* Posts by hplasm

5611 publicly visible posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Microsoft reveals career-enhancing .PNG files

hplasm
Happy

They forgot this one -

Win 10 Evangelist- (U+1F4A9/U+E05A)

Yes, it's not .PNG, but all the kids are doing it!

Probe boffins: Two balls deep in Uranus's ring

hplasm
Boffin

Re: That may be for a while in this financial climate

That's why they renamed it 'Urectum'...

/goodnewseveryone!

Forget malware, crooks are cracking ATMs the old-fashioned way – with explosives

hplasm
Facepalm

Re: Obviously their own fault

Whoosh!

hplasm
Meh

Re: How to reduce the amount lost

"...extra capital expense to the banks..."

So not happening.

Will Microsoft's nerd goggles soar like an Eagle, or flop like a turkey?

hplasm
Facepalm

Microsoft Nerd Goggles?

Microsoft Fan Navel Gazers more like.

Someone get a freebie for this Advert?

Without new anti-robot laws, humanity is doomed, MPs told

hplasm
WTF?

Ah-

I didn't realise this was the current threat.

Burger barn put cloud on IT menu, burned out its developers

hplasm
Happy

Re: This comment echos the sentiment of a large majority of readers of this article.

What? Vegetarian Zombie brain food? What's not to like?

Like it or not, here are ALL your October Microsoft patches

hplasm
Childcatcher

Re: Is this it?

Welcome to Crazy Town!

You'll never leave!

hplasm
Gimp

Here are a bunch of patches.

Here are a bunch of patches.

Here are a bunch of patches which will fix some bugs.

Here are a bunch of patches which will fix some bugs and introduce more.

Here are a bunch of patches.

All together now-

MS Paint re-born in 3D

hplasm
Devil

Finally!

UWA killer app!

MS are saved!

Astronauts on long-haul space flights risk getting 'space brains'

hplasm
Paris Hilton

Re: been saying this for years

Bye then. Look after the cave.

hplasm
Holmes

Space hats!

If 50's SciFi taught us nothing else, it is this:- There's a reason they all wear shiny clothes and hats in the future, don't you know!

Don't panic, but a 'computer error' cut the brakes on a San Francisco bus this week

hplasm
Unhappy

Re: Emergency brake controlled by a computer!!!

We are fast approaching the tabloid singularity where a piece of wire will be seen as ' computer' by Joe Public- because magic (technology).

Zilog reveals very, very distant heir to the Z80 empire

hplasm
Happy

Re: Coffee machine

"...the fearful quality of the brew was because of the z80..."

It was obviously overqualified and bored!

hplasm
Trollface

Re: How exciting

Bah! Only the Z80 deserved the name microprocessor. All the 6XXX range were mere washing machine brains and petrol pump controllers!

/ducks

You're fired (into space)! Trump tops Martian ejaculation poll

hplasm
Devil

Re: Let the hate flow...

Adam.

Never explain, never apologize: Microsoft silent on Outlook.com email server grief

hplasm
Facepalm

Footgun-

rapid fire!

Early indications show UK favouring 'hard Brexit', says expert

hplasm
Headmaster

Re: "Great Repeal Bill"

"Ancestors go back more than one generation."

ITYM decendants...

Linus Torvalds admits 'buggy crap' made it into Linux 4.8

hplasm
Happy

The word Catk springs to mind? Do you mean cock?

Anonymous Cock?

Ooh Matron!

Prime Minister May hints at shaking up Blighty's 'dysfunctional' rural broadband

hplasm
Boffin

Re: good starting point

Er no. VM cable , DO USE copper phone wire.- two pairs per coax, actually.

OK Google, Alexa, why can't I choose my own safe, er, wake word?

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: Not for me..

"BTW anyone remember 'BOX' in StarCops back in the late 80's"

That's the AI for me!

UK will build new nuclear bomb subs, says Defence Secretary

hplasm
Happy

Re: Oops

Out of Cheese Error!

hplasm
Devil

Re: Vanguard, Victorious, Vigilant and Vengeance

I'd be surprised if they were waterproof.

SpaceX searches for its 'grassy knoll' of possible Falcon rocket sabotage

hplasm
Paris Hilton

Re: Pathetic attempt at diversion

Thanks for the rant.

