* Posts by hplasm

5610 publicly visible posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

US Homeland Security says hardly any Kaspersky software left on federal networks

hplasm
Big Brother

Oth the gripping hand...

85 per cent of US federal agencies are now open to the NSA 'free backup' service.

Now Oracle stiffs its own sales reps to pocket their overtime, allegedly

hplasm
Facepalm

"On the other hand..."

You are all slaves. Don't you see that?

What happens if the work isn't done?

Windows on ARM: It's nearly here (again)

hplasm
Windows

Re: LOL

"...vulnerabilities patched in Chrome OS!"

There's the operative word, right there.

Your next laptop will feature 'CMF' technology

hplasm
Meh

Re: lick of paint

"I'm sure buyers aren't that dumb."

Would you put money on that?

hplasm
Facepalm

Re: Translation :

Further Translation:

That laptop is in last month's colour. Throw it away and buy a new, more stylish one.

IBM asks remaining staff to take career advice from HR-bot

hplasm
Flame

Re: Myca, pronounced like the mineral ...

And able to take an enormous amount of heat, as the flames get higher and higher all around it.

Amazon to make multiple Lord of the Rings prequel TV series

hplasm
Coat

Re: second highest-selling fantasy series

"...Harry scratching his back with his wand..."

That's just showing off...

80-year-old cyclist killed in prang with Tesla Model S

hplasm
Headmaster

Re: re: unwarranted triumphalism

"There is no 'Road Tax', hasn't been since Winston Churchill axed it in 1947."

Ahem: " (that pays none of the mythical "road tax")."

hplasm
FAIL

Fail

unwarranted triumphalism

Shouldn't be on the road then.

Agreed. Stay indoors- away from the computer.

MPs slam HMRC's 'deeply worrying' lack of post-Brexit customs system

hplasm
Holmes

Re: Food crisis

Pragmatic- The more that leave, the more food left for those who do not...

Sure, Face ID is neat, but it cannot replace a good old fashioned passcode

hplasm
Devil

"So how do you solve the problems of people..."

Cluebat.

WikiLeaks is wiki-leaked. And it's still not even a proper wiki anyway

hplasm
Angel

Re: Private Twitter messages

You mean people can see Twitter messages?? SAD.

Red Hat opens its ARMs to Enterprise Linux... er, wait, perhaps it's the other way round

hplasm
Meh

Meh.

ARM has had Linux support for ages.

SystemD must have taken ages to port.

Thousand-dollar iPhone X's Face ID wrecked by '$150 3D-printed mask'

hplasm
Happy

Re: and Added a SILICONE NOSE for realism.

So it IS Star Trek! NG or Voyager?

Munich council: To hell with Linux, we're going full Windows in 2020

hplasm
Gimp

"...you'll be begging Microsoft to take your money."

This never happens.

hplasm
Unhappy

"When it's political, technology cannot do anything."

'Nuff said.

It's all about the pork.

Mm, sacrilicious: Greggs advent calendar features sausage roll in a manger

hplasm
Devil

Brought to you by...

"I see you lot still find religion-bashing amusing.

Small minds..." Are to be pitied, not laughed at... FTFY

Naw- let's do both!

Openreach fibre plan for 10m premises coming 'before Christmas'

hplasm
Meh

“But equally we are not stupid. "

Citation Needed.

Linux 4.14 arrives and Linus says it should have fewer 0-days

hplasm
Windows

Re: "an automated vulnerability-checker that scours kernel code for issues."

"I wonder if they do?"

Well, usually it's called The Gullible Userbase...

Icon.

Teensy weensy space shuttle flies and lands

hplasm
Holmes

Re: How many flights?

It does seem to be missing the two most dangerous parts of a space mission, particularly for a winged reusable thingy.

Brace yourselves, fanboys. Winter is coming. And the iPhone X can't handle the cold

hplasm
Happy

Re: Your location is wrong

"Here at Apple, we believe you should be in a better location."

Traslation: "Why are you trying to leave the Apple shop?"

Microsoft president says the world needs a digital Geneva Convention

hplasm
Devil

Be careful what you wish for-

A digital 'Geneva Convention' could lead to charges for 'Digital Warcrimes', eh, Microsoft?

UK Home Sec thinks a Minority Report-style AI will prevent people posting bad things

hplasm
Holmes

Amber Rudd's Brain

The only thing that current AI is less deluded than.

User asked help desk to debug a Post-it Note that survived a reboot

hplasm
Happy

" the connection between the BBC and the monitor tended to be a bit shaky. "

The connection between the users and reality, doubly so.

hplasm
Happy

Re: I'd like to think..

"A Legal contractor..."

You missed the chance to say - "No further questions, M'Lud."

hplasm
Boffin

Re: RE: You can never under estimate how stupid some people can be.

"You can't make something fool proof, because fools are quite ingenious."

