* Posts by Marketing Hack

4042 posts • joined 18 Jun 2009

NASA Earthonauts emerge from eight-month isolation in simulated Mars visit

Marketing Hack
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Holmes

But did they grow their produce in their own feces?

If not, they failed the "science the shit out of Mars" test.

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'Don't Google Google, Googling Google is wrong', says Google

Marketing Hack
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Angel

Wait, somone's parents were Ayn Rand and God? So Jesus did return in the form of Jerry Falwell, and we just thought he was a blowhard TV preacher?

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El Reg is hiring an intern. Here's the lowdown...

Marketing Hack
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Happy

Sounds like a promotion for me!

Does El Reg have an onsite yoga instructor?

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Hi Amazon, Google, Apple we might tax you on revenue rather than profit – love, Europe

Marketing Hack
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Just change the current tax laws.

If you sell advertising/software/etc. in France, that revenue accrues to the French subsidiary, and can't be funneled to Ireland/Holland/Luxembourg/the Channel Islands/(insert name of tax haven du jour here) that alledgedly holds the intellectual property.

You don't need to create a turnover tax that will punish companies that are struggling with profitability already. Instead, make sure that the ones that are making money pay a reasonable share.

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44m UK consumers on Equifax's books. How many pwned? Blighty eagerly awaits spex on the breach

Marketing Hack
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FAIL

The only good thing about the 44 million number

Is that if it plays out, then a huge chunk of the British political class and civil service now has their data out in the wild. If they starr getting robbed by ID thieves, then maybe you will see some action against crooks, data aggregators and privacy invaders.

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Boffins: 68 exoplanets in prime locations to SPY on humanity on Earth

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Alien

Re: Alien SETI project

The aliens gave up on us when they parsed Galway Girl and anything from One Direction out of our muddled radio traffic.

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Surprising nobody, lawyers line up to sue the crap out of Equifax

Marketing Hack
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IT Angle

So, time to settle on some insulting synonyms for Equifax

Since they seem to want to outdo Crap-ita and Con-cast/Scum-cast in the corporate incompetence Olympics.

1) Equi-fux?

2) Equi-lax?

3) Suck-uifax?

Please feel free to vote or suggest alternatives!

(BTW, The Telegraph is reporting that Equifax holds credit/ID info on 44 million Britons. Ugh.)

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Stand up who HASN'T been hit in the Equifax mega-hack – whoa, whoa, sit down everyone

Marketing Hack
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FAIL

"exploiting a vulnerable website application"

Just in case anyone was thinking that an organization that possesses key identity databases on hundreds of millions of people might have a policy on doing F'ING PEN TESTING on all internet facing applications, it turns out that they don't.

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France to tack weapons onto spy drones – reports

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Mushroom

Sacre bleu!!

Bleu you to hell in this case.

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Crushed Juicero now officially a fruitless endeavor

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Coat

Juicero seemed like a sweet proposition...

But sadly it got crushed in the marketplace, leaving a investors feeling drained and the employees with just a wrung-out husk of a company to satisfy their thirst for success.

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NSA enters stage two of its spying revival plan: Getting Trump onboard

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Thumb Down

Like i said previously on this subject

Trump doesn't give a crap about any laws or rights that don't allow him to line his pockets. He needs to look tough on terrorism, and this is a cheap way to do it.

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A LANnister always pays his subnets: Cisco hires Game of Thrones' Tyrion

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Meh

Yes, this was pretty standard "We're a big company doing deep, truly important things" high-concept messaging.

But I don't blame Peter. He needs to keep income coming in after GoT closes up shop next year.

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NSA ramps up PR campaign to keep its mass spying powers

Marketing Hack
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Re: It will be interesting this time around

Trump is not going to oppose the NSA over this. He needs them onboard to look tough on terrorism and he wants them happy enough that they stop leaking embarrassing stuff about communications between his campaign and Russia and other potentially hostile foreign entities.

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No, the cops can't get a search warrant to just seize all devices in sight – US appeals court

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Stop

Re: Mess

@carlie J. Coats

And if the convicted person cannot adequately continue or pursue his lawsuit against the offending officers because he is in prison, doesn't have a lot of money and his testimony in court is going to be discounted by a jury because he is a convicted felon?

You throwing me in jail for 10 years and me suing you for $50K because you cut corners that got me removed from society for 10 years are not remotely equal punishments, nor do they put me in a position where I can thoroughly seek redress.

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She's arrived! HMS Queen Lizzie enters Portsmouth Naval Base

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Trollface

Capita...installed 14,000 IP connection points....as well as the main round-the-ship...network

You had me until you mentioned that. Better make sure she always sails with at least one very large white bedsheet.

