* Posts by hplasm

5130 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Go Zuck Yourself: Facebook destroys patent suit over timeline

hplasm
Silver badge
Linux

Re: Win, settle... or sublimate

"And eventually they evaporate into nothingness."

And yet, somewhere, an SCO atom is still fighting on...

10
0

Home Office seeks Brexit tech boss – but doesn't splash the cash

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Awesome!

"Probably at least a year's supply of publishable On-Call stories."

Or the ultimate in Who, Me?

19
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Not Enough if you ask me

"I don't think £100k is enough to persuade anyone competent to link their name to that crap."

But there are dozens of incompetents available...

16
0

TSB takes on 250 complaint-wranglers to absorb £200m outage fallout

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

To be fair...

"54 people who maybe sort of know what they are doing, trying to supervise 250 people who know nothing."

...it's usually the other way around.

17
0

Windows is coming to Chromebooks… with Google’s blessing

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Pulling a freight train with a tricycle

"Windows 10 should run passably on premium hardware like a Pixelbook, but it will be bitterly disappointing on the zillions of $200 Chromebooks."

No change there then, Win 10 performance wise...

6
2

Criminal justice software code could send you to jail and there’s nothing you can do about it

hplasm
Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: Open justice should mean open decisions

'Open justice'? where did you see that?

9
0

Devon County Council techies: WE KNOW IT WASN'T YOU!

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: OCR, seriously?!?

Excuse me Doctor, is this a word you have written , or an EEG trace..?

2
0

Space, the final Trump-tier: America to beam up $8bn for Space Force

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Biased whiney babies -

Should not be in positions of power.

14
2

Microsoft's cheapo Surface: Like a netbook you can't upgrade

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: Linx 12x64

"Even the actual compilation won't take that long as you let it run overnight unattended."

So -shorter than a Win10 update then...

4
0

Dear alt-right morons and other miscreants: Disrupt DEF CON, and the goons will 'ave you

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Goons-

"...kicked into the fetid hell of the August Las Vegas sunshine with a boot mark on their backsides."

"Oh Neddy! You've deaded me!

5
0

'Unhackable' Bitfi crypto-currency wallet maker will be shocked to find fingernails exist

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: The universal law

"...And the Gods of the Copyrights, I notice, outlast them all."

FTFY

1
0

The wheel turns slowly, but it turns: Feds emit IoT security tip sheet

hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Now the 'G-Men'

Are the 'Cyber-men' ?

How quaint!

4
0

Alaskan borough dusts off the typewriters after ransomware crims pwn entire network

hplasm
Silver badge
Windows

The attackers gained Active Directory admin access

"Only criminal negligence, or deliberate criminal intent of an insider, could allow that to happen, surely."

Sounds like policy decision to me.

1
0

First low-frequency fast radio burst to grace our skies detected at last

hplasm
Silver badge
Holmes

Fatline Squirts-

Usually accompanied by Low Frequency Bursts.- and gaseous clouds...

Is that a peg on your nose, Holmes?

1
0

The End for Fin7: Feds cuff suspected super-crooks after $$$m stolen from 15m+ credit cards

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: The USA ...

"It is against US law to contaminate food intended for human consumption, LD or not."

Unless a US food conglomerate of course...

4
0

Now that's a dodgy Giza: Eggheads claim Great Pyramid can focus electromagnetic waves

hplasm
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: Too many assumptions made.

nd the whip, and the floppy hat...

9
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Re: And...

"Have your own opinion by all means, but don't claim your own reality."

I live in my own reality...

6
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Pint

Re: Correlation, causation, and all that

" think I'd prefer to investigate the scattering effects of a glass of Martini instead"

A tad early in the day here. Maybe later.

You missed this bit-

"...or maybe you get two bars less..."

You've got time to catch up later!

5
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: That's what they want you to think...

"I for one plan on getting into making such documentaries,"

You really need help...

May I volunteer to be that Assistant?

14
1
hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: It was aliens wot did it

"There are pyramids in my head

There's one underneath my bed

And my lady's getting cranky...."

..Sheeee's a Pointy Mummy...!

Everybody!...

4
1
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: It was aliens wot did it

At last! A device to sharpen bacon!

Er-that means...

Run!! Beware of pointy mummies*... aiiee!!

*Must be 18 or over in UK to purchase Pointy Mummy.

67
1

Sysadmin trained his offshore replacements, sat back, watched ex-employer's world burn

hplasm
Silver badge
Unhappy

Re: Timing is everything

"I had the same question during an interview. My reply was that I would not bother."

If I was shrunk to 3" tall and in a blender, why would I want to live?

0
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: "How to use a barometer to measure the height of a building."

*) Tie barometer to a rope and dangle down to ground. Pull up rope and measure it.

2
0

Think tank calls for post-Brexit national ID cards: The kids have phones so what's the difference?

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: No Excuses!

Oh do fuck off.

4
2
hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

FTFY...

There's low confidence in any UK government

11
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: Tax

"It's certainly the main reason that Blunkett wanted them."

no, he couldn't see the downsides...

