* Posts by Marketing Hack

4197 posts • joined 18 Jun 2009

If you don't like what IBM is pitching, blame Watson: It's generating sales 'solutions' now

Marketing Hack
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In other news...

IBM announces the layoff of 500 people who held positions in their solution architecting and RFP response departments....

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Arrrgh! Put down the crisps! 'Ultra-processed' foods linked to cancer!

Marketing Hack
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I can understand why highly processed food correlates with some increased cancer risk.

Higher fat content, more preservatives and additives, less fiber. Quite possibly also a correlation between lower income levels and consumption of these processed foods, with some of the elevated use of tobacco and alcohol products in the working class

However, what is the solution? Let's come up with some practical, affordable ways for people to eat healthier vs. throwing your frozen pizza rolls in the microwave and scarfing them down 5 minutes later.

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It's been 50 years since those damn dirty apes took the planet by storm

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Coat

William Apespeare?

Proof of the old canard that a roomful of chimpanzees with typewriters will eventually reproduce the works of William Shakespeare? Or perhaps just a way to profit off the Bard's intellectual property. We all know how literate the weekend morning cartoon crowd is....

And the Tim Burton remake was kind of crap. Especially the end where Mark Wahlberg returns to Earth and finds out that somehow this ape general is now lionized there, even though the movie took place on another planet. It would have been a good ending if Wahlberg was unable to return to Earth and ended up back at the ape planet, only to find that the general (who had been disgraced before Wahlberg left) really had been proven right by time and his vision that apes and humans cannot co-exist as equals had been born out.

(Mine's the ape suit on the hook by the door.)

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GCHQ unit claims it has 'objectively' made the UK a less desirable target to cybercrims

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Meh

When was the last time you heard about a government agency/program...

That DIDN'T succeed?

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US broadband is scarce, slow and expensive. 'Great!' says the FCC

Marketing Hack
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Headmaster

To be fair....

This problem predates the Trump administration. Barak's boys didn't cover themselves in glory on this issue either.

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Tech biz boss slipped Detroit's IT chief bungs in restaurant bathrooms to bag software deals, prosecutors claim

Marketing Hack
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Has the jury considered...

That maybe those bathrooms have that nasty, scratchy bus station TP, and Mr. Dodd wanted something a little softer?

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Are you taking the peacock? United Airlines deny flight to 'emotional support' bird

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This bodes ill...

For my upcoming attempt to fly from San Francisco to JFK with my self-esteem tiger along for the ride.

(I guess I'll have to sue the airlines for diminishing my self-image.)

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In America, tech support conmen get a mild slap. In Blighty, scammers get the book thrown at them

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Holmes

The FTC is bound by limits on fines and enforcement

For the last 35 years or so, Republican and some Democrat congresspersons have refused to increase fines with inflation. The result is that fines that were something of a deterrent 30 years ago are now a slap on the wrist.

(Sherlock would not approve.)

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Sili-spurned Valley! No way, San Jose! Amazon snubs SF Bay Area in search for HQ2 city

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IT Angle

DC has a lot of tech talent around, mostly drawn by various defense contractors and other Beltway bandit integrators and IT outsourcing firms.

I didn't think that the SF Bay Area would make the cut. Amazon is looking to this second HQ to cut labor costs and reduce the competition for tech talent for their openings. Moving to Silicon Valley is not going to accomplish that.

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Butcher breaks out of own freezer using black pudding

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"Black pudding saved my life, without a doubt."

And now he's the spokesman for the British Black Pudding Association.

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MPs sceptical of plan for IT to save the day after UK quits customs union

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Re: Alexa, write me a Brexit compatible Customs system

@Steve Davies 3

The good news is that the PM gets Amazon Prime TV and free delivery on their Amazon.com purchases once they plunk down the 3 billion Sterling.

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1980s sci-fi movies: The thrill of being not quite terrified on mum's floral sofa

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Alien

Hey, don't forget the three even-numbered Star Trek movies, which were also from the 80s

While episodes 1 was from 1979, and III, and V never happened :)

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Game of Thrones author's space horror Nightflyers hitting telly

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Re: Hmmm

After the success of GoT, George R. R. Martin could probably get his tax returns filmed, so be thankful this isn't his tax returns!

