* Posts by Rich 11

3007 posts • joined 8 Jul 2009

Decoding the President, because someone has to: Did Trump just blow up concerted US effort to ban Chinese 5G kit?

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: @RealFakeDonaldTrump

Yes. No. Yes. No. Would you like sugar with your gravy? Understanding.

Artificial Intelligence: You know it isn't real, yeah?

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: Is it an oxymoron?

who cares about Truth and Reality when you can market crap and make billions?

Are we back on the subject of Trump University?

Eggheads want YOU to name Jupiter's five newly found moons ‒ and yeah, not so fast with Moony McMoonface

Rich 11 Silver badge

I was thinking the same. All these Mooney-come-latelies are just hangers-on.

EPIC demand: It's time for Google to fly the Nest after 'forgetting' to mention home alarm hub has built-in mic

Rich 11 Silver badge

If the mic can be activated by hackers looking to identify and sell occupancy patterns...

"We included the mic on the device so that we can potentially offer additional features to our users in the future, such as the ability to detect broken glass."

"Hey Google, what was that noise?"

"That was your back door being kicked in. Would you like to register with a better class of burglar?"

Bored bloke takes control of British Army 'psyops' unit's Twitter

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: So...

Password = donttellhimpike

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: "Yes, there was some French blood there"

as children spend more time with their mothers

Especially once their dads started trading with the Bretons for cider.

Rich 11 Silver badge

Jesus Haploid Christ, no!

I still have PTSD from being forced to sing that when I was six years old. Fucking brainwashers.

OK, your boss allegedly called you a lazy n*****, promoted the person you trained ahead of you and paid you less, but you can't PROVE it's racism, Facebook says

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: And this my friends

Yeah, but very few people are going to turn up for a job interview and say, "I really like the challenge this job offers and think my work will reflect well on the company, but I'm not going to work alongside any fucking n******."

NASA boffins show Moon water supply could – er, this can't be right? – come from the Sun

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: Paradigm shift ?

I don't think you can call this a nuclear process because we're really just talking about a nucleus acquiring and sharing an electron, which is pretty much the definition of a chemical process.

Rich 11 Silver badge

A poor joke. It's not my fault. I'm at work far too early and I need another cuppa.

“But here’s what’s amazing: every rock has the potential to make water, especially after being irradiated by the solar wind.”

Or, to dumb it down for the tabloid headlines:


Cut open a tauntaun, this JEDI is frozen! US court halts lawsuit over biggest military cloud deal since the Death Star

Rich 11 Silver badge

$10bn? That'll buy him 400 miles of border fence, or about twenty feet of garden fencing if the eminent domain lawsuits don't go his way.

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: Larry Complains to mummy

Larry thought cloud was a fad and didnt invest

Except in product placement fees in the Iron Man films. Good call, Larry!

'Occult' text from Buffy The Vampire Slayer ep actually just story about new bus lane in Dublin

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: pro-Buffy flame war.

But the show itself was a reboot of the (failed) movie.

The TV series was the sequel to Whedon's original script for the film. The film dropped or changed much of what he'd originally envisioned.

Visited the Grand Canyon since 2000? You'll have great photos – and maybe a teensy bit of unwanted radiation

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: Usual alarmism bullshit regarding radiation

Those same people, if they were also concerned about fire risk, would likely be horrified to hear that they'd bought americium-241 and installed it in their kitchen. And let's not scare them further by telling them the brutal truth about the bananas they give to their kids...

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: Another mountain, another huge hole in the ground

Depends on the water table, but yeah, probably.

WWW = Woeful, er, winternet wendering? CERN browser rebuilt after 30 years barely recognizes modern web

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: And the content has not improved since then.

Pfft. Limestone and a copper chisel.

Guess who's working on a health data-slurping digital tool? Bzzt! Nope, it's the UK Department for Work and Pensions

Rich 11 Silver badge

"The aim, it said, is to cut down the time and cost involved in gathering information the department needs to make a the wrong decision about "the right support" for someone with a health condition or disability."


If they want to cut costs they should cut their assessors' high levels of error, errors which happen even when the person being assessed hands over full documentation from their GP. Cut that and they cut the costs of all those successful appeals.

Return of the audio format wars and other money-making scams

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: ZpulNg

the DM serves at least one function of usefulness

Dirtying your anus?

A once-in-a-lifetime Opportunity: NASA bids emotional farewell to its cocky, hardworking RC science car on Mars

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: Stuck in a and trap

Somebody would have to explain the lights in the sky to him first.

Rich 11 Silver badge

I'm not sticking my head in there to find out.

