* Posts by Swarthy

1840 posts • joined 24 Jun 2009

Sorry, Elon, your Tesla roadster won't orbit for billions of years

Swarthy
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Re: Douglas may have been right

Well, the thing about a black Tesla - its main distinguishing feature - is it's black. And the thing about space, the colour of space, your basic space colour, is black. So how are you supposed to see it?

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You're decorating it wrong: Apple HomePod gives wood ring of death

Swarthy
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FAIL

This is the same company that had nickel in their tablet backings, and were surprised when people with nickel allergies (not uncommon) had a bad reaction.

Apple: It Just Works (for me, I don't know/care what your problem is)

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Roses are red, Kaspersky is blue: 'That ban's unconstitutional!' Boo hoo hoo

Swarthy
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Big Brother

Re: Good Luck

How exactly does "the usual National Security line" allow them to ignore the constitution?
Good question. I don't know how, but increasing evidence shows that it does.

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Roses are red, are you single, we wonder? 'Cos this moth-brain AI can read your phone number

Swarthy
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Coat

Re: Interesting research...

Indeed, this proves that they can recognize the writing on the wall.

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UK Home Sec Amber Rudd unveils extremism blocking tool

Swarthy
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Big Brother

Re: During WW2...

I'm thinking....

Radicalizing propaganda does not work well on people who are happy, safe, or even apathetic. Agitprop generally only serves to move people away from apathy, in whatever direction they are inclined. If a person feels that the Mideast should be left to sort their problems, the Daesh videos will make them less sympathetic; however someone who feels that "The Man" has been giving them grief will see the same video and think "That's how you handle The Man!"

So, in short: If you want to stop Agitprop videos from radicalizing you citizens, stop shitting on them and making the Murdering Terror Bastards seem reasonable in comparison.

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Until last week, you could pwn KDE Linux desktop with a USB stick

Swarthy
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Stop

Re: I'm going to name all my USB sticks:

Oooh, how about `:(){ :|: & };:`

No real damage, but that'll tech people to plug in random USB sticks.

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Yorkshire cops have begun using on-the-spot fingerprint scanners

Swarthy
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Big Brother

My guess/interpretation of that statment

  • The device scans the fingerprint, and generates the hash.
  • The phone/app uploads the hash to the CopNet DB, along with time + location
  • The DB queries the hash against "known baddies" (Which includes any hash in the DB), then stores the uploaded hash + metadata
  • The hash is then deleted from the device and perhaps even the phone, if TPTB decide to go that route

Et Viola, your fingerprint was never even saved.

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Swarthy
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Re: Am I missing something?

It costs time and money to haul someone down to finger print 'em; and, if I understand UK Law, they are entitled to have a solicitor, and waiting for them to slither in arrive can use up more time/money.

This is a Good Thing. If a person can get something with no outlay of resources, than either a)that thing becomes valueless, b) the person gets as much of >thing< as they can, or c) all of the above.

People didn't have a problem with tapped calls when it took a warrant, a lineman, and some poor schlub to listen to the calls. However, when the lineman was replaced with a trunk-wide tap, and the poor schlub was replaced with a key-word filter, it soon became clear that the warrant had only been used to manage resources.

If the plod need to take you to the station to get your prints, they will only do so when there is a strong reason to, with a portable scanner, they will take prints on a whim (as above, probably with time + location "metadata" attached) and, given fingerprinting's less-than-stellar record for avoiding collisions, the more prints they take the more likely you are to be done for something you did not do.

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Due to Oracle being Oracle, Eclipse holds poll to rename Java EE (No, it won't be Java McJava Face)

Swarthy
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Re: Hava

Nagila?

Not that there's much to rejoice about, other than maybe getting out from under Oracle. ...Actually, that is something worth rejoicing.

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Of course a mystery website attacking city-run broadband was run by an ISP. Of course

Swarthy
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Re: Nothing

I quite beg to differ. Those "scare stories" of post-net-neutrality were actually the reasons why NN was introduced. People didn't imagine that Verizon would throttle Netflix, that saw that Verizon (et al.) were throttling Streaming Video.

"IF they do THEN it's time to look at some judicious regulations."
They DID, and the regulations put in place are the ones that are being attacked now.

