* Posts by AceRimmer1980

252 posts • joined 22 Jun 2009

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Boffins have fabricated microscopic sci-fi tractor beams for real

AceRimmer1980
Coat

Re: using beams of light to manipulate atoms.

would you need Newtonian mechanics to service your tractor beam?

F***=off, Google tells its staff: Any mention of nookie now banned from internal files, URLs

AceRimmer1980
Headmaster

Re: Frak those frakking toasters

What if, say, you live in Scunthorpe and want to write to your Aunty in a small Austrian village. You know the one.

It may be poor man's Photoshop, but GIMP casts a Long Shadow with latest update

AceRimmer1980
Pint

I miss Deluxe Paint

Is there an easy way to select an area and instantly use it as brush, like DPaint could 30 years ago?

Drama as boffins claim to reach the Holy Grail of superconductivity

AceRimmer1980
Pint

Re:Boffins claim to reach the Holy Grail of superconductivity

If the data plots are the same..she's made of silver/gold..and therefore..superconductive.

It is a silly place.

Space, the final Trump-tier: America to beam up $8bn for Space Force

AceRimmer1980
Thumb Up

Re: Excellent sub-head!

Co-ed showers! I'm doing my part.

Rather a little *too* vigorously..

AceRimmer1980
Alien

Re: One little sticking point

I will make it..legal..

Profit-strapped Symantec pulls employee share scheme

AceRimmer1980

This. Even when stuff is mentioned at the interview to sucker you in, by the time it's listed in the contract, all perks (bonus, parking space, flexible hours, stock etc.) are almost always accompanied by 'at the discretion of the management'. #classicbaitandswitch

AceRimmer1980
Flame

Re: About those beancounters

Just because they took your stapler.

Sorry, Neil Armstrong. Boffins say you may not have been first life-form to set foot on the Moon

AceRimmer1980
Alien

Primordial soup dragons.

Tech support chap given no training or briefing before jobs, which is why he was arrested

AceRimmer1980

Or the basement, when the stairs are out.

At last – a use for AI! Predicting an England World Cup victory

AceRimmer1980
Terminator

Sir, the odds of successfully negotiating a football field are a million to one

Never tell me the odds.

Boffins bash out bonkers boost for batteries

AceRimmer1980
Thumb Up

Mobe charged once a week

Ooh, say, like my Nokia E71 from 10 years ago :P

America's forgotten space station and a mission tinged with urine, we salute you

AceRimmer1980
Alien

I need to boldly go

Number One.

NASA's TESS mission in distress, Mars Express restart is a success

AceRimmer1980
Coat

Re: Turn it off and on again

So the 15 minute delay isn't due to lightspeed limitations, it's just Roy answering the phone.

Penis pothole protester: Cambridge's 'Wanksy' art shows feted

AceRimmer1980
Pint

Or pass a members-only bill.

AceRimmer1980
IT Angle

Re: "a semi at 69 Cock Lane"

Or a DIY enthusiast.

Fear the Reaper: Man hospitalised after eating red hot chilli pepper

AceRimmer1980
IT Angle

*Real* willy-waving also includes not washing your hands first..

NASA fungus problem puts theory of 'Martian mushrooms' on toast

AceRimmer1980
Mushroom

I say we nuke the site from orbit

You've not seen Andromeda Strain, have you..

Oh bucket! Unpack the suitcases. TRAPPIST-1 planets too wet to support life

AceRimmer1980
Alien

Just in time for the 500th anniversary of the Mayflower, colonists will depart for the gnarly surf planet.

Fermi famously asked: 'Where is everybody?' Probably dead, says renewed Drake equation

AceRimmer1980
Go

Re: Obligatory DNA

Coffee has been discredited in Improbability drives, due to some unethical (and highly improbable) figures from drives that could detect when they were being tested.

Stick to a nice hot cup of tea, can get nearly 8,767,128:1 from a cup of Tetley.

For all we know, aliens could be as careless with space junk as us

AceRimmer1980
Alien

Re: Low cost disposal....

Hello, we're from the Council.

We've warned you before about putting dilithium in the carbonite-only recycling bin.

Next time, it's Resyk for you!

ESA builds air-breathing engine that works in space

AceRimmer1980
Coat

Re: Typo

Bussard central, shurely?

Boffins upload worm's brain into a computer, teach it tricks

AceRimmer1980
Coat

Hex has worms?

It may work if they can get all the bugs into it.

What did we say about Tesla's self-driving tech? SpaceX Roadster skips Mars, steers to asteroids

AceRimmer1980
Alien

But sir

The chances of anything going to Mars are a million to one.

"Never tell me the odds."

MY GOD, IT'S FULL OF CARS: SpaceX parks a Tesla in orbit (just don't mention the barge)

AceRimmer1980
Thumb Up

Re: Kudos on the headline

And Blue Danube on the radio, while it self-docks.

