* Posts by John G Imrie

1610 posts • joined 17 Jun 2009

User filed fake trouble tickets to take helpful sysadmin to lunches

John G Imrie
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Gimp

Re: I've seen this plot before.

Did it also involve .... Plumbers?

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UK regulator set to ban ads depicting bumbling manchildren

John G Imrie
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Re: This is a good thing

So you want Ronseal to launch a range of products:

This is Ronseal Shampoo, it cleans your heir.

This is Ronseal Dish Soap, it's soap that goes in a dish.

This is Ronseal Toothpaste, it cleans your teath

This is Ronseal Bar Soap, can you guess what it does yet.

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UK.gov snaps on rubber gloves, prepares for mandatory porn checks

John G Imrie
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that can only access white listed sites

So lets do this the simple way and white list domain names. All I now need is a DNS server on my Raspberry Pie redirecting disney.com to firfox.org and the world is once again my oyster.

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John G Imrie
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Facepalm

obtained from an authorised issuer.

So that will be Crapita and friends then.

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John G Imrie
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Re: Lucky parliament have got so much time on their hands

That's all right. VPN's terminating at registered businesses will be allowed. All others will be banned.

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Trump to world: Forget moving to America to do a startup

John G Imrie
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Re: The Post-US Era...

I'm hoping China rather than Russia, China is more likely to give stability than Russia.

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John G Imrie
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Welcome to Gilead,

Land of the <redacted>

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Brit prosecutors ask IT suppliers to fight over £3 USB cable tender

John G Imrie
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And these are the guys negotiating Brexit ?

No, no, no, these are the intelligent one's. It's the others negotiating Brexit.

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Bonkers call to boycott Raspberry Pi Foundation over 'gay agenda'

John G Imrie
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As an Athiest

I totally endorse what you said

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John G Imrie
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Happy

"some of my best friends are gay".

Well woopie do. Some of my friends are hetro. The boring ones anyway.

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John G Imrie
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Happy

fucking furries...

Where, and do you have pictures?

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John G Imrie
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Re: How to spell haterosexual

How about I give him a kiss and see if I can make it better.

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Constant work makes the kilo walk the Planck

John G Imrie
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Facepalm

Re: I thought the Planck was just a really large ruler.

Wot, like Henry VIII?

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Linux 4.12 kernel lands: 'Go forth and use it' quoth Linus Torvalds

John G Imrie
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Trollface

Mutch better trolling

Haldus could learn a lot from you

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John G Imrie
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Trollface

2 posts joined today

Must try harder

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In touching tribute to Samsung Note 7, fidget spinners burst in flames

John G Imrie
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apparently he 'watches every sparrow that falls'

That may explain why he missed Grenfell Tower, too busy watching bloody sparrows falling.

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UK regulator probes PwC over BT's Italian accountancy scandal

John G Imrie
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Trollface

Re: Two of Big Four wastes of money

Where you buying any other products from them, did you tell them that you would be buying any products from them?

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Ever wondered why the universe only has black holes in S or XXXL? No? Boffins have an answer

John G Imrie
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Boffin

Re: How come...

So which wins, the expansion of the Universe or all matter being sucked into a Super Massive Black Hole?

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Met Police laggards still have 18,000 Windows XP machines in use

John G Imrie
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just eight London police machines are running Windows 10

Considering the general level of data slurping that goes on with W10 I consider this a good thing™

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Google hit with record antitrust fine of €2.4bn by Europe

John G Imrie
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Re: Erm

The reasoning seems to be that because "everybody" goes to Google first, they have acquired some responsibility to promote their competitors.

Actually if everyone comes to you first then you do have to behave differently.

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John G Imrie
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Re: Pesky Euros

Pip pip. and if they don't pay up, we'll send a the gunboat.

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Australian govt promises to push Five Eyes nations to break encryption

John G Imrie
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Re: The legislator's fallacy

Economics is not a true science and will one day in the not to distant future be proven to have as much relevance to the real world as Astrology.

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John G Imrie
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the rule of law must prevail everywhere

Who's law?

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UK Parliament hack: Really, a brute-force attack? Really?

John G Imrie
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FAIL

Re: horse & door

The reason is down to cost, which is up front and comes out of my budget and benefits which are nebulous and will probably be reaped by some other department.

Anyway the system works so why spend money on something that will be perceived by users and upper management as another bloody thing IT have done to stop me doing my work.

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Doormat junk: Takeaway menus, Farmfoods flyer, NHS data-sharing letter... wait, what?

John G Imrie
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Trollface

Re: Your

Dammit you beat me to it, well I hope you chock on all your up votes, they should have been mine!! Mine I tell you!!!!

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Darkness to fall over North America from a total solar eclipse

John G Imrie
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Mushroom

Re: Darkness fell over America in November

It's the end of the World

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Conservative manifesto disappears offline – then mysteriously reappears

John G Imrie
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Trollface

Unkind folk have suggested this is so she can make a quick getaway to Royal Ascot

Would unkind folk include a Mr D. Skinner of Bolsover?

