* Posts by Natalie Gritpants

549 posts • joined 9 May 2007

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PAH! Four decades of Star Wars: No lightsabers, no palm-sized video calls

Natalie Gritpants

3d holographic comms - load of wank

Seriously, who needs this? Email/SMS/audio/morse is fine for relaying a message. It's only in Star Wars because that is a film and it needed something cool for the audience to gawp at. Other SF films have done it better.

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Dell BIOS update borks PCs

Natalie Gritpants

Wonder what they have to do to get zero stars?

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FYI: You can blow Intel-powered broadband modems off the 'net with a 'trivial' packet stream

Natalie Gritpants

Can you disable IPv4 on these devices?

Just throwing away IPv4 packets shouldn't slow it down.

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HMRC beer duty bungle leaves breweries struggling to pay online

Natalie Gritpants

Wrexham Lager is not a brewery

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Prisoners built two PCs from parts, hid them in ceiling, connected to the state's network and did cybershenanigans

Natalie Gritpants

Odd that there were network ports available inside the secure area

WiFi I could understand as it is hard to block completely but any ethernet ports should not be there or be routed only to the CCTV recording machines.

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BT's spam blocker IDs accident claims as top nuisance call

Natalie Gritpants

Any chance of getting the top ten offender companies directors names and addresses onto a kickstarter fund for a hitman?

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Intel's buggy Puma 6 chipset earns Arris a gigabit-modem lawsuit

Natalie Gritpants

Any more details on the Puma 6 problem?

I worked on the docsis demod part of puma7, it was a complete redesign so have no idea about bugs in 6 or 7, my contract ended at RTL delivery and these things have a massive firmware component to go which may or may not be common. If it's a hardware problem the fix is to send out new modems with new ASICs in them. Am now working on fixed wireless broadband and it uses FPGAs, more expensive per unit but you can update in the field (much cheaper than sending someone up a high tower with a new box).

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Crafty Fokker: Norfolk surgeon builds Red Baron triplane replica

Natalie Gritpants

The actual quote from his wife

"It's taken so many years and he's dedicated all his holidays and weekends to it so we've seen so little of each other I've really started to hate the Focker"

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Lochs, rifle stocks and two EPIC sea gates: Thomas Telford's Highland waterway

Natalie Gritpants

Don't forget the official name of Loch Lochy

is Lochy McLochface

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Banking group denied access to iPhones' NFC chips for alt.Apple.Pay

Natalie Gritpants

So, is Apple the plucky underdog now?

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UK gov draws driverless car test zone around M40 corridor

Natalie Gritpants

Re: Technology to save lives

More and bigger public transport won't work. You can't get a bus down my lane and it's too far to walk to the nearest bus stop even without shopping so I just get in the car.

A fleet of publicly owned driverless cars may work if there are enough for them to be treated as cheap taxis and they may be better for the environment if there are so many that there is always a free one nearby (that's why taxis are so bad - they spend half their journeys with just the driver i.e. zero passengers).

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3

IT contractors behind IR35 calculator to leave HMRC... because of IR35

Natalie Gritpants

Here's a saw

I want you to climb that tree, sit on that branch and saw it off.

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Creators Update gives Windows 10 a bit of an Edge, but some old annoyances remain

Natalie Gritpants

"Now here comes the Creators Update, or version 1703"

Complete with millennium bug by the looks of that version scheme.

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UK.gov gears up for IR35 private sector crackdown – say industry folk

Natalie Gritpants

Re: Europe is looking better..

From personal experience the tax regime in Holland and The Irish Repbulic are not as contractor friendly as the UK. I believe Germany is also quite tough.

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HMRC emits IR35 tax calculator onto the web for UK contractors

Natalie Gritpants

Re: What items does the worker have to buy...

My brain is the equipment in question, I transfer ownership from my PSC back to human me at the end of every contract and back again at the start of the next. I have the paperwork to prove it (or will have very soon, wikis are great).

If you're going down the CE gadget route, I would say a mobile phone is better as they usually are allowed on the guest network of clients, You can use it for official work communications and leave your personal one at home/in back pocket. You don't even have to buy brand new.

Of course you can have a shiny new laptop every contract if you want and this is a good reason to get it approved by the CFO.

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BONG! Lasers crack Big Ben frequency riddle BONG! No idea what to do with this info BONG!

