* Posts by Rich 11

1764 posts • joined 8 Jul 2009

US vending machine firm plans employee chip implant scheme

Rich 11
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Re: Trains

Isn't that what it feels like already?

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I've got a verbal govt contract for Hyperloop, claims His Muskiness

Rich 11
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Sounds familiar

a "verbal contract" to build an unrealistic high-speed tube train system across America.

Did this verbal agreement come from someone who famously talks a lot about building an unrealistic wall across America?

"Who would pay for it? How long would it take to build? How would it be built?"

It seems there are also similarities in the questions which go unanswered.

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User filed fake trouble tickets to take helpful sysadmin to lunches

Rich 11
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Re: Has a customer ever apologised to you?

I am always willing to work for cake.

Questions have been raised in Parliament about that.

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Cops harpoon two dark net whales in megabust: AlphaBay and Hansa

Rich 11
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Re: Layers of security

Frankly, I don't care if opioid sellers are lazy and undisciplined.

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HMS Frigatey Mcfrigateface given her official name

Rich 11
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Re: Towns again....

Cool 'warshipy' names

Like HMS Fairy or HMS Broke?

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Rich 11
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Re: Nice

Perhaps she could take some cuttings off that and grow a new one?

What, you mean borrow to invest? Where have you been for the last 30 years?! We don't do that any more. That's... that's... living beyond our means, that is. You'll never balance a household budget if you start telling governments to do that.

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Breathless F-35 pilots to get oxygen boost via algorithm tweak

Rich 11
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Re: Zeolite Is Carcinogenic

probably using a combination of filters and centrifuges.

Well, that's another million dollars on the unit price.

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Rich 11
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Re: I'd have to ask...

be taken up in an unpressurised aircraft to a height of 10,000' whilst undertaking a series of written tests and hand-eye co-ordination tests

Didn't John Noakes do that on Blue Peter in about 1974? Well, maybe it was someone else, but I do remember being astonished at just how rapidly a person's handwriting deteriorated. It's taken 40 years for mine to get that bad.

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.. ..-. / -.-- --- ..- / -.-. .- -. / .-. . .- -.. / - .... .. ... then a US Navy fondleslab just put you out of a job

Rich 11
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Re: "on't survive whatever kills a ruggedized tablet computer."

And how good is that GoPro at reading a lamp in storm conditions? How many degrees of roll can it cope with, to keep the lamp in its field of view? At least sailors have the advantage of being self-stabilising (except when they've been on the rum, of course).

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Rich 11
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Re: "are the seamen equipped with oars?"

If oars can't move it, they are quite useless, I'd say.

That's why sailing ships used to be equipped with sweeps. Or they'd send out all the ship's boats and the poor sailors would have the backbreaking job of towing their ship out of trouble.

I wonder if a couple of RIBs could do that with a Type 23?

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Stop all news – it's time for us plebs to be told about BBC paycheques!

Rich 11
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Re: The talent poaching argument

I thought that one of the points of the BBC is that it doesn't have to chase ratings.

It can afford to take more risks than most, perhaps, but it does effectively have to chase ratings. If it didn't, the right-wing papers would be decrying it as a failing waste of public money, ripe for defunding and potential acquisition by one R. Murdoch.

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Air, sea drones put through their paces on Solent testing range

Rich 11
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Oopsie

and accidentally commanded it to backflip into the icy waters

Yes, but it went out with style.

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UK regulator set to ban ads depicting bumbling manchildren

Rich 11
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Re: This is a bad thing

And how much harm is being done to society by excessive nannying? People are losing their ability to think or judge for themselves, as there's always someone else to do it for them.

Advertising exists for a reason -- if it didn't affect people's views, companies wouldn't spend so much money on it. Any reinforcement of a stereotype has an effect, especially when children are trickle-fed it over decades. Do you think it's alright for so many girls and young women to dismiss the idea of ever having a career as an engineer because that's not what women do?

Some people think they are not affected by advertising. Seventy-five per cent of people also think they are better than average drivers, but we still have seatbelt laws. Are you old enough to remember when people complained about first being forced to wear a seatbelt? "Bloody nanny state!"

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Security robot falls into pond after failing to spot stairs or water

Rich 11
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My roomba once had an accident on the stairs.

As did my dog. The Roomba refused to clean it up.

