* Posts by Rich 11

2186 posts • joined 8 Jul 2009

Brit regulator pats self on back over nuisance call reduction: It's just 4 billion now!

Rich 11
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Re: 60 calls a person

"Hello". "Hello, is this Mr. Smith?" "Who wants to know?" "This is Jennifer/Roger calling from BT" [strong, almost incomprehensible Indian accent].

"Click".

s/Click/Fuck off and die;

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Home taping revisited: A mic in each hand, pointing at speakers

Rich 11
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Re: Pics, or it didn't happen!

Let's hope it didn't happen.

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A Hughes failure: Flat Earther rocketeer can't get it up yet again

Rich 11
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A flat earther will say that the curvature you observed while on Concorde (so jealous by the way) was due to the curved windows distorting the view outside.

A flat-earther will thus insist that we return to the days of rectangular windows on the Comet.

(I'm not going to provide links. Look it up for yourselves.)

My mum flew on a Comet once. Fortunately she lived for another 62 years.

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Rich 11
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Re: South Pole

"It's a conspiracy!"

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Rich 11
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Besides you, Malcolm, pretty much everyone here takes the "curvature of the Earth" on faith

Taking it on faith? I used trigonometry to demonstrate that the Earth isn't flat -- and that was when I was 13 years old. Give it a try yourself.

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Rich 11
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Re: "Live footage of the launch was sold on a pay-per-view channel at $5 a pop"

NASA ain't got a mission of any magnitude since how many years ago?

I think you'll find they're still being kept quite busy.

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Rich 11
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Re: 1,800 feet

Anyway, how do they explain satellites in orbit, how GPS works, how compasses work, that we can measure our rotation relative to the moon, sun and planets, observe them with telescopes, the phases of the moon, and the above point how otherwise could you sail or fly round the planet?!

Epicycles.

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MPs: Lack of technical skills for Brexit could create 'damaging, unmanageable muddle'

Rich 11
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Re: De Management sez

El Reg, can we have a *doffs cap* icon, please? Sometimes a beer or a smiley face just doesn't indicate sufficient respect.

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Rich 11
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Cui bono

It will indeed be the world's finest example of disaster capitalism. Naomi Klein's subsequent book tour will be called 'I fucking told you so. Why the fuck didn't you listen?'

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Rich 11
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Do they think they can finish doing that the week before B-Day and then flick a switch to put the new programs in place?

Most certainly they do. The new supersafe backdoored encryption system will go global that week too.

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Rich 11
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Happy

Re: De Management sez

If Spitting Image was still up and running, you'd be writing for them.

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Rich 11
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Think we’re going to need the Queen to ask God to save us from this self inflected nightmare.

I wish I could think of a good grammar joke based on James' self-inflected typo, but this Brexit business is so depressingly dismal both in theory and in practice that my brain is refusing to cooperate.

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ASA tells Poundland and its teabagging elf: Enough with the smutty social ninja sh*t

Rich 11
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Anyone old enough to understand the humour in Clue is going to be old enough to cope with the smutty innuendo. And I'm pretty sure no-one under the age of 45 listens to Radio 4 anyway (though I wish I'd tuned in before I reached that age!).

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Boffins crack smartphone location tracking – even if you've turned off the GPS

Rich 11
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He must be having a liquid lunch. Alone, with only his phone for company.

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UK Home Office grilled over biometrics, being clingy with folks' mugshots

Rich 11
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Fuckwit politicians!

while asserting that automatic deletion is not technically possible.

If safely backdooring encryption is technically possible then arranging for the automatic deletion of a set of non-criminal records is a fucking walk in the park.

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Rich 11
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Don't be silly. Like taxes, the law only applies to the little people.

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Here's why online social networks are bad for humanity, the nerds who helped build them tut-tut

Rich 11
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Re: It was ever thus

3000BC - kids today, their lives are ruined by writing... not like it was in my day

"Stop wittering, Neferp'rem, and pass me that bloody chisel. I've still got two dozen Osiris cock-and-balls to inscribe on this wall today."

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Rich 11
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Re: "Teach children to understand themselves better and have empathy for others"

Nowadays it refers to anyone who's on TV.