Natalie Gritpants

Puzzled why they went up the tower steps

It's a laser so why not take the lift up a nearby skyscraper and point it through the window? Quieter too and there's posh coffee in the lobby.

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IBM: Voluntary redundo offer? Ticked. Min stat terms? Ticked

Natalie Gritpants

Don't see the point of accepting those terms, May as well stick around on full salary while they get around to forcible redundancy, and drink plenty of free coffee while job hunting on company time.

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More brilliant Internet of Things gadgetry: A £1,300 mousetrap

Natalie Gritpants

Much better to dunk the trap in a bucket of water, better for the environment, not the mouse obviously.

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Is your child a hacker? Liverpudlian parents get warning signs checklist

Natalie Gritpants

Nearly got the full list

Just need to get an onion router and I'm all set. Does a garlic press count?

I tried to do a dab once and got my fingers stuck in a chandelier.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, HMRC confirms Verify can STFU

Natalie Gritpants

That last paragraph looks like the best they can do is lose 300M in 5 years. Keep up the good work guys, obviously going in the right direction.

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1

That's cute. AI and IoT need 'ethics regulation', mumbles Lib Dem baron

Natalie Gritpants

"I had not realised that an algorithm, programmed by an engineer, can, for example, take the decision to bin an application,"

Probably get better results than say - a busy HR person just binning the bottom two thirds of the CV pile. But heaven forbid, how can I go to one of my old school chums with my child's CV if it's going to be looked at by a thing that didn't go to a nice school.

1
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New measurement alerts! Badgers, great white sharks and the Lindisfarne Gospel

Natalie Gritpants

I really must remember that the next time I go to pick up a badger

but maybe the priority should go to remembering to put on chainmail.

9
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AT&T ready to trial latest attempt at pumping internet over power lines

Natalie Gritpants

Re: Can anyone say "SCADA"?

Possibly because if you're getting the internet from a cell tower taking down the power to that tower also takes down your internet connection anyway.

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Chinese bloke cycles 500km to get home... in the wrong direction

Natalie Gritpants

Re: If only all coppers were so nice

Seven titties and two arses in that rant, You need help.

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Batman v Superman leads Razzie nominations

Natalie Gritpants

Re: The Oscars are clueless

So your were all ready to go - as what? The carpet licker or the one with mental illness?

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Outage-hit Lloyds Bank in talks to outsource data centres to IBM

Natalie Gritpants

I heard some wise person once say "banks are just websites with a banking license". If Lloyds outsources the website what are you left with? A management team and some high street shops that you are desperate to get rid of?

What's to stop IBM getting a banking license and then offering to buy the Lloyds brand at a knock-down price?

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Tell us about that $1m horse, Mr Samsung: Bribery probe slips deep into South Korean giant

Natalie Gritpants

Re: Thoroughbred?

Wouldn't surprise me if the type of horse got changed as the story got passed around as the real type is probably very complex (e.g. 3/4 Danish warmblood, 1/8 Haflinger, 1/8 donkey). Most people know thoroughbred means expensive, it's the Champagne of horses.

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Anti-smut law dubs PCs, phones 'pornographic vendor machines', demands internet filters

Natalie Gritpants

"face-to-face encounter, either in person or through other means"

I really don't fancy a face-to-face encounter without my person being there at the same time.

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Vinyl and streaming sales offset CD decline in UK music sales

Natalie Gritpants

Re: @ It's understandable...

The English vocabulary has lots of words for describing sounds: treble, bass, midrange, soprano, alto, tenor, crackly, wow, noisy.

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HBO slaps takedown demand on 13-year-old girl's painting because it used 'Winter is coming'

Natalie Gritpants

Re: overhaul?

No, you can't because I own the trademark on 'Hey, gritters'

Sincerely

Gritters

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Guess King Battistelli's plan to fix the Euro Patent Office. Yep, give himself more power

Natalie Gritpants

Thankfully it's only patents

It could be something important.

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Erasure coding startup springs forth from Silicon Fjord

Natalie Gritpants

How does this compare to LDPC?

The post is required, and must contain letters.

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BAE Systems' autonomous research aircraft flies itself to Scotland

Natalie Gritpants

Is it me?

I see phrases like "systems technology" and "electronic eye" and I think the 1960s are back.

