* Posts by hplasm

4871 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

New Google bias lawsuit claims company fired chap who opposed discrimination

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

"But...

... if you're spending any amount of time playing on a Facebook-substitute rather than actually working,..."

Posted during your lunch break, of course.

3
0

Lloyds Banking Group to splash £3bn on tech

hplasm
Silver badge
Holmes

Re: Remove the hype and check the reality

ITYM

""Lloyds Banking Group is to splash £1M on IT redundacies, £100M on consultancy and the rest on bonuses, yachts and swanky new offices."

3
0

Farewell, Android Pay. We hardly tapped you

hplasm
Silver badge
Holmes

I find all this tech adversity very Victorian.

I find it New Elizabethan . The Victorians were very into technological advances.

1
0

Windows slithers on to Arm, legless?

hplasm
Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Re: Not so bad

"... it died, and I never regretted its purchase.."

It died. And that wasn't a regret?

1
0

Use ad blockers? Mine some Monero to get access to news, says US site

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

So-

Bye bye, Salon.

43
2

US docs show Daimler may have done a Dieselgate – German press claims

hplasm
Silver badge
Holmes

Re: What about the monkeys?

>You mean that they treat you worse than the monkeys??

Do they work in the US, by any chance?

1
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: What about the monkeys?

Gas Monkeys got paid.

Boom!

6
0

UK.gov calls on the Big Man – GOD – to boost rural broadband

hplasm
Silver badge
Angel

Re: A crucifix

Upwards?

9
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: Location, location, location

"So which one gets the mast?"

Voda on one EE on t'other.

None for Three...

20
0

Kentucky gov: Violent video games, not guns, to blame for Florida school massacre

hplasm
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: I have a cunning plan my Lord

"...people will sooner bankrupt themselves than give up their arms for fear the government will oppress them."

No problem. The gun nuts are generally anti social-care payments too. They can reap what they sow when their money runs out.

2
1

Astro-boffinry world rocked to its very core: Shock as Andromeda found to be not much bigger than Milky Way

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Dwarf Galaxy anyone?

Is that a 'Fun Size' one, or have they just reduced the content size and not the price?

42
0

Arrrgh! Put down the crisps! 'Ultra-processed' foods linked to cancer!

hplasm
Silver badge
Unhappy

It's probably due to Palm Oil

That shit's in everything these days.

3
0

You're decorating it wrong: Apple HomePod gives wood ring of death

hplasm
Silver badge
Big Brother

One ring-

Half an iMysteron.

"We know that you can hear us , Earthmen. (We can also hear you. All the time...)'

iSpy.

1
0

Crypto-gurus: Which idiots told the FBI that Feds-only backdoors in encryption are possible?

hplasm
Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: What the TLAs must do to make it work

You forgot

6) remove the phrase "Land Of The Free" from the US.

(Probably long overdue. Not that anywhere else is much better, but not trumpeted about as much...)

edit: Possibly 7) then, after China 2.0 :)

8
0

IBM declares it's the 'backbone of the world's economy'

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Hold your heads up high, staff.

The we can reap them all at a single stroke.

10
0

Roses are red, revenge is so sweet. Microsoft extracts a few quid from Corel Office Suite

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Well...

Corel thought it was agood idea to copy the ribbon - they should be made to pay!

31
2

UK Home Sec Amber Rudd unveils extremism blocking tool

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Really...?

"...when the thought police are looking for deviants I'll be safe.."

You are accused of publishing images of sphincters, prohibited under the ASCII ART prohibition act 2020. how do you plead?

" * "

19
0

NASA budget shock: Climate studies? GTFO. We're making the Moon great again, says Trump

hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: Valuable minerals?

Trumpium.

11
1

Boffins upload worm's brain into a computer, teach it tricks

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Jesus!!

For bad eyesight I sentence you to six male hairies!

24
0

Wow, MIND-BLOWING: Florida Man gets an earful from 'exploding Apple AirPod' bud

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: This...

"...gibberings of the mind eaters..."

I like this. May I have it?

Ta

5
0

BOFH: We want you to know you have our full support

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: >KZZZZZZEEERRRRRRT!<

From a NetMGR* Help point of view, i was expecting this to end with a resounding

THWACK!

* If you know what I mean...

3
0

Wish you could log into someone's Netgear box without a password? Summon a &genie=1

hplasm
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: "with remote configuration access enabled"

" *SLAP* *SLAP* *SLAP* with a ginormous green onion... "

Rule 34!!

11
0

Hyperscale oligarchs to rule the cloud as the big get bigger, and the small ... you won't care

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Sounds familiar...

"we're headed for ~700 colosso-bit-barns"

640 colossal bit-barns should be enough for anyone!

13
0

I see you're writing a résumé?!.. LinkedIn parked in MS Word

hplasm
Silver badge
Windows

Re: Despite Brexit...

See - that's a masochist for you!

1
2

NASA's zombie IMAGE satellite is powered up and working quite nicely

hplasm
Silver badge
Holmes

Re: Lo that bright joy will turn dark and it will slowly plot its revenge

"who is going to merge with it and a sexy android?"

Sounds like a job for... Kirk Unit!