/sorry ShadowSystems et al...

6
0

FBI boss: We went to the Moon, so why can't we have crypto backdoors? – and more this week

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

The T word again...

"Australian Law trumps the laws of mathematics governing encryption."

AKA Fake News!!111!!

4
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Big Brother

FBI??

"If the FBI genuinely can't operate without spying on the citizenry, perhaps it's time to consider whether there is any point to having an FBI."

Federal Bureau of Intrusion - Didn't you get the memo about the namechange?

3
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Mushroom

Re: Man on the sun

"Where is Mr Neutron?"

Where is Doctor Solar- Man of The Atom?

2
0

Another German state plans switch back from Linux to Windows

hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: Lots of companies run Linux including Google

"Sure, if dont mind your calendar being entirely seperate from your room booking system and having to enter everything twice. If you want it to work as designed, Outlook is required."

First World Problems...

1
1
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Lots of companies run Linux including Google

"Yes, it's the too easy ability to book a meeting room online that's holding back businesses ..."

FTFY

0
0

Sysadmin sank IBM mainframe by going one VM too deep

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

"...hashland would sound silly."

And hashworld would go bust...

17
1

Fake prudes: Catholic uni AI bot taught to daub bikinis on naked chicks

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: No one has ever been killed by a nipple

But many have nearly lost an eye -particularly when cold...

3
0

You're burning £1.2bn for what? UK spending watchdog gives digital court plans a kicking

hplasm
Silver badge
Big Brother

Future Crime...

Dystopia 2.0

18
0

Ah, British summer. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the internet is on the fritz

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: Fibre break(s) near Manchester, too

"Bury is north of central Manchester, so these may be separate incidents."

Or a break in the middle...

* Go north Fibre, then sharp right at Bury. No- not that sharp!! -*snap*. *

*bugger.*

6
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Alien

Re: Big red ball?

Brexit means Brexit - to Betelguese V...

- Teresa May Beeblebrox

7
3

Brits whinging less? About ISPs, networks and TV? It's gotta be a glitch in the Matrix

hplasm
Silver badge
Headmaster

Re: Sic

Winj!

0
0

Windows 10 IoT Core Services unleashed to public preview

hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

...a slimmed-down version of Windows 10 aimed at IoT devices...

".., such as industrial machinery or the ubiquitous Arm-based Raspberry Pi (for those moments when Debian just doesn't quite cut it.)"

Only works on fucking Opposite Day then?

0
0

Wearable hybrids prove the bloated smartwatch is one of Silly Valley's biggest mistakes

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

ok..

32 and counting.

You didn't say in what time period.

What - your phone only does now?

Sad.

1
0

Indictment bombshell: 'Kremlin intel agents' hacked, leaked Hillary's emails same day Trump asked Russia for help

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

"Apart from buying drugs and money laundering, what other uses are there for bitcoin? "

The CIA uses bitcoin now?

0
0

No, seriously, why are you holding your phone like that?

hplasm
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: They have a point.

+100 for 'Snoophenge '

14
0

Microsoft bids adieu to inky fingers with whiteboard app

hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: ‘ideation’ ?

"We've hit a new low in buzzwords. "

True.

"I think someone needs a stiff beating."

FTFY

3
0

Windows 10 Spring Creators Update team explains the hold-up: You little BSOD!

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Oxymoron?

"Microsoft" and qualityl".

0
0

Do you really want your kids' future in the hands of Capita? Well, too bad

hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: Why?

"Why are we still dealing with this bunch of yahoos?"

Crapita or the Whitehall dorks that keep hiring them?

6
0

Azure Dev Spaces has hit public preview, so El Reg took it for a spin

hplasm
Silver badge
Boffin

Re: ..."typing in BASIC listings from computer magazines in the '80s and debugging"...

"Is that your Delorean parked outside?"

Not at this present moment, no...

3
0

East Midlands network-sniffer wails: Openreach, fix my outage-ridden line

hplasm
Silver badge
Megaphone

Re: Hate to say this, but....

"I sent an email directly to Clive Selley, Openreach CEO. He answered me personally"

And his email addy is? ... for the Greater good...

0
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Opposites!

"Consumers typically want "cheap" & "good". Unfortunately, they are opposites."

But BT & Opencrotch provide "expensive" & "bad".

19
1

Infrastructure wonks: Tear up Britain's copper phone networks by 2025

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Do you trust the average unemployed PFY to install fibre?

Why not - the incumbents seem to.

5
0

Leatherbound analogue password manager: For the hipster who doesn't mind losing everything

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Telememo watches

"...on waterproof paper in a half eaten jar of mayonnaise at the back of the fridge.."

Sadly vulnerable to the EWW Police.

3
0

Banks told: Look, your systems WILL fail. What is your backup plan?

hplasm
Silver badge
Childcatcher

Re: The Bank 'crisis' plan we really need but will never see

"What is your back up plan?"

Eject!

followed by

Deploy Golden Parachute.

20
0

Forums

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2018