* Posts by scrubber

733 posts • joined 18 Jun 2009


*taps on glass* Hellooo, IRS? Anyone in? Anyone guarding taxpayers' data from crooks? Hellooo?



How the heck did the feral employees at the IRS become a positive for the general public? This is some grandmaster level spinning.

Drone goal! Quadcopter menace alert freezes flights from London Heathrow Airport

Black Helicopters

Re: Adding to the paranoia maybe?

"I decided to remove my password because there are ways around it."

I did the same with my home router because plausible deniability and reasonable doubt play well in court.


Re: "environmental terrorists"

Don't forget that sometimes that "form" was not only encouraged but actually perpetrated by deep undercover agents of the state.

More nodding dogs green-light terrible UK.gov pr0n age verification plans


Re: Just like buying a magazine.

@The First Dave: "an act that has been completely legal for them to replicate since age 16?"

Our stupid laws make the act legal however if they record it they are guilty of producing child pornography, even if they are a happily married couple who just happen to be 17 years old.

France: Let's make the internet safer. America, Russia, China: Let's go with 'no' on that

Paris Hilton

Government Doublespeak

Given how these things tend to be named I'm going to simply assume that "Paris Call for Trust and Security in Cyberspace" is actually a way for governments to increase their ability to spy on what people do online and outlaw encryption.

HSBC now stands for Hapless Security, Became Compromised: Thousands of customer files snatched by crims


Use different passwords

I'd hate to think my Twitter account got hijacked because someone hacked my bank.

Boom! Just like that the eSIM market emerges – and jolly useful it is too


Re: If only...

I think you're looking for a single, or common, market, not an economic union.

That's quite a common mistake that people have been making much more often of late.

Now Europe wants a four-million-quid AI-powered lie detector at border checkpoints


A light detector?


UK banking TITSUP*: This time it's Clydesdale and Yorkshire banks


This company's CTO said they were buying off the shelf software because "we're not a technology company." I resigned the next day.

A DeepMind library to help build reinforcement learning bots, and how Google's Pixel 3 cameras handle zoom


Zoom and enhance

Blurry image of a suspect fleeing a crime scene.

Detective: Zoom and enhance

Image starts to introduced new pixels to sharpen the image and suddenly the image shows ... a generic black male.

With AI and training you get the results you desire not the truth. Police systems will write obviously match the trainers' preconceptions and biases. Will courts be able to deal with this when there is clear "photographic evidence"?

You know all those movies you bought from Apple? Um, well, think different: You didn't



None of the items I bought from the pirate bay has ever disappeared.

Hackers faked Cosmos backend to hoodwink bank out of $13.5m


Re: Meanwhile, back at the voting booth ...

You'd never be able to find out if there was a hack as the terminals are all closed source, proprietary software so even the election officials are not allowed to check the authenticity of votes cast anyway. As long as the voting machine owners don't get too greedy and start giving their chosen candidates 101% of the vote then they can pick and choose the winners to their hearts' content.

Judge bars distribution of 3D gun files... er, five years after they were slapped onto the web


Dear Judge,

Please read up on the Streisand Effect



Newly in Possession of 3D Gun Files


Re: I don't get it....

There are already functional specs for making a nuclear bombs, the scientists who first developed it in the US released it so the Russians would have it and stop a nuclear annihilation. Has worked fairly well so far.

Home Office seeks Brexit tech boss – but doesn't splash the cash


Where's my money

Open borders.

Unlimited immigration, but no benefits for 12 months.

Scrap any biometrics systems immediately.

Work at a startup? Think US military isn't good enough at killing? We've got the program for you

Big Brother

Likely to be rejected...

I have a proposal for a project that will anonymize [make the pitch US-friendly] all the data the US is slurping up and only reveal the data of people named in legitimate warrants.

Clap, damn you, clap! Samsung's Bixby 2.0 AI reveal is met with apathy


AI canned responses

Soon I will be able to take a picture of a dog, my AI will send that picture to my contact list automatically, each of those contacts' AIs will auto-respond with something endearing or pithy and my AI will send a warm and fuzzy vibration to my handset. Who even needs humans anymore?

Revealed: El Reg blew lid off Meltdown CPU bug before Intel told US govt – and how bitter tech rivals teamed up


Re: and?

"when there's a serious issue cooperation works best for everybody"

Except when the issue is profits. What we normally call an oligopoly.

Top Euro court: No, you can't steal images from other websites (too bad a school had to be sued to confirm this little fact)


Re: Prepare for...

"it's not really stealing because no-one has been deprived of it"

Exactly, there is an actual definition of 'stealing and this doesn't fit. Doesn't mean it's not a different harm and hence crime.

"and we all should be able to download all the music images we want, for free,"

For personal use, sure. You want to commercialise it then every penny, and costs, and penalties, goes to the original creator.

"regardless of how much effort the original creator put in to making it."

That's somewhat irrelevant to the question of whether it's a crime, but might play into the compensation amount if it is deemed an offence.

UK 'fake news' inquiry calls for end to tech middleman excuses, election law overhaul


"Social media firms neither publisher nor platform, we need new term"


But that would place them under the auspices of the ASA, the most toothless regulator in the world.

FBI boss: We went to the Moon, so why can't we have crypto backdoors? – and more this week


Re: even if you can survive the heat and radiations, and be able to decelerate enough in such g

"The "surface" gravity of the Sun is about 27 Earth g's."

Well that's a crushing disappointment.

UK spies broke law for 15 years, but what can you do? shrugs judge


Re: So that's the big deal

I meant "who" but "we" kind of works as well.


Re: So that's the big deal

We are the "bad guys" again?

