* Posts by Kane

828 posts • joined 17 May 2007

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Are you sure your disc drive has stopped rotating, or are you just ignoring the messages?

Kane Silver badge
Thumb Up

"...but the post on otters was worth it."

You're most welcome!

Kane Silver badge
Boffin

"Then you give these people a second referendum and claim it has significance"

Well, if you're going off topic...

Welcome to Otter Facts!

  • Thirteen different species of otter exist all around the world. Some are small river otters, and some are bigger sea otters.
  • 90% of all sea otters live on the coast of Alaska.
  • They're hungry animals! Sea otters eat 25% of their body weight in food every day.
  • They like to eat sea urchins, clams, mussels and crabs. They use their sea whiskers to find small creatures to eat, and their paws to dig for clams.
  • Clever creatures, they'll use rocks to crack open the clams. They carry rocks and store food in the loose skin under their armpits - who needs carrier bags!
  • Unlike most marine mammals, they don't have a layer of blubber. But, they do have the thickest fur of all animals.
  • Baby otters are called pups. Newborn pups need lots of attention, and will stay close to their mum's until they've developed enough skills to go it alone - usually at 6 months.
  • An otter pup's fur is too dense for it to swim underwater. So, their mother leaves them floating while she searches for food, until their adult fur grows in.
  • Don't challenge an otter to a holding-your-breath competition! Sea otters can stay underwater for 5 minutes, and river otters can hold their breath for even longer - 8 minutes!
  • Otters like to stick together, so when they sleep they will wrap themselves in seaweed and float together in a group. A group of resting otters is called a raft. We wouldn't go drifting away on one of these rafts, however! Otters have a nasty bite!

RIP 2019-2019: The first plant to grow on the Moon? Yeah, it's dead already, Chinese admit

Kane Silver badge

Re: Obligatory...

"He's dead, Jim"

Alternatively....

.

"Where is everybody, Hol'?"

"They're dead, Dave."

"Who is?"

"Everybody, Dave."

"What, Captain Hollister?"

"Everybody's dead, Dave."

"What, Todhunter?"

"Everybody's dead, Dave."

"What, Selby?"

"They're all dead. Everybody's dead, Dave."

"Peterson isn't, is he?"

"Everybody's dead, Dave!"

"Not Chen!"

"Gordon Bennett! Yes, Chen. Everyone. Everybody's dead, Dave!"

"Rimmer?"

"He's dead, Dave. Everybody is dead. Everybody is dead, Dave."

"Wait. Are you trying to tell me everybody's dead?"

"Should've never let him out in the first place...."

Kane Silver badge
Coat

Re: Didn't Fred Hoyle and Asimov write about this?

"Send Matt Damon up then, perhaps he can do something with that"

He'll science the shit out of it.

Mine's the one with the nitrogen fixers in the pocket.

Three quarters of US Facebook users unaware their online behavior gets tracked

Kane Silver badge

Ding dong merrily on high. In Berkeley, the bots are singeing: Self-driving college cooler droid goes up in flames

Kane Silver badge
Alien

Re: R2-D2 it is not!

"So you're a muffin guy!"

We don't like muffins 'round here! We want no muffins, no toast, no tea cakes, no buns, baps, baguettes, or bagels, no croissants, no crumpets, no pancakes, no potato cakes, and no hot cross buns, and definitely, no smeggin' flapjacks!

No not THAT kind of Office Wizard! Roll a diplomacy check to win the election: Vote tie resolved by a D20

Kane Silver badge

Re: Natural 20

"What are the odds on that? It's got to be more than a million to one."

Pah! Everyone knows they crop up nine times out of ten!

.

.

.

.

.

Pterry Icon, El Reg?

Fraudster convicted of online banking thefts using… whatever the hell this thing is

Kane Silver badge
Boffin

If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious shit.

Kane Silver badge
Joke

Re: More 80s plot..

