* Posts by hplasm

4659 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Don't buy Microsoft Surface gear: 25% will break after 2 years, says Consumer Reports

hplasm
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Mushroom

Re: "...we don't believe these findings..."

""Microsoft Surface Pro is designed and built with performance and reliability in mind,""

Just what they keep saying about their OS too...

Where's the burning pants icon?

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Hey America! Your internet is going to be so much better this January

hplasm
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Facepalm

When did El Reg, a once rather conservative British tabloid,

What??

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Schoolboy bags $10,000 reward from Google with easy HTTP Host bypass

hplasm
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Happy

Re: There are an infinite number of monkeys out there

"who are happy to pen test your network for peanuts."

Multitasking whilst writing Shakespeare?

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Cancel the farewell party. Get back to work. That asteroid isn't going to hit Earth in October

hplasm
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Coat

Re: Aim is improving.

Third attempt: 12 Million Light Years.

(Sorry El Reg- couldn't resist...)

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: damn

"> i'd ordered butt plugs and everything."

"WHY!"

Brown trousers are still at the dry-cleaners...

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Revealed: The naughty tricks used by web ads to bypass blockers

hplasm
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Re: On the other hand...

""Brisbanetimes.com.au I'm looking at you.""

No yer not! We think you have an ad-blocker!

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Official: Windows for Workstations returns in Fall Creators Update

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: What about auto-updates?

"I have half a dozen Windows 10 PCs and none - yes none - do this."

You really should update your Windows boxes regularly, you know.

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US border cops must get warrants to search phones, devices – EFF

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Remote Desktop...

"Just take a new USB Live version of Linux with you,"

Or, I hate to say it - Windows To Go...

Ew.

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Microsoft's Surface Pro 2017, unhinged: Luxury fondleslab that's good...

hplasm
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Boffin

Re: "Does it run Mint?"

"911 prices, 911 bodywork, air-cooled Beetle engine."

ITYM

'911 prices, 911 bodywork, lame horse.'

(Nothing wrong with the air-cooled Beetle engine- the 911 has a 6 cylinder version.)

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It's 2017 and Hyper-V can be pwned by a guest app, Windows by a search query, Office by...

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: Products have flaws,,,,

"So show me a OS that does that?"

You keep saying that, over and over, and yet the Windows turd remains unpolished.

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HMS Queen Liz will arrive in Portsmouth soon, says MoD

hplasm
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Re: ship design philosophy question

"Bridge and battle bridge to allow for saucer detachment."

...Lest the cup is destroyed in action.

It is a British ship...

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: I've been thinking about cheap ways to kill carriers.

"I'm sure your going to get a knock at your door ..lay face down arms spread and no sudden movements .."

Sir, can you put your hands in the yellow circles, please?

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China can't find anyone smart enough to run its whizzbang $180m 1,640ft radio telescope

hplasm
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Unhappy

I would do it...

But I'm totally unqualified in every way.

Sounds like 'a great opportunity for the right candidate' though.

Good lUck, Chinese astroboffins!

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CMD.EXE gets first makeover in 20 years in new Windows 10 build

hplasm
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What is Windows? Sounds innovative

A product that is a Transparent Ripoff...

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Teen who texted boyfriend to kill himself gets 15 months jail

hplasm
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Headmaster

Re: Surprising..

"...he could of done a 100 different things"

No. Words have consequences. And grammar.

"And you wonder why the term cuck is becoming so popular."

Only between idiots.

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Uber drivers game Uber's system like Uber games the entire planet

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Whatever way you look at it...

it's a mugs game, life.

/Marvin.

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Microsoft: We beat Google, AWS to cloudy GPU VMs in Blighty

hplasm
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Excellent news!

Now customers can get their work finished whilst the MS cloud is still up.

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'Real' people want govts to spy on them, argues UK Home Secretary

hplasm
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Thumb Up

Re: well played poms

The Encryption Ashes, eh? I think we have a new ElReg passtime to keep an eye on!

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Skype for Business is not Skype – realising that is half the battle

hplasm
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Devil

Re: "it was possible to organise building an atom bomb"

"It was achieved putting all the needed people in the same place... and ensuring nobody could go."

Like some sort of...walled garden!

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Microsoft Surface laptop: Is this your MacBook Air replacement?

hplasm
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Holmes

Betteridge's law of headlines...

Answers this question nicely.

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Look out Silicon Valley, here comes Brit bruiser Amber Rudd to lay down the (cyber) law

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: Never mind the dawgs!

"Increasing taxes hasn't worked yet ... what make you think it'll ever work?"

It's not supposed to work - you just keep putting the taxes up. Result!

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Sun of a b... Rising solar temp wrecks chances of finding ET in our system

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: NO gas molecule can capture, store, redirect or amplify radiant energy photons....

"Magic Gas".... at FauxScienceSlayer.com"

'Nuff said!

