* Posts by hplasm

5610 publicly visible posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

NASA’s new exoplanet-spotter survives sling past the Moon

hplasm
Devil

Re: The dark side? Again?

Of course the moon gas a dark side.

You know, when you can't see it? When it is out of sight?

You don't know what it says about you then. You don't want to know what it says about you then...

Sysadmin hailed as hero for deleting data from the wrong disk drive

hplasm
Happy

Re: Personal Tragedy

"After that I vowed that nothing like that would ever happen again. "

I called the data drive F:

Blood spilled from another US high school shooting has yet to dry – and video games are already being blamed

hplasm
Happy

Ahem...

Now it turns out he was a handegg player.

Ban handegg.

FTFY.

hplasm
Meh

Re: Agenda

"Why is this retarded Snowflake crap even appearing in the Reg? Is it now staffed by Owen Jones clones?"

It's a dorkcatcher - and it sees that it works, eh? We'll let you out later.

hplasm
Facepalm

Re: Instead of fixing the problem...

"Umbridge: There is nothing out there dear. Who would you imagine would want to attack children like yourself?"

Harry: Oh, I don't know, maybe nutters with guns?

Brit ISPs get their marker pens out: Speed advertising's about to change

hplasm
FAIL

Hahahaha

"if BT's router is transmitting more powerfully than any others it is illegal equipment and Ofcom would have taken them to court."

Ofcom? Yeah, right.

And most of their kit contravenes their own test specs...

hplasm
Devil

Re: WiFi

"'s pr0n. It's always pr0n. The internet is for pr0n."

Kitten pr0n.

The truth, it burns...

NASA fix for Curiosity rovers's damaged drill: hitting it, repeatedly

hplasm
Happy

Re: What an odd way of putting it!

I see your craftspersiblingship,

and raise you a craftspersiblingboatymcboatface'

Three-hour outage renders Nest-equipped smart homes very dumb

hplasm
Devil

Re: Lessons learned

"Probably wait until facebook bring out their cloudy Unlocking service.

There you go...

Where's the 'Cloud Raining Shit down Upon Us' very much required Icon?

It's true – it really is grim up north, thanks to Virgin Media. ISP fined for Carlisle cable chaos

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: 400 Reinstatement notices...

Pretty much- and the cable pullers can't piss in a toilet without it going all over the cubicle.

Should hire Monkeys- they're better.

Source- worked near them...

Trump’s new ZTE tweets trump old ZTE tweets

hplasm
Devil

Trump has the Infinity Stones!

"Though at the end of all this I expect at least half of the Earth to be glass."

Perfect Balance?

Net neutrality is saved in Senate vote! No, not really, it was a giant waste of everyone's time

hplasm
Holmes

Smoke and mirrors.

Is what the FCC Pai has in mind for the future comms. Unless you pay.

hplasm
Coat

"largely a waste of time, taking up hours of the Senate's time"

"is it a wooki or an ewok?"

It's a Gungan.

Surface Hub 2: Microsoft's pricey whiteboard gets a sequel

hplasm
Happy

Re: This thing should be quite successful.

"Thought all that had been shutdown?"

Rename, reuse, recycle....

hplasm
Devil

Re: Inevitably...

"Have you tried turning the whiteboard off and using an erasable marker..."

Apple MacBook butterfly keyboards 'defective', 'prone to fail' – lawsuit

hplasm
Devil

Re: The MacBook Wheel

"With Predictive Sentence technology..."

5 Years Hard Labour -or until the non-replaceable battery dies.

Britain to slash F-35 orders? Erm, no, scoffs Lockheed UK boss

hplasm
Meh

Today's word...

...is Boondoggle.

Boondoggle.

How many ways can a PDF mess up your PC? 47 in this Adobe update alone

hplasm
Windows

Re: Use-After-Free and Heap Overflow in 2018?

"Perhaps Adobe should change to FOSS model to avoid such bugs..."

Why? The Microsoft model is working so well for them...

Wah, encryption makes policing hard, cries UK's National Crime Agency

hplasm
Gimp

Re: Making law enforcement harder

"If everyone walked around naked with their possessions in a small, clear plastic bag,"

You would need this mask--->

to go with the transparent budgie-smugglers...

hplasm
Holmes

Re: Wut?

"Guns don't kill people, rappers do."

No, Guns don't kill people,the holes they make in people do.

Same with making holes in encryption. It kills it.

First SpaceX Falcon 9 Block 5 rocket lobs comms sat into orbit

hplasm
Holmes

Re: It's people!

"There are rockets that carry dead humans into orbit?"

Yep - same company, oddly enough...

https://www.cnbc.com/2017/05/17/elysium-space-spacex-rocket-funerla-ashes-orbit.html

Chap charged with fraud after mail for UPS global HQ floods Chicago flat

hplasm
Angel

Why?

"Why would you use your own address for a scam like this? Surely it just makes it incredibly easy to catch you."

Utter Delusional Madness. It dos seem to be all the rage these days, particularly in the US.

Wibble!

Make masses carry their mobes, suggests wig in not-at-all-creepy speech

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: My phone!!

nd so, a nation of terrorists freedom fighters was born!

hplasm
Facepalm

Re: Can't lawmakers be sacked for being too dim to be useful?

