* Posts by hplasm

4659 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

A UK digital driving licence: What could possibly go wrong?

hplasm
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Big Brother

What could possible go wrong with a fully digital government database?...

Citizen- your licence to drive has been (suddenly) revoked. You are now a criminal. Step away from the car and kneel.

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Theranos bins two years of test results

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: Theranos Breakthrough: Corrected Results From Even Smaller Blood Samples

"How do you supply corrected results after two years without a new blood sample?"

New data: Sample donor is dead.

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hplasm
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Devil

There ain't no justice, else.

Theranos, meet Thanatos.

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The Sons of Kahn and the Witch of Wookey

hplasm
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Coat

Thus spake-

the Oracle! (TM)

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'Acts of war in a combat zone are not covered by your laptop warranty'

hplasm
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Happy

The user was unnamed...

A Mr Stark, would have been priceless.

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Would we want to regenerate brains of patients who are clinically dead?

hplasm
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Alert

Re: No Thanks

The answer is of course 'Scream and Leap'.

Then eat their brain.

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Manchester cops to strap on 3K bodycams

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: Secure?

"I wonder if these "police bosses" are confident enough to put their bank details in the same place?"

Probably. Worrying, isn't it?

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: In Manchester??

Should be ok as long as they stay out of Salford.

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Queen’s Speech: Digital Bill to tackle radicalisation, pirates

hplasm
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Pirate

Queen voice:

"You do realise, Dread Pirate Man,that if you do make a lot of copies of Steamboat Willie, you will go to jail, and One will probably be dead when you come out. Stop smirking, Charles!"

"Yarr!"

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The Windows 10 future: Imagine a boot stamping on an upgrade treadmill forever

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: If there's one thing...

"We have already been through this numerous times, and on each occasion you have been shown how each example can get an Enterprise license."

Well, put your cash where your mouth is, and offer to pay the SMBs for it.

Thought not.

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Art heist 'pranksters' sent down for six months

hplasm
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Pint

Re: Only in England

+1 Internet for 'Excited States'

Have a pint.

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Microsoft phone support contractors told to hang up after 15 minutes

hplasm
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Devil

Re: rubbish

*ring ring*

"Hello, Microsoft Tech Support- how may I help you today?"

"My computer has just upgraded itself to Windows 10 and ..."

*click*

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We're calling it: World hits peak Namey McNameface

hplasm
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Headmaster

Re: bollocks-filter

"Don''t forget 'methinks'."

Nothing wrong with 'methinks' as such. However, almost every comment post on any forum that starts or contains the phrase "I think..." usually proves the opposite to be true in very short order, methinks.

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A cracked window on the International Space Station? That's not good

hplasm
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Angel

Re: Time out

Nah- extend the Turner prize to space debris, and watch Emin* and Hurst* knock themselves out over it. Might get a nice ring out of it.

Oh, and they can stay up there to polish it.

*Other random 'Artists' are available...

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First successful Hyperloop test module hits 100mph in four seconds

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: So many luddites...

" I suppose you were one of the cheerleaders for Segway when it was announced, too?"

And I suppose that you are over 150 and were afraid that steam power would kill us all.

See- I can 'suppose', too. Now I shall also get off your lawn.

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hplasm
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Facepalm

So many luddites...

...so little optimism.

Is everyone just waiting for the new Fall of Rome?

Oh wait! X-Factor is on!!!

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Windows 10 build 14342: No more friendly Wi-Fi sharing

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Without a doubt

"In the longer term though, I wonder if a feature-rich OS such as Windows is going to be relevant,"

Keep waiting- it's losing more and more features with every 'update'.

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Archaeologists find oldest ever ground-edge stone axe

hplasm
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Meh

Re: "...the date of the invention to some 49,000 years."

A bit like 'The world's fastest runner! (That showed up at the race).

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Hold on a gosh darned minute...

Eee, but t'years wer much longer in t'old days...

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A UK-wide fibre broadband investment plan? Don't ask awkward questions

hplasm
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Facepalm

"...the only thing that matters is profit..."

Welcome to the future. Or the present, forever.

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hplasm
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Mushroom

Ban BT snouts from the public trough.

Give the 'grants' (tax money) to someone who actually intends to spend it on infrastructure, not TV sport.

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French duck-crushing device sells for €40k

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Absolutely horrendous...

Not just now- it's Owl Stretching Time.

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Linux Mint to go DIY for multimedia

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: Er... NO!!!!

"...something that your granny can use without having to phone you every two minutes."

Not Windows, then.

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London NHS trust fined £180,000 after second bcc fail on HIV email list

hplasm
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Happy

But but...isn't Outlook email?

No, but it thinks it is.

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Windows 10 free upgrade offer ends on July 29th

hplasm
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Joke

Re: No more nagware?

"But do they recognise jokes when they see them?"

Unless they are the ones they keep writing and foisting on poor PCs, then maybe...

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Microsoft half-bricks Asus Windows 7 PCs with UEFI boot glitch

hplasm
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Gimp

MS Magic Roundabout...

Here it comes again! Grit your teeth...

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Official: Microsoft's 'Get Windows 10' nagware to vanish from PCs in July

hplasm
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WTF?