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Telegram chat app founder claims Feds offered backdoor bribe

John G Imrie
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Re: Secure Chats

The significant owl hoots in the night.

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From landslide to buried alive: Why 2017 election forecasts weren't wrong

John G Imrie
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Machiavelli

Machiavelli said there where 3 types of rulers:-

The first had the smarts to rule on their own, these where excellent but rare;

The second had the smarts to listen to their advisers and to be able to pick the best advice from the conflicting advice. These where good and common.

The third couldn't rule on there own and couldn't decide which advice was the best. These where bad and didn't last long.

I'll leave it as an exercise to the reader which category May and Crobin each reside in.

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Swedish school pumps up volume to ease toilet trauma

John G Imrie
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Facepalm

Re: Every piss you take...

With that title, you really expect me to click on that link?

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Tech can do a lot, Prime Minister, but it can't save the NHS

John G Imrie
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Unhappy

What will this country do once everything has been outsourced?

Outsource the politicians, probably to the USA.

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Break crypto to monitor jihadis in real time? Don't be ridiculous, say experts

John G Imrie
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but then again, it's not really about terror is it?

You are wrong, it's all about terror. You just have to realise who the terrorist is.

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After reusing a rocket, SpaceX tries reusing Dragon capsule for ISS resupply

John G Imrie
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You came here in that?

You are braver than I thought.

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Auntie sh!tcans BBC Store after 18 months

John G Imrie
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Re: F*** you, BBC

Contact local police and say BBC has stolen your Box sets.

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UK ministers to push anti-encryption laws after election

John G Imrie
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They are not removing encryption. They are requiring an ability to access the keys / data. This means that the encryption won't be as secure, but not all removed.

We are not removing locks, we just require you to leave a copy of the key under the mat.

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No nudity please, we're killing ourselves: Advice to Facebook mods leaks

John G Imrie
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Trollface

It's not nudity thats the problem

It's female nudity. Now put that Burqa on Woman!

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Has AI gone too far? DeepTingle turns El Reg news into terrible erotica

John G Imrie
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Alien

So is ...

aManFromMars an early prototype?

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Biz overlords need to give a stuff about what they're told by IT crowd

John G Imrie
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An even more paranoid 63 per cent of IT staff said a breach could result in them losing their jobs, versus just five per cent of CMOs.

I think this says more about the difficulty of firing a Suit over a Tecky.

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Plutus Payroll clients and staff fell for plausible business model fairy tales

John G Imrie
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If it looks too good to be true,it's probably a con somehow..

Well it seamed to be working fine and all legal as well until the new owners came on board.

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Proposed PATCH Act forces US snoops to quit hoarding code exploits

John G Imrie
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Alien

Who are you?

And what have you done with the real amanfromMarse1?

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Chelsea Manning leaves prison, heads straight for booze and pizza

John G Imrie
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WTF?

You can tweet from a US Prison?

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Bloke charged under UK terror law for refusing to cough up passwords

John G Imrie
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Re: Device with multiple partitions

All of them, and each refusal is a separate offence.

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Do we need Windows patch legislation?

John G Imrie
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What I would point fingers at are vendors of kit with a long lifespan that just don't offer upgrades to software and drivers that work on modern systems.

THIS^^^^^^

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Microsoft to spooks: WannaCrypt was inevitable, quit hoarding

John G Imrie
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Re: Lack of fall back systems

always good to have a fall back system.

A fall back system is a waste of resources, The Management.

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European Patent Office dragged to human rights court – by its own staff

John G Imrie
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vote in a suitable replacement

could interfere with plans to vote in a suitable replacement for Battistelli when his term runs out in 2018:

By which time Battistelli wil have re written the rules so that only people whose surname starts with a B and have been approved by the current President can stand.

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$6,000 for tours of apocalyptic post-Brexit London? WTF, NYT?

John G Imrie
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Trollface

For a real post brexit apocalypses

Send them to Manchester.

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Fake invoice scammers slurp $5bn+ from corp beancounters – FBI

John G Imrie
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It was a Judge Dredd story

The main character was charging the companies for the time spent in drawing up the invoice. Being as the main character had obviously spent that time in drawing up the invoice Dredd was at a loss as to what, if any, law they had broken.

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Amazon tweaks so-called 'assisted suicide' publishing contracts to ink EU deal

John G Imrie
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Re: 10% of Amazon's total annual turnover

It's Amazon everywhere and its turnover not profit. Turnover is much harder to fudge as it's basically the value of the total amount of stuff you have sold. Profit, to quote an eminent accountant, is 'what you want it to be'.

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How would you pronounce 'Cyxtera'?

John G Imrie
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How would you pronounce 'Cyxtera'?

I pronounce it 'poncey name dreamt up by marketing as hats to extract the most money from the client'

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Male escort forgot pregnancy protection, scores data protection instead

John G Imrie
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Re: In the UK

The Child Support Service that replaces it is, in my experience, much fairer.

Good, I had several run ins with the old CSA and although I found the staff I dealt with professional and polite the actual organisation was a mess. Luckily they weren't chasing me for money.

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