* Posts by Steve Davies 3

7136 publicly visible posts • joined 24 Jun 2009

Boffinry listicle MADNESS: ONE THING you need to know about CHAMELEONS

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

Re: The last straw

at least they don't move very fast. A slow moving camo chameleon shouldn't be too hard to spot.

I saw one of Madagascar's smallest Chameleon's change colour from a dull brown to dark green in just a few seconds as it moved from a path onto grass. The little beast was just about 2in long. Pure magic.

Apple Watch: HOT WRIST ACTION plus slim $1299 MacBooks - and HBO TV

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

Wot? another Crapple launch?

Of a product that only 24% of their customers are even remotely interested in...

Yawn

ZZZZzzzzzzzzzz

Now if they announce a 17inMBP then I might wake up and show some interest.(yeah fat chance)

Scotland to get National ID system 'by the backdoor', campaigners mull challenge

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

Re: Your relationship with your Doctor is based on trust

The easy way to stop that is to 'gently' reming the politicians that even going to their doctor to get treated for a mild STD will become common knowledge in a few hours.

"My dear chap, we can't have the PM being treated for mild dose of the clap appearing on the front page of the Sun/Mirror now can we?"

"I take it that we should put a stop to this bill then?"

"Yes Minister!"

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
Big Brother

Coming soon.,...

An ITT to build a wall along the border (oh wait....)

Oi. APPLE fanboi! You with the $10k and pocket on fire! Fancy a WATCH?

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

Re: Why is iWatch battery so bad?

Remember that this is V1 of the product.

The first leccy cars were also shite. (G-Whizz....)

Now that the battery tech has improved then the cars are getting better. I went for a test drive in a PHEV on Saturday. You hardly knew when the petrol engine cut in to charge the battery. In a traffic jam on the M3 it was on leccy. No pollution perfect. When we got going again, the petrol engine started up to charge the battery.

The first jet engines were horribly polluting and innefficient. Now?....

I forsee that in 5 years these devices will last for around a week between charges as battery tech improves.

There is nothing like a behmoth (As Apple is) entering the market to stimulate the boffins to improve its obvious weak points. That generally benefits all the other players in the market.

Will I buy one? No chance. I hate anything on my wrist. If someone were to come out with a pocket watch then I might consider it.

So all you fanbois, hipsters and medallion men please go out and but these things. Then the rest of us can benefit from the advances in this sort fo tech in years to come.

'If cloud existed decades ago, backups wouldn't have been developed'

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

Re: shhhhh...

And we didn't have the Internet. Networks didn't exist before the age of the Internet. SNA and all that LU6.2 stuff was just a dream.

'Why Digital?' Seriously? You plainly don't Get It enough. Or at all

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
Coat

Re: Oh my dear Lord

he has obviously been smoking to many Bong's!!!!

Coat, leaving now for the Boozer. Mine a pint if Harvey's Best please.

Shove off, ugly folk, says site for people who love themselves

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

Three things come to mind here

1) The Groucho Marx saying

I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member

2) The Carly Simon song

You're so Vain

3) The 1960's band 'The Pretty Things' who were not that pretty.

I say, let them stew in this own self gratification of wonder. Who says that they are that pretty anyway?

Canadian bloke refuses to hand over phone password, gets cuffed

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
Coat

Re: CAN$25,000 (US$19,900)

No one on the right side of the 'pond' believes what that comic (formerly known as the Daily Mail) says.

Their headlines are straight out of the drawer marked 'National Enquirer rip-offs'.

mines the one with a copy of the London Gazette in the pocket.

UK spaceport, phase two: Now where do we PUT the bleeding thing?

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
Facepalm

Obvious location is...

Parliament Square

There's enough hot air coming out of Parliament to send the thing into space....

Samsung-Microsoft deal will bundle Office 365 with Android Knox

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
Mushroom

Embrace, Extend...

Embrace - Announce support for a competitors OS

Extend - Sign up to ship your crap with a major player

you know the rest.

Samsung is a goner. HTC will be next.

Suddenly there are no major Android makers other than Google and Moto.

Windows Phone gets to 20%. Sataya gets a 50% bonus.

Siri goes apoplectic.

Job done.

Sysadmins: Step away from the Big Mac. No more Heartbleed-style 2am patch dashes

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: When I read "Step away from the Big Mac"

Quote

I was not thinking so-called "food".

