* Posts by PeterM42

500 posts • joined 18 Jun 2009

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'Help! I'm stuck in this ATM,' writes poor bloke on a scribbled note

PeterM42
Trollface

Not new ideas

In 1967 (or 1968) I wrote my own version of the PDP-8 RIM-format "Binary Loader" program.

When this "binary loader" was run, the ASR33 Teletype printed "HELP LET ME OUT" followed by whatever happened to be in core memory. When the printer carriage reached end of the line, of course the Bell rang. This made it extremely noisy so attracted attention to the printout. Great fun, but our boss Derek had difficulty in finding it amusing!

Copies of the "Binary Loader" tape got distributed to DEC engineers, who DID find it amusing.

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Concorde without the cacophony: NASA thinks it's cracked quiet supersonic flight

PeterM42
Alert

Do what?

"... airports, which try to keep things as quiet as possible so as not to disturb nearby residents."

What a load of B*ll*cks. Airports do what makes most money and sod the neighbours.

Try living in Harpenden during Easterly ops.

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One-third of Brit IT projects on track to fail

PeterM42
Headmaster

Re: In other news

For those who DON'T know - it's "The Mythical Man Month" by Fredrick P. Brooks.

"The Mythical Man Month" is also the title of the second chapter.

Should be COMPULSORY reading for ANYONE involved in putting a project together or managing that project.

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Lloyds finally inks mega 10-year cloudy outsourcing deal with IBM

PeterM42
Thumb Down

Oh dear...

......time to sell my Lloyds shares.

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Microsoft Master File Table bug exploited to BSOD Windows 7, 8.1

PeterM42
Facepalm

Re: Applications are vulnerable?

"In Microsoft world, browser and is [OS] are very tightly integrated.."

Which leads to the question:

Q: What is the difference between Internet Explorer and a virus?

A: You CAN remove a virus.

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Three Nigerians sentenced to 235 years in prison for online scamming

PeterM42
Thumb Up

I like the US style......

SERIOUS sentences, not the "smack on the wrist" that would be meted out in the UK.

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Capita and Birmingham City Council 'dissolve' joint venture

PeterM42
Facepalm

And WHO believes

"Over the past 10 years the partnership has successfully delivered significant savings.".

If that were true, they should be able to quantify.

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How to reward an IBM exec for lower sales and shrinking profits? Promotion

PeterM42
Thumb Down

Re: Increasing Big Managment

No - it's Increasing BAD Management

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Majority of contractors distrust HMRC's IR35 calculator, survey finds

PeterM42
Joke

Sounds like the Oozalum bird

When attacked, it flies around in ever-decreasing circles

until it vanishes up it's own rectal passage.

From which place of safety,

It hurls abuse at it's assailants.

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Netgear says sorry four weeks after losing customer backups

PeterM42
FAIL

What?

You mean there was only ONE copy and you didn't even have control over it?

"And nothing can go wrong... go wrong... go wrong... go wrong... go wrong... go wrong... "

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WD pulls cash-strapped Toshiba to one side, whispers: 'All right, pal, how much you want?'

PeterM42
Gimp

Re: Nuclear Energy -- The Fuel of The Future

Is coal running out? - I thought we just didn't MINE it anymore.

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SAP Anywhere goes nowhere, reaches commercial cul-de-sac

PeterM42
FAIL

CRAP Anywhere is now....

...just CRAP Somewhere. Probably too afraid of "fitness for purpose" rulings in the UK.

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No, Microsoft is not 'killing Windows 10 Mobile'

PeterM42
FAIL

One word.....

SHAMBLES!

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Outsourcers blamed for cocking up programmes at one in three big firms

PeterM42
FAIL

Serve 'em right

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Serve 'em right. I have no sympathy with big companies who outsource IT. IT is a CORE FUNCTION.

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Lloyds to outsource 2,000 staff in IBM deal

PeterM42
FAIL

As someone once said...

.....when the company I worked for chucked out Siemens incompetent outsourcing service: "If you think Siemens are bad, wait till IBM get in".

He was SOOOO right - at least Siemens got to the end of their contract. IBM got chucked out MUCH earlier than that.

We used to call the "IBM network" the "IBM NOTwork".

Now, where are my Lloyds shares and the number of my stockbroker..........

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Azure storage browns out for eight hours, nobody notices

PeterM42
Facepalm

...and nothing can go wrong

go wrong

go wrong

go wrong

go wrong

go wrong

go wrong

go wrong

go wrong

go wrong

go wrong

go wrong

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Amazon's AWS S3 cloud storage evaporates: Top websites, Docker stung

PeterM42
Facepalm

Rather than "remediating" the problem.....

.....wouldn't it be better to FIX it?

The problem with "clouds", as I have always said: they blow away in the wind!

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Swedish politician wants weekly hour of paid sex. For exercise

PeterM42
Facepalm

Re: Contradiction

"Don't they know that over 92% of all pregnancies involve alcohol consumption?"

But I thought 75% of pregancies were caused by accidents.

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BBC admits iPlayer downloads are broken

PeterM42
FAIL

No surprise there!

iPlayer is CRAP,

iPlayer always was CRAP.

I suspect iPlayer will ALWAYS be CRAP.

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Ditching your call centre for an app? Be careful not to get SAP-slapped

PeterM42
Facepalm

Good Grief....

.....someone STILL using SAP-CRAP?!?!?

Mind you when it has taken over your business, it can be EXPENSIVE to get rid of it,

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Florida Man jailed for 4 years after raking in a million bucks from spam

PeterM42
Trollface

4 years!?!?!?!?

What about removal of his testicles???

