* Posts by John G Imrie

1509 posts • joined 17 Jun 2009

Annoyingly precocious teen who ruined Trek is now an asteroid

John G Imrie
Silver badge

So remind me again exactly how a 13 year old kid gets to be helmsmen of the flagship

Who's his mum sleeping with?

9
0
John G Imrie
Silver badge

That assumes intelligent life here in the first place. . .

Well there is the Dolphins, and the mice of cause, don't forget the mice.

8
0

Deadly Tesla smash probe: No recall needed, says Uncle Sam

John G Imrie
Silver badge
Joke

At Tesla, the safety of our customers comes first,

So don't step out in front of one then.

1
0

Why Theresa May’s hard Brexit might be softer than you think

John G Imrie
Silver badge

Re: Wait!

Would this Plan be as cunning as a fox who's just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University?

9
0

Terry Pratchett's self-written documentary to be broadcast in 2017

John G Imrie
Silver badge

Re: A man is not dead

The Auditors can take a running jump of a frozen bridge.

0
0
John G Imrie
Silver badge

Re: I hope that Death welcomed him with the words:

I still start to well up when I read that.

4
0

Microsoft's Blue Screen of Death dead in latest Windows 10 preview

John G Imrie
Silver badge

Re: ponders:

'E's not hibernating'! 'E's passed on! This OS is no more! It has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker!

'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't booted from that USB stick 'e'd be pushing up the daisies!

'Is processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig!

'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!

THIS IS AN EX-OPPERATING SYSTEM

With apologies to John Clease

7
2

UK Parliament suddenly remembers it wants to bone up cyber security *cough* Russia *cough*

John G Imrie
Silver badge

Did I miss anything?

Only the honours for everyone involved except the intern and the web site developers, who where dismissed for trying to work out exactly what was required

15
0

What do you call a firm that leaves customer financials unencrypted on a hard drive? RSA

John G Imrie
Silver badge

I've decided to run as an MP

I have one policy

The maximum fine of the ICO will be amended to £500,000 per person/organisation who's data was lost and 90% of the fine will be distributed equally to each effected person/organisation

0
0

NGO to crowdfund legal challenge against Investigatory Powers Act

John G Imrie
Silver badge

What have the Lib Dems done for us?

The Lib Dems opposed this all the way through the Coalition.

11
1

You have the right to be informed: Write to UK.gov, save El Reg

John G Imrie
Silver badge

+1

for mentioning Lord Nome's mighty organ.

6
0

Uber's self-driving cars get kicked out of SF, seek refuge in Arizona

John G Imrie
Silver badge

Otto

Otto, Otto that name rings a bell http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/c/c0/Otto_%28as_himself%29.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20061202155743

2
0

Oracle finally targets Java non-payers – six years after plucking Sun

John G Imrie
Silver badge

UK law

I thought under UK law if someone gives you something for free they couldn't later demand money for it.

11
0

UK Home Office slurps 1,500 schoolkids' records per month

John G Imrie
Silver badge

Question

WTF is the DfE doing with former pupil's records in it's system?

13
0

WINNER! Crush your loved ones at Connect Four this Christmas

John G Imrie
Silver badge

To win

It pays to be honest and open, especially when you have a reputation for deceit.

1
0

If you bought a dildo in Denver, the government must legally be told

John G Imrie
Silver badge

Re: There will come a time

Welcome to Mega City One. Have a nice day

5
0

The UK's Investigatory Powers Act allows the State to tell lies in court

John G Imrie
Silver badge

Perhaps you should go live in the Philippines then

1
0
John G Imrie
Silver badge

Re: Reasonable Doubt

Your defence lawyer stands up, does his thing and references the act

At which point he is arrested under this act and the trial restarted with a new Jury.