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Now that's taking the p... Sewage plant 'hacked' to craft crypto-coins

Swarthy
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Facepalm

Let me just say

Why the FUCK are these important (SOooo Important we can't risk a bad patch taking them down) machines hooked up to the Internet with nary a proxy nor decent Firewall to shield them?

"We can't risk a bad patch taking them down; we can't even reboot it because it's Important, and can have no downtime. But if the scrotes on the 'Net wanna fuck with it... Nothing I can do."

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Uber: Ah yeah, we pay women drivers less than men. We can explain!

Swarthy
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Go

Re: Why is this a story?

Because Uber is not deliberately under-paying their female drivers.

That is man-bites-dog news right there!

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Can't wait to get to Mars on a SpaceX ship? It's a cold, dead rock – boffins

Swarthy
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Happy

Can we smack (ice-based) asteroids into Mars and Venus, and get them to mash up at L3? Blend "Too hot with too much atmosphere" with "too cold, and no atmosphere" plus a shitload of water, and we should have a decent place to start.

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Insurance companies now telling you what tech to buy with um-missable price signals

Swarthy
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WTF?

Waitaminnit.....

Wait, Apple and Cisco get the discount? Does that mean that eye-oh-ess is the "template" for the security discount? I can't see that back-firing at all.....

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Swarthy
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Re: I disagree

I agree. Insurance companies charging extra for poor security is a good thing, as above, it may actually get the C-suites to reduce their rectal-cranial inversions.

However, mandating certain brands for the discount seems awfully prone to back-handers, overlooking niche players, and a ramping up of the inverse-hammer fallacy (Hammer Fallacy: If all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail; Inverted: If we don't have the solution, it is obviously not a problem.). EG: Getting a Cisco Firewall approved instead of <OtherBrand> that has features that are needed for the site, thus reducing security and effectiveness.

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Zombie … in SPAAACE: Amateur gets chatty with 'dead' satellite

Swarthy
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Terminator

Re: @anothercynic Come on it's not that old

Nah, It'd be on a Bernoulli cartridge. So once they find the software, they'll have to find the drive and a PCIe SCSI card. Bwa ha ha ha!

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Mass limit proposed so boffins can tell when they've fingered a brown dwarf or a fat planet

Swarthy
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Headmaster

Re: "about ten times that of Jupiter – or ten times 1.898×10^27kg"

But 1.898×10^27 isn't to four decimal places, rather it's followed by 24 digits before the decimal.

24 digits leaves quite a bit of room for "about" and "approximate", wouldn't you say?

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Swipe fright: Tinder hackers may know how desperate you really are

Swarthy
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Pirate

Re: You Don't Have To Be Lonely...At HackersOnly.com

"The victim's profile information could also be intercepted and viewed."
I think the more pertinent (ab)use-case would be modifying the profiles/picture that are being viewed, or which profile is being requested.

Swipe left all you want, the only profile you'll see is mine! Eventually, you'll have to swipe right.

..or swipe left if you want, I'll just substitute it with a right-swipe packet. (If they used fixed-size packets, who wants to bet that it's also vulnerable to a replay attack?)

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Private submarine builder charged with murder of journalist

Swarthy
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Meh

Re: That's the best headline you could manage ?

I think that they are covering it because they started when it was "Crowd-funded, privately owned submarine sank, Journalist Missing" [paraphrased headline/summarized article] because the sub was the interesting bit, and the journo was presumed safe - somewhere. Then they kept following the story as it got more and more bizarre, and I guess they want to finish the story.

As the severity of what was revealed to have happened increased, the flippancy decreased.

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UK's Just Eat faces probe after woman tweets chat-up texts from 'delivery guy'

Swarthy
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Terminator

Re: Bot

My thoughts exactly. The "For your Inconvenience... " bit would have been "Talk to the restaurant, he's not our employee" by any blame-dodging human who read that complaint. Proceeding to offer 10 quid when the complainant was not mollified by five, with no reflection/commentary/commereration on the complaint itself, points to a chatbot, and a cheap one at that. ELIZA would have handled that complaint better.

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Drone perves defeated by tinfoil houses

Swarthy
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Re: 410 Shotgun is your friend :)

For a rifle, or a slug, that is correct, but with a shotgun (especially with smaller shot), the terminal velocity is far below a terminal velocity for the mass.

