* Posts by DiViDeD

863 posts • joined 11 May 2007


Just do IoT? We'd walk a mile in someone else's Nike smart sneakers, but they seem to be 'bricked'

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Re: Self lacing?

You're prayers have been answered. Just get a pair of Krotens. Pull, slide, tuck the little dongle under the loop at the front and you're done. No Internet Connection required

Here's one, look

U wot, m8? OMG SMS is back from dead

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Uptick in SMS messages

I firmly believe the uptick can be entirely accountedfor by DHL parcel tracking messages:

- We picked it up from the vendor

- It's at the airport

- It's on a plane

- It's at the airp[ort

- We picked it up from the airport

- We dropped it at our distribution centre

- It's at the distribution centre

- It's in Eric's van wandering the countryside

- We delivered it


- Would you like to click this link to tell us how happy you are with our service?

- Are you sure?

- One more chance

Twilight of the sundials: Archaic timepiece dying out and millennials are to blame, reckons boffin

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Re: four unambiguous numbers

"Right now it is 021919.1137"

Sorry, but that makes no sense. Surely largest unit should be at the left? As in 190219-1137?

YYMMDD-HHMMSS makes more sense than MMDDYY-HHMMSS, shirley?

Takes away the ambiguity of your unambiguousnessness, as it were.

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Re: I'll Bite.... Yes, I know he was trolling

Well said. The ancient Greek 'gentlemen scientists' were similar to Soviet era Russian science graduates, who all wanted to work in academia, since it had way better status than working in <spit> industry

Surrey Uni mans the space harpoons, and NASA buys more seats on Russian rockets

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Re: brake

"space is very very empty but even so it's not a total vacuum"

Well of course not, otherwise you wouldn't be able to hear the noise of the X Wings when they bank left. Also their ailerons wouldn't work.


Techie in need of a doorstop picks up 'chunk of metal' – only to find out it's rather pricey

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Re: Not quite forgotten but...

Same here. The tale of my son, at 3 years old, 'feeding' my Revox cassette deck with fruit pastilles (open the door/mouth, put a sweetie on it, press the button, deck closes its 'mouth', reopens - sweetie has been eaten) came back to me via an acquaintance a few months back as 'You'll never believe this, but this guy's toddler...'

The incident happened in the UK, it was rel;ated to me in Australia. And my son is 38 now.

Ah, the power of internet communication!

Amazon triples profit to $11.2bn, pays ZERO DOLLARS in corp tax – instead we pay it $129m

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Tax Accounting Firms

Bear in mind that the accounting firms who 'discover' the loopholes in the tax system are the same accounting firms who put them in when they were wearing their 'Government Tax Advisor' hats.

Fun fact: GPS uses 10 bits to store the week. That means it runs out... oh heck – April 6, 2019

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Re Total land area


Australia has a total land area of 7,659,861 sqkm (around 2,969,607 sqm)!!!

Of course, we don't have that many roads, but still... ...

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Re: use Waze

And Waze has live updates on holdups, breakdowns and bacon sarnies hiding in the bushes with their speed guns.

One click and you're out: UK makes it an offence to view terrorist propaganda even once

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Re: Unintended consequences

Damn! You beat me to it (shut down HTML window, hands in pockets, whistle, look innocent, dammit!)

RIP Dr Peuto, Zilog and Sun's bright SPARC

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Re: Halt and Catch Fire

Sinclair Spectrum? You were Lucky!

My first experience of programming was on a ZX80 (after I'd built it from the kit, of course). Moved into machine code pretty quickly, since 1K was just about enough RAM to write 'Hello World' and run out of memory.

The UK's Cairncross Review calls for Google, Facebook to be regulated – and life support for journalism

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Re: superannuated Humphrys

Superannuated? John Humphreys?

I'll have you know that John is only a few years older than me, and nobody would describe me as ….

oh shit

Cops looking for mum marauding uni campus asking students if they fancy dating her son

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Re: garage shop

I went off those US based home renovations programmes when I saw them demonstrate how to replace a window:

"Get a window a little bigger than the old one. Remove the old window"

He then proceeded to cut a bigger hole in the wall with a bloody crosscut saw!!

Try that on a cavity wall, matey!

Only plebs use Office 2019 over Office 365, says Microsoft's weird new ad campaign

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Re: Plus you get to use the O365 apps on tablets/ phones.

Well yeah, obviously timesheets. Course - most critical work there is!

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Re: Plus you get to use the O365 apps on tablets/ phones.

Genuine question here. Is there anyone, anyone at all who does serious work in Excel or Access on a phone?

Leaky child-tracking smartwatch maker hits back at bad PR

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Re: Iceland went effectively bankrupt

It certainly did, with the result that it is now a post apocalyptic wasteland, it's population homeless and starving, killing each other for the chance to lick the nourishment from a discarded fishskin..

Oh, hang on, that might not be entirely the case.

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Re: Dammit you guys!!!!