Fake prudes: Catholic uni AI bot taught to daub bikinis on naked chicks


Training program

Is the reverse process breaking revenge porn laws?

Boffins build neural networks fashioned out of DNA molecules



“Humans each have over 80 billion neurons in the brain, with which they make highly sophisticated decisions."

Like whether it's time to go to the pub to try to reduce that number.

SD cards add PCIe and NVMe, hit 985 MB/sec and 128TB


Re: Mmmmm... <Homer Simpson>Porn</Homer Simpson>

I don't give lessons

Adidas US breach may have exposed millions of customers' personal info


Shoe sizes available online

Should make the Prince's search from Cinderella quite a bit easier.

Shared, not stirred: GCHQ chief says Europe needs British spies


Not happening

Merkel's calls to babestation are clearly a deal-breaker.

Developer’s code worked, but not in the right century


It'll be better in the future

Stardate 11143.3 is much easier to understand

DeepMind Health told to explain business model, relationship to Google

Black Helicopters


They have access to health records and search records*, how hard is it going to be to link the two and have a reasonable success rate at joining health records and people, their entire business is based on linking things.

* And email, and blogging, and video searches etc. etc.

UK digital secretary throws cold water over bid for laws on kids' use of social media


@wolfetone "The sexualisation of children in the UK especially has run unabated for decades now ... Everyone from the BBC..."

The BBC and their sweeping under the carpet of the sexual abuse of children (for the good of the institution) has sexualised many more young people than we will ever know. Same goes for the NHS, public schools, the churches and the government.

In defence of online ads: The 'net ain't free and you ain't paying



I love the adverts on El Reg, if only these bloody articles didn't keep getting in the way when I try to click through to the advertiser.

Watchdog slams TSB boss for underplaying extent of IT meltdown


Re: You ain't seen nothing yet...

Did they start with the Mexican drug cartels or the rogue nations? It's so hard to keep up with HSBC these days.

DIYers rejoice: Hitting stuff to make it work even works in space


As we make the pathways for electrons smaller it becomes ever more likely they will get jammed so bashing the system will clearly be the most effective fix going forward.

Smart bulbs turn dumb: Lights out for Philips as Hue API goes dark


Nothing to see here...

Joking aside, I'm sure these types of issues have all been worked out before any government would even consider mandating the installation of 'smart' meters in people's homes to control energy consumption, right?

You know that silly fear about Alexa recording everything and leaking it online? It just happened


Say what now?

"Suffice to say, this episode was unexpected."

Nope. Fully expected and predicted.

UK's Royal Navy accepts missile-blasting missile as Gulf clouds gather



Do we have any actual defensive duties?

Who the heck is looking round Spain and France to attack us?

Can we rename the department from defense to offense?



So our most advanced "defence" ship is permanently in the gulf?

Orwell is so proud of us.

UK's spy auditor: What should we ask when reviewing super-slurp warrants?


Only one question needed:

Is it a BULK warrant?

If so, denied.

Church of England will commune with God for you via Amazon's Echo


God already has a twitter account



Re: 42

"HHGTTG is awful"

Leave him to his Vogon poetry.

Shining lasers at planes in the UK could now get you up to 5 years in jail


Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation

There are only a couple of wavelengths of these things. It is surely not beyond the realm of possibility to have an extra layer of material, or tint of the glass, that absorbed these frequencies then we could avoid the loss of life without going overboard with sentencing?

Also, what about that bastard 93 million miles away that keeps trying to blind everyone, they even went after the President of the US during the last eclipse.

US prison telco accused of selling your phone's location to the cops


Re: That's all citizens, by the way, not just prisoners

The distinction is that one set gets free healthcare and fed daily whereas the other group can die on the street for all the government cares.

T-Mobile owner sends in legal heavies to lean on small Brit biz over use of 'trademarked' magenta


Confusion reigns supreme

Neither company allows me to make or receive calls indoors, neither company allows me to stream Netflix or YouTube reliably and neither company enables me to use all the features on my phone.

The only difference I can see is T-Mobile charge me £30 per month for the privilege.

MacBook Pro petition begs Apple for total recall of krap keyboards


Issue 1 of a comic

What is wrong with you people? This is a work of art, you aren't supposed to use it, you're supposed to appreciate it and to do that you have to hermetically seal it and never let the dust or dandruff reach the internals, or the sweat and grease from your hands destroy the perfect aesthetic of your $1.5k work of art.

High Court gives UK.gov six months to make the Snooper's Charter lawful


I applaud the fight...

... but it's ultimately a losing one, the government will just keep amending the rules and appointing the judges to get whatever outcome they desire.

If only we had some set of founding principles that a minority voter, majority MP government couldn't simply vote out of existence, a constitution, a Magna Carta for example.

Or how about having a monarch that sees her subjects having their rights routinely stripped by a government the majority of the people did not vote for and stopped signing those bills into law? C'mon Lizzy, do your job!

Who will fix our Internal Banking Mess? TSB hires IBM amid online banking woes


Fight Club

Was Tyler Durden on the migration team? Is this just the start of Project Mahem?


The Great Northern (Rock) Run

Bank runs are only an issue because we don't realise that when we deposit money we are implicitly allowing the banks to lend it back out again to other people. Plus fractional reserve banking, but that's a religious war I don't need to get into right now.

Boffins pull off quantum leap in true random number generation


True randomness

Couldn't we just use Trump's tweets?

Data exfiltrators send info over PCs' power supply cables

Black Helicopters

Re: Meh

Kind of my first thought too, but what if the physical access to install the malware happens at the factory or the shipping depot, places where the NSA have been known to place people...


Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2019