* Posts by hplasm

4659 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

US Director of National Intelligence legs it

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Clap on,

Clap off!

Claptrap.

2
0

British banks chuck smartphone apps out of Windows

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

UnUniversal

"...you'll find a man trying very hard not to say the word "phone"... and the word Universal."

There you go- FTFY

1
0

Elon Musk wants to launch 4,000 satellites and smother globe with net connectivity

hplasm
Silver badge
FAIL

Oh dear where is the RIP REG icon.

As long as The Register continues to spout hyperbolic nonsense, though, they’ll continue getting the coverage he needs to keep the show on the road.

Hyperbolic bollics, the whole thing.

No tech journos availabe?

9
0

PoisonTap fools your PC into thinking the whole internet lives in an rPi

hplasm
Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Re: Mac can be pawned too.

According to the article- it's mac and windows computers that are vulnerable...

1
3

Gone in 70 seconds: Holding Enter key can smash through defense

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

When I was a little girl in Poland, we all had ponies.

Did they have a Reverse gear?

5
0

Navy STEALS? US sailors dispute piracy claim

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: We'll one answer....

...And remove Germany from the Geomaps, just in case...the USN have any idea where it is...

2
1

Fujitsu says 1,800 UK job cuts needed to boost ailing margins

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

To save money...

"...We are collecting our data and are looking to see how we can have equal pay for equal work.”

By cutting male wages to that of the female workforce. Job done. Trebles all round, etc.

1
0

TalkTalk teen hacker pleads guilty as firm reveals £22m profit jump

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Harsh and unusual punishment...

Just make the kid an intern for Dido for 24 months.

No, no the singer, the Harry Enfield impersonator.

1
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

re:Whiskers .....

Kattomeat.

0
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Gimp

"A touch of "see how you like it" street justice would be nice"

Admit it- You're a returning TT customer, aren't you?

1
0

Martian 'ice cauldrons' are prime spot to hunt LGMs, say boffins

hplasm
Silver badge
Holmes

"...life is still unlikely."

And when it is (!) found, then it is important that this unlikeliness isn't bolstered by bad hygene.

i.e. "Oh it's probably from the probe- God says we're special in the whole Universe..."

0
0

Post-outage King's College London orders staff to never make their own backups

hplasm
Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Re: Re:And they TEST the ****ing backups.

Confused? I'm not actually confusing anything. I may be confusing someone* though.

*Seems like a few people... perhaps I should invest in some 'air quotes'...

Of course they never 'fail'... Schrodinger's backup tape anyone?

3
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Unhappy

Re:And they TEST the ****ing backups.

Backups never fail.

Restores, however...

41
1

Panicked WH Smith kills website to stop sales of how-to terrorism manuals

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: One wonders ...

"I might teach someone how to make and use a quarterstaff."

That falls under Outsourcing...

1
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Why? "Nearly anything can be used as a weapon."

"You gonna kill me with your soup cup?"

"Tea, actually."

3
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

"Who ever wrote my A-Level chemistry text book ..."

'Property of the Half-Blood Prince.'

3
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Big Brother

re Borax

Borax Substitute is an EU consequence. Ebayeee is one source of the real thing (a good soldering/brazing flux)

1
0

Angry user demands three site visits to fix email address typos

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: I generally now won't help any family members or friends with any IT problems

"And if they reply, "Yes you are..."

Rejoice!

3
0

Britain must send its F-35s to Italy for heavy overhauls, decrees US

hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: Hypocrites..

If the 'pilot killer' starfighter is superior to the F35, then gods help the poor guys who get to fly them.

4
3

Fire alarm sparked data centre meltdown emergency

hplasm
Silver badge
Headmaster

Stricly speaking...

only"...too much current..." could flow through it...

Professor Kirchhoff --------------------------------->>>

10
0

US citizens crash Canadian immigration site after Trump victory

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Not commensurate

"Brexit did not involve handing nuclear triggers to a narcissistic psychopath."

Just T May, who is not very narcissistic...

6
1

Why Apple's adaptive Touch Bar will flop

hplasm
Silver badge
Gimp

A proper computer running Windows-

is a new oxymoron.

1
5

Accessories to crime: Facial recog defeated by wacky paper glasses

hplasm
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: Plausibillity

"Weird and wonderful glasses need to become a fashion"

To the '80s mobile!

2
0

UK prison reform report wants hard-coded no-fly zones in drones to keep them out of jail

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

are the powers that be SO stupid!?!?!?

Yes.

16
0

Ubuntu Core Snaps door shut on Linux's new Dirty COWs

hplasm
Silver badge
Childcatcher

When did Linux start becoming like Windows?

When did systemd turn up again?

14
4

Facebook chokes off car insurance slurp because – get this – it has privacy concerns

hplasm
Silver badge
Stop

Re: Thought Facebook would love this

"Everyone "

You keep using that word...

