* Posts by Kane

846 posts • joined 17 May 2007


Just do IoT? We'd walk a mile in someone else's Nike smart sneakers, but they seem to be 'bricked'

Kane Silver badge


What happens when the construction industry catches onto this whole IoT stuff, and they start incorporating it into building materials?

What happens when the bricks...brick?

Will we need a whole new nomenclature?

Kane Silver badge

Re: Self lacing?

"I don't care about the "internet connected" part, but if I don't have to dick with shoelaces, I'll pay bucks for that."

Would Sir be interested in a bridge I have for sale?

What has an 'open-door policy' with industry and puts the X into NHS? Brits, let app-happy Matt Hancock tell you

Kane Silver badge

An Open Door policy...

...much like this one, yes?

Germany tells America to verpissen off over Huawei 5G cyber-Sicherheitsbedenken

Kane Silver badge
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Re: Ridiculous article

"It's not about whether Huawei Cisco is spying on us today, but about the risk of them abusing the infrastructure we are to build. Huawei Cisco has ties with the Chinese American government, the Chinese American government has been spying on us and wants to dominate us. Do we deliver our next generation communication platform into their hands? I say "no", regardless of whether they have already been caught spying. If they can, they will do it ... 100% certain."

There, fixed that for you.

Accused hacker Lauri Love loses legal bid to reclaim seized IT gear

Kane Silver badge

"From what was detailed in the article, I believe that the judge thinks there is plenty in the file names, etc. to believe that the hard drives contain the digital equivalent of a loaded firearm. Given that, I can understand why they don't believe him entirely innocent and don't want to let him have the hardware back."

Then the NCA should press charges.

Twilight of the sundials: Archaic timepiece dying out and millennials are to blame, reckons boffin

Kane Silver badge

Re: Using a sundial at night

"I really hope that it was a joke..."

Like a jumbo jet in the night...

Use an 8-char Windows NTLM password? Don't. Every single one can be cracked in under 2.5hrs

Kane Silver badge

Re: Easy to remember

"I use favorite song or album titles.

Take the initial letters.

For example"


From Red Planet to deep into the red: Suicidal extrovert magnet Mars One finally implodes

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Dangerous Mammals, Reptiles, Amphibians, Birds, Fish, Jellyfish, Insects, Spiders, Crustaceans, Grasses, Trees, Mosses and Lichens of Terror Incognita.

Volume 29C

Part 3

Yay, we got a B for maths. Literally, a bee: Little nosy nectar nerds smart enough to add, abstract numbers

Kane Silver badge

Re: Hex Lives!

"the same saddo who downvoted yours I suspect (and presumably mine)"

Probably Robert Rankin - he was always irked that he didn't have his own shelf in WH Smith.

Kane Silver badge

Hex Lives!

+++Mr. Jelly! Mr. Jelly!+++

+++Error At Address: 14, Treacle Mine Road, Ankh-Morpork+++


+++Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++

+++Whoops! Here Comes The Cheese! +++


European Commission orders mass recall of creepy, leaky child-tracking smartwatch

Kane Silver badge

Re: Tip of the Iceberg

"Out means out. No one (who loyally vote leave) cares about any of that stuff, just so long as the UK is no longer a vassal state of the EU and free from stupid Brussels rules and regulations that GB had absolutely no hand in crafting whatsoever."

Invoking Poe's Law.

OK, it's early 2019. Has Leeds Hospital finally managed to 'axe the fax'? Um, yes and no

Kane Silver badge

Re: paper records

"Paper rot is something that happens though."

Photocopiers are your friend.

El Reg talks to PornHub sister biz AgeID – and an indie pornographer – about age verification

Kane Silver badge
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Re: Huge loophole?

What a legend!

I'm a crime-fighter, says FamilyTreeDNA boss after being caught giving folks' DNA data to FBI

Kane Silver badge
Big Brother


Kane Silver badge

Re: Well helloooooo.