Internet handover is go-go-go! ICANN to take IANA from US govt

hplasm
Holmes

"All of Europe would be speaking German if it wasn't for US !"

All of Europe would be speaking proper English if it wasn't for US !

hplasm
Devil

"God willing..."

I hate to break it to you but... God hates you.

No surprise: Microsoft seeks Windows Update boss with 'ability to reduce chaos, stress'

hplasm
Happy

FTFY

But that can be, it's Microsoft, a Sirius Cybernetics company.

hplasm
Devil

Re: Windows Update: Clunky bag of nails, needs new hammer.

"Switches to BSD."

You cheeky little devil, you.

Dublin shopkeeper catches forecourt fouler with his pants down

hplasm
Happy

Re: CCTV

Motion detection, I think you mean...

Microsoft warns Windows security fix may break network shares

hplasm
Gimp

Re: Hiding things for "security reasons" is called security by obscurity

Windows gets slagged off for failing open. Looks like they're changing this to fail.

FTFY.

UK will buy 138 F-35s

hplasm
Alert

Well then.

Expect the UK to be successfully invaded by Dastardly and Muttley & Co when these are in place.

Sage advice: Avoid the Windows 10 Anniversary Update – it knackers our accounting app

hplasm
Meh

Re: "operating system updates end up disabling the framework"

"Windows is not some play platform..."

Citation needed.

Microsoft preps defence against the dark arts for enterprise customers

hplasm
Childcatcher

Microsoft preps defence against the dark arts...

I've seen this before...

Look under the turban.

The wait is over: MoD releases latest issue of Ship Paint Monthly

hplasm
Happy

Dezincification

But I'm 40% zinc!!

UK.gov is doing sod all to break £20bn of locked-in IT contracts

hplasm
Devil

Re: UK.gov is doing sod all

Not completely- remember every pocket has a silver lining...

Elon Musk: I'm gonna turn Mars into a $10bn death-dealing interplanetary gas station

hplasm
Boffin

Re: Has to be said

"Great show of American design talent and persistence right there."

Lack of super profitability, also, sadly.

hplasm
FAIL

Re: Musk seems to be losing it

"Let me guess, Brexiteer?"

Seems more like a Remainer- as in "Don't leave the cave!"

Official: Windows 10 has hit the 400 million device mark

hplasm
Gimp

"...I do use Microsoft applications to make a living."

So you perpetuate the misery for millions. Well done you.

hplasm
Facepalm

"...W10, its far superior to 7."

No Dougal. The WinX pile of shit is bigger than Win 7, but Win 7 is far away. Bigger, far away...

hplasm
Holmes

How many

reversions in those 400 Million?

Ordinary punters will get squat from smart meters, reckons report

hplasm
Coat

Re: Wrong location for smart meters

You get your power via poles?

Our supplier is french...

(Capitals removed for comedic continuity)

hplasm
Paris Hilton

" Competition makes them consumer savings."

Hahaha! Welcome to Earth. You must be new here.

Oh Snap! How intelligent people make themselves stupid for Snapchat

hplasm
Happy

Snap!

It's the new *Bollocks*.

Narcissist Heidi Powell wants her dot-com and she wants it now, now, NOW!

hplasm
Devil

Re: "do you know who I am?"

No, do you know who I am?

"Of course not!"

Good. (Hangs up).

hplasm
Happy

Re: Ohhhhh

No, not that one- she's married to Colon.

Swiss vote for spy powers

hplasm
Holmes

Switzerland.

Becoming oddly adverse to strangers...

Fax machines' custom Linux allows dial-up hack

hplasm
Coat

Re: Malicious firmware exploit

"In what form is the malicious firmware delivered to the victim."

It's a malicious source code listing fax. Available on tape* or Hollerith punch cards...

*punched paper and magnetic, yes.

Microsoft inserts 'new kind of computer ... into our cloud' for speedier Azure services

hplasm
Devil

The benefit though is huge speed-up for certain specialist tasks.

Deep Packet Inspection?

Targeted Advertising?

Something to hack at when Azure is down...again?

Smelly toilets, smokers and the Kardashians. Virgin Media staff grill top brass

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: VM/LibGlob

"Check out the TP."

Word.

Plusnet outage leaves customers unable to stream Netflix. Horrors!

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: They are communicating fine...

"Plusnet = shambles."

Plusnet= BT in a hat.