One more thing, if their electronic eye is meant to detect cloud and route around it the plane will never get to Inverness.

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Rivals' keyword marketing activity censured by High Court

Natalie Gritpants

Wisdom of Solomon is required here

Both companies to be wound up for prattishness and "Victoria[n] Plum[b[ing]]" removed from available trademarks

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Drops the mic... Hang on, hackers could be listening through my headphones?

Natalie Gritpants

Re: I think I'll just.....

Don't do that, your health insurance provider will work out how much coffee you drink.

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Emulating x86: Microsoft builds granny flat into Windows 10

Natalie Gritpants

Re: Put an x86 processor in the dock?

Yes, very sensible, except for licensing. Do you add a license cost to each dock in which case it may as well be a PC with a USB cable to access to phone data? If not then there is nothing stopping you buying a cheap windows phone and running Exchange Pro-Annihilator on the dock with no license payable.

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User needed 40-minute lesson in turning it off and turning it on again

Natalie Gritpants

On stuff that old the colour of an LED is usually visible, the prompt is probably burnt into the CRT phosphor. flashing I can't explain, maybe he was blinking.

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Security bods find Android phoning home. Home being China

Natalie Gritpants

I just tried "Show pictures of me Percy"

and got quite a surprise. Well done Google. Some of those photos weren't even taken by me and I can't remember it happening but hey, the camera never lies.

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NHS IT bod sends test email to 850k users – and then responses are sent 'reply all'

Natalie Gritpants

Re: Only 70 or 80 people

Thiose 70 are the ones who's reply-all have gone through, the other 10000 are sitting in outboxes waiting for the email server to come back on line.

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Accessories to crime: Facial recog defeated by wacky paper glasses

Natalie Gritpants

I knew these two were terrorists

Timmy Mallet and Edna Evarage

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Pluck-filled platter-stuff: Bold disk drive makers fatten up

Natalie Gritpants

> If so, then why not have a horizontal spindle 6" long with platter diameter between than in a 2.5" and 3.5" drive.

Because the PC will literally fall over when it spins up.

I had a V8 Rover P6 with soggy suspension. It used to rock side to side when you revved it.

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Vatican and musicians at odds over appropriate use of crematorium leftovers

Natalie Gritpants

Re: Who the hell...

Interesting that you believe in hell. Just saying.

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And so we enter day seven of King's College London major IT outage

Natalie Gritpants

Re: Many years ago...

I was there and heard the same story though never experienced it. Also jobs were submitted by undergrads on wads of punched cards (two elastic bands were the equivalent of raid5 and the smart ones drew a diagonal line in felt tip on the edge of the stack for fast recovery). Anyway the story was that you could stick several copies of the offending instruction in your stack and each one would cause a crash. Apparently there was no way to remove cards from the machine once they had got that far in.

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AI software should be able to register its own patents, law prof argues

Natalie Gritpants

Great idea

I have been worried about what happens if the clever machines decide to declare war on humanity and this seems a great way to make sure the machines are forever busy fighting themselves in an endless and growing internal fight. It's worked well for people too - most psychopaths are now busy being patent lawyers although there are a few that are still roaming around as CEOs that need to be rounded up.

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The exploding Note 7 is no surprise – leaked Samsung doc highlights toxic internal culture

Natalie Gritpants

excretes?

Obviously a very advanced being, most humans are still stuck with typing out non-functioning kernel releases full of buffer overflow and use-after-free exploits

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Early indications show UK favouring 'hard Brexit', says expert

Natalie Gritpants

Re: "Great Repeal Bill"

> After all, I'm a living ancestor of all my great-great-great-great-great-grandparents

You could make a fortune selling rides on that time machine of yours.

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Edinburgh University to flog its supercomputer for £0.0369 per core hour

Natalie Gritpants

So by reckoning if you use all the cores it's £7,439.04 per hour. It will have paid for itself in 134 hours (just over a week). Doesn't sound like a bargain.

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What a time to be alive: Nissan reveals self-driving chair

Natalie Gritpants

Bit jerky

Not the vid, the chairs. Do they work when running on coffee splattered floors?

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Revealed: The true horror of being a big CEO

Natalie Gritpants

Up at 4:30, neither eats nor drinks

He'll be so dehydrated and sleep deprived it is a good thing he only concentrates on sales and operations, imaging the damage if he was in charge of product design.

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