* Posts by hplasm

4786 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

Auto auto fleets to dodge British potholes in future

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

"Like the ones that can buy Range Rovers and simply ignore potholes."

Ignore potholes? Range Rover drivers slow down to single figures for bloody level crossings. Hitting a pothole in one would probably kill them.

Supersized Shopping Vehicles. Pah.

0
0

How fast is a piece of string? Boffin shoots ADSL signal down twine

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: For the next experiment.

Fill a bag with salt water and see if it can replace a BT manager.

13
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

"...IP over Rab C?"

That will make him mad. Pass him a towel and run!

2
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Only if you're 2 metres from the exchange.

Nobody is - hence the slow speeds...

4
0

Microsoft asks devs for quantum leap of faith

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: instead of writing in C#, devs use a language called Q#.

"In which all code will be both terrible crap and a work of genius at the same time.

Until you observe it. Then it'll just be terrible crap."

Isn't that already true?

0
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: ... a computer that computes in a billion parallel universes at the same time... -- NOT

"What if we're in a sub-universe?"

A ravishing evernew place called Underverse.? Threshold! Take us to Threshold! No, not Redmond...

0
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: To enable traditional coders to transition to new concepts more easily...

"...they've retained the same format of error message we are all familiar with e.g.,"

"An Unknown Error has Occurred Somewhere Unknown."

0
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Cat Test

"I ran the code while my cat was snoozing under the monitor and now I can't tell if he's alive or dead."

Try moving the mouse...

1
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Boffin

No Slurp?

"If it helps them find a version of Windows without slurping and TIFKAM, I'm all for it."

Hardly - they'll know everything about you instantly, and have infinite places to hide the start menu.

0
0

Tired of despairing of Trump and Brexit? Why not despair about YouTube stars instead?

hplasm
Silver badge
Trollface

Re: Despair over Brexit and Trump?

You had me up to : "Despite all the leftist media propaganda".

14
1
hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: Despair over Brexit and Trump?

"And people actually voted for him on purpose??"

They heard him say the quote above, and decided that he was much smarter than they were.

16
0

Elon Musk finally admits Tesla is building its own custom AI chips

hplasm
Silver badge
Angel

Re: God-like

God-like.

Run people over for no reason. Refuse to start and then explode if you look at anther model.

Encourage owners of marque 'A' to war against owners of marque 'B'...

And so on. see the Owner's Bible* for further examples...

* Holy Haines, King James version.

Sounds God like to me. The past becomes the future?

32
3

Disk drive fired 'Frisbees of death' across data centre after storage admin crossed his wires

hplasm
Silver badge
Mushroom

"In WWII the bomb disposal squads never got a do-over when they made that mistake."

"Cut the red wire..."

"Now is a bad time to admit that I'm colour-blind..."

44
0

Meet the woman with a supernatural affinity for stiff lovers

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

"She sounds batty all right."

Nah, she's just a Creepy fucker.

6
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

First excuse...

What's this goo on the bed!?!

Er, ectoplasm...

33
0

Spy-on-your-home Y-Cam cameras removes free cloud storage bit

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: Been warning of this since long before...

" Air is invaluable, but I don't pay anything to breathe."

Get your ass to Mars!

Then get back to me.

1
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Lifetime Guarantee!

If it breaks, you die!

20
0

Intel Management Engine pwned by buffer overflow

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Who is behind all this? and government spies...

"You buy, we sell. #shadobrokers is being back in spades.""

Can I buy an Interceptor and a purple wig?

1
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: "giving WAY to much credit to the large pool of lazy inept software engineers"

Oi! That's my bag of asterisks you're sprinkling about with gay abandon!

I wondered where it went!

3
0

Facebook Messenger ... for who now? Zuck points his digital crack at ever younger kids

hplasm
Silver badge
Holmes

Re: OK...

"WTF is "shed man"?"

Sounds like an echo of some childhood trauma...

1
0

No, BMW, petrol-engined cars don't 'give back to the environment'

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: i3 ?

"Don't worry, when Intel get to i8, BMW will get the money back."

But will both be sued by fat people...

12
3
hplasm
Silver badge
Pint

Seeing as it's a BMW,...

Damn! Beat me to it...

10
0

La La La, I can't hear you: FCC responds to net neut concerns

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Ajit Pai

...and no charger.

0
0

Creepy Cayla doll violates liberté publique, screams French data protection agency

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: @ Richard Jones 1

@ Pascal...

er.. Woo$$$$H

0
0

Guilty: NSA bloke who took home exploits at the heart of Kaspersky antivirus slurp row

hplasm
Silver badge
Holmes

Re- they don't employ morons in the NSA.

[Citation needed]

"A fish rots from the head down."

12
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: The mind boggles.