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HBO Game Of Thrones leak: Four 'techies' arrested in India

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Facepalm

Apparently HBO Spain mistakenly leaked episode 6 of the current season

They goofed up and put it on their on demand website for an hour. Of course by the time the took it down it had been ripped.

Doh!!

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US military spies: We'll capture enemy malware, tweak it, lob it right back at our adversaries

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Facepalm

Typical Washington bureaucratic creep...

The NSA has these capabilities, so of course the DIA wants to get into cyberwarfare too. Gotta grow that agency budget somehow!!

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Raising minimum wage will raise something else: An army of robots taking away folks' jobs

Marketing Hack
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Childcatcher

We have to consider the human costs

Being long-term unemployed or underemployed creates real societal problems. Marriages and romantic relationships are much more likely break up, children do worse physically and mentally, enthusiasm declines, suicide and mental illness increases, substance abuse increases, crime (especially domestic) increases and communities suffer.

I don't want to go Luddite, but we need to incorporate these costs into getting your shopping done more cheaply. We've already seen where this leads with trump and brexit, and that will be a picnic compared to where we could be in 10-15 years if the more dire job loss projections happen.

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Amazon recalls dodgy solar eclipse shades that offer no eye protection

Marketing Hack
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Nice picture with the article!

You needed to wait a couple more seconds, but still nice!

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Chap behind Godwin's law suspends his own rule for Charlottesville fascists: 'By all means, compare them to Nazis'

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Trapped under ice with no oxygen for months, goldfish turn to booze. And can you blame 'em?

Marketing Hack
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Go

I for one welcome our boozy goldfish overlords!

Especially now that keeping a few in a fishbowl means I can rationalize that I am not drinking alone.

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South London: Rats! The rodents have killed the internet

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Go

Replacing broadband service with "gnawed-band"?

(Sorry, all I could come up with)

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Alien 'lava lamp' with dying magnetic field orbited Earth a billion years ago – science

Marketing Hack
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I used to have a LiteBrite growing up in the 70s....

Can we make some kind of astrophysical analogy using that?

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Can GCHQ order techies to work as govt snoops? Experts fear: 'Yes'

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Unhappy

"none of them really gave themselves sufficient time to examine the wording"

Again, that's not a bug in the legislation, its a feature. It's just a feature that benefits them, not us.

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Foot-long £1 sausage roll arrives

Marketing Hack
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Go

Can we call it "Pig Parts n' Pastry"?

It's probably still better for you than a McDonald's McRib!

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Britons ambivalent about driverless car tech, survey finds

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Devil

Re: Patent-bashing

@Doctor Syntax

I know it is my juvenile dark side and appreciation of The Simpsons talking, but now I am imagining a train station surrounded by Uber-cars calling out for arriving passengers:

1) Mike Hunt

2) Hugh Jass

3) Amanda Hugginkiss

etc.

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It's official: Outages are only the second-worst thing about Comcast

Marketing Hack
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Go

False choice!

Saying that Comcast's billing is a bigger issue than its quality of service is like choosing between a Phillips or flatness screwdriver when installing a lighting fixture. Either way, something is going to get screwed up. :)

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VCs to Trump: Don't lock out our meal tickets! Save startup visas!

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WTF?

Hmm, entitled VCs or Trump?

I'm trying to figure out who I would rather see as the villain in this piece, but so far I can't choose a side.

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Trump as US president (in Sharknado 3)? Oh Hell No!

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Paris Hilton

Oddly enough, Sharknado 5 is coming out in a few days.

Advertising under the tagline "Make America Bait Again!"

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt6298780/

(Paris, because she's probably in the cast for one of the Sharknado movies)

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Trump-backed RAISE Act decoded: Points-based immigration, green cards slashed

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Meh

I think a points-based system is a good idea in general.

But I'm not in favor of the large cuts in legal immigration involved. The 150,000 cap should be doubled, and

1) increase the salary target for H1-Bs. Specifically prevent H1-Bs from being used to replace American citizens and legal residents who aleady have jobs. Also make H1-Bs a one-year work visa, independent of an employer (no more losing your H1-B if you lose the job you were hired for serfdom)

2) Deport illegal immigrants and enforce fines and penalties on companies that hire them

3) Upon monitoring the workforce for bottlenecks, create temporary work visas in situation where we really need overseas labor

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Ohm-em-gee: US nuke plant project goes dark after money meltdown

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Facepalm

A bad day for energy diversity and security

I pretty much ended my own affiliation with the electric power industry two decades ago. Back then the non-safety/storage knock on nuclear power was that it's was the only generation source that had ever bankrupted a U.S. utility. This isn't going to help.

(By the way, Regenistas will appreciate that the bankrupted utility was Washington Public Power System, which went by the acronym WPPS, which was in turn pronounced "whoops")

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Game of Pwns: Hackers invade HBO, 'leak Game of Thrones script'

Marketing Hack
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WTF?