Robot takes the job of sitting on your arse

AceRimmer1980
Terminator

The Cushionator

after Bender's girlfriend on the Moon.

Jupiter flashes pulsating southern pole, boffins understandably baffled

AceRimmer1980
Alien

I can't believe there's no 'probe Uranus' joke

For shame.

'Screaming' man fined $149 for singing 'Everybody Dance Now'

AceRimmer1980
Coat

Altogether now..

"I fought the law, and the..law won.."

Yes, British F-35 engines must be sent to Turkey for overhaul

AceRimmer1980
Coat

Re: Nice plane

What's our vector, Victor?

Argh, my loafer just fell down the rope ladder! Yes, I'm in the Microsoft treehouse

AceRimmer1980
Devil

Treehouse of Horror

Hey, it looks like you're trying to escape..

US Congress mulls first 'hack back' revenge law. And yup, you can guess what it'll let people do

AceRimmer1980
Coat

ACDC?

Cyberspace

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

Dog Eat Dog

Got You by the Balls

etc.

New coding language Fetlang's syntax designed to read like 'poorly written erotica'

AceRimmer1980
Gimp

Not recommended for graphical applications

The colour palette only goes from #000000 to #313131

Google touts Babel Fish-esque in-ear real-time translators. And the usual computer stuff

AceRimmer1980
Coat

It's a dead giveaway, isn't it

No, it appears you have to buy them separately.

Commodore 64 makes a half-sized comeback

AceRimmer1980
Pint

Re: Look in the loft

There you go - that's CPC's for you :P

Seriously though, if you learned to bash the C64 metal in 6510 assembly, that taught a lot of the underlying principles for playing with Arduinos and the like.

And the games were frankly more fun. And the SID chip..And $D011 raster effects that needed the exact amount of NOP's to work..

Pumpkin bumpkins battle, 800kg monstrosity wins

AceRimmer1980

Be sure to apply the pumpkin patch.

</desparate IT angle>

30 strong fingers but still no happy ending for robotic back rub

AceRimmer1980
Terminator

Re: Wrong idea Dabsy

Terminator:Salve Lotion

Dildon'ts of Bluetooth: Pen test boffins sniff out Berlin's smart butt plugs

AceRimmer1980

Re: Innuendo

Must be an Italian product.

AceRimmer1980
Coat

So that's how the Analytical Engine was named.

You better explain yourself, mister: DARPA's mission to make an accountable AI

AceRimmer1980
Facepalm

I am incapable of being wrong

What are you doing, Dave?

Microsoft: We've made a coding language for a quantum computer that may or may not exist

AceRimmer1980
Coat

And managing a team of developers in said language

is like herding quantum cats.

15 'could it be aliens?' fast radio bursts observed in one night

AceRimmer1980
Pint

Re: Good day

No, it's just an American radio ham operating QRP.

AceRimmer1980
Alien

Re: Arkintoofle Minor

is a planet which is home to the Hingefreel race. This race attempted to build ships powered by bad news, as this has the well-known ability to travel faster than light. However, the idea was soon abandoned as the ships were unwelcome wherever they landed (or attempted to do so).

(c) Sun-Earther Douglas 'DNA' Adams of Cambridge.

Hubble Space Telescope spies possibility of liquid water in TRAPPIST-1

AceRimmer1980
Coat

Re: @Pascal

I doubt the Trappists are saying 'hello', or anything much, really..

Blighty’s beloved Big Ben bell ends, may break Brexit bargain

AceRimmer1980
IT Angle

Well at least they can put The Internet somewhere else, it's wireless.

Ancient IETF 'teapot' gag preserved for posterity as a standard

AceRimmer1980
Pint

Enterprise Javabeans

404 Earl Grey not found

South London: Rats! The rodents have killed the internet

AceRimmer1980
Coat

We clearly need more cats on the Internet.

Watch this nanochip reprogram cells to fix damaged body tissue

AceRimmer1980
Thumb Up

Glanding 'Snap' would help with my caffeine fixation.

Cancel your summer trip to nearby Proxima b. No chance of life, room service, say boffins

AceRimmer1980
Alien

It was inhabitable, until they voted for Proxit.

Google drops poker face, allows gambling apps on Play Store

AceRimmer1980
Facepalm

Re: Is there always an element of chance in poker?

Many games have *an element* of chance. I have never heard backgammon described as 'gambling', even with random dice throws.

If chance is all there is, then yes, it's gambling. Betting on horse racing is gambling, because you're watching the gee-gees from a distance, and you have no influence over the outcome.

Poker is considered gaming,not gambling, because all the players have the same element of chance, and you are *actively taking part and playing the game yourself*. If you have more skill, then you will win more often than not. Explain how pro poker players consistently win against random online players.

To truly stay anonymous online, make sure your writing is as dull as the dullest conference call you can imagine

AceRimmer1980
Windows

Re: I'm mostly a Windows user

Hey, it looks like you're trying to hide your identity. Want some help?

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