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"picked up by the cable channel Syfy"

Considering it is the SyFy channel, which 80s popstar is going to be casted in this series? Boy George could play an alien without requiring much makeup (just throwing that out there)! And what part does Tara Reid get?

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Military alliance NATO adopts official hymn

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I just posted about Boy George being an alien in new George R. R. Martin scifi series thread

Which brings to mind the idea of using "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me" as NATO's new, more relatable hymn.

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You Wreck Me, Spotify: Tom Petty, Neil Young publisher launches $1.6bn copyright sueball

Marketing Hack
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Alternate article titles

Tom Petty music publisher tells Spotify "Don't Do Me Like That"

Niel Young music publisher stops searching for a "Heart of Gold" at Spotify, flings sue-ball.

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Soz, guys. No 'alien megastructure' around Tabby's Star, only cosmic dustbunnies

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Black Helicopters

Meanwhile...

The Smoking Man was seen leaving El Reg's offices, and the editorial staff have been assured of abnormally large tax refunds this year.

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Astroboffins say our Solar System could have – wait, stop, what... the US govt found UFOs?

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Alien

Re: Grainy videos of possibly alien spacecraft

@AC "where's the secret alien material hiding in Vegas, that supposedly we can't defend ourselves from?"

Have you ever pondered where the Blue Man Group came from and why they are so popular on The Strip?

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Marketing Hack
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Coat

Why the aluminum isotope and not the iron isotope?

Simple--the aliens space mined all the iron before our piddly backward solar system formed. See? That was easy! Don't any of our boffins actually read science fiction? How about the SyFy channel--don't you eggheads get cable?

(Mine is the chainmail anti-shark diving suit, in case of Sharknado.)

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First Allied submarine lost in World War One, found near New Guinea

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Re: MH370

And the water where this sub was found is fairly certain to be much shallower than wherever MH370 is. And the geographic area where MH370 could be is vastly greater.

I suspect that they will find MH 370 some time in the distant future, on some oceanographic expedition, for now it is entirely lost.

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Marketing Hack
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Re: Lest we forget.

Well, new steel is contaminated because you have to force in a lot of air (bearing radioactive particles from all those open atmosphere nuclear tests from the 40s to the 60s) to properly smelt the steel.

But it seems to me that structural steel made before the atomic/nuclear tests would be just as good.

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Marketing Hack
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Pirate

Re: Lest we forget.

Aren't there just dilapidated old bridges/factories/skyscrapers we can get our precious low-background steel from? For example, here in the SF Bay Area, they have replaced half of the Bay Bridge between San Francisco and Oakland, which was built in the 1930s. The old eastern span cantilever bridge is mostly torn down now.

Where is all that steel going? It has to be at least 5,000 or 10,000 tons of steel made in the 1930s, and not corroded because its been sitting at the bottom of the sea for 75 years.

Shouldn't we be using these resources rather than blowing apart shipwrecks that hundreds of people died on, and then using a claw to pull the scraps up off the bottom of the sea?

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UK Foreign Sec Bojo to tell Kremlin: Stop your cyber shenanigans... or else!

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Devil

Inevitable Team America: World Police video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2xKnx39VAE

Sadly the shark does not have laser-bearing headgear. North Korea is still a poor country after all.

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Long Island Iced Tea Corp renamed itself to Long Blockchain – and its shares went bananas

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Maybe El Reg should jump on this valuation

The Blockchain Virtual Reality Data Visualization Register? I'm just throwing that out there.

(Will the editors of this fine publication let me know if they are going to take my advice? I'd like to buy up a few shares before the re-branding goes public.)

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Magic Leap blows our mind with its incredible technology... that still doesn't f**king exist

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Headmaster

Any of these seem to work in this situation...

"A fool and his money are soon parted"

"You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time." -Abraham Lincoln

"There's a sucker born every minute." -misattributed to P.T. Barnum

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HMS Queen Elizabeth has sprung a leak and everyone's all a-tizzy

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In other news....

The Royal Navy announced the addition of a saltwater pool to the facilities aboard the Queen Elizabeth, because "nothing's too good for our boys in uniform".

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US senators rail against effort to sneak through creepy mass spying bill

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Re: Not OK.

That's not actually true though. Legally this has already been adjudicated that constitutional protections apply to anyone in the jurisdiction or custody of the United States and its territories, or American citizens who are abroad. The rest of the world being protected by their own governments and various international treaties.