Re: Game of Thrones?

@jonathan1 In fact, he took the time out of his busy schedule to comment twice!

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Marketing Hack
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Meh

It could be worse...

The hacker could have rewritten the script to bring the Sand Snakes back, and Joffrey.

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Steve Bannon wants Facebook, Google 'regulated like utilities'

Marketing Hack
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Nah, he hasn't been made White House Communications Director. If that happens, then it is just a question of whether they will keep him on payroll through the weekend.

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Marketing Hack
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Meh

Payback time!!

For Google's and Facebook's fundraising and revolving door with the Obama administration and Hillary Clinton's campaign. I guess turnabout is fair play, considering that the oil and other industries get hammered by the Democrats.

If you are a big company, you have to be smart enough to triangulate somewhat, so you don't end up getting skewered if the opposition party gets into power.

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Sun of a b... Rising solar temp wrecks chances of finding ET in our system

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Boffin

Well, the sun is only going to be in red giant phase for 500M years or so

After which it will collapse to a white dwarf, and things will get incredibly cold on those moons.

500m years is not a lot of time to develop intelligent life anyway.

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Scary news: Asteroid may pass Earth by just 6,880km in October

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Go

@Doctor Syntax

NASA knows the asteroid's path perfectly! If something happens, its not their fault that Earth swerved right into its way!

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Marketing Hack
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Re: It's those damned Arachnids again...

I wouldn't call the book anti-war by any stretch of the imagination. Basically the book not-so-intimated that humanity was going to have to wipe out the Arachnids, rather than try to find any basis to communicate and reach a peace. Hence the 5 gallon drum of Raid.

The book was much superior to the movie, but I appreciated the movie as both a satire of war movie cliches and a satire of the media state. Whoever ran the TV network in the Starship Troopers future is basically using the Fox News/MSNBC/RTV playbook from today's cable news industry.

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Marketing Hack
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Alien

It's those damned Arachnids again...

I'll have to run down to Costco and get a 5 gallon drum of Raid.

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Autonomous driving in a city? We're '95% of the way there'

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Boffin

Re: 95% done or 95% of the work remaining?

@Alan Johnson,

This was going to be my point. It sounds like they are 95% of the way there, in that they have A) the car, B) the concept of driverless operation and C) the basic software principles involved. That took the last 100 years, and the final 5% to true driverless operation is going to take at least the next 5 years.

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Flaws in web-connected, radiation-monitoring kit? What could go wrong?

Marketing Hack
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IT Angle

Perhaps El Reg should report on IoT done right...

It would be less work, more time spent down at the pub, and the readership can fully embrace their current understanding that any IoT not specifically ID'd as well-done is probably total crap.

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Disaster-proofers merge: Axcient enclosed by eFolder

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Headmaster

On-PROMISES gateway appliance?

I call Freudian slip!

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UK.gov: You can't have our drone test results because... er, security

Marketing Hack
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Pint

Yes, sponsoring the buffet table or open bar at the next Conservative and Labour party conferences is always a good move. Make sure you have very visible signage identifying you as the sponsor.

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Marketing Hack
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Happy

Re: Not just drones

So the foxes were goading the badgers into volunteering to get two car batteries strapped to them and then fired at an airliner?

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Marketing Hack
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Re: Federal Aviation Authority?

Yes, I suppose HM Government's approach does have the advantage of reducing public spending on expert advice.

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Marketing Hack
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Headmaster

Federal Aviation Authority?

Federal Aviation ADMINISTRATION (Obviously this article was not peer-reviewed!)

It sounds like the British Government is trying to present a fait accompli on drone usage, while not letting pesky facts get in the way.

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Reminder: Spies, cops don't need to crack WhatsApp. They'll just hack your smartphone

Marketing Hack
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IT Angle

Re: While better than a back door

They may or may not have been out of use, but the leaked NSA tools were effective enough that two of the vulnerabilities they exploited were used in recent global ransomware attacks.

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Marketing Hack
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Stop

While better than a back door

There is the risk this spyware will get out into the wild. See "NSA hacking tools" for an example of that.

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Uneasy rest the buttocks on the iron throne. Profits plunge 14% at Sky UK and Ireland

Marketing Hack
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Linux

Winter is coming!!

When Game of Thrones ends on Sky next year.

Sorry, had to work in the overused GoT house motto. It's El Reg though, so its either that or something like "Heathrow Airport! You will never find a more wretched hive of...." or "I for one welcome our (insert tragicomic overlord description) overlords...."

(Tux, because he doesn't mind that winter is coming...)

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Marketing giant Marketo forgets to renew domain name. Hilarity ensues

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Headmaster

TITSUP

Total

Inability

To

Support

Usual

Promotions

?

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