* Posts by hplasm

5610 publicly visible posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Ex-NSA contractor Harold Martin indicted: He spent 'up to 20 years stealing top-secret files'

hplasm
Holmes

File size?

“specific methods, capabilities, techniques, processes, and procedures” for defending government computer systems;

I'm guessing- 0 bytes

Microsoft touts cheap-ish anti-patent troll protection shield for Azure-hosted devs

hplasm
Devil

Does it come with...

...a long spoon?

Facebook investors yell at CEO: Get the Zuck out of our boardroom!

hplasm
Happy

Re: Monopolists Rule !

"Alex Bell did not invent telephone, Edison did not invent the electric light and Marconi did not invent radio. Until SCOTUS ruling in 1943, the Wright Brothers did not invent powered flight."

Heavens! FSS is right... it had to happen sometime...

Australia wants to jail infosec researchers for pointing out dodgy data

hplasm
Holmes

Re: Fine idea - apply to all other research that doesn't meet the politicians' favor

Or- stop collecting data on world+dog...

Problem solved.

Pulsating white dwarf described as a 'dynamo' found, no, not in the back pages, 380 LY away

hplasm
Happy

"You wouldn't want that stuck to your fridge..."

Yeah, but how would you stop it?

Oh- here it comes now. Close the fridge!

Streetmap loses appeal against Google Maps dominance judgement

hplasm
Meh

The bitter taste-

-of sour grapes. 2/10 try harder next time...

Confucius says: Man who rest on laurels gets twigs up bum.

Intel's Atom C2000 chips are bricking products – and it's not just Cisco hit

hplasm
Facepalm

Re: Inventors

I knew it.

Intel Inside is a warning sticker!

New SMB bug: How to crash Windows system with a 'link of death'

hplasm
Windows

Why..?

"Why AC ? With so many miracles you must be a prophet, if you have proof, that is ..."

It's slurprshill-copypasta. What a sad life, being so.

Trump's immigration clampdown has Silicon Valley techies fearing for their house prices

hplasm
Meh

Re: Bah!

"The point is, SA is not a source of Islamic refugees at the moment."

Nor are they a sink for any, either. Funny , that.

Once hell freezes over, I assume they will take some in?

Chinese pirates are facing lifelong 'social credit' downgrade

hplasm
Mushroom

USA screwed Dickens.

Only fair to screw the RIAA/MPAA & co.

Payback, bitches!

UK defence secretary: Russian hacks are destabilising Western democracy

hplasm
Happy

Which chapter of 1984 is this taken from?

The preface.

The title was wrong, due to an accounting error, is all...

hplasm
Devil

This sounds like...

Fake News!!!

(If I understand the concept...)

Guess who's suffering an email outage. Go on, it's as easy as 123-Reg

hplasm
Facepalm

Re: Why would you use email from 123/GoDaddy/HostPapa etc. anyway?

"Because nothing looks naffer than a longnamewithnumbers@gmail.com"

longnamewithnumbers@hotmail says different.

David Hockney creates new Sun masthead. Now for The Reg...

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: El Reg and Sun, hmm...

Nice, yet touchingly imperial!

Super-cool sysadmin fixes PCs with gravity, or his fists

hplasm
Alert

Re: Percussive maintenance

Hoover Nextra tuble dryers are like that- if they buzz when the 'go' button is pressed, and don't run, hold the button in and smack the panel on the 'NEXTRA' logo, hard.

It seems that there is a flakey relay behind there, and it is a 'semi-official' fix...

hplasm
Angel

I wonder how many times he bounced the heads on the platters?

The heads would *probably* be parked until the disks were spinning...

'Completely offended' Sheila calls cops over price-gouging ganja dealer

hplasm
Happy

Obv...

OFFTITS.

Protest against Trump's US travel ban leaves ‪PasswordsCon‬ in limbo

hplasm
Devil

Re: Alternatively...

"Unless, of course, that country is some sort of command economy like North Korea where the Dear Leader can order a hotel with conference facilities to be emptied by date X."

So the USA in a year or to is OK then?

Motivational speaker in the slammer after HPE applies for court order

hplasm
Happy

Re: Colour me interested...

"So what are Lorraine Thea Thorpes key skills exactly?"

She can make garlands of flowers? (In Thai...)

Coming to the big screen: Sci-fi epic Dune – no wait, wait, wait, this one might be good

hplasm
Happy

Re Get me high on spice...

Get me high on spice and I will try and escape to another planet, why not...

IETF 'reviewing' US event plans in the face of Trump's travel ban

hplasm
Devil

Re: For real sexism, anti intellectualism and racism...

"... it exposes the hypocrisy if those who ..."

Not me, pal- I dislike everyone. I'm not biased.

Imagine a ChromeOS-style Windows 10 ... oh wait, there it is and it's called Windows Cloud

hplasm
Facepalm

MS moves beyond Cloud Computing...

Into Cargo Cult Computing. Again.

hplasm
Devil

Re: Late or too late

"Always late to the party."

The most noxious guests usually are...

