* Posts by Your alien overlord - fear me

1717 posts • joined 19 Jun 2009

User filed fake trouble tickets to take helpful sysadmin to lunches

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Had a small business call and asked for me to fix their system (Windows server and a few PCs, lots of Macs). Got a 24 pack of Stella because they knew I could fix things and have a laugh when other engineers would just go 'nah mate, don't touch Macs' and walk off.

Happened more than once (hic) !!!

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Uber, Twitter's legal eagles gather to wring claws about bro culture

Your alien overlord - fear me
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where we can’t operate with integrity

But spreading fake news is OK with you lawyers?

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'Coke dealer' called us after his stash was stolen – cops

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Facepalm

The Aussie bird was right

my local pot dealer charges through the nose for a decent Le Cruset pot, let alone their frying pans :-)

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UK households hit by 1.8m computer misuse offences in a year

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Re: Is twatting a fly with your laptop...

only if you actually hit the fly !!

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Your alien overlord - fear me
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17,000 people had 1.1 million viruses? They should be taken off the internet to let the rest of us surf safely !!!!

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Reborn Nokia phones biz loses its head

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Re: Hard to believe

Sony was Sony Ericsson. And where is Ericsson nowadays? Not even a name on a Chinese clone.

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Your alien overlord - fear me
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Won't they even release sales figures of the 3310 to see if the hype was matched with actual sales?

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China's 'future-proof' crypto: We talk to firm behind crazy quantum key distribution network

Your alien overlord - fear me
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I'm no quantum crypto specialist but if you read the key and the state gets changed from 0 to 1 (or 1 to 0), surely you just read the key twice and it goes back to it's original state and both end users are none the wiser. Or am I missing something even more obvious?

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NASA whistles up electron noise from the Van Allen belt

Your alien overlord - fear me
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In space, no one can hear you scream.

But listening to some rocks in space, just fine !!

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Google must cough up contact info for 8,000 employees in gender discrimination case

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Can't the OFCCP just get the payroll info from the US tax dept?

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Ew! HTC jams pop-up adverts into people's smartphone keyboards

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Why other with even a 3rd party keyboard when google provides an adequate on natively?

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The Atari retro games box is real… sort of

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Hopefully it'll include a more ergonomic joystick - theirs killed your hand after a few hours.

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Media mogul Murdoch's 'Sky dataset' swallow poses 'grave threat'

Your alien overlord - fear me
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But the peers fail to realise the print/TV angle for political manipulation. Also, since when was Murdoch a Russian? Why would he be interested in deciding who runs the country? :-)

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Nearly three-quarters of convicted TV Licence non-payers are women

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Holmes

140,000 in court and 101,000 women found guilty. Doesn't mean to say the other 39,000 weren't women who were found innocent.

Elementary my dear Watson.

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Google unleashes 20m lab-created blood-thirsty freaks on a city. And this is a good thing, it says

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Mushroom

So when natural selection let's even one female mosquito lay fertile eggs after being mated with a Wolbachia male, then a new super mossie is born. It'd never happen n a lab (too small a sample) but 20 million in the wild. I suggest buying shares in DEET producing companies !!!

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Physicists send supersonic shock waves rippling through a lab

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Trollface

Yeah, I've done that. Passing wind after a curry night sends shock waves throughout my office !!!

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Pastor la vista, baby! FCC enforcers shut down church pirate radio

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Bullies

often pick on the weak, not those multi-billion dollar corporations. Wonder why?

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Eggheads identify the last animal that will survive on Earth until the Sun dies

Your alien overlord - fear me
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"Dwarf planets like Pluto and Eris might be able to, but are too far away to be a threat." - nothing like tempting fate is there :-)

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Luxembourg passes first EU space mining law. One can possess the Spice

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Well it's good that aliens can now legally mine asteroids around our solar system. It was always a grey area although not policed much !!!

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Pretty fly for an AI: Bioboffins use machine learning to decipher fruit flies' brains

Your alien overlord - fear me
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They could also use the contestants of Love Island if they run out of fruit flies !!!!

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'Help! I'm stuck in this ATM,' writes poor bloke on a scribbled note

Your alien overlord - fear me
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The police could just kick the door down to get at the cash? Beats getting a backhoe to do the job.

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UK spookhaus GCHQ can crack end-to-end encryption, claims Australian A-G

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Me thinks the UK bod really was implying that you install spyware on one of the devices and use a keylogger to see what was being typed rather than using some massive super-computer to do a bit of number crunching.

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Don't panic, but your Bitcoins may just vanish into the ether next month

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Trollface

Does this mean I have to cancel my upcoming ransomware campaign or not?

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Ofcom creates watchdog specifically to make sure Openreach is behaving

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Cost of putting new stickers over the BT vans will no doubt be passed onto the ISPs who will pass it on to you and me. Solution? If you see a BT logo on a van, feel free to paint over it your self and when the paint dries use a suitable marker pen and write 'Openreach' on it. That'll keep costs down :-)

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Wi-Fi firm Purple sneaks 'community service' clause into its T&Cs

Your alien overlord - fear me
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So how is el Reg coping with GDRP for all the commentards data they have? Have you recently sneaked in anything untowards in your Ts & Cs?

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Brickbat unwraps in lap of crap Snapchat yap app technocrat brats after stock splat mishap

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Facepalm

How Snapchat shat on IPO (I Pee Only) early birds - shorter but gets in the IPO description !!!

