* Posts by hplasm

5027 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

UK's Royal Navy accepts missile-blasting missile as Gulf clouds gather

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Judging by the volcanic cloud on the horizon

"And what the hell are they burning to make so much soot?"

US Dollars.

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Church of England will commune with God for you via Amazon's Echo

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Somewhat baffling

That would be an ecumenical question...

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hplasm
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Angel

"Alexa, is there a God?

"Yes, now there is a God"

Siri: "Ahem..."

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Boffins: Michael Jackson's tilt was a criminally smooth trick

hplasm
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Happy

but-

"Yeah...but what's he done lately?

No - you're thinking of his sister, Janet"

That's all just nasty rumour...

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hplasm
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Boffin

Re: reinforced clown shoes

Do not, ever, mess with a reinforced clown.

That is all.

(edit: where is the Trump icon? )

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hplasm
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Annie?

"She was hit by, struck by, a smooth criminal the owner of some social media operation."

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Brit water firms, power plants with crap cyber security will pay up to £17m, peers told

hplasm
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Holmes

If you've got a margin of £1m, that security investment is significantly more expensive

No, buit the profits are reduced...

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Microsoft, Google: We've found a fourth data-leaking Meltdown-Spectre CPU hole

hplasm
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Re: Spectre

"I'm aware of a group selling a Spectre vuln.

SPECTRE?

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10 social networks ignored UK government consultations

This post has been deleted by a moderator

NASA’s new exoplanet-spotter survives sling past the Moon

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Uranus...

Cheeky...

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hplasm
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Re: How far?

I like 'The Mun' it has a nice sound to it.

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hplasm
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Boffin

Re: "... around Earth’s moon."

Try saying "... around our moon."

Which one?

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: The dark side? Again?

Of course the moon gas a dark side.

You know, when you can't see it? When it is out of sight?

You don't know what it says about you then. You don't want to know what it says about you then...

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Sysadmin hailed as hero for deleting data from the wrong disk drive

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Personal Tragedy

"After that I vowed that nothing like that would ever happen again. "

I called the data drive F:

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Blood spilled from another US high school shooting has yet to dry – and video games are already being blamed

hplasm
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Happy

Ahem...

Now it turns out he was a handegg player.

Ban handegg.

FTFY.

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hplasm
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Meh

Re: Agenda

"Why is this retarded Snowflake crap even appearing in the Reg? Is it now staffed by Owen Jones clones?"

It's a dorkcatcher - and it sees that it works, eh? We'll let you out later.

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hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Instead of fixing the problem...

"Umbridge: There is nothing out there dear. Who would you imagine would want to attack children like yourself?"

Harry: Oh, I don't know, maybe nutters with guns?

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Brit ISPs get their marker pens out: Speed advertising's about to change

hplasm
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FAIL

Hahahaha

"if BT's router is transmitting more powerfully than any others it is illegal equipment and Ofcom would have taken them to court."

Ofcom? Yeah, right.

And most of their kit contravenes their own test specs...

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: WiFi

"'s pr0n. It's always pr0n. The internet is for pr0n."

Kitten pr0n.

The truth, it burns...

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NASA fix for Curiosity rovers's damaged drill: hitting it, repeatedly

hplasm
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Happy

Re: What an odd way of putting it!

I see your craftspersiblingship,

and raise you a craftspersiblingboatymcboatface'

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Three-hour outage renders Nest-equipped smart homes very dumb

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Lessons learned

"Probably wait until facebook bring out their cloudy Unlocking service.

There you go...

Where's the 'Cloud Raining Shit down Upon Us' very much required Icon?

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It's true – it really is grim up north, thanks to Virgin Media. ISP fined for Carlisle cable chaos

hplasm
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Re: 400 Reinstatement notices...

Pretty much- and the cable pullers can't piss in a toilet without it going all over the cubicle.

Should hire Monkeys- they're better.

Source- worked near them...

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Trump’s new ZTE tweets trump old ZTE tweets

hplasm
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Devil

Trump has the Infinity Stones!

"Though at the end of all this I expect at least half of the Earth to be glass."

Perfect Balance?

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Net neutrality is saved in Senate vote! No, not really, it was a giant waste of everyone's time

hplasm
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Holmes

Smoke and mirrors.

Is what the FCC Pai has in mind for the future comms. Unless you pay.

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hplasm
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Coat

"largely a waste of time, taking up hours of the Senate's time"

"is it a wooki or an ewok?"

It's a Gungan.

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Surface Hub 2: Microsoft's pricey whiteboard gets a sequel

hplasm
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Happy

Re: This thing should be quite successful.

"Thought all that had been shutdown?"

Rename, reuse, recycle....

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: Inevitably...

"Have you tried turning the whiteboard off and using an erasable marker..."