"This is incorrect. If you're not charged, or found not guilty then your DNA and fingerprints are deleted automatically. Even if you're convicted, the data will be erased after a period of time, for most offences."


The level of naivety of this statement is staggering.

Furious Apple revokes Facebook's enty app cert after Zuck's crew abused it to slurp private data

Kane Silver badge

Re: Promise to do better

"Nuke them from orbit, it is the only way to be sure."

Look, this is a multi-billion dollar installation, okay? You can't make that kind of decision. You're just a grunt! Uh, no offense.

Users fail to squeak through basic computer skills test. Well, it was the '90s

Kane Silver badge

Reminds me...

""He powered up the PC, but as soon as Windows loaded he immediately picked the mouse up off his desk and waved it around in the air."



Scotty: Computer. Computer? Hello, computer.

Dr. Nichols: Just use the keyboard.

Scotty: Keyboard. How quaint.



Mines the one with the aluminium oxynitride in the back pocket

Nationwide UK court IT failure farce 'not the result of a cyber attack' – Justice Ministry

Kane Silver badge

Re: wtf does not "freeing prisoners unlawfully" mean ?

'Anybody who writes summary about “daily mail” readers is probably a hippcite and venture signaller read of a similar by its dumbness “Guardian”. Just two sides of the same coin.'

I've already used this, once in the last week, but here goes...

I find your lack of punctuation disturbing.

Are you sure your disc drive has stopped rotating, or are you just ignoring the messages?

Kane Silver badge
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"...but the post on otters was worth it."

You're most welcome!

Kane Silver badge

"Then you give these people a second referendum and claim it has significance"

Well, if you're going off topic...

Welcome to Otter Facts!

  • Thirteen different species of otter exist all around the world. Some are small river otters, and some are bigger sea otters.
  • 90% of all sea otters live on the coast of Alaska.
  • They're hungry animals! Sea otters eat 25% of their body weight in food every day.
  • They like to eat sea urchins, clams, mussels and crabs. They use their sea whiskers to find small creatures to eat, and their paws to dig for clams.
  • Clever creatures, they'll use rocks to crack open the clams. They carry rocks and store food in the loose skin under their armpits - who needs carrier bags!
  • Unlike most marine mammals, they don't have a layer of blubber. But, they do have the thickest fur of all animals.
  • Baby otters are called pups. Newborn pups need lots of attention, and will stay close to their mum's until they've developed enough skills to go it alone - usually at 6 months.
  • An otter pup's fur is too dense for it to swim underwater. So, their mother leaves them floating while she searches for food, until their adult fur grows in.
  • Don't challenge an otter to a holding-your-breath competition! Sea otters can stay underwater for 5 minutes, and river otters can hold their breath for even longer - 8 minutes!
  • Otters like to stick together, so when they sleep they will wrap themselves in seaweed and float together in a group. A group of resting otters is called a raft. We wouldn't go drifting away on one of these rafts, however! Otters have a nasty bite!

RIP 2019-2019: The first plant to grow on the Moon? Yeah, it's dead already, Chinese admit

Kane Silver badge

Re: Obligatory...

"He's dead, Jim"



"Where is everybody, Hol'?"

"They're dead, Dave."

"Who is?"

"Everybody, Dave."

"What, Captain Hollister?"

"Everybody's dead, Dave."

"What, Todhunter?"

"Everybody's dead, Dave."

"What, Selby?"

"They're all dead. Everybody's dead, Dave."

"Peterson isn't, is he?"

"Everybody's dead, Dave!"

"Not Chen!"

"Gordon Bennett! Yes, Chen. Everyone. Everybody's dead, Dave!"


"He's dead, Dave. Everybody is dead. Everybody is dead, Dave."

"Wait. Are you trying to tell me everybody's dead?"

"Should've never let him out in the first place...."

Kane Silver badge

Re: Didn't Fred Hoyle and Asimov write about this?

"Send Matt Damon up then, perhaps he can do something with that"

He'll science the shit out of it.