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Adult toy retailer slapped down for 'RES-ERECTI*N' ad over Easter

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Facepalm

So, did they shove the ad next to the beads where the sun don't shine?

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Virgin Trains dodges smack from ICO: CCTV pics of Corbyn were OK

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Virgin let off - I think this calls for a Virgingate scandal !!!

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Apple building data centre in China to comply with tough cybersecurity laws

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Funny how Apple promotes their 'green' data centres around the world but in China it seems it will be run on coal to comply with local pollution regulations !!!

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NASA flies plane through Earthly shadow of Kuiper Belt object

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Black Helicopters

I heard they used the scope to peer into North Korea to see their ICBM sites....

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Dell gives world its first wireless-charging laptop if you buy $580 extra kit

Your alien overlord - fear me
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If you slump into the sofa, you then need to balance the mat on your knees and carefully balance the Dell on top of that. Or just use a mains lead and not care. I know which option I'd go for :-)

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Ofcom pops 37% spectrum cap on mobile providers' domes

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Kick in the teeth for consumers? What about a kick in the nuts for Three who probably wanted more of the spectrum for themselves?

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Dental app startup drama: Two attack websites and a lawsuit

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Coming soon on Channel 5 - "Dentists, bastards the lot of them"

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Trump to world: Forget moving to America to do a startup

Your alien overlord - fear me
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How does it benefit YankeeDoodle land if some US investor gives me $1m for my startup and I have to do everything in the UK? I don't employ any Mexicans (other low wage minorities are available), I pay no state or federal tax, nuffink. And it shows the world that the US is technologically in the stone age when everyone else is leaping forward. Stupid idea by a stupid....

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Just in time for summer boozing: Boffins smash world record for the most perfect ice cubes

Your alien overlord - fear me
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And

I can make ice cubes in the shape of the Death Star - way cooler (!!!) and visible with the naked eye to boot !!!

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GSM gateway ban U-turn casts doubt on 8-year prosecution in Blighty

Your alien overlord - fear me
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He broke the law when it was illegal to run COMUGs. Just because it's legal now shouldn't change anything. If he'd been fined / jailed back then, would he get his money back today if he asked for it? Doubt it.

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OMG, dad, you're so embarrassing! Are you P2P file sharing again?

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Re: Who's of thunk it

So, when you become middle aged and start P2P, they'll have your profile right then? :-)

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Talk about a hit and run: AA finally comes clean on security breakdown

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Bit like the WPP story earlier this week - poor management decisions leading to outsourcing/using 3rd party IT companies.

Companies must really start to pull their corporate fingers out, put an IT director on the board with at least the same status/power as the beancounter director.

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Web inventor Sir Tim sizes up handcuffs for his creation – and world has 2 weeks to appeal

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Can't the foes of copyright just write their own stuff so when (say) a streamed movie is shown, the module that shows the actual movie gets intercepted and the data stream gets saved somewhere to be torrented for everyone else's benefit?

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Jaw-boned: Wearables biz Jawbone shuts down

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Is Apple the king of the hill solely because they'll flog a dead horse for longer than others that don't wear rose-tinted i-glasses (!!!)?

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Largest advertising company in the world still wincing after NotPetya punch

Your alien overlord - fear me
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WPP probably missed cut-off dates for adverts to be pushed (to magazines, newspapers etc) so their clients have lost out. Probably will look elsewhere for their next advertising partner.

Their big corporate clients will have clauses like IT security/best practices as part of any contract. Again, time to look elsewhere.

So WPP, to save a few pounds in the short term, will probably never recover financially from losing many lucrative corporate clients. This should be shown as a example of outsourcing to other businesses who think it's a good idea to get rid of their inhouse IT staff.

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Boffins with frickin' laser beams chase universe's mysterious trihydrogen

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Trying to re-create the stuff that caused the Universe to be made? Does someone have access to an emergency STOP button?

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Tesla, GitHub, tech bro VCs... Silicon Valley sexism row explodes as more women go public

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Re: Harry, you're a beast!

Power corrupts, absolute power.....

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Microsoft boasted it had rebuilt Skype 'from the ground up'. Instead, it should have buried it

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Is this update the reason my Windows 10 notification window keeps popping up (a few times a day) with Skype crap?

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Extreme trainspotting on Britain's highest (and windiest) railway

Your alien overlord - fear me
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In the Cairngorns and no mention of the wildlife park? Not every day is a skiday !!!

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SpaceX halts Intelsat 35e launch twice in a row

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Sounds like they need an even Bigger Bloody Rocket !!

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Constant work makes the kilo walk the Planck

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Re: Confused

but an IT kilo is 1024 so is a computer kilogram really 1024 grams?

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One-third of Brit IT projects on track to fail

Your alien overlord - fear me
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I used to be an IT project manager. Never had a failure to deliver. Why? Because you set everything up before hand (budget, people etc) and stay on top of things continually, not waiting for weekly/monthly meetings for someone to raise an issue.

However, in the same company, I've seen massive failures purely by putting the wrong IT PMs in charge of projects they have no idea about (internal politics, brown nosing for promotions etc) so before PMs start blaming others for project creep, budgets etc. they should look a themselves. Taking a course and becoming a PRINCE2 practitioner does not magically make anyone a project manager.

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UK.gov tips £400m into digital investment pot

Your alien overlord - fear me
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But what about Northern Ireland? Can't the DUP do something for them? Oh yes, they get a billllllion pounds.

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China pollutes ocean with bloody big rocket

Your alien overlord - fear me
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Returning with moon rocks - Chinese takeaway anyone?

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