Or who has more than three subscribers on YouTube.

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Women beat men to jobs due to guys' bad social skills. Whoa – you mad, fellas? Maybe these eggheads have a point...

Rich 11
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Re: Wow...

Maybe we are not equal to start off with?

Like it or not testosterone is a behaviour altering substance.

Like it or not, you might be a little behind the times on this one.

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South Wales cops crow about facial recognition arrests on social media

Rich 11
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Now is the time to invest in the company which makes V-for-Vengeance face masks.

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Rich 11
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Re: What about...

I wouldn't be seen dead looking like Nicholas Cage or John Travolta.

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Rich 11
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So how do you get false arrests?

By being born black.

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Rich 11
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Re: In other news

South Wales Police raid Barry Island Pleasure Park to arrest suspect tourourists.

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Accused Brit hacker Lauri Love will NOT be extradited to America

Rich 11
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I hope he didn't stand in front of the judge dressed like that!

Quite so. He have shown due respect by wearing proper court attire, such as a wig and a gown.

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Epic spacewalk, epic FAIL: Cosmonauts point new antenna in the wrong direction

Rich 11
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"Alexa, open the pod bay doors."

"Sorry, I've lost the connection."

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Peers approve Brit film board as pr0n overlords despite concerns

Rich 11
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Re: I'm feeling a bit slow today.

the *entire* wanking population of the UK

98%, according to surveys. And the other 2% are lying.

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Rich 11
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Re: WTF

Handwriting analysis and astrology.

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‘I crashed a rack full of servers with my butt’

Rich 11
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Re: Just finger trouble

and taped a cardboard flap over the power switch

This was a standard part of the installation procedure for some types of cases through most of the 90s. There were some very poor designs. I think the worst I saw was a Tiny midi-tower which, when kept underneath the desk, could be accidentally switched off with a knee.

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Web searching died the day they invented SEO

Rich 11
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Re: And In Their Dreams ...... the Nightmare Awakes and Transforms SeeScapes

It takes eight or nine years, but it can be done.

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Rich 11
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Re: Ho hum, does anyone have any old Fortran manuals?

Still got mine, from college days. And it's ring-bound.

No, you can't have it. My preciousss!

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Ignore that FBI. We're the real FBI, says the FBI that's totally the FBI

Rich 11
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Re: Ignore them.

To most, trying to follow a header is like trying to read Etruscan.

Etruscan isn't actually that difficult to pick up, if you've ever studied Latin. I don't know what proportion of children ever study Latin but it's still taught in about a thousand secondary schools; it's even offered in some primary schools now.

Sorry. Complete aside. I agree with your point.

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Rich 11
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Re: Expect arrests.

It's been months since Mariam Abacha last wrote me!

That's because she's been talking with me these last few weeks. She no longer likes you.

Hurray! I've got a female friend. I'm not a total loser after all.

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Shopper f-bombed PC shop staff, so they mocked her with too-polite tech tutorial

Rich 11
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“Yes I know that we were dicks for letting her humiliate herself, but it was only because she was so vile.”

That's not the least bit dickish. The only valid options were this or calling Security to have her dragged out if she refused to behave.

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Are you taking the peacock? United Airlines deny flight to 'emotional support' bird

Rich 11
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Maybe take an emotional support Skunk with you on the plane?

It'd only be allowed aboard if it had come from Lockheed Skunkworks.

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Oh dear, Capita: MPs put future UK.gov outsourcing in the spotlight

Rich 11
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Probably not what he wanted to tell us

He noted that Labour had been responsible for handing Carillion one-third of its contracts, with one-third being awarded by the coalition government, and another third by the current government.

This is a politician seeking to share the blame with other parties, but what this suggests is that the number of contracts issued to Carillion per year is increasing. Sorry, I mean was increasing. Yes, Minister?

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New click-to-hack tool: One script to exploit them all and in the darkness TCP bind them

Rich 11
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Re: The time has come

You sound like such a charming fellow.

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So you accidentally told a million people they are going to die: What next? Your essential guide...

Rich 11
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Re: Good compendium of possible actions/inactions/mis-actions.