Mine's the one with the nitrogen fixers in the pocket.

Three quarters of US Facebook users unaware their online behavior gets tracked

Kane Silver badge

Ding dong merrily on high. In Berkeley, the bots are singeing: Self-driving college cooler droid goes up in flames

Kane Silver badge

Re: R2-D2 it is not!

"So you're a muffin guy!"

We don't like muffins 'round here! We want no muffins, no toast, no tea cakes, no buns, baps, baguettes, or bagels, no croissants, no crumpets, no pancakes, no potato cakes, and no hot cross buns, and definitely, no smeggin' flapjacks!

No not THAT kind of Office Wizard! Roll a diplomacy check to win the election: Vote tie resolved by a D20

Kane Silver badge

Re: Natural 20

"What are the odds on that? It's got to be more than a million to one."

Pah! Everyone knows they crop up nine times out of ten!






Pterry Icon, El Reg?

Fraudster convicted of online banking thefts using… whatever the hell this thing is

Kane Silver badge

If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious shit.

Kane Silver badge

Re: More 80s plot..

Doo-do, Doo-do, Do, Do, Do-Do-Do

Doo-do, Doo-do, Do, Do, Do-Do-Do

Doo-do, Doo-do, Do, Do, Do-Do-Do

Doo-do, Doo-do, Do, Do, Do-Do-Do

Doo-do, Doo-do, Do, Do, Do-Do-Do

Doo-do, Doo-do, Do, Do, Do-Do-Do

Huawei exec out of jail, just as US accuses China of Marriott hack

Kane Silver badge

Re: So...

"The PRC would do well to have a word with a decent PR agency..."

You can't have PRC without the PR!

UK white hats blacklisted by Cisco Talos after smart security code stumbles

Kane Silver badge

Re: A worrying precedent?

I'm genuinely unsure whether to invoke Poe's Law on this one.

Thanks to UK peers, coming to a laptop near you in 2019: Age checks for online smut

Kane Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: Doh....

"If the VPN use does explode in the UK I wonder how much that's going to screw up GCHQ's work."

Not much, they'll just set up their own private companies that run VPN services for offer in the UK.

Remember kids, we own nothing.

Privacy, security fears about ID cards? UK.gov's digital bod has one simple solution: 'Get over it'

Kane Silver badge

Re: Not a bad plan actually

"Plebs die, never mind."

Your implication that non-plebs don't die? Sorry to tell you, but everyone dies.

Kane Silver badge
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Bravo, good sir!

You have my axe!

Peak tech! Bacon vending machine signals apex of human invention

Kane Silver badge

Re: Strangely enough ...

Got to agree with jake on this one. My experiments with bacon over the years have produced some remarkable results. Dark chocolate is one of the exceptionally tasty ones.

Another great one is a coating of brown/dememara sugar during the cooking process - cinnamon optional, then allow to cool.

Mmmmm, candied bacon!

Kane Silver badge

"Quorn bacon."

Fuck off.

"I'll get me coat."

No, you won't. You can fucking well walk home in the rain.

Microsoft: New icons, new drivers, AI! Everything is awesome!

Kane Silver badge


'Microsoft's designers reckoned the updates are the "result of many iterations, a lot of research and testing, and plenty of late nights and weekends".'

Not like the October updater for Win10, yeah?

Space policy boffin: Blighty can't just ctrl-C, ctrl-V plans for Galileo into its Brexit satellite

Kane Silver badge

'We prefer "Brexit Satellite", or BS for short.'

Bravo. You owe me a new keyboard.

Musk's popstar girlfriend Grimes croons about next-gen AI, plus more machine-learning news

Kane Silver badge

Re: Why not instead

"Create a legal system that makes sense, one that can be flowcharted and is based on a few founding principles.

You know, rather than having a legal system so complex it needs an artificially intelligent supercomputer to figure out if your actions were or were not criminal."

