* Posts by hplasm

4657 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Ubuntu 17.10: We're coming GNOME! Plenty that's Artful in Aardvark, with a few Wayland wails

hplasm
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Re: Gun, meet foot.

Refuse Wayland!

Next will come David, then AVP - nobody wants that.

Don't install Yutani either...

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Your data will get hacked anyway so you might as well give up protecting it

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Dungeness

"...slapping each other about the head with giant rubber willies, while shouting in latin."

Isn't that Eton?

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Japan finds long, deep tunnel on the Moon

hplasm
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Re: Bora! Bora! Bora!

So that's where all the VW's are going...

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Survey: Tech workers are terrified they will be sacked for being too old

hplasm
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Re: Translation

This ^^^

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You can yacht be serious: Larry might be planning his own version of America’s Cup

hplasm
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Meh

Only one rule:

1. All yachts and teams to be owned by Oracle.

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Yes, British F-35 engines must be sent to Turkey for overhaul

hplasm
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Re: Well that's just great.

"Outsourcing defence contracts to a country already halfway toward becoming yet another third-world theocratic shithole."

The US?

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What the fdisk? Storage Spaces Direct just vanished from Windows Server in version 1709

hplasm
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Holmes

Re: Hmmm...

"What's their angle here?"

Usually 180 degrees.

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Microsoft Azure ████ secret ██ █████ ██ US govt's ███ ███ centers

hplasm
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Happy

"...the blue collection of holes held together by string."

AKA Blue string pudding!

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Ex-TalkTalk chief grilled by MPs on suitability to chair NHS Improvement

hplasm
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Stop

Whelk stall???

"Can someone find her a whelk stall, although that might be beyond her capabilities."

Are you looking to get food poisoning?

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No, the FCC can't shut down TV stations just because Donald Trump is mad at the news

hplasm
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Unhappy

Re: The film "Idiocracy"

"... it pretty much descends into a series of "American Pie" style dick and fart jokes."

It here being real life.

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: Actually

"Yeah. All the cool kids reference Stalin instead."

But Stalin has neater hair.

Wait- so does Hitler...

Don't mention the 'tashes... or lack of.

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Capgemini: We love our 'flexible, flowing' spade

hplasm
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Facepalm

This isn't just a spade...

It's a PR shit-shifting spade!

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Argh, my loafer just fell down the rope ladder! Yes, I'm in the Microsoft treehouse

hplasm
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Happy

Close...

It's a quaint idea but I think they are barking.

There you go.

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hplasm
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"But hey, if you like nature...

... and aren't afraid of heights or bugs, fill your boots."

Well, MS don't seem to be afraid of bugs...

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The Google Home Mini: Great, right up until you want to smash it in fury

hplasm
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Unhappy

"whatever you want to use?"

"Oi, you! Useless piece of shit!! Are you listening? ARE YOU!!?? Grrrrr...

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hplasm
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Facepalm

With lots and lots of apathy.

True. Peak stupid is approaching.

At leat I hope it's a peak, not an asymptote...

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hplasm
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Alien

He's been assimilated. He is now lost to Humanity.

Username suggests he lives in Innsmouth... so yes.

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Ernst & Young slapped with £1.8 MEEEELLION fine for crap accounting

hplasm
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Devil

Re: Rather than a fine ..

Why not both?

With jam on.

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US Congress mulls first 'hack back' revenge law. And yup, you can guess what it'll let people do

hplasm
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Devil

Re: THE IT-TEAM!!!

...if you can find them....maybe you can hire The IT-Crowd.

Reality bites...

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hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: American Logic

Zeroth Law:

If we all have more stupid, there will be less intelligence.

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Microsoft faces Dutch crunch over Windows 10 private data slurp

hplasm
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Windows

Re: Much a do

Has someone just turned a cow inside out? I can smell something...

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hplasm
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Gimp

Re: Blaming North Korea?

"So what happens when you need to open a very formatted MS Office documents." (sic)

Send it back, tell them it's broken, and to use a decent open document format.

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Culture, schmulture. DevOps, agile need to be software-first again

hplasm
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FTFY!

"In the tech industry, we're never really sure which is more important: the tool, or how tools use the tool."

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I love disruptive computer jargon. It's so very William Burroughs

hplasm
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Re: >> You have to make it interesting or you'd blow your brains out

"no, no! Don't shoot yourself!"

"Shutit! You're next!"

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hplasm
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Angel

Re: For further confusion ...

Look out! Incoming stones!

Blashphemer!

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hplasm
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Happy

Re: tagnut of technobollox

"Are they in anyway related to dangleberries of drivel?"

They share an adjacency, yes.