2
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: Zip code?

YKK, mine says...

5
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Childcatcher

Re: Dreadful idea anyway...

"Nothing in this scheme has anything to do with established drivers..."

Yet. Like a discount? Stick with us! Oh- and give us your FB details...

0
0

Windows 10 market share stalls after free upgrade offer ends

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Genuine curiosity...

"What's a faecebook?"

A notebook with a shit OS on it. Can you guess whose OS?

4
0

Stiff upper lips and sun glasses: the Chancellor bets on Brexit feeling

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

"British firms are on the cutting edge of Virtual Reality"

This has always been true- just not in the modern accepted meaning of the term.

18
1

Microsoft flips Google the bird after Windows kernel bug blurt

hplasm
Silver badge
Holmes

Newsflash!

"Windows users are potentially at risk and everyone and their dog now knows about it."

Old news...

12
2

EU €120m Wi-Fi spend explained, but not excused

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: "every MuniWi-Fi project ever launched has been switched off"

"HotCity, the municipal Wi-Fi in Luxembourg "

Doesn't it just use 1 Access point* to cover the whole country? Luxembourg is quite small...

*and that has only just switched from Long Wave to Medium Wave (1951 is recent...).

1
1

Microsoft's IFTTT competitor goes live for suits & sysadmins alike

hplasm
Silver badge

Re: Bindun

But did they think to monetize (!) it?

0
0

Google drops a zero-day on Microsoft: Web giant goes public with bug exploited by hackers

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Google is as much nice with Microsoft...

"...so any changes will need to be thoroughly tested..."

That might lead to infinite delays- why test patches now- MS 'testing' seems to have been overlooked before?

3
0

Hell desk thought PC fire report was a first-day-on-the-job prank

hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: Tossing water at electric fire

Whoosh! The sound of compressed water being released.

1
0

Samsung are amateurs – NASA shows how you really do a battery fire

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Or

'Magnus the Robot Killer'

1
0

Self-driving cars doomed to be bullied by pedestrians

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: Hoodies playing chicken...?

"Citation needed?"

It seems likely-

I've noticed in Leeds that the peds tend to wait on the pavement at traffic lights until they turn green. Then they decide to cross...

0
0

Let's praise Surface, not bury it

hplasm
Silver badge
Holmes

Let's praiseSurface, not bury it.

Let's not.

Let's see first, eh?

7
1

Microsoft's Surface Studio desk-slab, Dial knob, Surface Book: We get our claws on new kit

hplasm
Silver badge
Paris Hilton

"People like ultimate laptop and we wanted to keep that title..."

When did MS get that title?

6
1

'Every step your anti-theft tracker takes – I'll be watching you'

hplasm
Silver badge
WTF?

Why cloud?

These use Bluetooth- out of range? No signal. Beep

job done- no cloud.

2
0

Meet the slimeballs who are openly sabotaging Virgin Media

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Mmmm-

Tasty! Unlike most network fiddlers- who should all be incinerated on site. (sic)

9
0

Lessons from the Mini: Before revamping or rebooting anything, please read this

hplasm
Silver badge
Unhappy

People with nothing to say-

Are prolific in todays 'echo chambers'.

People -like Dave, here- that should be listened to, talk in the wilderness.

24
1

Despite best efforts, fewer and fewer women are working in tech

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: The guys have a point

"At least in IT you have colleagues in the same room most of the times."

Jeez- give me the humming machines every time!

4
0

Microsoft kinda did OK this quarter – but whatever, Wall Street loves Satya Nadella

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Never mind the quality-

feel the width!

3
1

Dirty COW explained: Get a moooo-ve on and patch Linux root hole

hplasm
Silver badge
FAIL

Re: How did it all go wrong?

I don't buy the long technical explanation in this article. I buy closed software.

2
5

'Doubly unacceptable' Swiss vegan forces his way into the army

hplasm
Silver badge
Mushroom

Re: He is going to be popular.

"There are a lot of cunts around who cannot wait to make people's lives miserable..."

Anonymous Cowards, mainly.

12
6

Microsoft reveals career-enhancing .PNG files

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

They forgot this one -

Win 10 Evangelist- (U+1F4A9/U+E05A)

Yes, it's not .PNG, but all the kids are doing it!

1
2

Probe boffins: Two balls deep in Uranus's ring

hplasm
Silver badge
Boffin

Re: That may be for a while in this financial climate

That's why they renamed it 'Urectum'...

/goodnewseveryone!

22
0

Forget malware, crooks are cracking ATMs the old-fashioned way – with explosives

hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: Obviously their own fault

Whoosh!

3
1
hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: How to reduce the amount lost

"...extra capital expense to the banks..."

So not happening.

0
0

Forums

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2017