No fax given: Blighty's health service bods told to ban snail mail, too

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: Guaranteed delivery

"A letter lost in the post could be the difference between life and death," he said – which is perhaps a reference to various incidents where clinical correspondence went missing.

An email lost to a patient's Gmail spam filter could be the difference between life and death too.

One click and you're out: UK makes it an offence to view terrorist propaganda even once

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: 1984

He definitely wrote about poverty and homelessness in France and the UK. We know she wouldn't want to hear about any of that goddamn socialist caring nonsense.

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: Goodbye Youtube?

Last week my mouse developed the annoying ability to generate two clicks every time I clicked the left button. I couldn't fix it, and it quickly developed into generating first three and then four clicks, before the replacement mouse I'd ordered arrived.

Four clicks on the right-hand column in YouTube sends you to successive pages of not always related content (since there's usually another video link at the same spot on the new page). I can well imagine that anyone with a passing interest in something like atheism (which generates links to religious videos after you've watched a few Creationist videos being debunked by sceptics) and bow-making (which generates links to firearms once you've looked at target archery) or fireworks (Colin Furze definitely leads to bigger explosions!) would soon find more violent material just a few clicks away.

I'd better keep the faulty mouse as evidence, just in case YouTube was trying to show me something unpleasant while I was busy swearing at the mouse and trying to close all those new tabs from the keyboard.

US kids apparently talking like Peppa Pig... How about US lawmakers watching Doctor Who?

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: Doctor Who

"Hey, Mike! Mike, have you seen that science program from England on the TV, you know, the one set in a box they've made yuger on the inside?"

"No, Mr President. That show promotes diversity. It is from the Devil, and Mother and I will have no truck with it."

"Well listen, Mike, I think I've got the solution to all our problems. We promised better healthcare, didn't we, and to protect people from illegal immigrants, and everyone's in favour of expanding the military, aren't they? They love my Space Force."

"What are you getting at, Mr President?"

"It's simple, Mike. We use the technology the English used, and put people's brains in robots: no more health problems for anyone. An armoured body, so no-one will be stabbed in their beds by the illegals. And those robot guys really know how to march, so they'll fit right in with the military. I bet they know how to fly spaceships too. Yeah, it'll be great. It's my greatest idea yet, even among all my greatest ideas!"

"You never cease to amaze me, Mr President..."

Prez Trump orders Uncle Sam to step up AI efforts – we all know the White House knows a lot about artificial intelligence

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: I can never understand anything the guy says

French is a beautiful language. Finnish is a beautiful language. Lisp is the equivalent of Hungarian as spoken by a Valley girl with a railroad spike through her tongue while doing a bad impersonation of Donald Trump.

(I admit I may be presenting a few minor biases here.)

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: I can never understand anything the guy says

he speaks with parenthesis included (even with nested parenthesis (even nested, nested parenthesis) (a great talent (a huge talent), the best there is (the Donald is great (the best) at it))

Fucking hell, Jason, give us a warning before you do that! That nearly triggered my Lisp PTSD.

The horror, the horror...

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: I can never understand anything the guy says

I love it that someone gave me a thumbs-down for that observation. I don't know whether that means they've never heard Donald Trump try to explain something or they've never heard a six year old try to explain something.

"It's all happening much faster than anybody can believe. Even one of them recently said that President Trump made promises but he’s kept many more promises, I mean far more than I made. Think of it, it’s true." -- Donald Trump, Nov 1st 2018

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: I can never understand anything the guy says

If he went back to elementary school for a few years he might learn to string a sentence together that wouldn't embarrass a six year old. The experience might even improve his usual standard of playground insults.

From Red Planet to deep into the red: Suicidal extrovert magnet Mars One finally implodes

Rich 11 Silver badge

I have no idea what any of that means. Am I officially old?

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: Guess that means

Gardeners' World hasn't been the same since Percy Thrower went to the Great Compost Heap in the Sky.

Hold horror stories: Chief, we've got a f*cking idiot on line 1. Oh, you heard all that

Rich 11 Silver badge

Have you ever made a fool of yourself by failing to use the most basic piece of office kit properly?

It's considered basic kit now, but back in the day when the company I worked for upgraded its email system from an ancient Vax/VMS to a shiny new GUI-based client thingy (technical term -- I honestly can't remember the name of the software now 'cos it was before I got involved in any form of email admin), we had a play with the new toys it offered. One of these was an out-of-office function, so I called across the room to a couple of my mates telling them to email me, delighting in their reactions when they got an automatic response saying "Piss off, arsehole!"

You can probably see where this is going.