According to the usage logs for PornHub, many Hawaiians commemorated the lack of impending doom with a celebratory wank.

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Rich 11
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Re: So you accidentally told a million people they are going to die: What next?

No, no, no. You only get to go to Disneyland if you eat all your greens and abase yourself before Jesus.

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Rich 11
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Re: Work down the list ...

And don't bring him his standings with the Fox viewers unless they're positive. Show him his inauguration crowd photos again, if you need him in a good enough mood to cope with the day's list of executive signings and photo ops. "Look, Mr President, three million, easy. Everyone says so. Far more than that Kenyan ever got."

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FYI: That Hawaii missile alert was no UI blunder. Someone really thought the islands were toast

Rich 11
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Early warning siren

We had one of those too. Confusingly, it was also used for flood warnings after 1953 (not that our area ever flooded, although the river did get a bit close to the top a few times). They'd test the siren twice a year but most people never saw the notice in the local paper, so it just got ignored. They finally took it down in the late 80s, after the threat of nuclear war was judged to be minimal. Naturally the river burst its banks the year after.

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Rich 11
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Re: Hello fellow USian

My money's on robotic lizard people.

Pfft. Any fule kno it'll be the shapeshifting robotic lizard people who'll really win.

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US Pentagon scrambles after Strava base leaks. Here's a summary of the new rules: 'Secure that s***, Hudson!'

Rich 11
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Re: IOT Hysteria

I don't think aircraft carriers can do sneak, and I'm pretty sure that nothing larger than a canoe can get through the Dardanelles without being noticed. The strait is so narrow that Xerxes had two pontoon bridges built across it so his army could invade Greece.

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Rich 11
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Re: Sigh

It's called remembering things!

This ancient technology has the additional advantage of being highly editable if circumstances should so require.

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Trump White House mulls nationalizing 5G... an idea going down like 'a balloon made out of a Ford Pinto'

Rich 11
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Re: YHBT

It's the kind of thing Obama would love, tho.

You just can't help yourself, can you? Like Trump, you blurt out any old nonsense to fill your need to slag off his predecessor.

You must think this was all a bad idea.

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When you play this song backwards, you can hear Satan. Play it forwards, and it hijacks Siri, Alexa

Rich 11
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Enough to drive anyone to murder

She played the fiddle in an Irish band

But she fell in love with an English man

Kissed her on the neck and then I took her by the hand

Said, "Alexa, kill them all"

With my pretty little Galway Girl

You're my pretty little Galway Girl

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Thar she blows: Strava heat map shows folk on shipwreck packed with 1,500 tonnes of bombs

Rich 11
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Re: CastleMartin

*Once a year.

That's miles better than the current Dartmoor service.

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Rich 11
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Re: Water movement?

A small amount of plastique is ideal for brewing a cuppa in adverse weather conditions.

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Rich 11
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Please, please, please...

I can just imagine him in goggles, snorkel, flippers, and a rubber ring wading into the water saying "Be back soon chaps"

Is there any way we can talk him into this?

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Rich 11
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Re: Surely.....

Please don't tell me they also take their personnal mobile phones along with them for the ride too?

Cast your mind back to the Iraq war and you may recall that soldiers' personal mobiles were the primary form of communication between many units because the newly supplied radio gear was so naff. The partial Bowman system first issued to infantry squads was quickly nicknamed 'Better Off With Map And Nokia'.

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Stop us if you've heard this one before: Tokyo crypto-cash exchange 'hacked' for half a billion bucks

Rich 11
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Re: Portable gold

Gordon Brown cost us about £5 Billion

And George Osborne cost us hundreds of billions when he decided that protecting the UK's triple-A rating was more important than investing in industry and in training to boost the economy and get us out of recession. The ongoing cost of that decision is still present, with the double-whammy of low wages and precarious employment hitting people in an everyday environment of artificially high asset prices, a structural deficit not expected to be cleared until 2025 instead of 2015 as first promised, and Brexit looming on the horizon.

It's almost like the country has suffered for generations under chancellors who didn't have a fucking clue, serving their time before blithely walking away to take up highly-paid directorships in the City, the bastards.

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