Doo-do, Doo-do, Do, Do, Do-Do-Do

Doo-do, Doo-do, Do, Do, Do-Do-Do

Doo-do, Doo-do, Do, Do, Do-Do-Do

Doo-do, Doo-do, Do, Do, Do-Do-Do

Doo-do, Doo-do, Do, Do, Do-Do-Do

Doo-do, Doo-do, Do, Do, Do-Do-Do

Huawei exec out of jail, just as US accuses China of Marriott hack

Kane Silver badge
Joke

Re: So...

"The PRC would do well to have a word with a decent PR agency..."

You can't have PRC without the PR!

UK white hats blacklisted by Cisco Talos after smart security code stumbles

Kane Silver badge
WTF?

Re: A worrying precedent?

I'm genuinely unsure whether to invoke Poe's Law on this one.

Thanks to UK peers, coming to a laptop near you in 2019: Age checks for online smut

Kane Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: Doh....

"If the VPN use does explode in the UK I wonder how much that's going to screw up GCHQ's work."

Not much, they'll just set up their own private companies that run VPN services for offer in the UK.

Remember kids, we own nothing.

Privacy, security fears about ID cards? UK.gov's digital bod has one simple solution: 'Get over it'

Kane Silver badge

Re: Not a bad plan actually

"Plebs die, never mind."

Your implication that non-plebs don't die? Sorry to tell you, but everyone dies.

Kane Silver badge
Thumb Up

@tfewster

Bravo, good sir!

You have my axe!

Peak tech! Bacon vending machine signals apex of human invention

Kane Silver badge

Re: Strangely enough ...

Got to agree with jake on this one. My experiments with bacon over the years have produced some remarkable results. Dark chocolate is one of the exceptionally tasty ones.

Another great one is a coating of brown/dememara sugar during the cooking process - cinnamon optional, then allow to cool.

Mmmmm, candied bacon!

Kane Silver badge
Mushroom

"Quorn bacon."

Fuck off.

"I'll get me coat."

No, you won't. You can fucking well walk home in the rain.

Microsoft: New icons, new drivers, AI! Everything is awesome!

Kane Silver badge
Windows

Hah!

'Microsoft's designers reckoned the updates are the "result of many iterations, a lot of research and testing, and plenty of late nights and weekends".'

Not like the October updater for Win10, yeah?

Space policy boffin: Blighty can't just ctrl-C, ctrl-V plans for Galileo into its Brexit satellite

Kane Silver badge
Coffee/keyboard

'We prefer "Brexit Satellite", or BS for short.'

Bravo. You owe me a new keyboard.

Musk's popstar girlfriend Grimes croons about next-gen AI, plus more machine-learning news

Kane Silver badge
Joke

Re: Why not instead

"Create a legal system that makes sense, one that can be flowcharted and is based on a few founding principles.

You know, rather than having a legal system so complex it needs an artificially intelligent supercomputer to figure out if your actions were or were not criminal."

Don't be daft old chap, then anyone could do it!

Canuck couple returns home after night on tiles to gaggle of randomers hanging out in their flat

Kane Silver badge

Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

"Although I couldn't find any mortality statistics on pencils, but it does seem that guns kill quite a lot of people."

Particularly when taken into consideration the ratio volume of pencils to guns.

Sorry, we haven't ACLU what happened in sealed 'Facebook decryption' case, but let's find out

Kane Silver badge
Black Helicopters

Re: Perhaps?

"Then again, I'm totally paranoid."

Doesn't mean they're not after you.

Montezuma's Revenge can finally be laid to rest as Uber AI researchers crack the classic game

Kane Silver badge

Re: Not impressed...

Hmm. 2 thumbs down. Not a fan of the Saw Cleaver then?

Kane Silver badge
Terminator

Re: Confused.

"Unless it's that final Giant Fireclaw in Horizon Zero Dawn : The Frozen Wilds. I've just not been able to beat that bugger - so have given up :-("

Use freeze arrows to weaken it's armour, then either the hard point arrows (with as high a damage modifier(s) on the bow that you can muster), or sticky bombs.

And keep moving!

Pic related, cos you know, robots!