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Two words, Mozilla: SPEED! NOW! Quit fiddling and get serious

PeterM42
Mushroom

Firefox + flash is a bit like banger racing.........

....forever crashing

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UK credit broker fined £120k for spamming folk with five million texts

PeterM42
Trollface

£120,000 fine is all very well, but.......

....have their testicles been removed?

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Modular dud drags LG to first loss in six years

PeterM42
FAIL

Ever had an LG phone?

Yes? - well I doubt you would ever buy another.

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Windows 10 networking bug derails Microsoft's own IPv6 rollout

PeterM42
FAIL

Complete and utter......

DICKHEADS!!!!

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It's now 2017, and your Windows PC can still be pwned by a Word file

PeterM42
FAIL

Re: Meanwhile, Adobe is updating blah de fucking blah

A problem with Flash? - surely not - it's so relia....................."£$%^&*(!!!!!!

D'oH!

Actually, I understand Adobe are changing it's name to CRASH next month.

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Security! experts! slam! Yahoo! management! for! using! old! crypto!

PeterM42
Trollface

Is Yahoo really worth...

..... a song AND a dance?

Account deleted.

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Windows Server 2016's VM migration tools broken by a patch

PeterM42
FAIL

Testing, Testing......

...Testing, 1 - 2 - OH BOLLOCKS!

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Reschedule the holiday party, Patch Tuesday is here and it's a big one

PeterM42
Stop

Patch Tuesday is here and it's a big one

Think I will wait until we see how many new bugs MicroCRAP have created THIS time.

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UK.gov has outsourced tech policy to Ofcom because it is clueless – SNP techie

PeterM42
Facepalm

I can see how anyone....

...could think Ofcom would be any better than uk.gov - An organisation that HASN'T properly separated BT from Openreach clearly has NO IDEA!!!!

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P0wnographer finds remote code exec bug in McAfee enterprise

PeterM42
Alien

That's why.........

...it is called McCRAPAfee.

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Botched Microsoft update knocks Windows 8, 10 PCs offline – regardless of ISP

PeterM42
Facepalm

YET ANOTHER...

....Untested MICROCRAP FUCKUP!!!

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Three certainties in life: Death, taxes and the speed of light – wait no, maybe not that last one

PeterM42
Mushroom

Yes, but.....

...what is BEYOND the "edge of the Universe"??????

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Airbus flies new plane for the first time

PeterM42
Holmes

Re: First Flight Challenges

Not just first flights - Getting you to your holiday destination is a miracle of co-ordination of which the (immensely complicated) aircraft is just a part.

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Heard of Brexit? The UK vows to join Europe’s Patent Titanic

PeterM42
Alert

How many brown envelopes???

Brexit means BREXIT!!!!!!!

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Ofcom to force a legal separation of Openreach

PeterM42
Facepalm

Ofcom has no REAL guts

They should have ordered a COMPLETE breakup

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Outlook.com is still not functioning properly for some Microsoft punters

PeterM42
FAIL

Typical output...

.....that we have come to expect from MicroCRAP

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Outlook outage outrage

PeterM42
Facepalm

MicroCRAP strikes again....

Lookout/Coldmail fails again - and we are surprised?

NO!!!! MicroCRAP are heading for the history books as they flounder around, failing to test and bringing out CRAP products. I tried helping someone with a Windows 8 - RT machine the other day - IT'S PATHETIC! How anyone could pass that for release/sale is beyond me.

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Six weeks after first ever profit warning Capita does what Capita does

PeterM42
Facepalm

You have misspelt again...

...its spelt CRAPITA

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Capita STILL hasn't delivered usable Army recruitment IT system

PeterM42
Facepalm

Spelling mistake in the title...

......it's spelt CRAPITA, not Capita.

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The UK's 'Universal Credit mega cockup was the coalition's NPfIT' - Margaret Hodge

PeterM42
Facepalm

Who cares? - it's public money

.....Oh wait.....

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Samsung's profits may not be as explosive as its products, says firm

PeterM42
Mushroom

BRILLIANT Headline!

Great shame for Samsung who hitherto have made great products.

'Nuff said.

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Natwest online payments go down

PeterM42
FAIL

Do Marks & Spencer use Natwest?.....

......because they could not give cashback to customers this morning.

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Azure Sydney in eight-hour wobble thanks to 'networking issue'

PeterM42
FAIL

Not to worry...

...nobody really USES this MS crap.

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Want a Dell printer? Unlucky – they've just stopped selling them

PeterM42
FAIL

GOOD NEWS

Dell (Lexmark) printers are CRAP

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IBM loses chunky ATM contract, reaches for staff eject button

PeterM42
FAIL

IBM?

It's Bad Management

I've Been Misled

etc

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NHS 'paperless roadmap': Fewer dead trees, more data control

PeterM42
Thumb Down

Roadmap????

For a VERY EXPENSIVE dead end.

is: keep wasting money and the NHS will die. It is already extremely unwell.

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Microsoft Outlook.com redecoration delay rumors: THE TRUTH

PeterM42
FAIL

OUTLOOK.CRAP - Says it all

Is Microsoft DETERMINED to make Outlook.crap the WORST email system on the planet?

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Windows 10 Anniversary Update completely borks USB webcams. Yay.

PeterM42
Flame

What is the difference.........

.......between Windows 10 and a virus?

A: It's easy to get rid of a virus.

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NIST spins atomic gyroscope to allow navigation without GPS

PeterM42
Go

"......and the kit to do this is huge."

....that should not be a problem.

I remember when the 1Mb fixed head discs (optional 2Mb version available) for Littlewoods Mail Order contract were shipped onto the commissioning floor using a fork - lift.

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