Hey c'mon! 'almost to the meter', 'within 500 meter..'? they've both got 'meter' in them, so it's the same thing, innit?

Del Trotter, 1976

Pants-purveyor in plea for popularity: It's not just any pork push... it's an M&S 'love sausage'

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Re: Will nobody think of the parents!

Notoriously advertised here in Oz with the phrase 'wouldn't you like to nibble Nobby's Nuts?'

El Reg talks to PornHub sister biz AgeID – and an indie pornographer – about age verification

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Re: Huge loophole?

Ah, happy days. At my school we had Bosse Bengtsson, from Helsingborg (that's in Sweden, for the geographically challenged), who always brought a stack of goodies back to use as currency for the coming term!

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Re: putting up 2/3 of non porn

They should exclusively stock Japanese pr0n. Apart from containing some of the most bizarre sex acts imaginable (and quite a few you'd be hard pressed to imagine), they generally include a 20 minute preamble of a woman sitting on a sofa, chatting to camera, or a bunch of girls giggling about hairstyles.


Or so I've been told <ahem>

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Re: Huge loophole?

'I wasn't just going to …. steal " 'Repent, Harlequin!' Said the Ticktockman " from the public library.'

Why not, that's how I got my copy.

erm.. there is a Statute of Limitations on unreturned library books, isn't there?

Original WWII German message decrypts to go on display at National Museum of Computing

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Re: Terminology

Here in Arsetrailer, all our newsreaders put the emphasis on the 'o' sound, so it comes out like the o in pond, while the merkin version is pronounced as you'd expect.

After 15 years, it still makes me do a double take.

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Re: Polish plumbers

"downvoted for a question?"

That's how it goes round here. There's the autoscanners who read part of a post, just enough to get the spittle flashing, and then there's the regular ElReg 'didn't you even know that?' Superior Commentard,

In fact, I might just vote you down myself, just for the lulz.

Don't let it get to you, m8

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Re: Tommy Flowers

"... the machines were still in use after WWII …"

They were indeed. That's what my father did in RAF Signals (or whatever it was called) - his team was intercepting and decoding messages from our allies in the Med without the knowledge of said allies.

You got a smart speaker but you're worried about privacy. First off, why'd you buy one? Secondly, check out Project Alias

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Re: you could simply not put the creepy things in your home

"listening to everything and only reacts when you speak the magic words"

As per Kendy in Niven's Integral trees. Kendy listened all the time, but only responded when a statement was preceded by the keyphrase prikazyvat KendyThe keywords were only there to stop the crew suspecting Kendy was spying on them. Which he was

iPhone price cuts are coming, teases Apple CEO. *Bring-bring* Hello, Apple UK? It's El Reg. You free to chat?

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You think that's bad?

For years, my ringtone has been

this bit of scary Keaton Wears Teeth nonsense

It's always amusing to see the heads turn the first time my mobe rings at a new site.But then, I am easily amused!

Japanese astronomers find tiniest Kuiper Belt object yet – using cheap 'scopes and off-the-shelf CMOS cameras

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Re: the still undiscovered Oort Cloud?

"Does he mean we never observed an object in the Oort Cloud, yet we know it exists?"

Pretty much. We know that starbirth is likely to produce a loose 'shell' of gravitational objects within a region beyond the planetary system, and that there is evidence of orbital perturbation on comets that enter the inner system.

It's rather like the early part of the 20th Century, when astronomers were looking for a 9th planet, which had never been spotted but was obviously there based on its gravitational effects.

NHS England digital boss in hot water over 'puff piece' written about her future employer

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Re: There is no such verb as "to pen"

Too true. Here in Arsetrailer (admittedly, not always the first country that springs to mind when looking for linguistic exactitude), when someone dies, they are farewelled

Tens to be disappointed as Windows 10 Mobile death date set: Doomed phone OS won't see 2020

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Re: not missed any more

"I had windows phones for many years and used to push them over blackberries …"

Didn't that make them a bit sticky?

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Re: m$ dont employ anyone with the word 'tester' in the name

Nonsense! Of course they do - probably more than any other technology company. You were probably confused by the archaic spelling of 'testers'. These days, it's spelt 'U-S-E-R-S'


Google to yoink apps with an unauthorized Call Log or SMS habit from Android Play Store

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Re: a wall isn't going to stop a squirrel from trying to get into your garden

Actually, a wall isn't going to stop anything from *trying*.


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Re: Backhander

Absolutely! Well said that chap!

Indeed, we invented the bloody language, so we decide how to spell the damn thing!

Heard the one where the boss calls in an Oracle consultant who couldn't fix the database?

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Re: Vindicated

Back in the day, my employer named all their unix servers after fossilised pop groups (beatles, everlies and such). My colleague, a big Babylon 5 fan, was excessively pleased with himself when he persuaded them to call a new box "Shadows".

Vaping ads flout EU rules, even if to promote healthier lifestyles

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Re: Not a sexy look!

