* Posts by hplasm

4654 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Linux Mint forums hacked: All users urged to reset passwords

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re:Surely Mint is nubs standing on the ghost of Windows?

Windows is dead?

Rejoice!

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What we all really need is an SD card for our cars. Thanks, SanDisk

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Monster cables for cars

"But hey, if people *think*..."

Aye, there's the rub!

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Facebook sniffs at slow telcos, launches own Telecom Infrastructure Project

hplasm
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Happy

Facebook saves the world!

1. Zuck buys BT

2. Zuck closes BT down

3. Zuck unrolls fibre everywhere

4. PROFIT!

He has lots of cash, but few friends...

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Linux Mint hacked: Malware-infected ISOs linked from official site

hplasm
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Gimp

And yet you'd doubtless have laughed your tackle off if this had been Windows...

Jokes are for laughing at.

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: compromised

"'Tis a Shame Keith, that you don't know a compromised website from your compromised MS Windows PC."

Duh- Is that the big 'e'?

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: With success, comes malware..

"IIRC it took a week for a search for Code Red on microsoft.com to return anything relevant."

Be fair- it takes more than a week to find anything on microsoft.com. Longer if you use Bing(e).

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hplasm
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Windows

Re: Or...

Windowlickers are restless tonight, sir...

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hplasm
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Meh

The ghost of SCO

Bursts forth one last time just before the credits roll for a final stab at linux...

Smells of a large co, or the adherents thereof, or their acolytes- or some dicks.

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Solution to tech bros' disgust of SF homeless people launched

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Yes, but HOW exactly?

" I would hate to visit the new Apple Campus, only to be greeted by a talking shrub."

That would be a reason (only reason?) to visit!

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hplasm
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FAIL

re:a few bullets would be far cheaper and more permanent

That would make a mess of the board room. Motion Carried!

Oh- you meant for the poor?

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US DoJ files motion to compel Apple to obey FBI iPhone crack order

hplasm
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Devil

Re: AC Here's what you do tim...

And the matt came back, the very next...year.

Must have been an eclipse or something...

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Microsoft patent filing confirms existence of 3D Jedi gesture phone

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: petalium@gmail.com

You have too many phones...

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hplasm
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Meh

Jedi Phone from MS

A Lumia, with a Kinect bolted on top.

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Q: How many guns to arm nine coachloads of terrorists?

hplasm
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"Okay, tonight's movie will be Hot Fuzz."

Oo- I'll have a cornetto, then.

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hplasm
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Coat

Re: So why ...

"Hunters? Given the nature of some the weapons, (an anti-tank missile, and an uzi with a bayonette) that concept brings the Monty Python sketch Mosquito Hunting to mind:"

American squirrel hunters, then.

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hplasm
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Happy

Re:Does this mean there would also be 72 coachloads of virgins?

Only when the first eight sets of 9 coaches arrive at the destination...

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hplasm
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Coat

Re: Standard measure

Rubberdinghy Sithole, the founder of ZANU in Rhodesia?

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The paperless office? Don’t talk sheet

hplasm
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Happy

"I applied for some stuff at the US Embassy a few years ago."

I'm surprised they could scan A4 paper!

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Aussie bloaters gorging on junk food 'each and every day'

hplasm
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Coat

Re: 'religious stretching'

Long Pope is Looonnngggg!!

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Your anger is our energy, says Microsoft as it fixes Surface

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: I have Surface Pro 4 and lots of problems

Xrist, what a palaver. Isn't it easier to get a refund and buy something that works out of the box?

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hplasm
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Happy

Windows 10 must be like red bull...

Or a red rag to a bull.

Or a bit of rag.

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hplasm
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Stop

Re: Early adopters ....

"...this once fine organisation...."

Steady on now.

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Brits unveil 'revolutionary' hydrogen-powered car

hplasm
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Happy

Re: I guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but...

It looks a bit futury- in a '70s way.

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Oz town suffers hairy panic attack

hplasm
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Happy

"...Donald Trump intends to expel Salsola tragus from the United States..."

He wants to get rid of weed. Check.

It's Russian, hence foreign. Check.

Is this the part of Russia Sarah Palin can see from her house, or is the tumbleweed the one in her head?

</slightlyTenuousConnections>

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China wants to bring home moon rocks in moon vacuum

hplasm
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Happy

Re: How do they get the vacuum in there?

"...What will be a bit more difficult is preparing the vacuum examination chamber, "

Naw- fill an extra bag with moon vacuum...

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hplasm
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Joke

So-

Dad, what happens if I try to breathe in a vacuum?