A couple of weeks later I went on holiday for a week. Yes, I did remember to switch the out-of-office on. No, I didn't remember to change the message to something a tad more professional. Fortunately few people in the company used email at that time, and fortunately it was summer so a good number of them were also away on holiday. Very fortunately the one senior manager who was a tech enthusiast and had seen my message also had a great sense of humour, and laughed himself nearly into a coma after calling me in for a supposed carpeting.

How I got horizontal with a gimp and untangled his cables

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: Office archeology

....and a 3/4 used tube of personal lube.

Haven't you listed enough items already? You just had to slip that one in.

Lovely website you got there. Would be a shame if we, er, someone were to sink it: Google warns EU link tax will magnify media monetary misery

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: Ah, capitalism at its best

used by perverts who actually like Google or (shudder) Bing, and there are only two of them (one each).

Aaahh, that's sweet. Perhaps they'll get together one day and have little perverts.

Treaty of Roam: No-deal Brexit mobile bill shock

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: Um, guys, only 1 month left

Good point. I'll go sharpen my axe.

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: Um, guys, only 1 month left

Is that the second generation development of the comms gear sold to the Army as Bowman 25 years ago?

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: My money's on Vodafone being the first to start charging

with subsidiaries in a dozen EU member states (plus Turkey) and partner networks in over 20 more

Vodaphone* must know something we don't. Apparently the EU consists of at least 32 states rather then the mere 28 us mortals can count.

* Well, Orlowski thinks they do. ;-)

Chrome devs attempt to slip muzzle on resource-guzzling browser beast with 'Never-Slow Mode'

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: Easy solution!

The web is fast and fluid.

Well, I would say 'faster and fluid-ish'. There's always going to be something slowing the experience down. We just might not be quite sure what the next thing will be yet.

Astroboffins discover when white and brown dwarfs mix, the results are rather explosive

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: What Fun

Is that where all the methanol went?

Fujitsu pitched stalker-y AI that can read your social media posts as solution to Irish border, apparently

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: It doesn't leverage a single thing

We'll need extra ferries in the Irish Sea to move the blocks to the M20. But that's OK, I know someone who has a mate who knows where to find a few and how to drive them.

UK transport's 'ludicrous' robocar code may 'put lives at risk'

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: Accident waiting to happen

NO! I meant to say I promise I won't laugh.

Oh dear me, how did that go so terribly wrong? And what were all you up-voters thinking, you evil, evil people!

Rich 11 Silver badge

Accident waiting to happen

If the first person knocked off their bike by one of these unregulated autonomic vehicles is Boris Johnson, I promise I will laugh.

London's Met police confess: We made just one successful collar in latest facial recog trial

Rich 11 Silver badge

You could make a deluxe version for sale at triple the cost just by lining the brolly with tinfoil.

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: Facts - we've heard of them...

Incidentally if I walk around for four months of the year with a scarf covering most of my face, does this leave me open to being fined

No, but they'll be happy to put you on a terrorist watch list instead.

Hey, UK.gov: If you truly spunked £45k on 1,300 Brexit deal print-outs, you're absolute mugs

Rich 11 Silver badge

what a normal profit margin would be on this.

A knighthood for services to enterprise, usually.

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: Comparison

Well, yes, but it's not like education is critical for the future of the country. It's much more preferable that a handful of disaster capitalists get the opportunity to cash in on the return of unicorns to this green and pleasant land.

Civil liberties groups take another swing at Brit snooping regime in Euro human rights court

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: Well ...

Pig-ignorant or troll? It's so hard to tell. But either one is a sad statement about humanity.

Pixaaaarrrrrrghh! Mars-snapping CubeSats Wall-E and Eve declared dead (for now) by NASA bods

Rich 11 Silver badge

At just 600 cubic inches I think it's highly unlikely that they will do anything but burn up in the planet's atmosphere, even one as thin as that of Mars.

Jammy dodgers: Boffin warns of auto autos congesting cities to avoid parking fees

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: I said that!

which means 99.9% of electrcity came from fossil or nuclear sources.

Last year the government published a report suggesting that tidal power could provide 20% of the UK's energy needs, steady and predictable. The government has rightly funded a lot of research which has made the UK the world leader in tidal power innovation, but has shown little interest investing in successful trial projects to turn them into industrially-useful generating plants. Consequently researchers and tidal engineering companies are heading abroad.

You'd like to think the government would be able to figure out a way for this work to become a lasting functional benefit to the country, but they seem too bogged down in That Other Matter.

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: I said that!

Fitting it into our cities will take decades and a large body count just like adding rail and cars did.

Please, won't somebody think of the horses!

Amid polar vortex... Honeywell gets frosty reception after remote smart thermostat tech freezes up for a week

Rich 11 Silver badge

Re: Winter drawers on

When it gets astoundingly ignorant, it's yet another climate change denier.

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