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hplasm
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Unhappy

Agreed!

"It's a bit like the official change from "cycles per second" to "Hertz" - an apparently unnecessary way of obfuscating a simple measurement."

q.v Mho - Siemens

Not obvious now...

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hplasm
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Meh

Gif.

Don't get this - how can G(raphics) be pronounced as JIF.

Don't use Jraffics for anything...

Wilhite is wronj!

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Top of the radio charts: Jodrell Bank goes for UNESCO World Heritage status

hplasm
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Re: Quasers?

Set Quasers on stub, Mr Spork!

Star Trek :Dyslexia

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'There has never been a right to absolute privacy' – US Deputy AG slams 'warrant-proof' crypto

hplasm
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Big Brother

No right to privacy?

If the 1st amendment fails to protect in this case, surely such government overreach is what the 2nd is for?

Or is it just to have guns for the sake of them?

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Cortana, please finish my sentences in Skype texts for me

hplasm
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Re: I hate eloquence

That's not eloquence.

That's a hypotenuse.

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hplasm
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Devil

Re: Let's see how it works...

Ok!

"Hey Cortana- why don't you stick your head up your.. "

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Three words: Synthetic gene circuit. Self-assembling bacteria build pressure sensor

hplasm
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Terminator

"a synthetic biologist"

Science Officer Ash is a goddamn robot!

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Calm down, Elon. Deep learning won't make AI generally intelligent

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Start with the baby steps

Artificial Intelligence is an illusion.

Human Intelligence doubly so...

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How many times can Microsoft kill Mobile?

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Cue Python sketch

" Where is the decent phone at a decent price that does what I need?"

Have you tried one with a rotary dial?

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Is that a bulge in your pocket or... do you have an iPhone 8+? Apple's batteries look swell

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: Obligatory

"So I couldn’t really care less about svelte."

Nor the whoosh! sound of the expanding battery, it seems.

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hplasm
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Paris Hilton

Re: Obligatory

Have some sympathy - he's worried that his IPho is not quite as svelte and slender as when they first met...

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Moon trumps Mars in new US space policy

hplasm
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Happy

I'm hoping for a giant Trump head in orbit with megawatt lasers in the eyes.

But that would lead to a Sean Connery type in a thong...

My eyes!

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hplasm
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Gimp

The Moon is a harsh mistress.

Politicians have heard this, and it has whetted their appetites...

Icon obvious.

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Microsoft silently fixes security holes in Windows 10 – dumps Win 7, 8 out in the cold

hplasm
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Gimp

(and they do, believe me)

Your posting pro-windows history makes me doubt your veracity.

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Hipster disruptor? Never trust a well-groomed caveman with your clams

hplasm
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Happy

Re: Beer o'clock at Wiley's Bar, anyone?

"Some days, you just know you shouldn't have got out of bed."

I call them weekdays.

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hplasm
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Awesome -

It builds nicely!*

Best Friday Evar!

Thumbs up for the BC refs, and all the rest!

* (See Spot.. See Spot Run...etc) :)

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Blade Runner 2049: Back to the Future – the movies that showed us what's to come

hplasm
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Big Brother

Re: V for Vendetta, 1984 etc.

Brazil.

When is that set, in the scheme of things...

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Support team discovers 'official' vendor paper doesn't rob you blind

hplasm
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Re:One of my new classmates asked to borrow a rubber[0] ...

Child: Miss! I don't have an eraser...

New tracher: Just use that little girl's behind.

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hplasm
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Re: Common English words with very different meanings.....

"The things you learn about a foreign tongue."

Ooo- matron!

It's innuendoes all the way down. Well done!

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Hey, IoT vendors. When a paediatric nurse tells you to fix security, you definitely screwed up

hplasm
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Re: IoT - Talk about 'The blind leading the blind'....

"It turns out that the blind actually CAN lead the blind, if the smell of money is strong enough to guide them."

QOTW right there!

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Mattel's Internet-of-kiddies'-Things Aristotle canned before release

hplasm
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Re: Hi kids!

Oh good! An IT related story!

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Azure fell over for 7 hours in Europe because someone accidentally set off the fire extinguishers

hplasm
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Facepalm

Re: The Cloud...

"Other peoples computers you have no control over."

And neither, it seems, do they...

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What is the probability of being drunk at work and also being tested? Let's find out! Correctly

hplasm
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Devil

Depends what you do for a living:-

Bus driver - 100%

Banker - 0%

Home Secretary - Mandatory for the Job*. so -100%

*Or so it seems

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Rosetta probe's final packets massaged into new snap of Comet 67P

hplasm
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Happy

Rosetta had

a dashcam!

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