Don't be daft old chap, then anyone could do it!

Canuck couple returns home after night on tiles to gaggle of randomers hanging out in their flat

Kane Silver badge

Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

"Although I couldn't find any mortality statistics on pencils, but it does seem that guns kill quite a lot of people."

Particularly when taken into consideration the ratio volume of pencils to guns.

Sorry, we haven't ACLU what happened in sealed 'Facebook decryption' case, but let's find out

Kane Silver badge
Black Helicopters

Re: Perhaps?

"Then again, I'm totally paranoid."

Doesn't mean they're not after you.

Montezuma's Revenge can finally be laid to rest as Uber AI researchers crack the classic game

Kane Silver badge

Re: Not impressed...

Hmm. 2 thumbs down. Not a fan of the Saw Cleaver then?

Kane Silver badge

Re: Confused.

"Unless it's that final Giant Fireclaw in Horizon Zero Dawn : The Frozen Wilds. I've just not been able to beat that bugger - so have given up :-("

Use freeze arrows to weaken it's armour, then either the hard point arrows (with as high a damage modifier(s) on the bow that you can muster), or sticky bombs.

And keep moving!

Pic related, cos you know, robots!

Kane Silver badge

Not impressed...

...and I won't be until I see a demonstration of AI/ML completing Bloodborne.

That would be impressive.

Mine's the one with the blood vials in the pocket, and the +10 upgraded Saw Cleaver on the back.

Angry Googlers demand bosses pull the wings off 'Dragonfly' censored Chinese search engine

Kane Silver badge

Re: Nice to know that everything is okay....

"I've gone anonymous ... that way, NOBODY will know that it was me that wrote this comment."

Except for El Reg moderators, yes?

"I'm sick of people (tin hat wearers) complaining of their digital world being completely screwed by ... er ... who?"

Says the Anonymous Coward.

Meh, I can't be bothered with the rest of your post, you provide no context for the statements that you make, nor relevance.

I'm out.

Great Scott! Is nothing sacred? US movie-goers vote Back To The Future as most-wanted reboot

Kane Silver badge

Re: Hmm.

"Now I want some sugar. :/"

Awww, that was just pillow talk, baby!

Kane Silver badge
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Re: Reboots

"Well I liked Ghostbusters..."

The funniest thing about the reboot of Ghostbusters was Chris "You know, an aquarium is a submarine for fish" Hemsworth.

For me, the rest was just cringe.

Kane Silver badge

Re: I believe this is still relevant

I've found that over the 24 years since his untimely passing, he has always held relevance.

Remember kids, it's just a ride.

NASA has Mars InSight as latest lander due to arrive today

Kane Silver badge

Re: Dusty

"Got this damn image of Chrichton dusting solar panels in my head now ... :-)"

He claims to be a human from a planet called Erp.

A little phishing knowledge may be a dangerous thing

Kane Silver badge

"Could you help us all out by providing your email address?"

Also the 12 digits from the front of your credit card, the expiry date and the three digits on the back of your card would do nicely also.

Sorry, forgot to mention, You Have Been Selected As A Winner For The ULTIMATE PRIZE DRAW!! We Just Need Your Personal Details In Order To Process Your Payment! Please Provide Swiftly!!

'Unjustifiably excessive': Not even London cops can follow law with their rubbish gang database

Kane Silver badge

Re: The Ms-Access Gangs Violence Matrix

@Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse, @}{amis}{

It's probably a little bit of both. Started life as an Excel doc, then got a bit unwieldy, some bright spark commissioner somewhere suggested something along the lines "can't this be turned into some kind of shared database thingy?", they then imported it into an Access file (probably Access 2003), clunked a simple front end on it, then they copied and pasted it to all their mates.

'Frontline workers' of the world, unite! And grab yourselves a Surface Go White Van Man edition

Kane Silver badge

Re: I think...

"Well, the "FREE CANDY" sign painted on the side didn't work..."

Why don't you take a seat over there?


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