Well said Mr S. IMHO, call a Big Mac food is a violation of common sense (YMMV)

HP gulps down Aruba Networks for $3bn

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

Caveat Emptor

Let's hope that HP had done their due diligence properly this time.

If they haven't then Meg's reign could well come to an abrupt end.

Telly behemoths: Does size matter?

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

Magpie and School?

I went to a Bog Standard Comprehensive thanks to Harold Wilson's Government.

I hated Magpie. I got my Blue Peter badge so that tell you what camp I was in.

Forget Chelsea vs {the rest} for rivalry, BP vs Magpie was just as bad.

As for a TV. Just the one in my house. A 42in LG jobby with FreeView and FreeSat. About 5ys old now.

I'll research any replacement very carefully. No TV of mine will ever be connected to the Internet. So if it don't work without being able to phone home then I won't buy it,

Guess who filed most Euro patents in 2014? Yep, still Samsung

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

Beat you!

My Patent application reads

Making things fall down using gravity using a Computer and or other internet connected device

BOFH: The ONE-NINE uptime solution

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
Pint

Re: Badges?

They are obviously thinking of the 'Badger' that is very drinkable around this time of day on a Friday.

NERDGASM as Apple announces 'special event'

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
Pint

Don't worry, it is Friday (TGIF...)

Apple doesn't do PR in El Reg's direction, on the basis of ancient grudges about our predilection for colourful language and not being gushy about everything it does.

Is it any wonder given the style of headlines that appear hear when there is a story even remotely connected to 'crapple'?

Perhaps the headline writers are auditioning for a job on the Daily Star?

Anyway, have one (not on me coz I ain't been paid yet) and perhaps you can try even harder next week? You guys will probably go all apoplectic when the A-Watch is released. It will make interesting reading (no not about the watch) for those headlines alone.

NO ONE is making money from YouTube, even Google – report

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

Re: I think you'll find this is actually...

a.k.a The Hollywood Rules of Corporate Accounting.

For example, none of the Harry Potter films made even $1 in profit.

Google deal means game over for mobile payments firm Softcard

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

Isis?

A nice place for a 'punt' on a Summer's Evening if you are around Oxford when the 'nobs' have gone home.

The 'isis' crew can also be seen battling it out with 'goldie' on the Thames.

Norton Internet Security antivirus update 'borked Internet Explorer'

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
FAIL

Epic Fail here

On the part of Norton not nuking IE from the system once and for all.

For pity's sake, you fool! DON'T UPGRADE it will make it worse

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

Re: US International layout (Windows)

This advice is all well and good BUT

(the following mostly applies to Windows)

1) Many corporate devices are so locked down that you can't change the keyboard from US English. This applies to devices in used all over the world.

2) Plugging in even an international English Keyboard is a possible sacking offence even in non financial/medical/defence companies.

Even worse the keyboard needs a driver that you can't install because... you can guess the rest.

3) These corporate devices sometimes won't let you even change the handiness on a mouse.

4) Most US based support desks don't have a clue when you mention things like a 'cedilla' and think this this # is a pound sign and can't understand that this '£' is.

Currency signs other than $$$$$ are just not in their Vocabulary.

How many Watches will Apple flog? 20, er, 18.5, no, five, wait, 50 million!

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
FAIL

Bloody anal(ysts)

If they think that 50 millions suckers will go out and buy this POS.

Notice that Apple hasn't forcast any sales?

1-2 Milllion (for the die-hard Fanboi/FanGirl) is my estimate especially as once the 'This thing sucks' reviews start raining on us.

Total failure on the part of these so called experts.

I have to wonder ho many are preparing to storh Apple Stock? Big up a crap product and when the share price falls, they can make a killing.

Shoot the lot of em!

UK.gov can't get farmers onto its Verify service – even to claim subsidies

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
Coat

Re: Slow connection

Aren't all GOV.UK projects Flashy by default? How else will the tech illiterate Minister sign them off?

Cue Homer Simpson 'Oooooohhhhhhh Flash' moment

Ok, I'm outa here. Coat with a Flashlight in the pocket.

Microsoft's patchwork falls apart … AGAIN!

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
FAIL

Office 2010 Patches as well

The last patch Tuesday had a shed load of Office patches.

After they were duly applied, suddenly all my 'Print To' was going to OneNote. Not that I'd ever used it.

All my Default Language settings in Word were back to US English (not really English if you ask me). The print size was US Letter (WTF).

