* Posts by hplasm

4363 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Bacon as deadly as cigarettes and asbestos

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Sea change in "allowed" foods

— Deuteronomy & Leviticus

The best Big Books of Things to Do on Opposite Day. Vol I & II

Praise Calvin!

(and Hobbes!)

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Sales down, profit up, 1,000 bods chopped: Your one-minute guide to Planet Microsoft

hplasm
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Angel

Re: We are making strong progress across each of our three ambitions...

"Well, I did write this ages ago, in the fist week after I took over..." - 'Nad.

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Laid-off IT workers: You want free on-demand service for what now?

hplasm
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Devil

Re: They don't call El Reg a redtop for nothing...

"They don't call El Reg a redtop for nothing..."

I prefer the term 'Red-headed Stepchild' myself...

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Windows 10 out, users happy, PCs upgraded, my work here is done – says Microsoft OS chief

hplasm
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Devil

Re: After a Project That Size

"Windows 10 out, users happy, PCs upgraded..."

Pick any one.

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Wait a minute, Doc! Are you telling me that you built a self-driving car ... out of a DeLorean!?

hplasm
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Happy

How long does the battery last?

1.21 GW is quite a heavy drain...

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GCHQ to pore over blueprints of Chinese built Brit nuke plants

hplasm
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Thumb Up

Re: "selling property overseas to invest in its own future."

"Bollocks to London."

T-shirt please!

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hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: Maybe a stupid question...

Because the asylum is run by accountants and lawyers.

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Elderly? Disabled? You clearly need a .38" Palm Pistol

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Oops

They could call it the 'Pistorius'.

edit- AC in before me!

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Steve Ballmer praises Twitter job cuts after buying 4% stake in ailing micro-blab site

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Balmer-

Do enlighten us - and don't forget to add value to the thread...

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hplasm
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Meh

Balmer-

Noun: Long for twat.

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Kidnapped IT bod Peter Moore: My journey to Iraq began in Guyana

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Fascinating article.

"I'm genuinely interested - what is at the heart of your cavalier risk-seeking attitude?"

A desire to own a Tardis?

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Microsoft now awfully pushy with Windows 10 on Win 7, 8 PCs – Reg readers hit back

hplasm
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Alert

Re: Stupid move

<nightmare>As a penance, they should be forced to open-source DirectX</nightmare>

FTFY

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Amazon Echo: We put Jeff Bezos' always-on microphone-speaker in a Reg family home

hplasm
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Happy

Re: More customization desired in these voice powered assistants

"So if the device needs "fixing", do I need to develop Avon like skills and carry a combined tester, pen-kit and screwdriver in the sole of my boot?"

You don't already...? Get off to /. !!

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hplasm
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Terminator

Re: So....

"Siri is a great app. I'm different. Cortana is a spooky bitch."

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Microsoft mavens promise proper quantum computer in 10 years

hplasm
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Devil

But

MS can't even produce a normal computer properly.

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US taxman slammed: Half of the IRS's servers still run doomed Windows Server 2003

hplasm
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Happy

Sympathy where it is due, after all...

Not here, I imagine.

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Ring Chime: Needy wireless doorbell or $30 bling t'ing?

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Will it at least still work...

""On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog."

Now you do; I'll have to sniff you out and bite you.

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On its way: A Google-free, NSA-free IT infrastructure for Europe

hplasm
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Boffin

Re: It was only a matter of time...

"See "The History of the Decline and Fall of the US Empire"."

It peaked in 1969 and has gone downhill since.

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Microsoft offers sneak peak of Hyper-V containers with Win 10 nested virtualisation

hplasm
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Devil

Leonardo de Caprio!

How to tell if it's a dream or not?

Spin up Windows. If it keeps going, it's a dream. If it falls over, it's reality...

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In 2015, your Windows PC can be owned by opening a spreadsheet

hplasm
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Coat

Re: Remove all Adobe products

Windows and Office are guaranteed to get your PC hacked. Get rid!

/oblig

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Facebook's UK wing paid just £4k in corporation tax last year

hplasm
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Happy

Has anyone set up a just giving site

I might give a shit...

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LOHAN chews the fat with US TV station over Spaceport's FAA-ilure

hplasm
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Happy

"...agree on units first..."

What are these 'feet' of which you speak?

