* Posts by hplasm

4367 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Top cop: Strap Wi-Fi jammers to teen web crims as punishment

hplasm
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Facepalm

Why would this happen-

-when putting phone jammers inside prisons to stop smuggling etc is seen as 'impractical'?

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NASA plans seven-year trip to Jupiter – can we come with you, please?

hplasm
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Alien

Artifacts Express- opening soon in an orbit near you!

All hail The Tnuctipun!

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Florida Man sues Verizon for $72m – for letting him commit identity theft

hplasm
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Headmaster

Re: Florida Man, the world's oddest superhero

"My god I should of stopped..." using 'should of...'

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Internet of Sh*t has an early 2017 winner – a 'smart' Wi-Fi hairbrush

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Incredible (Talking Toilet Paper!!)

"No, no more! Please stop at once and set me free from this cursed existence! Let me be free -- from your stinking, smelly shite!"

This was retrieved from a call-centre voice-recorder.

I'll leave it as an exercise for the commentard to decide which one...

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Yorkshire council hit with prolonged web outage

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Tha's not in't cloud lad...

"Ha's thee turned it off an' back on again?"

Ayup! Thee's frum Plusnet support, an' I claim me fiver!

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Government calls for ideas on how to splash £400m on fibre

hplasm
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Holmes

Dear Govt.

Don't give it (back?) to BT.

There's an idea for you.

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Twas the week before Xmas ... not a creature was stirring – except Microsoft admitting its Windows 10 upgrade pop-up went 'too far'

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Apology or not, results are the same

"Leaving these systems out to dry means they'll eventually be a botnet member, get ransomware, get a virus, etc."

You really think Win10's 'stop what you are doing while I roll out some more broken patches' will stop that?

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China gives America its underwater drone back – with a warning

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: "autocorrect confuses Trump so he turned it off."

That is a slip! Ha!

Danm Autocorrect!! (sic, obv)

He's obviously smarter than he would like us to think...

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MPs suggest introducing web blocking to tackle suicide rates in UK

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: Have HMG considered the reason-

@Dr Jones - reading not your strong point then?

You mentioned the Tories, not I.

HMG are always the ones in 'charge', regardless of party.

Dr of Divinity, I reckon...

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hplasm
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Holmes

Have HMG considered the reason-

-for all the suicides, and further considered that, if they were not doing such a shit job of running the country, people might find themselves less depressed?

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Elon Musk wants to get into the boring business, literally

hplasm
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Coat

Re: Bridges are cheaper

Put tunnels on the bridges.

Problems solved!

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Easy.

Bindun!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0061387/

Clever, those Chinese.

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NASA – get this – just launched 8 satellites from a rocket dropped from a plane at 40,000ft

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: hmmmm

Keep spending those tax dollars re-inventing the wheel...

In this case, what goes up, stays up.

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London's Winter Wonderland URGENTLY seeks Windows 10 desk support

hplasm
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Happy

@MakingBacon

They should try switching it off...

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Sysadmin 'fixed' PC by hiding it on a bookshelf for a few weeks

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: Aaron is a twat.

Either you have never worked in IT, or you have never worked for an idiot.

Either way, you come over as a bit of a twat yourself.

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'Public Wi-Fi' gang fail in cunning plan to hide £10m cigarette tax fraud

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: Proof (if it were needed)

"...they now get to spend several years earning nothing at all"

Also spending nothing.

You have calculated your dirty dealings wrongly.

1. Nick large sum. Expect to get caught.

2. Hide/invest sum secretly in high interest account.

3. Get caught- do time.

4 Get released.

5. Receive bacon.

A couple of mill would do fine.

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Is your Windows 10, 8 PC falling off the 'net? Microsoft doesn't care

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Equality with LInux

Feel free to install a different network manager- at least on One of your boxes...

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: T0ssers!

"...should have been turned into dog food by now."

They say MS eats their own dog food-

Can't make dog food from dog shit.

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: Stuff like this...

"Until there's anything useful from Redmond, good luck.

Many a true word spoken in jest.

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BT's hiring! 500 more customer service folk to answer your angry calls

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Your call is important to us, if we bother to answer it

"Your call is important to us is just another lie."

Unless it's on a premium rate number...

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Botched Microsoft update knocks Windows 8, 10 PCs offline – regardless of ISP

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Only Britain? Short answer: No.

"Can we stop this rubbish please."

What, Windows? Fat chance.

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Patience is SpaceX's latest virtue

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: Define patience...

"I think I give the regulators a little more credit than you..."

Do let us know when you are sure.

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Plastic fiver: 28 years' work, saves acres of cotton... may have killed less than ONE cow*

hplasm
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Thumb Up

Nonny Mouse

Good point. The sikhs and Hindus are up in arms about it too.

