* Posts by hplasm

5610 publicly visible posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Send tortuous stand-up ‘nine-thirty’ meetings back to the dark ages

hplasm
Happy

Those humans-

You're in league with them, aren't you?

Boffins show Ed Vaizey what superfast means: 50,000x faster than UK broadband

hplasm
Stop

"...the average speed of a UK broadband connection of 24 megabits per second (Mb/s)"

Hahahahahaha!!

Funny! Tell us another one!

Heart Internet in 22-hour TITSUP after data centre power stuffup

hplasm
Thumb Up

Sites seem to be back up-

But a bit sloooooow...

Putin's internet guru says 'nyet' to Windows, 'da' to desktop Linux

hplasm
Windows

Re: Next....

"MS no longer have a viable business product.""

MS never had a viable business product.

Smoke and mirrors and shitty code.

hplasm
Windows

Clonk.

Another one bites the dust. (Or several hundreds of thousands...)

Bluetooth direct to the internet: What could possibly go wrong?

hplasm
Facepalm

Bluetooth to Internet...

A giant catflap in the blast doors.

Carly Fiorina makes like HP and splits – ex-CEO quits White House race

hplasm
Mushroom

Foff Fiorina!

" I will continue to travel this country and fight for those Americans who refuse to settle for cheap ink."

HP used to be great.

Cnut.

SCO's last arguments in 'Who owns Linux?' case vs. IBM knocked out

hplasm
Happy

Re: "The end [..] looks to be near"

Also:-

http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20040207

Drone-busting eagles to darken Blighty's skies?

hplasm
WTF?

Glad to see that -

all other crime has been solved, so now plod has to manufacture some.

Oh- that's not new, is it?

Norks uses ballistic missile to launch silent 'satellite'

hplasm
Coat

" If you want a loitering anything, you need to include the necessary fuel and exhaust ports, ..."

If it has exhaust ports, it is vulnerable. Say to a small squadron of x-wing fighters...

Remember Netbooks? Windows 10 makes them good again!

hplasm
Devil

Re: The facts!

Sometimes you can be right, even if you don't want to be.

Bats and badgers hold up Apple’s Irish data centre plans

hplasm
Happy

Re: On another note....

"I just noticed I got a bronze badgey....."

Now you are a Bronze Badger!

hplasm
Pint

Badger ham

Used to be a thing- who knew? It was often a bar snack...

Cisco's purple princesses gush workplace joy

hplasm
Thumb Up

Finally-

The decline of 'The Suit'.

What's it like to work for a genius and Olympic archer who's mates with Richard Branson?

hplasm
Devil

Re: I would post

Ol' Prune face the Sid James Impersonator?

hplasm
Facepalm

Re:For one awkward moment...

As did I...

Boffins smear circuitry onto contact lenses

hplasm
Happy

BTW: "Chemists have solutions."

If you're not part of the problem, you're part of the precipitate...

hplasm
Coat

Re: Application?

"Is this more than a solution looking for a problem?"

A contact-lens solution? Naw- we already have that...

Microsoft showers Office 365 sellers with gold in Google snub

hplasm
Meh

Re: M$ doesn't need to compete with Google on price...

"g-mail which uses the browser spell checker."

IE by any chance?

hplasm
Gimp

Re: M$ doesn't need to compete with Google on price...

When they can rely on bribery.

13 CubeSats to ride mighty US lifter

hplasm
Black Helicopters

Re: Cube sat not so cubic

Rectangular PRISM sats?

hplasm
Coat

Re: Launch cost

"Do they really know what this will be used for?"

Dozens of small cube-shaped astronauts. Or pork.

Or square pigs?

Microsoft buys SwiftKey, Britain's 'stealthiest software startup'

hplasm
Gimp

Re: Hmm, the usual comments.

"Holovision looks like the dogs bollocks too..."

Hairy and dangly and make you look odd if fastened to your face?

hplasm
Happy

Re: Counting the days

"Any hints?"

Go to app, long press- go to play store- press menu- untick auto update.

hplasm
Windows

By contrast, SwiftKey is world class.

For now. So was Skype...

Pentagon can't check F-35 maintenance thanks to insecure database

hplasm
Happy

Re: Where is the beard?

Shouldn't the guy in the picture get a new beard as he no longer has a beard?

