* Posts by Rich 11

2445 posts • joined 8 Jul 2009

National ID cards might not mean much when up against incompetence of the UK Home Office

Rich 11
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Re: Of course National ID cards are the answer

Exactly so. For example, ID cards are also the answer to the housing crisis. When Crapita (or whichever lowest bidder gets the contract) leaves a crate full of blank cards in an alleyway due to an entirely unforeseeable shipping error, homeless people will be able to staple them together to form a rainproof covering under which they can shelter. Problem solved.

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'No, we are not rewriting Office in JavaScript' and other Microsoft tales

Rich 11
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Joke

Re: Emacs

LISP barely counts as a language...

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Developer’s code worked, but not in the right century

Rich 11
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What did you break by getting little details like dates wrong?

My first two marriages.

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Unbreakable smart lock devastated to discover screwdrivers exist

Rich 11
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How?

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Rich 11
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Re: Yeah - but if I am a "common criminal" I'll definitely find another non-indiegogo to pawn

WTF is an "attack dog"?

It's a dog that has been trained to attack people.

Anything else I can help you with today?

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Tech firms, come to Blighty! Everything is brill! Brexit schmexit, Galileo schmalileo

Rich 11
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Re: @AC

Full employment, recovery from the last recession

Do you also believe in unicorns?

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Rich 11
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Re: Brexit Schmexit

And which has failed every time we've been dumb enough to let them try.

Although for some reason the party which most consistently gets trashed in the media for its supposed economic incompetence actually has the better record on reducing debt. It also has the better record on not lowering the social safety net to a mere two inches above the concrete.

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Rich 11
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Re: Brexit Schmexit

Considering the past two decades, the political mess we're in can actually be attributed more readily to the failure of opposition parties to up their game than to lacklustre governments who ideally wouldn't even be in post if the opposition were competent.

Yet still more* people voted for the useless idiots who got in than for the useless idiots who didn't get in.

* Well, sort of more, given al the problems with FPTP.

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Rich 11
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Re: Hmm

Even in that Brits are very far behind Slavic nations.

We must try harder!

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Astroboffins 'sprinkle iron filings' over remnant supernova

Rich 11
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Re: Not too shabby indeed

Why are you ducking? Were you about to be hit by a personal jetpack?

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Rich 11
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Re: Slack language

I knew Guns 'n' Roses had been around for a really long time, but that's pushing it a bit.

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No fandango for you: EU boots UK off Galileo satellite project

Rich 11
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Re: Well

Short of threatening to nuke simultaneously Brussels and Strasbourg I do not see exactly what UK can use a lever.

Given how unpopular the regular migration from Brussels to Strasbourg and back again is, we only have to threaten to nuke one of these cities to gain considerable support from the other,..

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Astroboffins spot planets swimming in the mists of forming stars

Rich 11
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And just to confuse matters...

...its orbit is not around a star yet.

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AI built to track you through walls because, er, Parkinsons?

Rich 11
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Re: JAMMING TECH, PLEASE

Shouldn't be hard to project ghost images

Imagine a projector in the centre of a room. If you want to project IR images, you'd have to heat several human-sized patches of wall or furniture to 37C. Think about how focused the beam would have to be to draw out even a rough image, and how powerful the projector would have to be to get a scanning beam to heat that area and keep it at the right temperature. Given the inevitable inefficiencies in the system, I think the air in your room would be very toasty by the time you got home.

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Rich 11
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Pfft

it might be creepy that it is possible to find out who is in your house by means of radio waves

It's dead simple to avoid detection, if it worries you that much. Just leave all your body's water outside before entering the house.

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Solar winds will help ESA probe smell what Mercury's cookin'

Rich 11
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Flame

I haz a disappoint

and a desire to avoid sending the probe screaming into the Sun

Where's the fun in that? Flying probes into the sun is the grown-up version of lobbing big rocks into still ponds. Where's your childhood sense of joy gone, rocket scientismatists?!

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Trump kept ZTE alive as ‘personal favour’ to Chinese president Xi

Rich 11
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Re: "A special place in hell ..."

I expect Canada will be strongly motivated to keep out the economic migrants fleeing the failed state to their south, especially the ones with guns.

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Rich 11
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Joke

Re: "... thought his real family were from Raxacoricofallapatorius"

²* Try not visualise this.

The warning came too late, you utter, utter bastard!

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Rich 11
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Re: Even if he were a perfectly well-behaved excellent negotiator...

Ha ha ha ha... Wait, you're serious.

For reasons known only to yourself, you missed 'rather than, say,...' out of your choice of quoted text.

There's nothing wrong with aiming to build a better world. Whether it's at all reasonable to expect it is a different matter.