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WikiLeave? Assange tipped for Ecuadorian eviction

Swarthy
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Re: "A third country might offer a new couch"

"a human can't live like that..." I think that quote was referring to the Ecuadorian diplomats, having been stuck with Assange for 5 years. It was just phrased in such a way that it could be easily misconstrued to apply to their white-haired Human Rights Problem.

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Swarthy
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Re: He may regret waiting

Trump does value loyalty - to him.

Rewarding it? Eeeehhh... Not so much.

Returning loyalty? Hell no.

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Boffins use inkjets to print explosives

Swarthy
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Thumb Up

Re: Four PhD Supervisors?

So she just invented Explosive Runes?

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Wannabe W1 DOW-er faked car crash to track down reg plate's owner

Swarthy
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Re: The article didn't mention

my guess would be that the victim received "The satisfaction of seeing the perpetrator punished for his misdeeds"

In Other Words: SFA

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Kent woman to season festive dinner with her mother's ashes

Swarthy
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Devil

Re: There's a precedent

I once saw "Vegan Jerky" at a grocery store, and my first thought (which was spoken aloud) was "Hey, they finally found a god use for vegans!"

It was fun watching my wife try to act like she didn't know me, whilst also trying to suppress her laughter.

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Irony's lost on old Pope Francis: Pontiff decrees fake news a 'serious sin'

Swarthy
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Boffin

Re: Have you guys read the 10 commandments

"Pork is banned as it tastes like humans"
This is mostly correct. Pork is banned for the same reason that it tastes like human - the protein structures are very similar. This means that pigs can carry diseases that can infect people, and certain parasites that like pigs like people just as well. So pork must be very carefully raised, and/or cooked through to be safe, neither of which were common occurrences back when.

I don't know if there was any taste-testing done at the time, but if you are ever around when someone gets a truly narsty burn, you can note the resemblance to roast pork.

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Kentucky lawmaker pushes smut filter law (update: maybe not)

Swarthy
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Re: Article's subhead

Really? I was hungry, until that sub-head.

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So you're 'agile', huh? I do not think it means what you think it means

Swarthy
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Thumb Up

Re: Successful implementations?

I wish I could up-vote the non-existent responses to your post.

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Tired of despairing of Trump and Brexit? Why not despair about YouTube stars instead?

Swarthy
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Terminator

Re: If you think that is stupid

The code word is "Queen of Diamonds"

There are three flowers in a vase....

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O Christmas wreath, O Christmas wreath, thy potent skunk's in bunches

Swarthy
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Angel

Re: Note to self...

A few years ago a girl set up a stall selling Girl Scout cookies outside a pot dispensary. She sold 117 boxes of cookies in 2 hours and to had restock 45 minutes into her shift.
And Colorado then enacted a law to prevent children from being within X number of feet from dispensaries. The given reason was to protect children from the influence of pot; but many believe (based on timing, etc.) that the real reason was to protect the stoners from Girl Scouts, armed with cookies.

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Swarthy
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Headmaster

Re: Dickens' story

Wouldn't it be Dickens's? Unless it's the property of all the Dickenses that descended from Charles, then it would be Dickenses'.

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Dentist-turned bug-biter given a taste of freedom

Swarthy
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RE: Is America great now?

Even slower going when you have to bring in your own 'gators to replace the ones you've "drained".

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Did you unwittingly support the destruction of net neutrality rules?

Swarthy
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A few flaws in your arguements

Why do you think Netflix gets a free pass? They pay their provider for their bandwidth, and I pay my provider for mine. Why should my ISP be able to charge me for the Netflix traffic that they are already being paid for?

Point the second, regarding the "Tiered Internet memes from 2014": Funnily enough, it was around then when I discovered that it was faster/better to watch YouTube videos on my 4g connection than it was to watch them on my wifi. That cleared up right around the time that Title II was being talked about. So yeah, I can see that happening.

Now run along and replace your Keurig, so you can destroy another one for being "Un-American"

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Night before Xmas and all through American Airlines, not a pilot was flying, thanks to this bug

Swarthy
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Paris Hilton

Re: Time and a half or a holiday over christmas

Money can't buy happiness

But it can make a nice down-payment. Just ask her -->

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Apple embraces El Reg! iOS 11 is now biting the hand that types IT

Swarthy
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Headmaster

Re: I'd be more worried about the other bug

That depends on what your definition of I.S. is....