Kane Silver badge
Coat

Not impressed...

...and I won't be until I see a demonstration of AI/ML completing Bloodborne.

That would be impressive.

Mine's the one with the blood vials in the pocket, and the +10 upgraded Saw Cleaver on the back.

Angry Googlers demand bosses pull the wings off 'Dragonfly' censored Chinese search engine

Kane Silver badge
Meh

Re: Nice to know that everything is okay....

"I've gone anonymous ... that way, NOBODY will know that it was me that wrote this comment."

Except for El Reg moderators, yes?

"I'm sick of people (tin hat wearers) complaining of their digital world being completely screwed by ... er ... who?"

Says the Anonymous Coward.

Meh, I can't be bothered with the rest of your post, you provide no context for the statements that you make, nor relevance.

I'm out.

Great Scott! Is nothing sacred? US movie-goers vote Back To The Future as most-wanted reboot

Kane Silver badge

Re: Hmm.

"Now I want some sugar. :/"

Awww, that was just pillow talk, baby!

Kane Silver badge
Thumb Down

Re: Reboots

"Well I liked Ghostbusters..."

The funniest thing about the reboot of Ghostbusters was Chris "You know, an aquarium is a submarine for fish" Hemsworth.

For me, the rest was just cringe.

Kane Silver badge

Re: I believe this is still relevant

I've found that over the 24 years since his untimely passing, he has always held relevance.

Remember kids, it's just a ride.

NASA has Mars InSight as latest lander due to arrive today

Kane Silver badge
Alien

Re: Dusty

"Got this damn image of Chrichton dusting solar panels in my head now ... :-)"

He claims to be a human from a planet called Erp.

A little phishing knowledge may be a dangerous thing

Kane Silver badge
Trollface

"Could you help us all out by providing your email address?"

Also the 12 digits from the front of your credit card, the expiry date and the three digits on the back of your card would do nicely also.

Sorry, forgot to mention, You Have Been Selected As A Winner For The ULTIMATE PRIZE DRAW!! We Just Need Your Personal Details In Order To Process Your Payment! Please Provide Swiftly!!

'Unjustifiably excessive': Not even London cops can follow law with their rubbish gang database

Kane Silver badge
Boffin

Re: The Ms-Access Gangs Violence Matrix

@Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse, @}{amis}{

It's probably a little bit of both. Started life as an Excel doc, then got a bit unwieldy, some bright spark commissioner somewhere suggested something along the lines "can't this be turned into some kind of shared database thingy?", they then imported it into an Access file (probably Access 2003), clunked a simple front end on it, then they copied and pasted it to all their mates.

'Frontline workers' of the world, unite! And grab yourselves a Surface Go White Van Man edition

Kane Silver badge
Childcatcher

Re: I think...

"Well, the "FREE CANDY" sign painted on the side didn't work..."

Why don't you take a seat over there?

In news that will shock, er, actually a few of you, Amazon backs down in dispute with booksellers

Kane Silver badge

Re: Possessing an increasinly rare skill...

"I suspect quantum mechanical tunneling."

A good bookshop is just a genteel blackhole that knows how to read.

And remember, kids:

1. Silence

2. Books must be returned by the last date stamped

3. Do not interfere with the nature of causality

.

.

Pterry Icon? No? I won't get tired of asking....

If Shadow Home Sec Diane Abbott can be reeled in by phishers, truly no one is safe

Kane Silver badge
Joke

Re: Eh?

"thatsthejoke.png"

r/woosh

UK rail lines blocked by unexpected Windows dialog box

Kane Silver badge
Joke

"We asked the UK’s rail operator, Network Rail, if they were having some IT difficulties but have, alas, yet to receive a response."

That's because Outlook 365 hadn't finished its install yet.

Ex-Microsoft manager sues former coworkers and Windows giant over claims of sex assault, gender discrimination

Kane Silver badge
Facepalm

“Microsoft is committed to a diverse and inclusive workforce and we take these issues seriously,"

Well, yes, now you do, seeing as there have been so many complaints and you have had to change your current working practices.