The overwhelming majority of vapers are ex smokers. People with an addiction to nicotine that kept them smoking, and are vaping as a far safer alternative to lighting up. Many have had health scares. Most have attempted to give up many, many times and failed, and for them vaping is the only thing that has worked, and vastly improved their health and wallet.

Do you really think even one of them gives a shit about whether you think they look sexy?

London Gatwick Airport reopens but drone chaos perps still not found

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Re: Aliens

..... or if the aliens were really rather small and the police couldn't find any evidence because the entire battle fleet was accidentally swallowed by a small dog.

Apols to DA

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Re: Preprogrammed drones

....... assuming there was even one drone.

There, FTFY

Nikola Tesla's greatest challenge: He could measure electricity but not stupidity

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Re: "..... "......women are sadly underrepresented on bank notes."

I dunno. There seems to be a woman on every bank note I have in me wallet. She's got a sort of shiny metal hat on.

Bugger me! Looks like she's on all the coins too!

The great and powerful Oz (broadband network): Revs rise, but nbn™'s exec bonuses don't

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Re: 5g Speeds, signal loss and latency

"I'm thinking of the PS4 in one room while Netflix etc is streaming in another."

I'm thinking more of the remote surgeon setting the scalpel going just as 300 hospital staff start watching a cat video.

I've seen the future of consumer AI, and it doesn't have one

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Re: ...reading the cooking time guide on the box...

Wow! So someone actually reads those? I usually just nuke until it glows.

Funny how most ready meals taste of charcoal;, innit?

Neutron star crash in a galaxy far, far... far away spews 'faster than light' radio signal jets at Earth

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Re: Just a side note

"The universe has an equal mass of antimatter to matter..."

Nice story bro. Needs more dragons though.

Nah, it won't install: The return of the ad-blocker-blocker

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Re: re: email from Stormy Daniels

"Did she give some to Donald?"

Well he has been looking taller recently. I thought it was just elevator shoes.

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Re: Advertising from mobile 'phones

Not my phone as such (or indeed at all), but I seem to have fewer intrusion attempts on my home wifi since I renamed it 'ASIO Surveillance Van XK437' (used to be called 'LAN Down Under')

Every step you take: We track you for your own safety, you know?

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Re: "It's not new behaviour"

Many years ago, doing a stint with a very oldschool solicitor firm which had just gone computery (ah, the old CADO Cat!), they had a signing in book. Each staff member had to enter their name and arrival time.

Part of the office manager's duties involved drawing a thick red line under the most recent arrival's name at 9:00 on the dot so people couldn't fake their arrival time.

Astronaut took camera on spacewalk, but forgot SD memory card

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Re: The man is 53, for god's sake!

"yes, they do have a supply of SD cards"

Yes, but who's going to volunteer to pass one out through the open window?

Potato, potato. Toma6to, I'm going to kill you... How a typo can turn an AI translator against us

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Re: Nothing new here

Wasn't there a machine translation doing the rounds years (OK, decades) ago about thow

"The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak"


"The wine is agreeable, but the meat has spoiled"


IBM memo to staff: Our CEO Ginni is visiting so please 'act normally!'

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Re: Banned from using the fifth floor?

same goes for the BBC training centre at Wood Norton. The basement is just a basement, and there's absolutely nothing to see down there. It's not even worth you going down there. In fact, it's a sackable offence.

The fact that, once a month, a diesel oil tanker would turn up, the driver would unscrew one of the ventilator shafts and proceed to pour diesel into it until the tanker was empty, was just one of those odd coincidinks

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On roads and potholes

On the other hand, IBM do give back to the community in their own unique way.

The road outside their Cumberland Forest offices in Sydney gets resurfaced every year, and the lines repainted twice a year, come what may.

Of course, this only extends about 300metres either side of the building, but they're not made of money!

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Re: Desks should be clear anyway,...

Well, the big thing round these here parts is 'Activity Based Workplaces'.

Basically, if we assume only 70% of staff are in the office at any one time, we only provide 70% of desks, requiring 70% of the floorspace, saving us money in both office hardware and space rental. Then we give each person a notebook PC (which we generously allow them to lug home with them every evening) and tell them to 'find a space' when they come in to the office.

This means every desk area is 100% anonymous, because nobody has a permanent desk.

This has immediate and massive benefits to our staff because ... well, you know, having a team spread across many different floors (or even buildings) within the campus makes for more efficient... no, wait, you get to sit with people who do a completely different job to you, so you get to try to concentrate on some tricky coding while a salesdroid yells into his phone at the next 'workstation' and ... hang on, I'm not explaining the advantages very well here..

Did I mention we save money on office equipment and space rental?

Cops: Autonomous Uber driver may have been streaming The Voice before death crash

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@ Alan Hope

"When you're driving you have a constant state of heightened awareness of what is going on around you"

You've not driven in Sydney (or as we like to call it, Pinball Alley) have you?


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