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A thousand mile Atom merci mission: Driving from Monaco to London in an open-topped motor

hplasm
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Meh

Re: Not So Clever

This was a public information broadcast, on behalf of the H&S party.

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NASA boffins on Pluto: We see skies of BLUE and... RED water ice

hplasm
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Happy

Silvia Protopapa?

What of Barbapapa?

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hplasm
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Alien

Re: Red.

"Fronds of red weed, more like."

Ooo-Lar!

/notscouse

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Vast seas of crude oil?

But the Plutocrats would feel right at home, surely?

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hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: Blue sky at night-

Black sky at night...no, no-

Black sky in the morning...

.....they keep me in the DARK AND FEED ME ON PINS!!!

Aieee....!

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hplasm
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Boffin

Blue sky at night-

You may be on Pluto.

Red sky at night-

You may be upside down, on Pluto.

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Webcam spyware voyeur sentenced to community service

hplasm
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Coat

"Ummm, you bought it so it's your problem???"

But...Win10 is free...

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World's oldest person scoffs daily ration of bacon

hplasm
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Coat

It's-

the preservatives...

/run away

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Understand 'Safe Harbor', Schrems v Facebook in under 300 words

hplasm
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Meh

Better renamed?

Pearl Harbour. (Too soon?)

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Microsoft, the VW family sedan of IT, wants to be tech's new Rolls-Royce

hplasm
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Angel

Re: Microsoft have turned into Goople!

Goople! Do no Weebl!

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: May they get their wish

"... not as good as they are hyped. And relative to the competition, long since surpassed by many rivals in all but brand cachet and marketing."

So just like MS- I stand corrected.

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: Reality check?

Waiting for Windows is always boring. Never gets old, just boring.

Apple is as Apple does; but they do seem to do, rather than fart about.

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hplasm
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Gimp

Re: Reality check?

Windows doesn't run, it sort of staggers about drunkenly. And then falls over.

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: May they get their wish

"Microsoft, the VW family sedan of IT"

Except VW do make good cars.

Microsoft, the gold-flashed Trabant of IT.

FTFY

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Team Microsoft: Device Police... 'Are you pumped? I'm pumped'

hplasm
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Facepalm

See icon

See title.

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Apollo 15 commander's lunar timepiece goes under the hammer

hplasm
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Happy

Re: It would've been better if ..

It does- it's round!

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Surface Book: Microsoft to turn unsuccessful tab into unsuccessful laptop

hplasm
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WTF?

Re: You know you can

Make a really heavy macbookoid?

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Microsoft, Tesla, build battery that knows how much (energy) you suck

hplasm
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Coat

Now

even MS batteries spy on you!

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Miss Brittany dethroned for posting 'nude' Facebook pics

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Double standards?

"Only we, ze judges, may see ze big boobies!"

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GENUINE STARSHIP as used by PRINCESS LEIA sold for just $450k

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Maybe not just SW...

Battle Beyond The Stars

yes... that was a bit of a copypastafest, for sure.

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Microsoft gobbles Chipzilla's Havok 3D physics unit in cloud gaming play

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Microsoft play well with others?

Play (Well) for Sure.

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Is the world ready for a Raspberry Pi-powered Lego Babbage Engine?

hplasm
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Alien

Re: Working model ?

"A non-working model would be a lump of plastic."

Her name is Casey!

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WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg

hplasm
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Happy

Oculus Rift-

For when you can't see the wood for the trees.

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CIOs: Tell us about your biggest disaster and how you survived it

hplasm
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Meh

CIO response in a nutshell.

It all went bang! I jumped, and floated away on my golden parachute.

The End.

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Three mobile data network GOES TITSUP across Blighty

hplasm
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Coat

Storm

in a Threecup?

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Mars water discovery is a liberal-muslim plot, cry moist conspiracy theorists

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: Ak

"Ak, ak, ak ak AK!"

Akbar? Are you trying to say akbar? Aha!

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hplasm
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Facepalm

Ow!

I read that Limbaugh thing, and now my brain is sore.

I see now why any 'dissent' (reasonable skepticism, not GOP-style shouting) about global warming is jumped on so strongly...

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Slander-as-a-service: Peeple app wants people to rate and review you – whether you like it or not

hplasm
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Flame

Re: Things...

"introduce bullet points. Or a powerpoint upload."

With regard to Powerpoint, you really need to use hollow-nosed bullets. And then cleansing fire.

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