You'll Dyson.

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Gigabit duplex DOCSIS 3.1 passes feasibility study, kind of

hplasm
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Happy

The Y axis is time?

Sometimes...

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Azure lost some virtual machine backups for eleven hours

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: 99.99% Availibility.

Send money to: Clown Computing Inc. Now!!! Save $.

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US Dept of Defense to shift 4 million devices onto Windows 10

hplasm
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Terminator

On August 4, 2016, Skynet was launched

At 2:14 a.m., EDT, on August 29, it failed to become self-aware, as it was still running Windows 10.

Batteries not included.

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China 'evacuates' 9,000 around monster radio 'scope

hplasm
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Thumb Up

improbable units calculator

Can we get these added to the Reg Store?

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Microsoft Office 365: You don't need 27 floppies, but there is desktop friction

hplasm
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Coat

Re: 2013 / 2016 / 365 for small businesses

" its about as relevant as that giraffe over there."

That's no giraffe...it's a pie chart.

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hplasm
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Coat

Re: 2013 / 2016 / 365 for small businesses

You seem to be experiencing some friction- do you want help with that?

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Good news ... and bad news for Skype-using Apple fans and small biz

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Muppets

" MS get it in the rear regardless of what they do..."

And how they do it.

They should try not being shit.

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Patch ASAP: Tons of Linux apps can be hijacked by evil DNS servers, man-in-the-middle miscreants

hplasm
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WTF?

Re: I'll bet...

You can tell it's half-term at Donkey Molesting School...

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UK to stop children looking at online porn. How?

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Stupid or lying?

2They aren't stupid. You don't get to be in the top 0.1% by being stupid." <Citation Needed>

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hplasm
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Headmaster

Re: Whuh?

"...on a on a secure server so that the goverment ..."

Sorry, you cannot conflate the phrase 'secure server' and 'government' in the same sentence.

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'Hobbit' heads aren't human says bone boffin

hplasm
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Holmes

Not Hobbits!?!?!

Must be Orcs, then.

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Is this the last ever Lumia?

hplasm
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Coat

Re: Epic Fail

Sinn Fail?

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Ofcom must tackle 'monopolistic' provider BT, says shadow digital minister Chi Onwurah

hplasm
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FAIL

Re: Is the issue Openreach

BT have been paid a shitload of public cash to do what they are reluctant to. VM etc are still in debt for their fibre rollouts.

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Coding is more important than Shakespeare, says VC living in self-contained universe

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: He's right

"...learning a trade is more important than being well read."

Or you could become a VC.

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hplasm
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Re: Excellent article

"...drill teeth, remove spleens, diagnose common diseases of the kitten, weld two-inch-thick copper plate, cut three pieces of wood so that they fit together into a beautiful corner, write C++, read Danish, design an injection-mould ejector which actually ejects the pieces..."

That's what I do in my spare time... and read the odd bit of bard at work.

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Brit spies can legally hack PCs and phones, say Brit spies' overseers

hplasm
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Big Brother

Re: Think about this

"Job for life, good pension :-)"

Retire as a dead body in a holdall...

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Send tortuous stand-up ‘nine-thirty’ meetings back to the dark ages

hplasm
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Thumb Up

Re: Morning Prayers

"...the early meetings were "Come to Jesus meetings""

There's a meeting!

There is? When...Oh Jesus!

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hplasm
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Coat

"TL: You weren't at the town hall this morning."

Yes I was.

No- I didn't see you there.

I was- by the Civic Hall steps...

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hplasm
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Happy

Those humans-

You're in league with them, aren't you?

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Boffins show Ed Vaizey what superfast means: 50,000x faster than UK broadband

hplasm
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Stop

"...the average speed of a UK broadband connection of 24 megabits per second (Mb/s)"

Hahahahahaha!!

Funny! Tell us another one!

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Heart Internet in 22-hour TITSUP after data centre power stuffup

hplasm
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Thumb Up

Sites seem to be back up-

But a bit sloooooow...

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Putin's internet guru says 'nyet' to Windows, 'da' to desktop Linux

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Next....

"MS no longer have a viable business product.""

MS never had a viable business product.

Smoke and mirrors and shitty code.

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Bluetooth direct to the internet: What could possibly go wrong?

hplasm
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Facepalm

Bluetooth to Internet...

A giant catflap in the blast doors.

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Carly Fiorina makes like HP and splits – ex-CEO quits White House race

hplasm
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Mushroom

Foff Fiorina!

" I will continue to travel this country and fight for those Americans who refuse to settle for cheap ink."

HP used to be great.

Cnut.

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