Why do you mess up with the customisations like this? Come on, we deserve a good reason.

Not impressed at all.

Come on Microsoft you really have to do better.

Hence the Fail Icon.

'We have NO IDEA who put those ads on our TVs', Sammy simpers

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

Samsung don't know who put the ads there?

Bullshite.

Now we have news that they are going to pre-load Microsoft Apps onto the S6 (cue much gnashing of teeth by Fandroids and very justified IMHO).

IMHO, they seen to be flapping around all over the place trying to find a niche where they can make some money. Rather sad really becuase I'm sure that at one time they felt that they could out Apple, Apple.

Microsoft launches wobbly Windows 10 phone preview for Lumia daredevils only

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

Ah, the wonder of woolies

sorry windows.

I just did a Server 2008 R2 Update. 66Mb download and somehow more than 1Gb of disk space disappeared.

The mysteries seem to keep right on coming like a Soap Opera plotline.

BLAME ENGINEERS: Workstation sales soar by 8.9 per cent a year

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

So where's the laptop

(ok luggable)

that can :-

1) take 64Gb RAM?

2) Have a screen better than 1920x1080

3) has a CPU better than an Quad Core i7

4) Comes with 2TB of M-Sata SSD

My HP Laptop runs at least 6 VM's most days. 28-30Gb ram.

sure this is an exception but like another poster says, this is my personal go anywhere cloud server.

Free WiFi coming to UK trains ... in two years

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

Re: The Size of My Package...

At least when your train is stuck inside Gasworks Tunnel waiting for Platform 0 to become free the Twitterarti can't complain about it to the outside world.

So unlike what happens outside Waterloo. I've seen people tweet when we have been held at signals for 30 secs and we are still early and ontime when we pull into the platform.

Gleeful Apple and Microsoft bathe in bathfuls of debt

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

Don't forget

all those lovely sub-prime mortgages that were sold to millions of Americans.

They had a big impact as well.

Cortana to form circle of life in Windows 10

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
Happy

Yes But...

Microsoft has revealed more details of just how its personal assistant Cortana will work in Windows 10

Ok, hands up all those here that will turn this off right after installation?

Or will MS make it respond...

"I'm sorry Dave, I can't allow that."

When we try.

Internet of Thieves: All that shiny home security gear is crap, warns HP

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
FAIL

HP is taking the Sauce!

HP are simply saying that 'Out Snake Oil is better than other brands of snake oil'.

The only HP I have in my home is a brown bottle of stuff for using on Bacon Sarnies.

Samsung: Our TVs? Spying on you? Ha Ha! Just a joke of course

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
Megaphone

Re: Yes, Samsung TVs are spying on you

But Cortana knows more (according to the MS TV adverts)

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

Er?

But does anyone actually believe what Samsung are saying?

wouldn't they have a bunch of clients all lined up for this juicy data feed. Think of all that 'sex in front of the telly' sound and video that they are now not going to get.

Just what the company needs to prop up their sagging finances.

Keyless vehicle theft suspects cuffed after key Met Police, er, 'lockdown'

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

Re: Just a beginning?

Police? Oh, I seem to remember seeing one around here once upon a time.

They've closed all the local Plod Stations so I'd have to trek into Blazingspoke some 20+ miles away (After making an appointment) to get my bike frame etched. How many people who got a bike for Christmas will be getting their marked? Not many is my guess.

Microsoft explains Windows as a SERVICE – but one version remains a distant dream

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
Unhappy

Windows 10 is Dead. Long live windows 10

We should really be talking about Windows 365 not that Redmond has Trademarked it.

(in the US at least)

Get your subscriptions ready chaps.

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

Re: One teensy question

Don't you have to actually disable the Windows Update Service to stop this from happening?

If you didn't do that then perhaps someone changed the Windows update settings.

But honestly, given the number of bum patches the MS (they aren't alone here are the Apple?) have released why would you leave any critical machine running with windows update allowed to apply the patches automatically?

Calling a friend? Listen to an advert. You lucky, lucky thing

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
Mushroom

Zero Wastage?

More like 100% wastage if I encounter this on call I make.

There is no way that I am going to hold on while somthing that I don't want and am not interested in is advertised to me.

Like other posters I'll probably send them an email stating the reasons why their company has lost me as a customer. If enough of us do this then perhaps (yeah right!!!!) this 'feature' will be consigned to the great waste bin in the sky.

No, No ,No. This is so wrong.