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Microsoft: Get in, IT nerds, you're now using Insider builds and twice-annual Windows rollouts

hplasm
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Re: Did we mention...

You are any things, but no Linux user.

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: Windows 10 is the new

"No SHE plays with Linux,"

Oops, sorry for the missing 's', using a Microsoft keyboard...

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hplasm
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Gimp

Re: What's the problem?

"It's not difficult to do any testing well before the s/w hits desktops."

Still with the bugs the testing flags up...

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hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Did we mention...

"my RPi running Linux, and my Linux mint box wont do anything until they have updated either.... "

Lies. Stick to Windows... you can't work a Pi...

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hplasm
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Gimp

Re: Windows 10 is the new

"Play nice, my 4 year old does."

Because he has Windows to play on?

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hplasm
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Gimp

Re: Windows 10 is the new

users: Oi! Stop pushing Win10 down our throats!!

MS: Er, OK then. bend over...

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Latest Windows 10 preview lets users link an Android to their PC

hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: But uhm...

"What about Windows Phone?"

What about what, now?

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Hackers can turn web-connected car washes into horrible death traps

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Spaceballs quote

Oh dear! Now my senses are working overtime...

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Big Cable falls into wormhole to alternate universe, sends back blog post about USA's amazing broadband

hplasm
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Re: Gaming - Dungeon Master

Oh look! Broccolli- how quaint!

*squeak*

"Your party died."

OH...it's dangerous broccolli!

Brilliant! (ST here :> )

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Briton admits to router hack that DDoSed Deutsche Telekom

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Danny Kaye?

No, no..the chalice with the palace has the pellet with the poison, the flagon with the dragon is the brew that is true.

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Microsoft hits new low: Threatens to axe classic Paint from Windows 10

hplasm
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Holmes

Aha...

"You need a tool like ms paint so that you can take s screen shot when there's an error, and redact areas of the screen, before submitting bug reports."

Exactly....

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Virgin Media broadband latency headaches still not fixed six months on

hplasm
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Boffin

Virgin is a stupid name anyway...

... it reminds me of an elite grinning bearded goblin.

Ooo, you sound like a psychiatrist's dream...

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They say we're too mean to Microsoft. Well, how about this... Redmond just had a stonking year. And only 8% tax. Whee!

hplasm
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Headmaster

Re: A Stonking Year???

Stonking? It's like 'Bazzing'...

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Tax rebates?

It's the American way. Think of it as an encouragement for profitable companies to invest in new yachts.

FTFY

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So, FCC, how about that massive DDoS? Hello? Hello...? You still there?

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: Can we slap him?

Freeze Peach- not just for the GOPs, eh?

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US Homeland Sec boss has snazzy new laptop bomb scanning tech – but admits he doesn't know what it's called

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Flashbacks

More like growing up on Metaluma, with murderous giant-brain-headed security mutants- except without the giant brains...

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'Coke dealer' called us after his stash was stolen – cops

hplasm
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Jeez...

What was this guy on?

Oh, I see...

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Why can't you install Windows 10 Creators Update on your old Atom netbook? Because Intel stopped loving you

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: Good luck getting reliable support runing Linux on those obsolete silicons

Can't figure it out, eh?

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Microsoft drops Office 365 for biz. Now it's just Microsoft 365. Word

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: Microsoft 365?

"You've* done something wrong. Several times probably."

Bought Microsoft?

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Dear racist Airbnb host, we've enrolled you in an Asian American studies course

hplasm
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Re: Short-term memory

"How many Americans know the ancestry of even their grandparents, much less great-grandparents?"

Default 90% Irish 10% Cherokee, isn't it?

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UK government's war on e-cigs is over

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Does this affect the models that...

"...heat some minced tobacco leaves..."

oh... That's what you are supposed to put in them...

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Grrrr, it's NOT vaping

"It is the solution (the e-liquid) in an atomised form."

OMG..It's NUCULAR!!

*hides under leadfoil hat*

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: Jesus, NO!

Thinking of the Children...

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Jesus walks away after 7,000lb pipe van incident

hplasm
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Coat

The Internet IS a series of pipes...

There's the IT angle.

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Jodie Who-ttaker? The Doctor is in

hplasm
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Angel

Re: "Nurse Who"

Messy...

*ducks*

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BOFH: That's right. Turn it off. Turn it on

hplasm
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Thumb Up

And so-

BOFH reaches perfection!!

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While USA is distracted by its President's antics, China is busy breaking another fusion record

hplasm
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Joke

Re: Crazy ideas?

"They called Galileo crazy, they called Einstein crazy, but they also called Bozo the clown crazy"

So much for two-party politics. Who knew the Third candidate always gets in...

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: At that temp, marshmallows will melt!

Trump is pro-fusion!

By increasing the Density of the US population, soon a mass will accumulate that will collapse into a bright point of fusion energy, as seen in a recent Spiderman documentary.

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