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Low AI rollout caused by dumb, fashion-victim management – Gartner

Rich 11
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Over-hyped, over-paid and over here

It would amuse me to discover that the PHBs who had fallen for all the inexpert system == AI hype had pad too much attention to articles churned out by a bot.

In other news, the Darwin Awards can expect a resurgence of applicants.

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Russia appears to be 'live testing' cyber attacks – Former UK spy boss Robert Hannigan

Rich 11
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Re: More FUD

I think that our AC above has no idea how much a yacht costs

I think our AC's writing shows several signs of AC's first language being Russian (or Ukrainian, but that's less likely given the subject matter and opinion expressed).

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England's top judge lashes out at 'Science Museum' grade court IT

Rich 11
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Re: I'm told they still use fax as the losest common denominator.

IRL that will happen when there is a squadron of Gloucester Old Spots watered and ready for takeoff at Heathrow.

Don't be ridiculous. The squadron of Gloucester Old Spots are based at Staverton, where they belong.

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Rich 11
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Re: Ken Clarke

rapidly removed

If your conjecture were true, surely he would never have been appointed in the first place. It's not like his 2010-2012 Home Office stint was his first one there.

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Don’t talk to the ATM, young man, it’s just a machine and there’s nobody inside

Rich 11
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Re: Staff don’t care about access to the computers

All the females of the opposite sex

It's nice of you to visit us and say hello. Did you park your saucer at Roswell?

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Australia wants tech companies to let cops 'n' snoops see messages without backdoors

Rich 11
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Re: Save us from uneducated politicians

Milton, I can't help noticing your list is somewhat biases towards blaming Tory politicians for all the ills of our society.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that the appearance of bias derives from the fact that he's talking about the current government and doesn't feel obliged to reference every shitstick politician in history. You, however, let your bias shine.

Your final paragraph in particular suggests that you have a limited experience and little understanding of recent British political history, which leads you to a failure to understand how it is likely to move forward from here. Go back to school and listen this time.

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US govt mulls snatching back full control of the internet's domain name and IP address admin

Rich 11
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Not normal times

it is hard to imagine that the US government would seriously consider pulling the IANA contract back under its purview: it would face enormous pressure from internet organizations and other governments and such a move would risk fragmenting the internet's global addressing systems.

Do you really think the Chump-in-Chief cares about that? If someone can get Fox News to discuss the subject one morning and a talking head grunts "AMERICA INTERNET GREAT", his tiny fingers will be tweeting "Donald J Trump will keep America safe from foreign ownership of our internet #USAUSA !!" before anyone can safely digest their breakfast.

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Four hydrogen + eight caesium clocks = one almost-proven Einstein theory

Rich 11
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Time slows down in a sweaty lift due to the Hog's Field.

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Calm your conspiracy theories, latest glimpse reveals Planet Nine may just be a pipe dream

Rich 11
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It's a conspiracy!

Instead, there is no new, undiscovered planet. The strange orbits of TNOs are a result of what the researchers call “collective gravity”.

Pfft. This is an obvious cover-up. It's all being done with computers, nothing real. Show me the asteroids, I say. Show me the asteroids!

The astronomers have been watching Nibiru for decades and they know what's coming. Oh yes, they know. And now to hide the reality of our doom the conspirators are creating excuses that wouldn't fool even the most ignorant and stupid Planet X true believer.

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John McAfee plans 2020 presidential tilt

Rich 11
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Trump is waking up to the news this morning that McAfee will run if he is asked by his party, or will create his own party and run if he is not asked, and that he will issue his own currency with his name on it in big letters. Trump thinks he missed a trick in 2016. "I have good currency, the best currency. It says 'TrumpDollar' on it in yuge letters, so you know you can trust it. And unlike fake currencies TrumpDollars don't go negative so no-one can get into debt or go bankrupt. The Federal Reserve sure wish they'd thought of that one, but I have the best minds working for me at Trump University and they know things much better than the Deep State."

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Ex-US pres Bill Clinton has written a cyber-attack pulp thriller. With James Patterson. Really

Rich 11
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How long before you assault a pizza parlour (sorry, parlor) with an AR-15?

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Rich 11
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Tech angle

The front cover will show a picture of a sex android going down on, er, its knees.

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Boffins quietly cheering possible discovery of new fundamental particle: Sterile neutrino

Rich 11
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Re: This is not making physics any easier

So now neutrinos "oscillate" from one type to another?

'Now'? This has been known for fifty years and suspected for ten years longer. Do keep up!

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Did you test that? No, I thought you tested it. Now customers have it and it doesn't work

Rich 11
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Have you sent a dud product or program into the world?