There aren't even any legal protections if they U.S. government gathers intel on you and hands it over to your home country, except again in treaties between nations, your domestic laws and whatever embarrassment the U.S. or your home country would gather from such a shady deal.

Basically, if you live outside the U.S., your in a largely free-fire zone as far as the U.S. constitution is concerned

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Hacks, bribes and bugs: Uber accused of illegal snooping on rivals

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IT Angle

Wow!

Uber really has become the business world equivalent of the Jerry Springer Show. I'm almost expecting that the next newstory out of that company is that an executive once smashed a chair over someone's head, all the while dropping F-bombs

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Russia could chop vital undersea web cables, warns Brit military chief

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I think the bigger issue affecting British communication with the rest of the world.

Is that the Royal Navy will be down to something like 30 combatant vessels in 5 years or so. That is not counting the nuclear missile subs that avoid combat unless forced upon them, or those river-class patrol boats with out autocannon onboard that are mostly useful for scaring away foreign fishing boats.

That's not a great look for an island nation of 60 million people that can't grow enough food to feed itself or produce enough energy with its own resources to keep the lights on.

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FCC douses America's net neutrality in gas, tosses over a lit match

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FAIL

Re: One thing that I don't get...

But Netflix and Google WON'T be paying Comcast and AT&T. Instead, they will serve as a conduit of money coming from subscribers through Netflix and Google to the cable companies, thanks to a pass-through of higher prices/more advertising that are targeted at end-users.

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Marketing Hack
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Unhappy

Happiest people of the day....

Goes to anyone involved in the cost-justification of lobbying expenditures at major U.S. cable companies. Those guys are looking like geniuses right now.

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At Christmas, do you give peas a chance? Go cold turkey? What is the perfect festive feast?

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Turducken

That's a turkey stuffed with a chicken that is in turn stuffed with a duck.

Then you pass out in front of the TV, pants unbuttoned.

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Auto auto fleets to dodge British potholes in future

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Of course, if the government wanted to avoid pollution or monetize this...

They'd instruct the cars to drive through the potholes, or make you pay an extra $50 a month to enable the optional pothole-avoidance algorithm

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Coventry: Once a 'Ghost Town', soon to be UK City of Culture

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Re: Having traveled through Coventry on a couple occasions.

@allthecoolnames:

Camilla says hi!

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Marketing Hack
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Re: Must have known...

To be fair though, noted non-EU nations like Norway (I think Trondheim?) and Switzerland have hosted the annual European Capital of Culture since that honorific was launched by the EU. The idea that Britain (which is still an EU member BTW, and could conceivably change its mind on Brexit) should not get to participate just looks really petty.

Not too many British are going to cry over the loss of this honor, but the EU kind of shot itself in the public-relations foot a bit with this about-face. Whatever the outcome of Brexit, I don't actually see the British Isles suddenly floating off to a new permanent home the Caribbean or something. I'm not a geologist, but from what I can tell the UK will remain on the same tectonic plate as the EU for at least the next couple decades, and the two entities should probably make the respectful best of their ongoing status as neighbors.

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Marketing Hack
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Mushroom

Having traveled through Coventry on a couple occasions.

I think the proper course of action is to evacuate the city and ask Hermann Goering to come back and finish the job.

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Marketing Hack
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I don't know about being distracted by the naked lady on horseback. Maybe he's just really into chocolate?

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Forget Bruce Willis, Earth's atmosphere is our best defense against meteorites

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Mushroom

So what happened to the 12,000 ton Chelyabinsk meteorite?

If they only recovered 5 tons of it, where did the other 11,995 tons go? Certainly it did not convert to energy (Siberia would be leveled otherwise) and not all that mass was superheated and changed phase to gas. And I am sure that most of the fragments were not found and have become part Siberia now, but if scientists only found 5 tons, I have to think that a large majority of the meteorite did not land as solid fragments.

I have to think that much of the meteorite was blown to dust by the explosion in the upper atmosphere, and has probably precipitated out worldwide by now.

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Blighty flogs Qatar a bunch of missiles and Typhoon fighter jets

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@Voland's Right Hand

"Neither was Su-27 nor Mig29."

Possessing an air arm that is as effective as Russian naval aviation is not actually something a significant sea power should aspire to.