39
2

Privacy is theft! Dave Eggers' big-screen takedown of Google and Facebook emerges

John G Imrie
Silver badge

Re: Black Mirror

Go back further and look at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blind_Faith_%28novel%29 Blind Faith by Ben Elton

2
0

Icelandic Pirate Party asked to form government

John G Imrie
Silver badge

Re: Can we please just be serious for once..

They used to have a list on their web site, but that was obviously to sensible. Try http://mentalfloss.com/uk/politics/38967/monster-raving-loony-party-policies-that-were-enacted

2
0

Exclusive: Team Trump's net neutrality guru talks to El Reg

John G Imrie
Silver badge

Trump appointments

Every Trump appointment so far has been accompanied by 'it's the end of the world' headlines, which makes me wonder on who's vested interests is he trampling now?

9
2

NASA sets fire to stuff in SPAAACE. On purpose. Because science

John G Imrie
Silver badge

Really

I thought in space no one could hear you scream.

3
0

Recruitment giant PageGroup hacked, Capgemini dev server blamed for info leak

John G Imrie
Silver badge

"Capgemini fully manage our PageGroup websites and is regarded as a global leader in consulting, technology and outsourcing services. It has all the appropriate security certificates and ISO certifications in place, which we believed would ensure that the website environments would be secure and safe in their hands."

Translation:

We looked at them and their fig leaf was impressive

4
0

KCL out(r)age continues: Two weeks TITSUP, two weeks to go

John G Imrie
Silver badge

Re: lost opportunity for the subhead...

Where's Lemony Snicket when you need him?

2
0

I've arrived on Mars. Argggh, my back!

John G Imrie
Silver badge
Joke

Re: Yoga

At least Yogic Flying works in space.

39
0

Vodafone rapped with RECORD £4.6m fine for failing customers

John G Imrie
Silver badge

Aparently

All the customers got their money back. Though I've yet to see if interest was paid on the balance.

2
0

NSA, GCHQ and even Donald Trump are all after your data

John G Imrie
Silver badge
Happy

Re: Sharon and John

So that was her name, thanks.

3
0

Roboats hunt 'mines' and 'submarines' on Ex Unmanned Warrior

John G Imrie
Silver badge

Machiavelli on troops

I say, therefore, that the arms with which a prince defends his state are either his own, or they are mercenaries, auxiliaries, or mixed. Mercenaries and auxiliaries are useless and dangerous; and if one holds his state based on these arms, he will stand neither firm nor safe; for they are disunited, ambitious and without discipline, unfaithful, valiant before friends, cowardly before enemies; they have neither the fear of God nor fidelity to men, and destruction is deferred only so long as the attack is; for in peace one is robbed by them, and in war by the enemy. The fact is, they have no other attraction or reason for keeping the field than a trifle of stipend, which is not sufficient to make them willing to die for you. They are ready enough to be your soldiers whilst you do not make war, but if war comes they take themselves off or run from the foe

7
0

Disney aims for Netflix. If the deal was made, it would shoot itself in the foot

John G Imrie
Silver badge

Re: Really?

Dam you are right. Why the hell did I think it was Disney.

0
0
John G Imrie
Silver badge
FAIL

Really?

and be charged with making sure that content could go on a Disney channel without anyone raising an eyebrow.

Two words

Dead Pool

I think Disney is under new management

4
1

Social media flame wars to be illegal, says top Crown prosecutor

John G Imrie
Silver badge

encouraging an offence

You have encouraged an offence of insulting your self.

8
0

Zilog reveals very, very distant heir to the Z80 empire

John G Imrie
Silver badge

http://www.pofo.de/S8000/S8000_scaled.jpg.