FTFY

God save the Queen... from Donald Trump. So say 1 million Britons

hplasm
Meh

Re: Mickey Mouse

Disney's IP lawyers will have a figure soon.

President Donald Trump taken on by unlikely foe: Badass park rangers

hplasm
Coat

"what happened to the President Snowflake title ?"

Melted- AGW

hplasm
Joke

Re: Do not...

Star Lord? Is that you?

(Parks & Rec joke...)

hplasm
Happy

Re: Who the fug does Kieren think he is, trying to apply the 'snowflake' tag to Trump?"

Good point, well made.

It should of course be 'Yellow-snow Flake'.

hplasm
Devil

Re: Less than a week in the position...

"It seems to me that less than a week into his administration the minor acts of resistance have begun already."

Begun, this Twitter War has...

I've got a brand new combine harvester and I'll give you the API key

hplasm
Meh

IoT or not-

It still uses the same buzzword bollocks.

Penguins force-fed root: Cruel security flaw found in systemd v228

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: The Inevitable

"STINX - SysTemd Is Not linuX..."

Have an Internet, Sir!

Make America, wait, what again? US Army may need foreign weapons to keep up

hplasm
FAIL

Re: Military-industrial 101

Those who fail to learn from history tend to sound rather silly when they spout off about it..

Oracle lied: Database giant is axing hundreds of staff – at least 450 in its hardware div

hplasm
Coat

Re: And Whither SPARC?

SPARC: Withered

CIA boss: Make America (a) great (big database of surveillance on citizens, foreigners) again!

hplasm
Holmes

Alternatively-

Congress needs to pass laws < 140 characters in length. No riders.

hplasm
Big Brother

But if I were a lawbreaker...

You will be. You will be...

All the cool kids are doing it – BT hikes broadband and TV bills

hplasm
FAIL

Anyone smell burning pants?

" "Customers will get a better package and improved service from us this year in exchange for paying a little more...."

Yeah, right.

The rise, fall, and rise (again) of Microsoft's killer People feature

hplasm
Facepalm

Re: Of course you could just not use it?

Wow, what a massive house you have!

Yeah, but most of the rooms are full of people I don't know and stuff that isn't mine and I don't want, but I can't shift, so I don't use most of it...

Deadly Tesla smash probe: No recall needed, says Uncle Sam

hplasm
Meh

Re: Impressed

"I wish all the cell phone drivers had it installed."

I wish all the cell phone drivers had ejector seats installed.

What's the biggest danger to the power grid? Hackers? Terrorists? Er, squirrels

hplasm
Coat

Re: Treasonous Squirrels

Er, wouldn't those be Red Squirrels..?

Square Kilometre Array precursor shrinks 5TB of data to 22MB – every second!

hplasm
Alien

Re: I invented a program that downloads porn off the internet one million times faster.

" Zoom in to the dark bits in-between and guess what? It's full of stars."

Oh my god! It is...

Two new Raspberry Pi models emerge steaming from the oven

hplasm
Happy

Re: Raspberry, Banana, Orange....

Steak and Quince.

Smart guns are a neat idea on paper. They'll never survive reality

hplasm
Coat

Re: over engineered

"Very, very difficult to kill lots of *other* people from the other side of a theatre though."

Lincoln Logs?

Boffins turn timid mice into psycho killers – by firing lasers into brains

hplasm
WTF?

Re: Trump Angle

Trumps brain, you say?

Now that's a Blue Screen of Death: Windows 10 told me to jump off a cliff

hplasm
Devil

Re: If you're running Windows 10...

Lost all faith: <to Mouse> "Hello Computer..."

hplasm
Meh

Re: Forgot your meds this morning ?

Who are you and what have MS done with Hans1?

Customer: BT admitted it had 'mis-sold' me fibre broadband

hplasm
Coat

Re: Could just be...

"...another cock up at the cabinet."

They used to be engineers up at the cabinet....

Top cop: Strap Wi-Fi jammers to teen web crims as punishment

hplasm
Facepalm

Why would this happen-

-when putting phone jammers inside prisons to stop smuggling etc is seen as 'impractical'?

NASA plans seven-year trip to Jupiter – can we come with you, please?

hplasm
Alien

Artifacts Express- opening soon in an orbit near you!

All hail The Tnuctipun!

Florida Man sues Verizon for $72m – for letting him commit identity theft

hplasm
Headmaster

Re: Florida Man, the world's oddest superhero

"My god I should of stopped..." using 'should of...'

Internet of Sh*t has an early 2017 winner – a 'smart' Wi-Fi hairbrush

hplasm
Happy

Re: Incredible (Talking Toilet Paper!!)

"No, no more! Please stop at once and set me free from this cursed existence! Let me be free -- from your stinking, smelly shite!"

This was retrieved from a call-centre voice-recorder.

I'll leave it as an exercise for the commentard to decide which one...

Yorkshire council hit with prolonged web outage

hplasm
Happy

Re: Tha's not in't cloud lad...

"Ha's thee turned it off an' back on again?"

Ayup! Thee's frum Plusnet support, an' I claim me fiver!