"We’ve carefully reviewed the complaint and believe the legal claims are unfounded."

What you believe doesn't matter, it's what can be proven in a court of law that matters.

Premiere Pro bug ate my videos! Bloke sues Adobe after greedy 'clean cache' wipes files

Kane Silver badge

Re: Man...

"You can't have too many back-ups, and Lu Tse would say"

Bikkit!!

Bill Gates joined on stage by jar of poop as he confesses deep love for talking about toilets

Kane Silver badge
Boffin

Re: Obligatory XKCD

yeah, but...dinosaurs.

'He must be stopped': Missouri candidate's children tell voters he's basically an asshat

Kane Silver badge

Re: words or actions.

"Demo[n,c][R,r]ats"

I bet you just have that permanently added to your clipboard, don't you? So you can just copy 'n' paste to your heart's content whenever you want.

Unsure why you can't log into Office 365? So is Microsoft

Kane Silver badge

Re: Come El Reg we know you want to say it...

"In fact, it seems all of Sillycon Valley has been seduced to the cloud-side."

And they don't even have cookies.

Kane Silver badge
Joke

Re: It's Aglie

"It's Aglie"

You spelled "Ugly" wrong.

iPhone XR guts reveal sizzle of the XS without the excessive price tag

Kane Silver badge
Happy

"I love lamp."

Do you really love the lamp, or are you just saying it because you saw it?

Britain's rail ticket-booking systems go TITSUP*

Kane Silver badge
Mushroom

Re: Not all areas

"I note that Southern Rail passengers have yet to notice a change to their normal level of service"

Fuck Southern Rail.

Super Cali goes ballistic, net neutrality hopeless? Even Ajit Pai's gloating is something quite atrocious

Kane Silver badge
Joke

"Yes, but IP traffic from the ISS is carried over proprietary links from the USA (at least, on the US side of the thing) and so is akin to an internal network like the one you probably have at home. Except moving faster. As such, rules governing ISPs are not relevant."

They can't stop the signal, Mal. They can never stop the signal.

Openreach hacks full-fibre broadband prices for developers... Property developers, that is

Kane Silver badge

"Did you actually read the article before commenting ?"

You're absolutely right anonymous coward, I didn't read the article correctly. My apologies.

Next time I'll be more vigilant in my commenting process, and triple check everything I've written.

Kane Silver badge

"I'm building a new house in my garden, never mind it looks like a shed BT, just give me the discount."

It'll never work, you need to build at least 30 of them to get the discount.

Now, myself? I've got some major construction work to do around the back with my Lego kits.

Yes, Americans, you can break anti-piracy DRM if you want to repair some of your kit – US govt

Kane Silver badge
Boffin

"Circuit boards are really not something that one repairs* for quite a few decades now. You take the whole part, encased or not, chuck it in the bin, and install the new one - the idea is you should be able to do that without the rest of the machine rejecting the "unauthorized transplant", not that you should absolutely be able to replace a single transistor...."

May I introduce you to Louis Rossman? He's been (sort of) fighting for the right-to-repair movement for some time now (and is a big hater of apple's business practices, which I find hilarious for a number of reasons). He own's a mac based computer repair store in NYC.

However, if you're vehement about your opinion, then may I recommend you get a job at your local Genius Bar? I think you'd fit right in.

UK.gov should spend more on AI, bleat VCs and consultants. Oh? Why's that then?

Kane Silver badge

Re: The UK should spend more on higher education

"P.S. I apologise for the way our Majesty has chastised the British people and their elected government for their plans to exit the theatre called EU."

Why? Nobody asked you to.

Erm... what did you say again, dear reader?

Kane Silver badge

Re: You Know

"And the world is back in perfect order for me."

I could've used a little more cowbell.

SQLite creator crucified after code of conduct warns devs to love God, and not kill, commit adultery, steal, curse...

Kane Silver badge
Coat

Surely...

...it must be a Conduct of Code?

Yeah, yeah, I'm leaving....

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