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Marketing Hack
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Unhappy

Soon to be seen bombing a part of Yemen...

Mercifully not near you!

I know that most of the West has mortgaged our energy security to the Middle East (or that other well-known haven of philanthropism, modern-day Russia), and these oil states need militaries to defend themselves and their energy resources from even more nasty autocrats. Plus I understand that if we don't sell them weapons they will get lesser-quality ones from Russia or China and there goes our influence and security over our energy needs.

However, I grow increasingly concerned about the atavism involved in selling Israel and Arab police states/autocratic monarchies advanced weapons so that we can see these on TV being used to bomb other arabs who are less lucrative customers.

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Shady US sigint base upgrade marred by stolen photograph

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Re: FYI...

Visiting Forces Act of 1952? When that visit began, Frank Sinatra was probably number one on the pop music charts! That was back when the NSA officially didn't exist and wags said that acro stood for "No Such Agency"!

(Like "The Chairman", the NSA does it their way.)

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Once again, UK doesn't rule out buying F-35A fighter jets

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Maybe the MoD is counting on post-Brexit unicorns to make things right

They'll just roll up with 40 billion Sterling in a briefcase and hand it over to the British Treasury.

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Voyager 1 fires thrusters last used in 1980 – and they worked!

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Alien

Re: it's already doing 17.46 km/hour

@Steve Button

Give Voyager a break. It's 40 years old and maybe it's going up a hill!

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Brit MP Dorries: I gave my staff the, um, green light to use my login

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Hey, some politicians are actually decent people!

And they need some video instruction on how to properly screw over the public if they ever want to make it to the front bench! :)

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Report: Underwater net cables are prime targets for terrorists and Russia

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Re: Two sides to the coin

I'm not sure I see the reason for an Al Qaeda clone to go after fiber-optic cables.

Looking at that one exchange with the 5 cables in Alexandria that was mentioned, if ISIS took it out and then stormed through the streets of Alexandria with 100-200 gunmen killing Coptic Christians or something, would taking out that exchange substantially help them? I'm going to bet not, as the military/police could probably summon reinforcements by radio, and I don't think taking out that exchange is going to badly effect the ability of citizens in Alexandria to warn eachother to get off the streets and shelter.

Could you do the old "We'll take out the cables and take Wall Street/the LSE/the Frankfurt DAX/Nikkei/Shanghai exchange offline and cost the infidels billions in stock losses!" scenario? Probably not, as those kind of targets are going to have a lot of fault-tolerance in case of a badly placed plane crash/subway derailment/irresponsible guy with the backhoe from hell scenario.

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Marketing Hack
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Black Helicopters

Re: LINX

@jimbosmith

Hey, nice of the NSA to tell us what their list of targets is!

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Drone collisions with airliners may not be fatal, US study suggests

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Coat

“Either the FAA have endangered the safety of commercial airliners"

The FAA--DARE to fly the open skies of America!!

(Icon shows author of this post donning his white silk scarf and leather coat prior to catching the San Francisco to LA shuttle.)

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Report: Women make up just 17% of IT workforce, paid 15% less than men

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IT Angle

Interesting article, and I am sure there are inequities that need to be resolved, but...

1) Are women getting paid less if they work in the same job with the same qualifications and at the same company as a man in that position? I certainly hope the answer is "no", but this article doesn't resolve that. We all know that salaries can vary widely by employer.

2) Why are there so few women in IT in Britain? Is part of it that women do not stay in the field as long as men do?

3) As far as hiring, are female candidates significantly more likely to leave the field earlier than men?

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Royal Bank of Scotland culls 1 in 4 branches, blames the interwebz

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Devil

Is RBS run by Montgomery Burns?

-Lay off 680 workers right before Christmas--check!

-Bank with recent history of crappy online banking service that locks out customers getting their money pushes customers towards same crap online banking offering--check!

Where's the announcement that due to the 680 layoffs, the remaining employees will have to work Christmas Day? C'mon RBS, go for the hat trick!

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Ex-cop who 'kept private copies of data' fingers Cabinet Office minister in pr0nz at work claims

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Paris Hilton

"Fingers cabinet minister in pr0nz"

I saw what you did there. (Though I really wish I hadn't.)

Paris--because she's a wonderful human being with no history of involvement in adult entertainment.

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