It is a question of having opinions and views which are incompatible with his reality

FTFY

Sums up politicians in general and lawmakers in particular.

Fixing a printer ended with a dozen fire engines in the car park

hplasm
Coat

Re: falsies

"We literally had a full-building evac as I was reading this."

Sounds like a two-loo-roll Vindaloo...

NSA sought data on 534 MILLION phone calls in 2017

hplasm
Facepalm

"This is blanket domestic surveillance."

Land. Of. The. Free...

Virgin Media to chop 800 jobs in Wales call centre

hplasm
WTF?

Re: @ Simon 4

"“That is impossible. This is coax, not fibre.”"

Our VM fibre trunks say otherwise... perhaps you are thinking of BT fibbers...

hplasm
Unhappy

@ Simon 4

VM had great engineers. Telewest also had great engineers-

management? Same Old, same old...

Then the grewt TW/VM merger:

Engs let go. Turf wars. More engs let go.

After the smoke cleared...

TW managemet, VM engineers.

Chalk and cheese... they don't see eye to eye.

then Liberty..........

hplasm
Happy

"On one single day I received 200 envelopes all addressed to "The Householder" at my address"

Welcome to Hogwarts!

Microsoft's latest Windows 10 update downs Chrome, Cortana

hplasm
Coat

Re: Sigh.

"Even a half dead lobotomised monkey from Mars"

The POTUS uses Win10?

hplasm
Meh

Re:Can almost cut the hate for Windows in here today.

Neither hate, nor fear.

Just contempt. Just like they show for their 'customers'

Sir Clive Sinclair dragged into ZX Spectrum reboot battle

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: Answer me this

...with rockets!

TSB's middleware nightmare: Execs grilled on Total Sh*tshow at Bank

hplasm
Holmes

Re: PHB

"I'm guessing they employ the "brightest and best" IT people for this, just like everybody else."

Top men. Top. Men.

Whoa, Gartner drops a truth bomb: Blockchain is overhyped and top IT bods don't want it

hplasm
Happy

Re: "Blockchain is overhyped..."

Obligatory Dilbert:

http://dilbert.com/strip/2018-04-20

No top-ups, please, I'm a millennial: Lightweight yoof shunning booze like never before

hplasm
Pint

I don't 'Binge ' drink.

I don't like the taste of Binge.

I'm much more of a Spree drinker!

Cisco launches direct sales site for SMBs

hplasm
Headmaster

They lost me...

at 'Antenna's ...

Grab your lamp, you've pulled: Brits punt life-saving gravity-powered light

hplasm
Coat

Re: RE: Who is the hater downvoting all the comments?

"Now you know how AI trollbots work."

No, now whe know how AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI trollbots work... I think...

hplasm
Happy

@ kaltern

Aye aye, aye (etc )i!!

Windrush immigration papers scandal is a big fat GDPR fail for UK.gov

hplasm
Meh

Re: How is it?

"Because when they do it right, it isn't news."

It is news. And a bloody miracle.

Russians poised to fire intercontinental ballistic missile... into space with Sentinel-3 sat on board

hplasm
Coat

A lot of work

For an Ocean Colour Scene...

Microsoft Lean's in: Slimmed-down Windows 10 OS option spotted

hplasm
Devil

Old and Bloated...

"I barely consider Windows to be an OS, sure there's an OS under all that bloat somewhere, but mostly Windows is an advertising/slurping platform rammed with random crap (XBox Live, 3D Builder etc.) to try keep end users interested."

Windows Winnebago Edition...

Windows 10 Springwatch: See the majestic Microsoft in its natural habitat, fixing stuff the last patch broke

hplasm
Gimp

Re: Zzzzzzz

Tune in tomorrow...and tomorrow...and tomorrow...

hplasm
Devil

Re: In the old days

Welcome to the Wooorld of Wiiiindows patching...

Translating Facebook's latest 'Hard Questions' PR spin – The Reg edit

hplasm
Happy

Re: Zuck-aid

"I laugh in your general direction

I have NO FRIENDS"

You are Zuckerberg and I claim my £5!

Massive cyber attack targets mid-Atlantic nation 'Berylia'

hplasm
Meh

In short then-

Playtime for Cryptokids and Cyberbosses...

UK consumer help bloke Martin Lewis is suing Facebook over fake ads

hplasm
Holmes

Re: Can't deny he does some excellent work,

"...but he's been blessed with an eminently punchable face."

Naw, that's Mike Ashley you're thinking about. Minus the excellent work, of course.

UK's Department of Fun seeks data strategy head – experience not needed

hplasm
Headmaster

Re: Can work...

Yes, but...

"... yeah, so loose loose in this case?"

OW!!

There is no perceived IT generation gap: Young people really are thick

hplasm
Coat

"I did read Hamlet all the way through"

TLDR . Hamlet: a small pig,

hplasm
Happy

Texan bars at the cinema hall matinees.

A last request, Seeenor?"

Musk: I want to retrieve rockets with big Falcon party balloons

hplasm
Happy

"Explains why LOHAN has never happened ... "

"...you're doing the rocket/baloon thing the wrong way round!"

Ballockets! I say!