't they just vote them in?

It will never be safe to turn off your computer: Prankster harnesses the power of Windows 95 to torment fellow students

hplasm
Happy

Too much overkill.

There is no 'overkill'

Just 'Open Fire' and 'Time to Reload'

Thunderbolts and lightning very, very frightening as loo shatters, embedding porcelain shards in wall

hplasm
Happy

Re: Cloud Processing

"I was under the impression that there is something organic in the tank which digests and breaks down what you put into it. "

A bog troll?

hplasm
Joke

*BOOM!*

OOh! Are you alright?!?

Er, yes- it must have been something I ate...

LibreOffice handlers defend suite's security after 'unfortunately partial' patch

hplasm
Alert

O dear...

"We have a group of specialists that handle security, exactly as this is done for a company like Microsoft."

o dear, o dear...

How to avoid getting burned at Black Hat, destroyed at DEF CON or blindsided by Bsides

hplasm
Big Brother

"...given the Feds habbit of arresting people"

It's a big Pentest, getting into the country!

...and back out again -which is probably more worrying.