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Jodie Who-ttaker? The Doctor is in

Rich 11
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This is just PC madness

No, it's science-fiction. Everything else is just the shit in your head.

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Google unleashes 20m lab-created blood-thirsty freaks on a city. And this is a good thing, it says

Rich 11
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Re: You're being downvoted

They do not know what 90% of the Universe is made up of. They can't measure it

Of course they can measure it. How the hell do you think they discovered it?

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IETF moves meeting from USA to Canada to dodge Trump travel ban

Rich 11
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Re: I wonders whether rooms 1738, 1740, 1742 and 1744 will be booked...

And great food underground in that part of Montreal.

Potatoes? Parsnips?

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UK spookhaus GCHQ can crack end-to-end encryption, claims Australian A-G

Rich 11
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Re: Confirmed endpoint breaks

*

will-call preenlarging hexadecane mecometer swarf chorea moralising polyergic ungood unamazedness winterfeeding mobiliary Kymric hymeneally shivah Chlamydoselachus uvate centrifugation GADO gilpy intermeningeal factually Brynmawr NDAC hyperphagic dogcatchers Mitman Tzapotec OOP hexactine hout alada

*

You'd better leave it at that. You're starting to turn me on.

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User left unable to type passwords after 'tropical island stress therapy'

Rich 11
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Re: Government staff: need I say more?

I get "Is the internet down?"

It's a few years since I last worked on the helldesk, but my response to this very common question was usually along the lines of "The Internet was designed to be a multiply-redundant military network capable of withstanding the destruction caused by a global thermonuclear war. Unless you can see lots of mushroom clouds outside your window, I think it's much more likely that the problem lies with your computer. Switch it off, check the cables are firmly seated, then switch it back on again."

Nine times out of ten they wouldn't call me back.

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ESA trying to 'bake, rattle and roll' gravity wave space probe

Rich 11
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Re: Out of sight ...?

And use it as a starseed lure.

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An AI can replace what a world leader said in his video-taped speech. This will end well. Not

Rich 11
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There aren't any White House speeches, only tweets.

It wouldn't be worth the effort of trying to put words into Trump's mouth. You just have to wait until he tweets a brain fart which is the opposite of his claimed position of a few days earlier.

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Rich 11
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Re: Render the mouth perfectly

the existence of research merely discussing the possibility means that video evidence will no longer be acceptable to the suitably brainwashed.

The suitably brainwashed never required plausible research in the first place. Just think about all the flat-earthers, AGW-deniers, Holocaust-deniers, anti-vaxxers and Creationists already out there.

(I'm now going to sit here and wait for one of them to turn up and say they have tons of evidence in their favour.)

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NAO: Customs union IT system may not be ready before Brexit

Rich 11
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Re: Not to worry. Brexit probably won't be ready by Brexit either.

Mr Davis's speaking hole.

Was he facing away from you when you heard him say this?

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Rich 11
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Joke

Re: who's the contractor

I assume other countries have Customs management systems that work . . .

Yeah, but they're all written in a foreign language.

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Rich 11
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I naively assumed that we kept track of goods entering and leaving the UK

That function was probably deemed too expensive for the amount of fraud loss it would halt. But the consultants likely failed to factor in the probability that criminals would exploit this weak spot and now here we are, 25 years later and with billions lost.

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Hey, remember that monkey selfie copyright drama a few years ago? Get this – It's just hit the US appeals courts

Rich 11
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Re: Devil's Advocate

PETA are simply insane, human-hating, SJW Marxists, no more needs to be said...

You forgot to say they're also pinko Nazi Commie librul traitors, and any other term you personally don't like.

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NASA flies plane through Earthly shadow of Kuiper Belt object

Rich 11
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Re: I'm lost

Maybe El Reg knows more than they're saying about our primary's binary partner, out in the far-flung reaches beyond the Kuiper Belt. This unfortunate slip of the finger could finally be the wedge we need to crack open wide the conspiracy of silence surrounding the existence of alien life, the realm of which the Voyager probes are now within a few decades of exploring.

Or possibly not.

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Dental app startup drama: Two attack websites and a lawsuit

Rich 11
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Such charming people

This is an instance where you really want both of them to lose.

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Trump to world: Forget moving to America to do a startup

Rich 11
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Re: The Post-US Era... Europe forth place

Perl of a comment.