2
0

No Windows 10, no Office 2019, says Microsoft

hplasm
Silver badge
Windows

Re: just to it

"What a frankly shitty attitude."

What? t's the same one MS use.

"Back in the real corporate world..."

Ah- an oxy moron. (sic)

6
4
hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Bloody hell1

A talking marsupial!

How rare!

4
4
hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: And the MacOS Platform?

"Mac, Android, iOS and whatever else will likely remain as is."

Badly supported?

29
4
hplasm
Silver badge
Windows

ITTM...

“to empower every person and every organization on the planet to achieve spend more”

And achieve less...

Weasels.

59
7

Morrisons launches bizarre Yorkshire Pudding pizza thing

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

This-

Would make an excellent hat, particularly with gravys...

And then you may eat it.

heeeeeheeeeeheeeeee!!

Where's the straps on me coat??!?!

2
0

Shopper f-bombed PC shop staff, so they mocked her with too-polite tech tutorial

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: The worst customers...

On the phone: "Do you know who I AM !?!!!!"

No. Do you know who I am?

"No.."

Good! *click*

83
0

$14bn tax hit, Surface Pro screens keep dying – but it's not all good news at Microsoft

hplasm
Silver badge
Holmes

Re: The other MS disease

"Give me an open unit..."

Aye, there's the problem right there...

Glue, glue, Barney McGlue...

4
1

As Facebook pushes yet more fake articles, one news editor tells Mark to get a grip – or Zuck off

hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Laziness and Stupidity

Monetise either or both of those, and you can be as rich as Zuck.

Oh- I see now...

7
1

Are you taking the peacock? United Airlines deny flight to 'emotional support' bird

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Oh sorry!

I've inadvertently used Your Emotional Support Animal as my Lumbar Support Animal...

Now, don't get emotional...

11
0

FYI: That Hawaii missile alert was no UI blunder. Someone really thought the islands were toast

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Hello fellow USian

"it'll be the shapeshifting robotic lizard people who'll really win."

Until the robotic lizard-shit shifters go on strike...

0
0

I'll torpedo Tor weirdos, US AG storms: Feds have 'already infiltrated' darknet drug souks

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

"One can only imagine the unmasking of these villains by Jeff Sessions"

And then realise it's more likely for this to be done by a large cartoon dog.

5
0

US Pentagon scrambles after Strava base leaks. Here's a summary of the new rules: 'Secure that s***, Hudson!'

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: IOT Hysteria

ITYM

"'Is that the Brit's aircraft carrier?' - 'Yep - must be -it hasn't got any planes,"

8
0

Ubuntu reverting to Xorg in Bionic Beaver

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: Just to be clear...

"Like it or not, Wayland is the future,.."

Mr Yutani would like a word.

23
0

You want wires with that? Burger King backs, er, net neutrality

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: Well, Thank The Heavens

"You can make some people believe anything if you dumb it down enough."

True, the evidence is out there.

It is orange.

7
0

Hawaii governor: I wanted to tell everyone nuke alert was fake – I just forgot my password

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

so why didn't he just have the spokesperson send the msg?

They were fleeing as fast as their spokes would carry them.

3
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: Twiiter... As an authoritative source of WW3 warning

"And tardigrades studiously ignoring the silly humans and cockroaches."

An improvement from the Retardigrades we have in charge of ignoring us now.

2
0

£60m, five years late... Tag criminal tagging as a 'catastrophic waste' of taxpayers' cash

hplasm
Silver badge
Mushroom

Re: Consequences?

How about -

s/Lessons will be learned/Heads will roll/g

and follow it though.

2
1

'WHAT THE F*CK IS GOING ON?' Linus Torvalds explodes at Intel spinning Spectre fix as a security feature

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

ButtPlugchaku??

You know what you can go and do with that!

7
0
hplasm
Silver badge
FAIL

Linux is complete and utter fucking shit

Said No-one No-where. Ever.

33
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Mr T is oh so good

"Does Linus make CPUs?"

Does Intel? Strictly speaking?

10
2

'The capacitors exploded, showering the lab in flaming confetti'

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Improbable

The 'correct' answer is a question: Peak or RMS?

13
0

America restarts dodgy spying program – just as classified surveillance abuse memo emerges

hplasm
Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Re: cry more

Unlike crossing the road where you want to.

1
1

Sad-sack Anon calling himself 'Mr Cunnilingus' online is busted for DDoSing ex-bosses

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

"...dog turd in your boss's letter box "

Things have moved on - this is now DSaaS...

8
0

F-35 'incomparable' to Harrier jump jet, top test pilot tells El Reg

hplasm
Silver badge
WTF?

Re: VIFing?

"VIFFing was never used during the Falklands:"

I guess the BBC used non-existent CGI to show that on the 6 o'clock News, then?

"And the US Marines invented it during a demo flight "just to see what happened if you tried it"

[citation needed]

4
2

Software that predicts whether crims will break the law again is no better than you or me

hplasm
Silver badge
Black Helicopters

Re: Subject to Status

"Or, to put it another way, shows that black people, even those who don't reoffend, are more likely to be picked up by the police...."

...or paramedics, after being shot by the police...

3
1

Forums

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2018