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: presumably the outraged are aware that...

"...any vehicle not certified animal free" (sic)

He's having a go at Audis now!

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hplasm
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FAIL

"...as irony isn't a concept they understand. :)"

And Veganism is a concept you don't understand?

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hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: Silly people

"...nor are they happy to cohabit with rats."

Lots of people have pet rats.

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hplasm
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Stop

Re: Veganism

"...And writing bad poetry."

Don't! He'll come along and start spouting off about how good WinX is, and how it contains no tallow...

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: Is there a petition to insist that we DON'T change the new £5 note?

There are petitions for all sorts of unimportant issues- lets TPTB point and say how trivial they all are...

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hplasm
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Holmes

Re: Pandora's box?

"..Apart from one person who could not imagine wearing anything other than doc martins."

You do know DMs have been available in Veg friendly for years?

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hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: And yet...

Virtue signalling is nonsense of the highest order.

Triggered much?

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: @Hplasm: Not much of a chemist then?

"Hplasm,

so what is your suggestion then?"

This.

"So it's in there accidentally by the sound of it. As such probably not going to involve masses of retesting to take it out."

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hplasm
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Holmes

Not much of a chemist then?

Can't find a substitute for lard? Stupid, absolutely stupid, Prof.

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Microsoft's 'Samaritan' refuses help to hackers doing Win 10 recon

hplasm
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Devil

Re: That's nice

"The world needs more people like this."

They are clever people.

Which answers your second point, also.

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Lenovo: If you value your server, block Microsoft's November security update

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Go ahead

"As you said horses for courses."

Some courses for racehorses, another course for donkeys.

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Hackers waste Xbox One, PS4, MacBook, Pixel, with USB zapper

hplasm
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Flame

"I wonder how long one of these USBKill devices would survive ... shorted out?"

I thing an El Reg test is in order! Perhaps crowdfund it...

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Woman rescues red pepper Donald Trump from vegetarian chilli

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

End times are-

When a certain Prophet (pbuh) appears in a fruit, toast or cheese food.... then what?!?!?

As a wise man once said, "AIEE!!"

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Imagine every mistake you can make with a new software rollout...

hplasm
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Re: Brings a whole new dimension to punishment

Reminds me of this, Mr Buttle...

http://www.dave.rainey.net/calendars/dystopias/process3.html

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Chap creates Slack client for Commodore 64

hplasm
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“artisanal, locally sourced, homemade cable”

Excellent- he should apply for oodles of startup money just with that description- bound to get it!

The rest of it is v good too!

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UK's new Snoopers' Charter just passed an encryption backdoor law by the backdoor

hplasm
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Re: Well...

10e10e10 Intenets for 'Pry Minister'! Well played Sir!!

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Ommm... devs, align your Chakra, whispers Microsoft, you don't need Google's V8...

hplasm
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Holmes

"At this particular point in history, stepping back in time has a certain appeal."

Back to when Windows didn't suck quite as much, and MS didn't thrash about like they had been headshot?

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Investigatory Powers Act signed into UK law by Queen

hplasm
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Pirate

"Give me six lines..."

Hey, Prime Minister- can I have your autograph?

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Google's Chromecast Audio busted BT home routers – now it has a fix

hplasm
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WTF?

WTF are the BT routers doing reacting to anything over the wire?

Are they still running Phorm firmware?

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Grand App Auto: Tesla smartphone hack can track, locate, unlock, and start cars

hplasm
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Headmaster

Re: Going stone-age

"Have you any idea how easy it is to steel an old VW?"

They are 'steel' you dork. More steel in one than can be said for most modern cars...

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USS Zumwalt gets Panama tug job after yet another breakdown

hplasm
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Happy

"So he's just 'A Kirk' rather than 'T Kirk'..?"

First of the line... just like NCC1701xxx. 20 Kirks to go...

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hplasm
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Childcatcher

Re Serious question:

Not all targets ^H^H^H^H^H^H enemies will have satellites. Some do have all seeing Deities though...

Allegedly.

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: "causing some cosmetic damage"

One broken eyeliner.

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Not enough rounded corners

Isn't it expensive enough already?

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Debian putting everything on the /usr

hplasm
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Meh

Re: only thing I ask

"...causing systemd to ..."

THERE'S your problem, right there.

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NASA sets fire to stuff in SPAAACE. On purpose. Because science

hplasm
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Coat

Fire in the sky.

2016 version.

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How to confuse a Euro-cop: Survey reveals the crypto they love to hate

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Stenography is your friend.

Getting a shorthand secretary to sit on my knee? Cool!

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