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Amazon Key door-entry flaw: No easy fix to stop rogue couriers burgling your place unseen

Swarthy
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Re: Flawed

A better fix would be to have the camera hard-wired to the network. I can't imagine that a de-auth flood could unplug a cable.

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Help desk declared code PEBCAK and therefore refused to help!

Swarthy
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Devil

Re: PICNIC

I usually diagnosed it as a hardware problem: a nut loose on the keyboard.

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US authorities swallow security-free script for pill that knows when you're off your meds

Swarthy
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Joke

Re: That's a mighty big pill!

Maybe a suppository.

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Swarthy
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Re: Biocompatibility (was: Insurance)

From my understanding, the pill itself doesn't contain the BT stack, it contains a certain substance ("minerals" is the term used in most reporting) that the sensor patch can detect, and the patch handles the processing and BlueToothing.

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What is DJI Terra? Mystery builds over Chinese biz's trademark

Swarthy
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Joke

Re: Maybe...

Oooh! A remote-controlled hovercraft, that can automatically empty the eels?

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Universal basic income is a great idea, which is also why it won't happen

Swarthy
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Boffin

"As a historical example, the Roman Republic introduced a universal basic income for all Roman citizens: Within a couple of decades the Republic - which was centuries old, and had become the greatest power in history - collapsed and became and Empire: Free Roman citizens became subjects of an all-powerful monarch."

Actually more to do with an antagonistic military mindset, and allowing very rich private individuals to control and own large standing armies (certainly in the case of Julius Cesar).

I believe it also had to do with all of their drinking water being carried through "plumbum"(lead) and the associated heavy metal toxicity which can cause violent\aggressive behaviour, reduced intelligence, memory loss, headaches, and insomnia.

Nero and Caligula may both have just been suffering from particularly bad lead poisoning.

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Google aims disrupto-tronic ray at intercoms. Yes, intercoms

Swarthy
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Devil

Re: Does it drag them out of bed?

Rather than dragging, I prefer the idea of frozen marbles.

Store marbles in the freezer, and pour them into the bed when needed. The kid can't roll away from them, and they don't get the sheets wet. And once the kid is up, you can collect the marbles and put 'em back in the freezer for the next time.

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User asked help desk to debug a Post-it Note that survived a reboot

Swarthy
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Trollface

Re: Edgelords

ODFO

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Swarthy
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Facepalm

Re: Xerox photcopiers

"who knew the secret codes of the A wash C wash 1 wash all on the rotary mechanical dial."
Usually printed on the underside of the washer lid.

Right where you couldn't read it and operate the dial at the same time? Sounds about right.

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Uni staffer's health info blabbed in email list snafu

Swarthy
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Re: Sorry, is this El Reg or "Take a Break" ????

That's why the University asked everyone who received the e-mail (probably in a follow-up mail (and please, for the love of everything, not a "forward" with the original attached/appended)) to not read it, delete it, and delete any copies. Because asking is actually more effective than the Recall, and that is horrifying.

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US domestic, er, foreign spying bill progresses through Congress

Swarthy
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Black Helicopters

Re: Disappointing, and there is no way Trump is going to veto this bill

How is that in any way consoling?

There is a certain zen-like peace in the complete resignation to fate. Yes, it's going to suck, but there is actually fuck-all you can do. Kind of like falling off of a very high waterfall, you can try to swim back up the falls, or you can relax and enjoy the scenery; either way you'll end up smeared across the rocks on the bottom.

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Facebook's send-us-your-nudes service is coming to UK, America

Swarthy
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Joke

Re: Can I get a job?

"It's $100 a week."

"Isn't that a bit low?"

"Yeah, but it's all I could afford."

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AMD, Intel hate Nvidia so much they're building a laptop chip to spite it

Swarthy
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WTF?

Re: 'a series of slides that trashed AMD'

Corporate negging?!

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So, tell us again how tech giants are more important than US govt...

Swarthy
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Re: Interesting stuff

The other goal of the ads was to be divisive. They ran ads on both sides' issues. Putting the Cheeto-in-Chief into the office, was most likely a secondary "nice-to-have" the primary goal was to get both sides spitting mad, and so fueled by their own echo chambers that "the other guys" would be perceived as worse than Russia.

Let us tear ourselves apart, and Russia saves on bombs and casualties. (It's the same thing the Intelligence Agencies have been doing for 50 years)

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