To the people who dreamed this up please see the icon for what I'd like to do to you.

Post-pub nosh neckfiller: The Red Dwarf chilli chutney egg sarnie

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

Re: Listers chutney

Farmers Markets can also be a source of decently hot chutney. I bought some just before crimble at one not far from Norwich. Being used very sparingly.

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
Pint

Nice Recipe

Shame about the Bread.

Ok, I'm a bit of a bread snob. Any bread made using the Chorleywood process is IMHO crap.

Now, it you had put the eggs etc between some chunky slices of my homemade Rye and Wholemeal Bread then the end result would be gobsmackingly yummy.

Kneading Bread is very theraputic after a hard day fighting software bugs.

Smartphones don’t dumb you down, they DUMB you UP

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
Facepalm

GPS and SatNav

A friend of my other half lives 400yds from her local Tesco. you can see it from their driveway. But everytime she goes she sets the SatNav. The same for the return.

When asked why she did this when you can see the place from home, the reply was, 'There might be a traffic jam and I can take an alternative route if this tells me to'.

Doh! Facepalm and everything else.

Not that far from where I live there is a dirt road. At the start of it there is a 6ft high notice saying,

SATNAV Drivers STOP. Go back. This road does not go to *******.

almost on a daily basis, an HGV (usually from foreign parts) gets stuck half way down. The local Truck breakdown service charges 200GBP to get them out but still they come.

What is the use case for this bit of tech again?

I'm sure it might have some use (I use paper maps) but for most of us, it is IMHO nothing more than a distraction.

"Eff off Cortana"

"I'm sorry Dave I can't do that."

Legion of Superheroes fly in from Redmond for SQLBits bash

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
Holmes

Superhero's?

IMHO that means all MS Staff will come dressed as Superman or SuperWoman. After all their products are indestructable aren't they?

'Privacy is DAMAGING to PROGRESS' says Irish big data whitepaper

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
Coat

Re: Wot?

It is a wonder that they didn't cite the 8th Century Félire Óengusso (In Irish naturally) as a reason for not wanting privacy.

Ok, It is Friday and all that.

Avast there: MEELLIONS of Androiders scuttled by 'adware' game app

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: Malware Solution

Minimum Wage Barrista's can't afford the solution.

Neither can most people so they just get on with life.

Bankruptcy could see RadioShack close doors for good – report

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
Coat

Re: High street stores are irrelevant

When the chips are down

mines the one with a dog eared copy of June 1972 ETI in the pocket

Dixons Carphone clings to EE, Three in Phones 4U bullet dodge

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

Yeah

They are wetting themselves with the thought of all those service contracts that will bring 10000% more profit than they make on the devices themselves.

I can see the TV ad now.

"With the Dixons (of dock green) Connected System, it calls us when there are problems so we can serve you better (and sell you more interconnected crap)

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
Holmes

Re: No

Don't for get the Warranty that costs 1/3 of the price of the device!

Google Now now SLURPS data from third party apps so YOU don't have to

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
Mushroom

Relevant Information?

Relevant to Who exactly?

my guess is not the owner of the device.

Where the 'up yours' Icon when you need it?

Living with a Renault Twizy: Pah! Bring out the HOVERCRAFT

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

Er?

Wasn't it Richard Hammond who had a whizzo prang due to his carbon fibre velocipede getting stuck in some tram lines?

Back to this little beast.

It does seem to be an answer where the question got lost. It is neither one thing nor another.

Renault probably built it to satisfy some french beaurocrat's tick list.

On the plus side, seeing it on Top Gear and now reading a review does help us get a better picture of its suitability.

Probably ok for the commute to Effingham Jcn station and that's it.

{effingham because that's what you will be doing when you get back on the 20:15 from waterloo and find that some scumbag has nicked it}

Smartphones merge into homogeneous mass as 'flagship fatigue' bites

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

How does this square up with...

the 76 million flagship phones that Apple sold last quarter?

come on Mr O, we'd like an explanation or perhaps people are just turning away from flagship phones made by companies other than Apple?

Otherwise, the article is saying,

Apple is Doomed I tell ye, doomed.

Wheeee! BT preps for FIVE HUNDRED MEGABIT broadband trial

Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

If....

BT were to offer a Fibre connection to premises there the last bit is from a pole and overhead to the premises then an awful lot of propeties could be connected quickly and (relatively) cheaply. No need to dig up people's driveways.

But pig might fly because this is BT isn't it?