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Apple MacBook butterfly keyboards 'defective', 'prone to fail' – lawsuit

hplasm
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Devil

Re: The MacBook Wheel

"With Predictive Sentence technology..."

5 Years Hard Labour -or until the non-replaceable battery dies.

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Britain to slash F-35 orders? Erm, no, scoffs Lockheed UK boss

hplasm
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Meh

Today's word...

...is Boondoggle.

Boondoggle.

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How many ways can a PDF mess up your PC? 47 in this Adobe update alone

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Use-After-Free and Heap Overflow in 2018?

"Perhaps Adobe should change to FOSS model to avoid such bugs..."

Why? The Microsoft model is working so well for them...

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Wah, encryption makes policing hard, cries UK's National Crime Agency

hplasm
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Gimp

Re: Making law enforcement harder

"If everyone walked around naked with their possessions in a small, clear plastic bag,"

You would need this mask--->

to go with the transparent budgie-smugglers...

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hplasm
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Holmes

Re: Wut?

"Guns don't kill people, rappers do."

No, Guns don't kill people,the holes they make in people do.

Same with making holes in encryption. It kills it.

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First SpaceX Falcon 9 Block 5 rocket lobs comms sat into orbit

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: It's people!

"There are rockets that carry dead humans into orbit?"

Yep - same company, oddly enough...

https://www.cnbc.com/2017/05/17/elysium-space-spacex-rocket-funerla-ashes-orbit.html

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Chap charged with fraud after mail for UPS global HQ floods Chicago flat

hplasm
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Angel

Why?

"Why would you use your own address for a scam like this? Surely it just makes it incredibly easy to catch you."

Utter Delusional Madness. It dos seem to be all the rage these days, particularly in the US.

Wibble!

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Make masses carry their mobes, suggests wig in not-at-all-creepy speech

hplasm
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Re: My phone!!

nd so, a nation of terrorists freedom fighters was born!

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hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Can't lawmakers be sacked for being too dim to be useful?

It is a question of having opinions and views which are incompatible with his reality

FTFY

Sums up politicians in general and lawmakers in particular.

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Fixing a printer ended with a dozen fire engines in the car park

hplasm
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Re: falsies

"We literally had a full-building evac as I was reading this."

Sounds like a two-loo-roll Vindaloo...

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NSA sought data on 534 MILLION phone calls in 2017

hplasm
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Facepalm

"This is blanket domestic surveillance."

Land. Of. The. Free...

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Virgin Media to chop 800 jobs in Wales call centre

hplasm
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WTF?

Re: @ Simon 4

"“That is impossible. This is coax, not fibre.”"

Our VM fibre trunks say otherwise... perhaps you are thinking of BT fibbers...

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hplasm
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Unhappy

@ Simon 4

VM had great engineers. Telewest also had great engineers-

management? Same Old, same old...

Then the grewt TW/VM merger:

Engs let go. Turf wars. More engs let go.

After the smoke cleared...

TW managemet, VM engineers.

Chalk and cheese... they don't see eye to eye.

then Liberty..........

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hplasm
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Happy

"On one single day I received 200 envelopes all addressed to "The Householder" at my address"

Welcome to Hogwarts!

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Microsoft's latest Windows 10 update downs Chrome, Cortana

hplasm
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Re: Sigh.

"Even a half dead lobotomised monkey from Mars"

The POTUS uses Win10?

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hplasm
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Meh

Re:Can almost cut the hate for Windows in here today.

Neither hate, nor fear.

Just contempt. Just like they show for their 'customers'

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Sir Clive Sinclair dragged into ZX Spectrum reboot battle

hplasm
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Re: Answer me this

...with rockets!

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TSB's middleware nightmare: Execs grilled on Total Sh*tshow at Bank

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: PHB

"I'm guessing they employ the "brightest and best" IT people for this, just like everybody else."

Top men. Top. Men.

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Whoa, Gartner drops a truth bomb: Blockchain is overhyped and top IT bods don't want it

hplasm
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Happy

Re: "Blockchain is overhyped..."

Obligatory Dilbert:

http://dilbert.com/strip/2018-04-20

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No top-ups, please, I'm a millennial: Lightweight yoof shunning booze like never before

hplasm
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Pint

I don't 'Binge ' drink.

I don't like the taste of Binge.

I'm much more of a Spree drinker!

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Cisco launches direct sales site for SMBs

hplasm
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Headmaster

They lost me...

at 'Antenna's ...

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Grab your lamp, you've pulled: Brits punt life-saving gravity-powered light

hplasm
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Re: RE: Who is the hater downvoting all the comments?

"Now you know how AI trollbots work."

No, now whe know how AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI AI trollbots work... I think...

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hplasm
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Happy

@ kaltern

Aye aye, aye (etc )i!!

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