The Fool Particle is really really small, making fool-proofing nearly impossible.

hplasm
Happy

Re: Is this a test of our credulity?

Said the person who has never had a 'help' call...

Or-

Said every HellDesk operative ever, shaking their head and replacing the phone, despairing at the human condition.

Better filters won't cure this: YouTube's kids nightmare

hplasm
Happy

"Try digging a hole for the body with a gun..."

Maxim 44: If it will blow a hole in the ground, it will double as an entrenching tool.

In other words: Your gun is too small.

Amazon's answer to all those leaky AWS S3 buckets: A dashboard warning light

hplasm
Coat

Re: So basically an idiot light.

"Close. JSD."

Ah - a Doctor of JavaScript.

Mythbuster seeks cash for roller skates to wear in virtual reality

hplasm
Happy

Re: j.bourne

"And you though Wii-mote injuries were bad? Try diving into furniture with your face..."

Finally a reason to watch those Youtube gaming videos...

Lord of the Rings TV show shopped around Hollywood

hplasm
Coat

Re: Rubbed the wrong way

"Yes, but Lady of the Rings sounds like a undiscovered Emanuelle movie..."

That's 'Lard of the Ring (When there is No Butter)

also known by : Last Tango in Mordor.

OpenSSL patches, Apple bug fixes, Hilton's $700k hack bill, Kim Dotcom raid settlement, Signal desktop app, and more

hplasm
Pint

Re: The Azure Edge of Chrome

"several bottles of meths."

This is Rule One if mainly using Powerpoint.

Distribute to audience and self.

For fanbois only? Face ID is turning punters off picking up an iPhone X

hplasm
Devil

Re: Well, actually it works quite well...

"queue morons"

The ones who queue up to buy the things?

Birds are pecking apart Australia's national broadband network

hplasm
Paris Hilton

Re: Ooh! I wouldn't mind noshing down on a cockatoo.

Ooo! matron!!

hplasm
Meh

Re: A culling program

"I dunno. There were several bajillion passenger pigeons in North America -- and they were culled to nonexistence."

Do Aussies want to stoop down to that historical madness?

HPE HQ to leave Palo Alto birthplace as it 'consolidates' offices

hplasm
Coat

From the photo-

It seems they are moving into three VLSI chips.

Now that's downsizing...

Black Horse Down: Lloyds Banking Group goes TITSUP*

hplasm
Coat

Re: ATMs running XT?

Not much better - but at least XT is 5 releases newer than XP...

Donald, YOU'RE FIRED: Rogue Twitter worker quits, deletes President Trump's account

hplasm
Coat

...one belonging to the leader of the free world no less...

What? Has Merkel's account been shut down too?

hplasm
Boffin

"perhaps 'overnight' needs to be a bit flexible."

Set the cron job to Venus time...

Official Secrets Act alert went off after embassy hired local tech support

hplasm
Happy

Re: Monkeys!

"we suggested he spent the rest of his contract "feeding the monkeys"..."

You put him on Help Desk? Harsh!

Or did you mince him up...

SCO vs. IBM case over who owns Linux comes back to life. Again

hplasm
Devil

Will nobody rid us of this meddlesome beast?

"First, kill all the lawyers."

hplasm
Holmes

Re: One definition of insanity ...

Another definition is letting something happen that is different, and should never be able to happen after many many tries...

Or that could just be corruption.

Guess who's now automating small-biz IT jobs? Yes, it's Microsoft

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: SatNad's vision

That's one fine sentence, right there!

Sadly, it sounds plausible...

My #95Theses of #Digital

hplasm
Thumb Up

Marvellous!

The Battenberg seepage is strong with the Bong!

Hells door-bells! Ring pieces paralyzed in horror during Halloween trick-or-treat rush

hplasm
Devil

Re: Well done, IoT wanksters...

And the "Id" in IoT is for those who spend money on the tat.

Facebook and pals to US Senate's Russia probe: Pleeease don't pass a law on political web ads

hplasm
Pint

Re: That was brilliant

""Foreign interference is our elections reprehensible and goes against everything Facebook stands for," Said a spokesman after his seventh pint. Or who was channelling GWB...

NASA reveals Curiosity 2020's 23-camera payload

hplasm
Happy

Re: When will the name change?

If the portents are correct:- 2027, 2028, 202X - with alien face recognition. Or a fuzzy keyboard.

And reduced operational capabilities...

First iPhone X fondlers struggle to admit that Face ID sort of sucks

hplasm
Headmaster

Re: Do you know what works better than Face ID and Touch ID?

A number number?

Robot takes the job of sitting on your arse

hplasm
Happy

re: Arsey McArse Face

Botty McBot bot

Comet 67-P farted just as Rosetta probe flew through the gas plume

hplasm
Alien

Re: So now we have to go back, and to other comets. Don't we?

That will leave us leaderless as a reward for disturbing their hibernation.

FTFY - Philanthropic Old Ones.