Yes, but the less said about my children the better.

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Your F-35s need spare bits? Computer says we'll have you sorted in... a couple of years

Rich 11
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Bizarro world

if socialism starts to take a proper hold (Spain, Italy etc..)

Admit it, you haven't read a single thing about political events in either Spain or Italy over this last month, have you?

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Send printer ink, please. More again please, and fast. Now send it faster

Rich 11
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Re: Reminds me of French sales

Then ask for two more bottles, uncorked.

I certainly wouldn't want the wine if it were corked.

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Rich 11
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Re: There are so many extarordinary stories

[1] Transactions are trouser-flies: you make a painful mistake once, and you never, ever make that mistake again.

Unless you're pissed.

(I speak from painful experience.)

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Kill the blockchain! It'll make you fitter in the long run, honest

Rich 11
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Max facked up

use blockchain to handle cross-border transportation payments between autonomous vehicles

Maybe this is the magical technology that half the Cabinet is currently arguing for in their max fac* fix for Norn Irelan's problems. It's either that or some more ministers are going to have to learn about the right hashtags needed to solve the problem.

*Or maybe it's the 'pretend this is the EU' customs payments fix. I can't keep the nonsense straight anymore.

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Experts build AI joke machine that's about as funny as an Adam Sandler movie (that bad)

Rich 11
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Re: A career in television?

That would still make either of the two machines funnier than any british sitcom that has been made in the past 10 years.

Funnier than Outnumbered? Funnier than Bad Education? Anyway, each to their own.

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Rich 11
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Re: Major Overreach

I wish the smart devices would just shut up. Perhaps you have a let unpredicatble vocabulary.

In your typos right there you almost invented the word 'unpredicateable', which would have been quite fitting.

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Capture your late-night handbrake turns with this 'autonomous' car-chasing camera drone

Rich 11
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Also do they look out for bridges, trees, pylons, high buildings, etc, that might just be close to the road?

Depends. Was the AI written by Tesla?

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Half of all Windows 10 users thought: BSOD it, let's get the latest build

Rich 11
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Re: New Title

Half of all Windows 10 users thought: Why is my machine taking an hour to reboot?

Accompanied by the usual 'This will take a few moments. Do not switch off your computer' message.

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Internet engineers tear into United Nations' plan to move us all to IPv6

Rich 11
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Has the UN ever done anything of significance?

Yes. It's pissed off John Bolton. Anything that takes that vicious fucker's blood pressure one step closer to triggering an aneurism is fine by me.

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Meet the real spin doctors: Scientists tell H2O to chill out so they can separate isomers

Rich 11
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Re: Just putin an idea out

Since you'd need to keep the water molecules cold enough to maintain isomeric purity then, yes, feeding someone several trillion trillion water molecules could indeed kill them. But then so would holding their head down in a puddle, so on the whole I don't think Vlad's favourite sons of Russia are likely to adopt this method.

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Rich 11
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Re: New Bath Taps?

Can an aquafile be used to create smoother water?

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Headless man found in lava’s embrace

Rich 11
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Poor chap

Amongst all that smoke, he got cataclysmically stoned.

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Sysadmin's PC-scrub script gave machines a virus, not a wash

Rich 11
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Horrible memories

“It was so bad we had to stop every student at the desk and have them surrender their floppies for scanning before use in the lab.”

Been there, hated that.

If we got the lecturers to tell all their students they risked losing their work, the office would be packed full of panicking students waving disks in the air. If we didn't, and just put up notices saying it made sense to have their disks checked as they came in, most couldn't be arsed. As it was, some brought in all their old disks and one introduced another virus which our AV didn't know about. Not fun.

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Church of England will commune with God for you via Amazon's Echo

Rich 11
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Re: So we're back to worship...

"Alexa, provide me with a coherent timeline of events of the Day of Resurrection, which accurately resolves all of the reports recounted in the gospels, Acts and the Pauline epistles."

"Alexa?"

"Alexa?"

I think she's blown a gasket.

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London's Met Police: We won't use facial recognition at Notting Hill Carnival

Rich 11
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Just like your assumption that Stab Fest 2018 will be committed by black people.

Get back into your box, Constable Savage.

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UK's Royal Navy accepts missile-blasting missile as Gulf clouds gather

Rich 11
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Re: One question...

We don't know. It'll be another ten years before the first of these even starts sea trials. Let's hope the carriers haven't been sunk before then.

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Rich 11
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Re: Judging by the volcanic cloud on the horizon

And what the hell are they burning to make so much soot?

The corpses of honest journalists and the living flesh of oligarchs who turned on Putin.

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