"The scourge of stupidity infiltrates all levels of society..."

...from the top down, as well as the bottom up.

Completed that for you :).

5
0

WW2 Enigma machine to be seized from shamed pharma bro Shkreli

hplasm
Silver badge
Go

Re: The sole copy of Once Upon a Time in Shaolin

Do the right thing, WTC* - declare it Copyleft and distribute it free.

The he can have it back.

* Or whoever owns the copyright.

11
0

Ofcom proposes ways to stop BT undercutting broadband rivals

hplasm
Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: How about opening up Virginmedia's network

You might not realise, but VM use BT cabling where they don't have CATV cable installed to provide ADSL, just like Sky et al.

Muppet.

2
28

UK.gov admits Investigatory Powers Act illegal under EU law

hplasm
Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: Why The Opposition To Court Approval

...parperwork...

Sums up the legal system nicely!

4
0

Oops: LinkedIn country subdomains SSL cert just expired

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Too late...

"Does this mean that linkedin could be hijacked into some spam slinging / identify theft/ scam operation?"

they were bought out by someone a while ago...

1
0

Lauri Love's US extradition appeal judges reserve decision

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Just send him over there and good riddance.

"So what's the alternative, that the UK never extradite anyone to the US because our prisons are worse than UK prisons?"

Yep.

12
1

Unfit to plead before a US court? You may face 'indefinite detention'

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: Pathetic.

Pathetic?

Your post?

42
6

Elon Musk says he's not Satoshi Nakamoto and is pretty rubbish at Bitcoin

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Must be Al Gore.

Al Gore would definitely have made hay out of this.

Or Excelsior at least.

Excelsior!

4
0

Give 1,000 monkeys typewriters, they'll write Shakespeare. Give them robot arms, and wait – they actually did that?

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: Give an infinite number of monkeys and infinite number of typewriters

One handed monkeys can still post on facebook...

8
0

Thou shalt use our drone app, UK.gov to tell quadcopter pilots

hplasm
Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: Could they perhaps...

"How do they plan to enforce this?"

More jobsworths in peaked caps.

3
0

Munich council finds €49.3m for Windows 10 embrace

hplasm
Silver badge
Windows

Re: Non paid for support

"Shiela in also in accounts says yes and helps Barry."

Barry helps Norm. Norm helps Julie.

...by the end of the week, nothing works any more.

1
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

€49.3m for Windows 10

€493m for Windows 10 User retraining.

35
24

Wizarding World of Harry Potter awaits Microsoft Office exam winners

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: HP who?

"Don't you mean H.P. Lovecraft?

Coat with a copy of the Raven in the pocket."

This has got to be a Poe...

5
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

"Anyone who will admit to having been there on these pages?"

What? Admit to going to Florida? Never!

6
1
hplasm
Silver badge
Holmes

Re: The Dementors of Azkaban

Microsoft Licensing.?

Death Eaters

6
1
hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: Harry who?

"They're not interested in HP any more..."

It's not been the same since Fiorina left...

19
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

The Dementors of Azkaban

Or Microsoft Marketing as they are usually known.

31
2

Abolish the Telly Tax? Fat chance, say MPs at non-binding debate

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Its not the programs its the Elitist attitudes of the people that work there.

Didn't get the job then?

20
3

'Water on Mars' re-classified as just 'sand on Mars'

hplasm
Silver badge
Headmaster

Rather-

"Strong evidence pointing away from the presence of liquid water in the past, found on Mars".

And now, that is true.

4
1

Mythical broadband speeds to plummet in crackdown on ISP ads

hplasm
Silver badge
Meh

Re: Well...

Well, BT's been fucked for ages...

23
0

Possible cut to British F-35 order considered before Parliament

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Why cats?

"You've not encountered the business practices and out-turn prices of people like Howdens, Magnet, Sharps, I see."

There is the advantage of getting them 'On SALE' for most of the year...

5
0

'Urgent data corruption issue' destroys filesystems in Linux 4.14

hplasm
Silver badge
Devil

Re: Slackware-current ...

"Running a bleeding edge distro is a bit like running Windows Insider."

But without the dancing, high-fives and vacuous expressions...

19
3

HPE CEO Meg Whitman QUITS, MAN! Neri to replace chief exec in Feb

hplasm
Silver badge
Happy

Re: The queen is dead

" Long live King Neri."

First of his Name!

...Oh, he's dead.

3
0
hplasm
Silver badge
Holmes

Re: Take the money and run

"Universities must be handing out lobotomies with MBAs these days."

I thought they were mandatory?

13
0

From Vega with love: Pegasus interstellar asteroid's next stop

hplasm
Silver badge
Coat

Re: spinners

"But what kind of object would have a shape like that?"

Mimas?

7
0

Forums

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2017