I C what you did there.

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Rich 11
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Perhaps this was Trump's cunning plan all along. In the words of one of his illustrious predecessors, we've all misunderestimated him.

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Rich 11
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Re: If...

other euro nations

----

the EU will move at a slower pace.

How on earth do you manage to conflate the two? Is it a special UKIP setting carried only by some brains? Are you suggesting that no EU nation can allow entrepreneurs to enter without the blessing of the EU? That would be a bit strange, given that the UK loves its dodgy Tier 1 Invester scheme whereby extremely wealthy people from anywhere in the world can buy a foot in the door and get a passport within as little as two years.

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'My dream job at Oracle left me homeless!' – A techie's relocation horror tale

Rich 11
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a socialist collection of states (i.e. the EU)

The truth made clear by your stated opinion must be why that well-known life-long socialist, Jeremy Corbyn, is happy for the UK to leave the EU.

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Rich 11
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Which whisky bottle did you empty last night?

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Former GCHQ boss backs end-to-end encryption

Rich 11
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Don't suggest that!

"You can't un-invent end-to-end encryption… you can't legislate it away," he added.

"Challenge accepted!" - T. May

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Rich 11
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I thought that particular fetish was reserved by law for sitting Tory MPs.

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Google Chrome's HTTPS ban-hammer drops on WoSign, StartCom in two months

Rich 11
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Won't be missed.

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BOFH: That's right. Turn it off. Turn it on

Rich 11
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Thnak you, thank you, thank you!

I will be using this as a training aid the next time a new manager is rotated through the department.

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Google blows $800k on bots to flood the UK with 30,000 'articles' a month

Rich 11
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Re: "increasing demand for consistent, fact-based insights"

Consequently its journalistic output will be the lowest common denominator - or worse.

It'll be writing for Sun readers.

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Rich 11
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Re: €706,000 ($800,000)

£3.51

At least it will be, the way we're heading.

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Payroll glitch at DXC leaves former staff in employment limbo

Rich 11
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DXC currently has around 170,000 employees in 70 countries

160,000...

150,000...

140,000...

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RED ALERT! High-speed alien fugitives are invading our Milky Way

Rich 11
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Re: A new standard in intergalactic warfare!

Which makes the black holes stealth bullets. Nice.

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Ker-ching! NotPetya hackers cash out, demand 100 BTC for master decrypt key

Rich 11
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Re: And...

Before about 1990. Which may have been the time they stopped making typewriters.

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Boffins' five eyes surprise: Bees correct colour for ambient light

Rich 11
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So, how does one take a photo of a sunset?

With a mirror, of course.

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One thought equivalent to less than a single proton in mass

Rich 11
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Re: Partic/le/ular

perhaps you could call it a Hopron

I expect it should be possible to isolate this particle by placing her in a particle collider and switching the beams on.

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Extreme trainspotting on Britain's highest (and windiest) railway

Rich 11
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Re: Thank you, El Reg

Ignore all the anti-American nonsense here on ElReg

If you stop electing aggressive ignoramuses, we'll stop making jokes about the cousins. Possibly.

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SBU claims Russia was behind NotPetya

Rich 11
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Re: Aren't TeleBots and BlackEnergy organized criminal groups?

I thought they were plot elements in the last two Avengers films.

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Google DeepMind trial failed to comply with data protection – ICO

Rich 11
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Gah!

and has never been used for anything other than delivering patient care or ensuring their safety.

But this is Google you're working with. Google. The company which became so embarrassed by its 'Don't be evil' slogan that it had to drop it, an admission that some of its actions had been markedly less than good.

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China pollutes ocean with bloody big rocket

Rich 11
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Re: How do you say "Oh, CRAP" in Mandarin?

哦,哈哈!

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Nokia touts future of virtual reality ads... but who's the audience?

Rich 11
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Now we have a far deeper level of truth

In advertising?

Allow me to present to you this VR promotion of a bridge recently put up for sale...

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NASA: Bring on the asteroid, so we can chuck a fridge at it

Rich 11
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Re: As a U.S. taxpayer, I can get behind this...

provided it is an IoT fridge. Those things are an expensive menace anyway.

They should send the fridge that Indiana Jones used to survive a nuclear blast. That thing is as hard as rocks.

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