Re: SatNad is my favorite M$ CEO EVER!!1!

Taxi for Mr Poe?

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'I thought my daughter clicked on ransomware – it was the damn Windows 10 installer'

hplasm
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Happy

"It is ransomware - they just haven't posted the ransom notes yet."

They did- but they are stuck in Exchange.

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Learn a scripting language and play nicely: How to get a DevOps job

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Not asking much then?

Also- 'Beware of a programmer carrying a screwdriver'

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The 'new' Microsoft? I still wouldn't touch them with a barge pole

hplasm
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Holmes

Are Google and Apple any better?

Yes.

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hplasm
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Devil

Ah, but....

"Microsoft make a number of truly fantastic technologies and they are legitimately at the cutting edge of a number of hybrid cloud technologies."

...I see the problem. Clouds shouldn't have cutting edges!

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'Apple ate my music!' Streaming jukebox wipes 122GB – including muso's original tracks

hplasm
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Devil

Re: 122GB ? Pah. Windows 10 OneDrive client ate over 200GB of my files!

"It's astonishing that this issue has not received wider coverage."

It has- check out all the 'Windows 10 is rubbish' articles.

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Brits who live in 'smart cities' don't really know or care

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: More fluff....

"I don't want to be surprised by muggers or feral dogs or something"

To be fair- they would have to keep still whilst waiting to attack you....or you would see them.

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Cops deploy StingRay anti-terror tech against $50 chicken-wing thief

hplasm
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Big Brother

Re: Curiouser and curiouser

"Four legs good, two legs better!"

Stingrays have no legs- no legs best!

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Microsoft: Why we tore handy Store block out of Windows 10 Pro PCs

hplasm
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Facepalm

Impressive, Microsoft!

I love the way you can put nails into your coffin lid from the inside too!

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UK.gov wasted £20m telling you to 'be safe online, mmkay'

hplasm
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Facepalm

Don't worry!

No MP's bank balances were harmed in the making of this boondoggle.

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Monster Cloud and an angry customer wanting a refund: A Love Story

hplasm
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WTF?

Monster Clowns

That is all.

What a bunch of tossers.

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White House to bring us up to speed on artificial intelligence hype latest

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: AI in Government?

Coming soon...The Trumpinator.

He just won't stop. Ever.

eek.

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The EU wants you to log into YouTube using your state-issued ID card

hplasm
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Big Brother

Re: Estonian ID cards tell you who is snooping

"Hmm, all of my records have been accessed by Redacted.T.T Redacted.

Fancy that!"

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Windows 10 handcuffs Cortana web search to Bing and Edge browser

hplasm
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Boffin

Re: Cue the hackers in 3, 2, 1...

"... Phone keypads were not mechanical in the same way as typewriters and have always been able to handle human speeds just fine."

Not at first- there was a drop in replacement for the old GPO rotary dial with push buttons, that had a complicated set of pushrods and crossbars that transformed keypresses, one-only-at-a-time into dial pulses. Pity I don't have one to have a look at now, I never did look too far into how it worked.

Because of the single digit lockout to prevent mashing of fat-fingered wrong digits, they were fairly slow, but not terribly so.

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Linux greybeards release beta of systemd-free Debian fork

hplasm
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Unhappy

nice-

is another thing that systemd is not..

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E-cigarettes help save lives, says Royal College of Physicians

hplasm
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Headmaster

Re: just stop it, right now

TBH, I think C Tree might be on the pro-vaping side, and the EU the idiots...

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Heathrow Airbus collision 'not a drone incident'

hplasm
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Happy

"Perfectly reasonable to assume there may have been someone testing a jetpack from Richmond Park.

Is that a SPB future thing? A confession, perchance...?

Need a 'fingers crossed' icon.

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UK's 'superfast' broadband is still complete dog toffee, even in London

hplasm
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Boffin

Re: FFS - it is NOT fibre.

"..fibre to the local headend whereafter it's all coax to the home...."

Nope. Fibre from the headend to the big cabs in the street, then fibre to the smaller cabs -THEN coax and twin tp to the home.

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First rocket finally departs Russia's Vostochny cosmodrome

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Trees

All those trees around the complex == firewood?

Charcoal, now.

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Samsung's little black box will hot-wire your car to the internet. Eek!

hplasm
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Devil

Re: New ne plus ultra standard?

"government-grade security"

What does it need the backdoor for?

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Microsoft's Windows 10 nagware storms live TV weather forecast

hplasm
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Devil

Re: That's why you should always avoid complexity

"Here, have a rock, it has all your computing needs covered."

No, it's trying to install Win10 on it. Oh wait, that's a brick...

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: Microsoft showing off their coding skills...

1. set a flag

2.Call it the 'This_PC_is_not_compatible_with_Windows_10' flag.

3. Sell it

4. Massive profit!!

Win10 isn't ready for prime time (TV) yet.

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SpaceX: We'll land on Mars in 2018 (cough, with NASA's help)

hplasm
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Thumb Up

Aha....

I'm very excited by this!!

**how odd!!

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Kaspersky cracks CryptXXX, throws lifeline to ransomware victims

hplasm
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Coat

Re: There is only one John Snow

But surely there is only one John Snow- he reads the news...

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