FTFY

Windows 10 will now automatically download and install on PCs

hplasm
Facepalm

Re: I upgraded back in November, and Windows 10 is working great.

" Windows 10 is working great. UI is almost exactly the same as Windows 10."

That's a giant leap for OS kind.

Microsoft: Yes, we are going to kill off Enterprise Agreements

hplasm
Windows

Re: Then again...

"I would willingly sell my house and all its contents to help Microsoft."

Click here to accept this new EULA.

Sure, encrypt your email – while your shiny IoT toothbrush spies on you

hplasm
Big Brother

Re: Orwell

" I don' t see that happening in Western countries."

Emphasis.

Most of the world still dependent on cash

hplasm
Facepalm

Re: Eh?

"...then ordering up some beer."

This is the part that you don't want to take time.

Feds slap Rentboy.com boss with further charges

hplasm
Meh

"...so *why* was this one singled out?"

There's an election brewing in the good ol' US... 'morality' rears it's sleepy head.

UK.gov plans to unveil a new Digital Bill

hplasm
Meh

May I be the first-

to raise a Digit or two to this bill.

Apple’s retail chief: ‘Touching customers’ key to retail success

hplasm
Meh

What a big pile.

Of Corporate Bobbins.

Met Police: Yes, outsourcing IT to Steria has 'risks'

hplasm
Holmes

YAGIF

Yet Another Govt IT Foulup.

Lincolnshire council shuts down all IT after alleged 0-day breach

hplasm
Facepalm

Do I smell-

- MS security? Makes G4S look fabulous.

Where's the 'Bowl of Petunias' icon?

Retailers urged to create 'CCTV-like' symbol to inform customers of mobile tracking

hplasm
Big Brother

Re: How about...

... a big picture of T May.

Squeeze the banana to log into this office Wi-Fi

hplasm
Holmes

Re: Unfunny Hunic stuff

This is better- Banana && Raspberry PI!

How to help a user who can't find the Start button or the keyboard?

hplasm
Facepalm

Some people....

Really need to be put out to pasture.

With prejudice.

Blighty's Parliament prescribed tablets to cope with future votes

hplasm
Windows

Re: Flying The Flag

"I'm fairly sure that:

A. Some one did a cost benefit analysis."

I'm fairly sure you are wrong on that count.

"PS. It says its a surface the OS isn't specified... it could be running Linux for all you know."

I would stake the GNP of the UK on it not.

hplasm
Stop

Another waste of cash.

What's wrong with paper, or ebony and ivory balls?

More £££ bleeding to MS by TPTB.

The last time Earth was this hot hippos lived in Britain (that’s 130,000 years ago)

hplasm
Coat

Re: So it's not

hippopotamaux...

hplasm
Coat

It's true!

Looking at the High Street, the hippos are still living here...

Forget infrasound, now it's ultrasound that's making you ill (allegedly)

hplasm
Happy

Re: Project MKUltra

MKUltra- Don't they make 13A plugs...?

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: What next?

"Any mysterious and invisible energy or substance in our environment..."

Damn Midichlorians!!

Boffins: There's a ninth planet out there – now we just need to find it

hplasm
Happy

re:Maybe call it Real Pluto and make everyone happy.

That makes me sad.

How about Pluto Zero?

hplasm
Stop

"You know, I really like just plain "Planet Nine"."

No, no, no no,no!

It must be Planet Ten- else what of Planet X?

Also, no matter how large it is, it will probably be classed as a 'Dwarf, Elf or Gnome World.

Pluto is a bloody planet. Get over it. Planet #9.

s/Ninth/Tenth

grr!

Europe's satellite laser comms system set to shine

hplasm
Happy

You forgot-

"It should be dubbed SkyNet tho"

...to start that sentence with "chan-"

Who? Me?

Space podule outfit inks Arizona launch deal

hplasm
Meh

Good luck with the FAA...

"US space flight firm World View has announced it'll be launching the balloon-lofted passenger podule from a new facility in its home state of Arizona, dubbed "Spaceport Tucson"."

just like LOHAN...

Dell drops next network OS on the waiting world

hplasm
Stop

Not another-

'OS' X, 10 , 1010 release.

It's this decade's 'Turbo'. Bloody lazy marketeers!

(Never mind anything '2000' either!!)

The planets really will be in alignment for the next month

hplasm
Coat

" But what's that massive glowing red cloud thing?"

It's a cloud- but it's leaving rapidly...