404 Not found

0
0

OpenStack Newton debuts, runs anything at almost any scale

John G Imrie
Silver badge
Joke

Containers? VMs? Bare metal? Huge scale? Small scale? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And yes

Ill have whatever he's having

1
0

Prime Minister May hints at shaking up Blighty's 'dysfunctional' rural broadband

John G Imrie
Silver badge

UK Prime Minister Theresa May has suggested her government could intervene in failing markets

She should start with something easy, like transport

3
0

User couldn't open documents or turn on PC, still asked for reference as IT expert

John G Imrie
Silver badge
Alien

black buttons on a black box labelled with black writing

So that's where Disaster Area got their ships design from

15
0

Pokemon NO! Hospital demands ban on virtual creatures after addicts invade private wards

John G Imrie
Silver badge

I'm waiting for this years Darwin Awards

They are going to have to have a new category.

8
0

UK.gov is doing sod all to break £20bn of locked-in IT contracts

John G Imrie
Silver badge

Re: Is it really ludicrously high?

Those figures are skewed by social protection and health. Two things that don't have to be provided for by a company. Take them out and re do the figures.

0
2
John G Imrie
Silver badge

Re: Commercial confidentiality in the public domain

I have nothing against a failed bid being published at the behest of the bidder, I just thought that forcing it might deter people from bidding if they had to reveal their bid without the benefit of winning the contract.

0
0
John G Imrie
Silver badge

Re: Commercial confidentiality in the public domain

Id give a little leeway here in that failed bids did not have to be published, but the names of the companies / consortia did. This gives a slightly stronger hand to those organisations the next time the contract comes up for renewal countering the let's stick with the incumbent bias.

2
0
John G Imrie
Silver badge
Joke

Re: Costs a lot but employs a lot

The cost of IT services in the UK may be very high but it also employs a great number of people in the UK India.

FTFY

10
1

Sinclair fans rejoice: ZX Spectrum Vega+ to launch October 20

John G Imrie
Silver badge

Re: Hmmmm...

How about Elite Plus on the PC

0
1

Unlucky Luckey: Oculus developers invoke anti-douchebag clause, halt games for VR goggles

John G Imrie
Silver badge

Ratner Moment

Actually Ratner did make a come back see www.geraldonline.com

1
0

Pull the plug! PowerPoint may kill my conference audience

John G Imrie
Silver badge

Re: I got to laugh at my boss.

Are you related to Simon Travaglia?

14
0
John G Imrie
Silver badge

Re: hmmm.... or a broach.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to give up sniffing glue.

26
0

If we can't fix this printer tonight, the bank's core app will stop working

John G Imrie
Silver badge

Re: Who's Tom?

Oh, that Tom, I thought you meant Tom

7
1

I want to remotely disable Londoners' cars, says Met's top cop

John G Imrie
Silver badge
Mushroom

Bridge, splat

17
1

Lenovo denies claims it plotted with Microsoft to block Linux installs

John G Imrie
Silver badge
Joke

Missed a bit

"does not intentionally block customers using other operating systems on its devices and is fully committed to providing Linux certifications and installation guidance on a wide range of products." Except for those products where we have an agreement with Microsoft

28
2

We live in a world where a 'Hamdog' burger hybrid is patented

John G Imrie
Silver badge

* I know, I know...

Actually you can quite legitimately say something is 10000000% better than something else.

200% better is twice as good

10000% better is 10 times as good

etc.

Or have I missed something and I'm barking up the wrong tree again.

0
3

Dear sysadmin: This is how you stay relevant

John G Imrie
Silver badge

It isn't their core business which is why it never gets the investment or focus it needs.

Until it goes TITSUP and suddenly management discovers they are an IT business because with out IT there is no business.

PS if you don't think your business is an IT business ask yourself this question.

How long can your business last without

a) marketing

b) HR

c) management

d) facilities

e) R&D

f) IT

17
4

Non-doms pay 10 times more in income tax than average taxpayer group

John G Imrie
Silver badge

THIS INEQUITY HAS TO STOP!

You are quite right about this and the Government has taken your comment on board. In order to fix this in next April's Budget there will be a tax of 10000% levied on all fast food outlets. This will have an added benefit of reducing the obesity epidemic in the country.

Yours,

Sir Humphrey.

4
0

Forums